Is anyone really content, but at the same time really unhappy?

mynameisjacky · 2013-03-17T08:31:05+00:00

i'm right with you. i'm going to college, have fun, but don't feel that content, like i'm not really living my life, and that I don't really know my friends that well.

ysef95 · 2013-03-17T14:07:04+00:00

you might wanna try reading the bhanganavitam or the hindu holy book it has a lot of philosophical points about self actualisation and happiness. meditation will help you feel more relaxed and perhaps get some perspective on life by thinking about those who are less well off than you.

In the end you just have to remember that happiness is subjective and comes from within.

The commercialised feminized society we live in makes it seem like only other people or having stuff can make you happy but the truth is if youre looking for that special someone to make you feel happy you need only look into a mirror

dgafatall · 2013-03-17T12:02:59+00:00

Wow man, it's uncanny how I can relate to some of the things that you said. For a while, I too only really cared about Electronic Dance Music. I made my HTML website about it for a freshman college assignment, and I would spend a lot of time downloading all kinds of progressive house, techno, trance, dubstep, dnb, idm, ambient... and I would get them in as high as quality as I could find too.

I too got caught up with a girl as well and was super excited as things were going well, and then things turned around, and I deleted her number as well to keep from making things worse. It does suck, but everything is temporary.

I'm glad you took the time to post. All I can suggest is to work on yourself. Diet, exercise, routine, hygiene, and maybe look into meditation. That's a big one. I think the good feelings from improving yourself overflow into other areas of your life, and you can't control others, so what else can you do? And most of all, be patient. Things will find their way into place. Appreciate the good things you got, there's no reason to be unhappy!

Good luck

eablokker · 2013-03-17T19:52:21+00:00

Being happy all the time is a myth. The sooner you can accept this the better. It's human to feel negative emotions as well as positive, it means everything's working correctly. Paradoxically, you will be much much happier when you learn that you don't have to be happy all the time. You will recover from negative emotions more quickly if you can accept them as normal. Being content with the external circumstances of your life will never bring happiness, that is also a myth. Happiness comes from your internal physiological and mental state. Physical exercise, meditation, cognitive therapy, and having close relationships with people all effect your internal state and make you happier from the inside. Having money, nice house, nice school, good career, nice car, good looks, etc. don't affect your internal state and thus don't make you happier, other than the brief excitement when you first get them, and the way your mind mistakenly predicts that those external things will make you happy. Studies have always shown that people consistently predict that external successes will make them happy, but follow-up always shows that these things did not effect their happiness. The only things that do improve happiness are the things that improve your internal state - exercise, meditation, cognitive therapy, and close relationships, etc.

the_brick_attack · 2013-03-17T14:17:31+00:00

Hey man, as someone who went through college with similar experiences, I can tell you that it will get better. A lot of it actually has to do with your age. You're not some whiney teenager or a naive dork. The fact is, your brain is still developing and will do so until you're about 25. It's very normal to have these feelings at 18. You're going to be confused as you are gaining new perspectives and experiences for a few years when you actually can use logic over emotion. Right now your brain is confused as shit. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO YOU YOU AS A PERSON. You are still undergoing tremendous physiological change.

Also, you did the right thing with that gal if she was leading you on. I kept those numbers and still tried to hang out, only to perpetuate my friend-zone status while truly liking those kinds of girls. I was a very dumb boy. Nothing wrong if you do just want to be friends with a girl, but it hurts if you want more, and it's not worth the pain.

Anyway, life feels empty because of your brain's development and constant exposures to a lot of new things. College can mess you up during that development, but it actually sounds like you're taking the right steps in meeting people. Start finding new interests as you're probably being introduced to them constantly. Pick a few of your "friends" to start doing those interests with so you can get close to them. Many of them probably feel the same way as you, but neither of you has developed that deep trusting rapport. That takes time and effort. Also, start a journal. You'll be amazed what reflection can do for you in the pages of a book who is always willing to listen. I had the same problem with feeling empty when I left groups. Are you quite extroverted? That could be part of it.

Take CptConfused's advice on getting a hobby. It works wonders. Also, spend a few minutes every day just observing people and nature. It heals the soul in ways you can't believe.

Drop5Stacks · 2013-03-17T09:35:29+00:00

Think on the positive side here: not having a gf during college means you are free to go meet all the other women at uni! So much opportunity.

CptConfused · 2013-03-17T13:05:58+00:00

You need a hobby, and I don't mean become a nerdy hobbyist.

Enrich yourself with something you find interesting to do in your spare time, entertain yourself, teach yourself.. get into movies, buy a camera, cars, read books, sport. Whatever your passionate about, get into it.

I think what somebody does in their spare time can make them seem more interesting and intelligent to other people, a more valuable individual.

quintin3265 · 2013-03-17T14:27:09+00:00

In our society, there is a myth that everyone is supposed to be extremely happy all the time. While that is certainly possible for some people (like rock stars and bigshot CEOs), for most people a more realistic goal is to be content.

Part of your problem, ironically, is the reason that you posted here: a belief that you have to "be happy." There's one thing that people who are happy all have in common: they don't worry about whether they are happy or not.

You said yourself that your problems are small, and they are. Whenever you start thinking you aren't happy, sit down on a couch, close your eyes, and immerse yourself in what it would be like if you had been diagnosed with terminal cancer and were in pain. As bad as that sounds, when you open your eyes, your attitude will be different.

As to that girl, you should adhere to what I call the "five day rule." Whenever you feel like doing something, unless it is time-sensitive or something minor like deciding what TV show to watch, wait five days before making a decision. After five days, crushes wane, your buying options narrow to become more realistic, and that great looking job seems to have a few more downsides than it did before. You deleted her number, so just go about your life for five days without having anything to do with her. You'll likely wonder what the big deal was.

guaranic · 2013-03-17T18:56:54+00:00

Get off Reddit, find someTHING you're interested in, not necessarily someONE. You have to be happy with yourself rather than searching for someone to fix your problems.

LivingOnAMoteOfDust · 2013-03-17T15:03:28+00:00

My situation is very similar to yours so I can totally relate. But just like you, I don't really know what to do about it.

zat0ichi · 2013-03-17T16:54:26+00:00

EVERYONE feels unhappy sometimes. it's a natural part of life and there's no way around it. if you think a girl will make you happy, you are in for a bad time.

you are the man.

Victoro_Loco · 2013-03-17T09:25:53+00:00

This could be written by me, haha. Just enjoy the parties you go to, but as hard as it sounds, try to back down on the alcohol and drugs. For me, hardstyle, tekstyle and hardcore music give me enough pumping energy on it's own, which means if I'm really in the mood, I can get in an extatic mood just because of the music ( maybe with a little booze ).

Be open, smile, approach people, meet new people and have fun. EDM parties are so easy for talking to strangers, take that advantage. You'll notice that you'll get a bigger social proof when talking to everyone, in my country because mostly wherever you go in the hard dance scene, you will meet the same people from other parties again. Meet a girl you like? Ask her out.

I'm defenitely not a master at PUA but these are my 2 cents. Good luck!

bigfishh · 2013-03-17T22:49:16+00:00

I seriously think all you need is one or two friends that are more than what you just described. Check out the people you get along with more and see whether or not you can imagine doing more with them. Life without actual true friends is boring and hard, and as much as people here tell you that the only person you need to make you happy is you, that's wrong to my understanding. You are somewhat dependent to people that are on your wave, that you really get along well with.

People around you often are in the same situation I'd imagine, they feel like their new gained friends aren't really their friends, mostly because they do not have the same bondages as with other friends they have in their hometown. Skip that idea, you're somewhere else now and you need buddys to have fun with. I'd value this much more over having a girlfriend.

vvpan · 2013-03-18T00:03:45+00:00

I understand your desire to want to pour it out, but don't expect real solutions from reddit. Your university has counselors, talk to them. I know it sounds like a cliche, but it is meaningful. Don't think that counseling is just for people with serious psychiatric problems. People very often have a hard time understanding themselves, and there are people out there who are good a helping them out. It feels good.

EightOh · 2013-03-18T00:46:16+00:00

I feel the same way. I have a great family, good close friends. Semi-"popular" at school, go out all the time, get good grades, in good shape, I just feel average way to much. I know that from here on out in my life everything goes down hill. There's a good chance that when I go to college I could fail out, and if I do graduate there's no guarantee that I'll get a job. There's a good chance that I'll end up just like everyone else, decent job, decent house, wife and kids, and then die. Then once my grand-children die no one in the world will remember me.

Kanaro · 2013-03-18T10:09:00+00:00

I just had a brainwave yesterday... I have good friends, some male, some female (mostly exes), and they do live nearby. But I really only open to a certain kind of people. And this bothers me.

Whenever I get to know a girl, we're "friends" and I lose interest because I'm too insecure to tell her enough about me so we can either become "good friends" or anything else (Yeah, I can't do that standard pickup stuff, I need an emotional connection).

So now I plan to be more open, more vulnerable, and definitely not a type of PUA anymore. And I hope I can find new close friends that way.

jewfro667 · 2013-03-19T04:52:33+00:00

I'm right there with you. I'm 21, graduating college in May, have a gorgeous girlfriend that I honestly fell in love with. Yet, until recently, I wasn't sure about what I wanted to do in life and wasn't content. Now, I pretty much am back on the track I started off and still don't really feel content with my life. It's normal I think. Or I just need to have sex with my girl. That might help me.

RG68 · 2013-03-17T17:51:29+00:00

Sounds like you need some MDMA

butlersbutler · 2013-03-17T22:09:02+00:00

Woah. My exact situation, but in your words. Are you me?

SemanticsLogistics · 2013-03-17T23:12:29+00:00

I see you've got a good bit of advice here and a lot if it is really good. Working on yourself, getting a hobby, and evaluating your emotions will all be extremely helpful and big parts of your development. And let's be honest, you're 18, you have plenty of developing left to do (everyone does at that age).

That said, I have 2 suggestions to add for you to look into: 1. give value to others in your life and 2. taking it one step at a time.

for 1. Giving value is exactly what it sounds like, providing a mood, service, personality, skill, or anything that others value and appreciate. the key is to give value without expecting anything in return. When you are expectant, people will see your giving as insincere and won't count it as "real" value. But when you give value truly to help others, then they will want to give back to you and those around you. For more on giving value, check out TofuTofu's awesome post on how it applies to seduction.

and 2. is very simple. You will not be fulfilled and enlightened over night. You won't start doing all these things in done day. But make one change at a time, give it a bit (a few weeks or months) to really set in, then add on another. Some will stick, some won't and that is fine. Just make sure you give everything you try a fair shot to succeed and see if it helps. Best of luck to you man!

Setsa · 2013-03-17T23:15:35+00:00

I was in the same position when I was 18 and in my first year of university, but things changed around fast once I stopped over thinking things and dreading all of the small imperfections and life. At the time, I was in a long-term relationship and while I had friends and hobbies and someone that really cared for me, I felt hollow whenever I wasn't doing something.

Things really turned around when I started prioritizing my happiness over other things in life. Instead of looking at how many friends or how good-looking the lady I'm seeing is, I focus now on how happy those things make me. Of course the parameters are different for everyone, but by being caught up on someone or something that wasn't / wouldn't / can't give you lasting happiness isn't worth it. You're at an age where a lot of shit is going to be happening really fast: try to enjoy every moment you have instead of dwelling on the minor deficiencies.

Title	Is anyone really content, but at the same time really unhappy?
Author	mynameisjacky
Upvotes	42
Comments	39
Date	March 17, 2013 7:46 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1agexy/is_anyone_really_content_but_at_the_same_time/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/is-anyone-really-content-but-at-the-same-time.1349073 https://theredarchive.com/post/1349073

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