It's not all about inner game

PUA_Coach · 2014-10-12T04:37:37+00:00

The issue with all of this inner game and self improvement advice is that you look great on paper, but how is a girl supposed to find out about all of this on Tinder, during a 5 minute conversation at the bar, or while you're asking her what her dog's name is at the park? It's not like we get to hand out resumes about how we make six figures and play piano.

That's why you should have meaningful conversations with women. When talking to a girl, try to make a connection with her. Don't just talk about her dog's name, ask her about her passions. Ask her what she does for fun. Be able to open up and be vulnerable with her. Tell her about your passions, tell stories, don't be afraid to have an opinion.

As for your "incomplete social life":

You need to find girls that fit your demographic, meaning go to places where you could meet people that share common interests. If you're an artist, go to an art museum and strike up a conversation with a girl there. Are you into yoga? Go to a yoga class and meet people. But don't be afraid to leave your comfort zone and check out a place you've never been to.

Since I love music, I've met many girls at concerts that share the same music taste as I and we instantly have something in common.

My question to you:

What do you believe your problem is? Do you not know what to say or is it something deeper than that? Don't be afraid to open up to an internet stranger :)

imathrowaway9 · 2014-10-12T04:17:58+00:00

"a lot of social anxiety" This falls under inner game. This is your main issue.

Muthafuckawha · 2014-10-12T09:53:21+00:00

I think your definition of "inner game" is wrong.

Inner game is about achieving the optimum mental state - self-belief, outcome dependence, freedom from validation and all that jazz.

What you're describing are activities that help improve your inner game. Having sorted out your own life, you probably have more self confidence and less social anxiety. You'll be more grounded in yourself, and less flaky as a person.

At the end of the day, a lot of inner game comes down to "not feeling a need for people to do or say certain things". All the things you're doing will help to push you in that direction. Think of inner game as putting yourself in the mental state where you're most effective infield.

recyclablebantha · 2014-10-12T06:10:53+00:00

I've gone through the whole inner game bootcamp....

Dress well....Work out.....Have a successful career and hobbies you enjoy...Fix your posture, body language, and eye contact

....complete lack of a social life and a lot of social anxiety

Um, no, you didn't go through the "whole" inner game "bootcamp." Not if you neglected such a huge piece. Arguably the most significant piece. Seduction is nothing more than socializing.

Worse, your mindset is an issue. Instead of doing an honest mental inventory of your efforts at self-improvement, based on your headline, you made a choice to simply condemn and write off inner game when you weren't even addressing it. You decided that you did all you could, when you likely haven't.

(This is actually a good thing, in a way. When you think you've done everything you could but then find out you had a blind spot like this, well it frees your hands to actually do more.)

.....if you're at home all day reading How to Win Friends and Influence People it's not going to take you very far.

Your attention is focused in the wrong area if you are going to disregard out of hand, a book that carries within it, one of the single BEST bits of advice that could be given to a guy in your position.

The book contains a key concept that you could be using: the idea that being interested in other people and getting them to talk about themselves, is one of the most powerful things you could be doing to have a good social life.

So my question is: if there were a part II to that post to help those of us with incomplete social lives, what would it be?

Go back and actually READ How to Win Friends and Influence People.

Have any of you guys had to build a social life from scratch after college?

Yes. A few times. You could do worse than to read that book.

idevastate · 2014-10-12T07:08:04+00:00

The big part 2 to this is: go to places where you can let these inner-game parts of you flow out. I for example love dancing, and when I choose to go out and meet women, I'll go to a club and dance with two or even three girls at once, something that I would've never been able to do in the past had I not gotten some of that inner-game part in check. If dancing isn't your thing, go and meet girls present at things where you're in your natural element and have something to talk about.

LegitAnswers · 2014-10-12T14:42:07+00:00

I agree! It's not all about inner game. You need SOME knowledge of basic PuA to carry on conversations. But the thing is, your conversations will only improve with an enriched life (like the one I posted about).

The real problem for me has always been the complete lack of a social life and a lot of social anxiety

Your lack of social life is your own doing, however. You have to get out there man! And your social anxiety is something I mentioned in my post. What is it exactly that you're anxious about? Is it meeting women or going out in the first place?

the self improvement mentioned in that post above really only matters if you're already meeting girls regularly.

My post actually TELLS you to go out and be more social. This is how you meet girls regularly. In my thread, I specifically said to be

successful SOCIALLY: engage yourself in social activities, even if it's out of your norm. This broadens your circle of friends/acquaintances and ENRICHES your life with interesting people.

Broadening your circle of friends/acquaintances is EXACTLY how you meet women.

Not only that, but since you're out and about, your life is INTRINSICALLY interesting. You're not just some stay-at-home guy playing video games all day. You're hanging out with new people and exploring fun activities. Because of this, your conversations will likely be filled with amazing stories! This is how successful people live their lives from day to day. Most of them don't need PuA BECAUSE their life in intrinsically interesting. EVERYONE is attracted to an interesting life, not just women. (Now I'm not saying that you only need an interesting life to be successful socially. Some background in PuA goes a long way.)

But I guess part of story telling is also HOW you tell the story, and that's where PuA comes in. I've actually watched/read some of Mystery's guides on being a storyteller, and he hits it dead-on.

Know how to 'branch' off different stories. I forgot where I watched it exactly, but Mystery tells a group of guys that to be a great story teller, you have to be able to branch off into little 'mini-side-stories'. I couldn't put a name to this back in high school when I did it, but as soon as I watched his video, it all made sense. For example:

"I was biking to school late again this morning (like I always do), and I saw Mr. T drive into the parking lot. His Mustang convertible is fucking bad ass. I didn't know you could even get a car like that with a high school teacher's salary. Damn. But anyway, he looked PISSED. But doesn't he always? So I was walking into the school where I found Mr. T telling some kid how much of a fool he was for bumping into him. That kid literally shit his pants. And I mean literally. You could smell the crap coming out of him as he ran to his class. I'm just lucky it wasn't MY class."

I guess a lot of story telling comes from skill. But believe me, once you get a hang of it, talking about your next mini-side-story gets easier and easier. Just make sure that you come back to the main 'plot'. This method, in my opinion, is the best way to get people engaged to your stories. Hmmm... It's hard to describe this way of story telling, so I might just make a post about it sometime.

So basically: Have an interesting life (go out, socialize, MEET new people and MAKE new friends) and you will naturally meet women. Having an interesting life allows you to have good stories to tell. Know how to branch off into other stories without losing people's interest and without losing pace.

But here's another important thing when it comes to meeting women: DON'T JUST TALK. DO SOMETHING. A lot of guys here have problems with women because they don't know how to carry on a conversation. Well, that's where you have to improve on. But sometimes, all you need is an activity you can do WITH the girl. When I go on dates, I don't go to dinner and a movie and call it a night. Doing so leaves you with:

A) Sitting at dinner and sometimes AWKWARDLY trying to find something similar between you two.

B) Watching a movie gives you guys NO interaction to create anything meaningful.

If you guys do an activity together (let's say you go to a festival or carnival), you'll have that event as something that CONNECTS you two. Because beforehand, you two just met— You have no idea what you guys find similar about each other. But once you DO something with her, you have that ONE THING as your similarity. You have that one experience to connect you two. No one else is there with her but YOU. It's this experience of an activity that connects two people. The experience becomes even MORE meaningful if it's fun and intimate.

Maybe I should make a part 2. Thanks for the idea.

cruyff8 · 2014-10-12T10:41:27+00:00

Just about everyone has had to do this at some point or another. And most have experienced "success". But, what is "success"? Is it having a new person to sleep with every night? Or is it having the same person over at your place 3 times a week? Or is it something altogether different? You need to first understand what the solution look like before you can solve a problem.

Faimes · 2014-10-12T11:10:47+00:00

Do a balanced approach to everything. Fix your inner game stuff WHILE you build on everything else. The output decreases as input increases in single areas.

For example. Five hours of workout a week makes a HUGE difference compared to zero. However, going from five to ten does not make the same difference as zero to five (output per input ratio decreasing). And trying to get anything useful out of 50 hours compared to 45 is almost useless.

What can we learn from that? Spread your energy. Focus some energy on working out, some on dressing well, some on your career, some on hobbies, some on body language and so on. But remember social skills!

And for the note. Getting your shit in order is the single most important thing. If you have to fake your value, you will have to work HARD. Faking it with one person is easy, faking with two is more difficult, if you have to fake it with 50, the work is unbearable. Thus, get your shit fixed, be in the top of whatever you do, not number 1# (remember, decreasing input to output ratio), but in the top 2-10% depending on how quick the ratio decreases.

The change I have seen, with my limited changes, have been HUGE. I don't have to fake value anymore, I have value, and people pick up on that very easily. Does that mean I don't have to work on being social? Not at all!

TLDR: Get all your shit fixed, don't get "oneitis" in regards to areas in your life.

chinhoo93 · 2014-10-12T12:08:08+00:00

simple game. Ask her to choose odd/even. Then each of u tells a story depending on odd(age 1,3,5,7,..),even(age 2,4,6,8,..). Works wonder for me

Blue_Clouds · 2014-10-12T15:19:13+00:00

Interesting stuff there. Women somehow do figure out all those things, its just how it goes, like magic. Its probably because you are looking for validification, you are being yourself, you are not putting up a role or trying to scam anyone you just express things that are inside of you.

metshower · 2014-10-12T16:42:05+00:00

It's not like we get to hand out resumes about how we make six figures and play piano.

I had this same exact dilemma about inner game a year ago. I was hanging out one evening with this cute girl (and another guy) and over the evening I tried to casually mention all the awesome things in my "resume" (which look great on paper). End of the night, she ditched us both to hang out with a third random guy who was much worse off on paper than me (but who seemed to have a calm confidence about him). I felt totally let down by 'inner game'.

After much agonizing brain-wracking, I figured out the catch. The reason you should be building on all these "resume" things (job, money, hobbies) is NOT so you can list them out to a girl, but so that the process of building on them gives you a natural internal confidence, which a girl will automatically pick up on (even if you say nothing at all). It's clear that this is exactly where I was lacking that night, I was not feeling confident at all and the girl picked up on it.

psyocal · 2014-10-12T17:05:57+00:00

Inner game, as far as I understand, is self assurance and self confidence. You may be scoring an A+ in all of those categories but if you're not completely relaxed (this comes from exposure and being around people/or losing everything you own) you will appear uneasy, and uncomfortable to be around.

My friend took a long hiatus from his social life due to work related travel. He made a lot of money in that time but he didn't have time to enjoy any of it. He recently got a break with the project and we went out. When I saw his body language and lack of eye contact it was clear that he was being intimidated by the women around him. He hadn't flirted with women in several months and his self assurance had plummeted.

What I'm trying to say is that it is all about inner game (assuming inner game = self assurance and confidence). And those things cannot be faked. You are not your job or your clothes or that expensive watch you are wearing. Who cares what you do? If you want to sleep with a woman will her line of work really turn you off? If she asks you what you do, tell her you sell Turkish donkey saddles. It won't make a difference.

And don't talk about your passions. You can easily lose track of your goal and bore her with meaningless conversation. Have a goal in mind and go for it. If it doesn't go your way, try it with another.

insidescoop84 · 2014-10-12T22:08:16+00:00

Inner game is the ability to interact with the world and say "this is me, like it or leave it" and being ok with the fact that some will leave.

I've told women I wasn't attracted to stuff I'd normally be embarassed to admit to women, and it usually backfired and made them like me more, simply because I wasn't seeking their approval. Your post shows you're still concerned with that approval. "how is a girl supposed to find out all this great stuff about me?"

sunnydiv · 2014-10-22T19:07:37+00:00

Question: how?

Answer: Mirror Neurons

ambrosiris · 2014-10-12T11:40:07+00:00

inner game = self esteem outer game = self confidence

they both fuel and play off each other.

bl1y · 2014-10-12T14:35:16+00:00

Looks like you've confused Inner Game with Lifestyle.

Inner Game is basically confidence, and that's what you're lacking. And Inner Game is something that a girl can pick up on in a 5 minute conversation at a bar. It comes through in how you carry yourself, the tone of your voice, how much eye contact you make, etc.

if there were a part II to that post to help those of us with incomplete social lives, what would it be?

Go out to bars, meet girls.

jwjmaster · 2014-10-12T05:26:58+00:00

There is one big problem with your post.

The third item should read "social hobbies you enjoy".

qwertthrowaway · 2014-10-12T05:50:51+00:00

Yes, as others pointed out, you missed a critical thing in self-improvement that, admittedly, was not directly mentioned in the post.

Part of it is to improve socially. That means having hobbies where you meet people, go to a bar with them. That means, when on public transportation, in line at the grocery store etc., you talk with the person next to you. That means reading books about social interactions, dynamics. That means going up to girls and trying to have sex with them. That means reading and practicing seduction.

You see, seduction skills are a part of innergame, innergame is nothing that leads to seductions. Having it however greatly improves your chances at them.

vgsgpz · 2014-10-12T07:34:59+00:00

nah inner game is easier

Cali_Val · 2014-10-12T07:28:28+00:00

dominate the men AND women. be who you are and rock it. fuck the rest. do you and that's fucking it.

Me, im a rocker. The new slipknot album just leaked out and im showing everyone I want to. those that I show will listen to some songs and will enjoy it. I will dominate their mind so they like it. trust me, humans are EASY to manipulate.

and just rock the world. fuck what anyone else thinks. be cool. do you. and don't worry about the false ones

Title	It's not all about inner game
Author	aintnothnbutathang
Upvotes	42
Comments	49
Date	October 12, 2014 3:59 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2j02qy/its_not_all_about_inner_game/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/its-not-all-about-inner-game.1377885 https://theredarchive.com/post/1377885

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