I just can't make myself do it.

AquaGiant · 2015-08-24T15:47:54+00:00

People do judge all of the time (in their heads, always judging). But they never actually say anything.

Fuck, all of those random people you don't know can laugh at you and make fun of you all they want. Because they don't even know you and on top of that it's stupid of them to make fun of a guy who puts himself out there.

Just. Do. It.

Turlast · 2015-08-24T16:01:11+00:00

The moment you stop giving a shit about people (whom are probably unaware of your existence, that you don't even know, nor should be thinking about), the sooner you'll make changes.

If you keep focusing on what other people think of you, just know that you'll continue making life a lot tougher than it needs to be. People are too caught up in their own every day problems to worry about Mr-LauD getting rejected.

You need to just stop reading and actually stop overthinking. You can either be the guy who approaches women and learns to get a rush out of it regardless if people are around or not---or, you can be that guy making a similar post yrs later about how you're frustrated that you're not talking to any women because you were too scared to approach...because of strangers possibly laughing at you.

Please develop yourself to become the first guy. You'll be better off.

SnarkyFella · 2015-08-24T17:57:49+00:00

Stop reading this stuff for a while and do stuff to boost your confidence. Buy some new clothes, try a new haircut. Hit the gym more, Eat healthier. When you are ready you will know. The better you feel the less anxiety you will feel. Try nofap as well.

hiigaran · 2015-08-24T17:23:24+00:00

Two words: Exposure therapy

There are a lot of places you could go to learn more, but a great resource is Jia Jiang's youtube channel where he documents his 100 days of rejection challenges. He also wrote a book called Rejection Proof.

https://www.youtube.com/user/DukieAjah/videos

Also /r/howtonotgiveafuck

It works. The trick is to set up challenges that excite you but don't scare the shit out of you and then just keep challenging yourself. Soon you'll realize your challenges have far outgrown your original fear.

Skippy244 · 2015-08-24T16:33:16+00:00

op if you watch ppl irl fail that you dont know, how long will you care/remeber that person?

cmiovino · 2015-08-24T19:03:19+00:00

Only advice I can give is just to go do it.

In a nightclub, no one even sees you or can hear you asking a girl anything. They assume you're friends.

During the day, people might bat an eye, but won't stick around to see anything more.

Even if they hear you say "Hey, just thought you looked interested and had to come introduce myself." or whatever... they usually think "OH shit, that dude has balls.".. and that's about it.

theonetowardsyou · 2015-08-24T17:01:04+00:00

You sir, need a wingman. If you live in a bigger city, there will also be people who also go out. It's much better than going out solo. It helped me a lot. If you live in a small city, show this stuff to your best friend and look if he wants to do it to. If you have fun in a group and people are in the same boat as you, you'll care less what other people think.

Rayne58 · 2015-08-24T20:52:03+00:00

You've gotta work on yourself first man, or inner game as it is put in /r/GetSuave. It's less of the slimy tricks and moreso on how to be a fuckin man. My opinions though, check it out if you haven't.

Fuquawi · 2015-08-24T22:24:10+00:00

They will judge you.

They always do. Everyone judges everyone.

You judge people too. It's not a bad thing.

If the fear of judgment is freaking you out, I think you need to do some more inner work.

Take a look at how you're talking about the situation. "I just can't make it happen". What you're doing there is defining yourself as someone who can't, rather than someone who is struggling.

There is nothing wrong with struggling. Nobody worth a shit will judge you for struggling. But if you give up, that's when you become a real bummer.

This stuff isn't easy at first, but it gets much easier. Hang in there buddy

no1survivalist · 2015-08-24T23:52:39+00:00

Here's another perspective. If you saw someone hit on someone you might think about it for a secomd, then you realise you don't give a fuck about that random and go back to what you're doing.

Same goes for any other person. People are so self obsessed these days that they couldn't give a rats are to what anyone around them was doing unless it directly involves them.

TheJasonSensation · 2015-08-24T16:40:48+00:00

Look at it like jumping in a pool. If you can work up the nerve to make the initial plunge, you can get used to it pretty quickly.

HenSica · 2015-08-24T17:59:51+00:00

It's hard enough to remember all my approaches, even harder to remember my rejections, but pretty easy to ruminate over the ones I didn't approach.

Now as for the approaches I see other guys do, even my wings, I barely remember them unless it was some epic story or they remind me.

Everyone is so wrapped up in their own shit and being self conscious and judging themselves, they have little energy for you.

peacebyfire · 2015-08-24T18:24:32+00:00

Maybe this will help you OP: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=92i5m3tV5XY

Adamtess · 2015-08-24T19:20:52+00:00

This will sound harsh but take it as you will. Nobody gives a shit about what you do, and if you screw it up you're the only one who remembers. Now do you love who you are and where you're at right now or are you ready to be the best version of yourself?

TheRealBurty · 2015-08-24T20:23:04+00:00

same problem here brother, its just hard to approach someone random out of nowhere, after years probably as a child saying don't talk to strangers, perhaps try a different tactics some easy stuff, specific events for meeting people/sharing interest hobby/club sort of things. Then use that to build confidence have a good chat with everyone there male and female, then if that gets you far enough you could probably move onto cold approaches then.

Not2original · 2015-08-24T20:31:37+00:00

"He who lacks to courage to ~~succeed~~ fail will forever wonder; what if" -me

SirBruceMega · 2015-08-24T20:40:34+00:00

Start small. What's the rush? I mean, obviously the end goal is tempting but do little things. Once you've got a hold of that, step up a bit more.

Maybe start with making people break eye contact with you. Once I got past that stage, I did some more things. Still a work in progress but it's better than nothing

Swankymcdoogle · 2015-08-24T20:49:49+00:00

The first time you do it right, you'll realize that your fears were only in your head.

ng829 · 2015-08-24T23:12:50+00:00

Practice just making small talk with women you do not find attractive. Bank teller, check out lady at grocery store, etc. After you get used to talking to women, start working your way up to more attractive women. Once you have that down then move on to flirting. Note that eventually you will get shut down and it will be embarrassing, but there is not a man alive that is a "stud with women" that hasn't been shut down hundreds of times. After being shut down over and over again those women will become nothing but faceless moments in the story that is your life... Not until you embrace rejection, you will ever over come it.

TheDoctorCoach · 2015-08-25T01:36:18+00:00

Every guy I know who is any good felt the same way before he developed his skills.

There's nothing special about them that got them there. You have all the skills they did when they were at your stage.

BallsOfSteeeeel · 2015-08-25T03:15:06+00:00

There's supposed to be a happy balance - just like anything in life. Are people going to be really good at football if they sit on the sidelines and know every play/strategy/opponent by the back of their hand without ever actually playing football? No, they will suck. Just as much as you need to read/learn about your craft, you need to spend time actually doing it.

Now, onto your problem. Your problem is you haven't been approaching yet right? What is the very first thing you need to do in order to approach someone? Walk towards them. Start walking towards a girl you would like to approach. Get a foot away from them and if you don't feel comfortable, then just walk away. If you can do that, you have solved your first problem.

Now, what's next? If you can handle walking up to girls and getting close to them, next step would be to say "Hi". After you have said "hi" to a few girls, I would love for you to come back here and ask us about what to do after saying hi to girls.

One step at a time.

SonOfTerra92 · 2015-08-25T06:11:17+00:00

Take action!

JessePinkman88 · 2015-08-25T10:05:56+00:00

You're outcome dependant, that's where you need to work no yourself before you bother approach attempts.

You have to get to a base level of confidence in yourself first otherwise you'll always be thinking about it rather than just doing.

Models and No More Mr Nice Guy are great books for learning how to get that base level of confidence (where you you care less about what others think of you).

SFWBoots · 2015-08-25T15:11:07+00:00

Hey. (M, 26)

I know EXACTLY what you're feeling, believe me I do. I've had very strong anxiety since I can remember, and as you know, anxiety and dating don't mix well. And yet, despite my heavy anxiety I've managed to do very, very well in the dating scene with once I learned one very simple truth. And that is that there are really only two ways to think about what you're thinking, and both end in the same answer.

You're there, everyone is watching you, they know whats going on. You get nervous, decided not to make that move. Everyone judges you, they think you're lame (or whatever) and they'll remember it.
You're there, everyone is watching you, they know whats going on. You DO make the move, but it does go down well. Everyone judges you, they think you're lame (or whatever) and they'll remember it.

In either case, the real answer is "Who are these people, and why should I care about their opinions?" At least scenario two has the possibility that you'll has an AWESOME time.

People always find a reason to judge you, but just know that most of the time those judgements really say more about THOSE PEOPLE than they do about you. If you mold your life around what you THINK will result in less negative attention, you will never be happy. Guaranteed. Time will pass and you'll look back with sadness and regret for not having simply lived, regardless of those people judging you (whom you don't even know, and don't mean anything to you - presumably). And then people will STILL judge you for being too scared to live.

So take a deep breath, loosen your shoulders, remember those people judging are actually the fucking losers for having so little in their lives that they feel the need to intrude into others, and just go for it my brotha!

:)

Ftramza · 2015-08-24T18:02:58+00:00

FUCK THOSE PEOPLE. It's hard to get over that hump but guess what be happy of the person you are. The truth is YOU have an option in the people you can have in your life, you can say you don't like this person and never see them again. Other people have that option too.

it's always the hardest part realizing that the person YOU are is awesome and people are going to have to learn to love it. Never try to make other people happy, to find someone make them love the person YOU ARE not the person who YOU THINK they will want.

Rejection to me is nothing. If it were switched and some random girl were to walk up to me, I have a choice of saying no or yes. Next time you see someone interesting walk up to them and BE YOURSELF. You'll be happy. Trust me the results come faster than you think =D

Sifrian · 2015-08-24T19:55:36+00:00

You're right, people will judge you :

Guys will think "Wow I would never have the confidence to approach a girl like that, this dude is impressive". And same for women, they will be even more impressed.

Something I often see in seddit : if you approach, you are already doing better than 99% of the guys.

CrownChief · 2015-08-24T23:03:25+00:00

You're fear of failure is over riding your desire to make a move. Read A New Earth by Eckart Tolle, its the inner game you need.

AtheistIndeed · 2015-08-25T05:14:52+00:00

I know this is off topic, but can anyone tell me if I should backpack through southeast Asia during the months of May, June, and July 2016? I'm concerned about monsoon season and need to make sure my money is well spent. Thanks in advance

Title	I just can't make myself do it.
Author	Mr-LauD
Upvotes	103
Comments	53
Date	August 24, 2015 2:57 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/3i7ibv/i_just_cant_make_myself_do_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-just-cant-make-myself-do-it.1392994 https://theredarchive.com/post/1392994

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