Been out 3 times, and still haven't had the balls to approach anyone?

BravoPUA · 2016-04-30T15:19:47+00:00

Once it clicked in my head that NOT APPROACHING was worse than approaching, my AA disappeared.

What's worse. A few seconds of awkwardness. Or hour and hours of pain and regret?

You miss 100% of the shots you don't take -Wayne Gretzky

Never let the fear of striking out prevent you from stepping up to the plate. Babe Ruth

Petyrgozinya · 2016-04-30T16:51:06+00:00

Go up to a chick, look them straight in the eyes and ask her this one question: What is your favorite Disney movie?

It's the perfect ice-breaker. If she doesn't have one, simply ask why not? Bam, convo started. When I broke up with my ex I had a lot of social anxiety, but I also was in a serious funk and simply forgot how to have fun as a single guy. Chicks saw that sadness and lack of confidence, and wanted nothing to say to me, the few I managed to approach anyway. So, instead of "hitting on chicks with the intent to bed/date them", I made a game of socializing and meeting people with the Disney question. Pretty much changed everything, allowed the stress of getting rejected to fade, and chicks responded amazingly well to it. Also, if other chicks see you talking with other chicks and its going well, they will want to see what your all about. Win, win, win.

Since you are having trouble even approaching, just make it a game of socializing. Eventullay you can work yourself into the don juan stuff.

Kay1000RR · 2016-04-30T17:02:53+00:00

I play this game with my shy friends. We go to a bar or club and whoever gets rejected by ten girls first wins. The idea is to approach as many girls as possible and get denied as much as possible. The loser buys dinner for everybody. But the loser is most likely the one with a few girls' numbers.

totallynevi · 2016-04-30T16:10:43+00:00

He who hesitates - masturbates.

ReadingLizard · 2016-04-30T16:23:39+00:00

Just walk up and talk. The worst that can happen is a woman is not interested. And so what if she's not. There are plenty more out there and you're bound to find one that is interested.

I subscribed to this thread thinking it was about seduction in the general sense. I'm a 43f and recently single. Been out of the dating game for 15 years. But I will tell you gents this, women are not mythical beasts. Just talk to them. If they aren't into it, walk away and let it go. I guarantee you'll eventually bump into a lady who finds you worth getting closer to in some sense. Good luck.

BravoPUA · 2016-04-30T15:20:26+00:00

Also the few seconds of awkwardness can lead to sex or a girlfriend. Or at least you can look yourself in the mirror as a man for trying.

2016-04-30T20:14:19+00:00

Dude, at least you're getting your ass up off the couch and trying. You're putting yourself in the environment and pushing yourself to get out of your comfort zone. That's more than the vast majority of other guys are able to do.

Keep going out, keep making yourself uncomfortable, keep pushing.

AnEpiphanyTooLate · 2016-04-30T22:32:38+00:00

That girl with the killer ass? Imagine her hunched over, shitting out of it. Because it happens to her. Every day. And she wants nothing more than for you to think she's a magical creature who doesn't shit. But she does. And you can imagine what she looks like too. And so do you. So does everyone. We're all vulnerable with insecurities. Now go talk to her like the filthy shitting creature she is.

Radicalmattitude1 · 2016-04-30T16:53:20+00:00

You're acting needy because you are depending on an outcome. That outcome is to get the girl interested, to get her number, or eventually have sex with you. This outcome dependence will automatically make you needy. By going out to pick up girls, you need to take value from the interaction to feel like you accomplished something. Believe it or not, this is probably the root of most of the AA you're experiencing.

So how can you fix this?

The answer is to stop being outcome dependant, stop being needy and offer value to the women you speak to. However , This is easier said than done because it still doesn't offer a solution to the underlying problem -> how can you get a girl into bed without wanting to get her into bed?

Next time you go out, try a few things: - pick an activity that isn't specifically hitting on girls. If you and your buddy are headed out to do fun things, you can easily invite some girls along , or at the least have something to fall back on if they aren't interested. You'll have interesting things to talk about. You will become a cool guy that does cool things instead of a guy to spends all day scoping from chicks

think about what you can do to make a girls day. Stop thinking about what you can take from her. This will turn your game around 180• I promise. You are a man and you're sexual interest is a powerful gift, a gift that she is going to appreciate if you can convey it as boldly and honestly as possible

ImJustSo · 2016-04-30T19:32:02+00:00

Uh....go someplace you can just walk around without stopping. See a girl, make eye contact and say, "Alright! High five!"

Walk by another girl, make eye contact and say, "Hi!" and smile, keep on walking to the next girl. Just keep going until your pussy loosens up some.

Fleeet · 2016-04-30T15:19:47+00:00

there's no secret that you're missing out on. You literally just have to gather the courage and make it happen.

2016-04-30T15:25:22+00:00

I think approaching is going to go badly. I think it will be shitty and embarassing. I also think you have to do it, because not trying is worse than failing.

Ser-Joe-the-Joe · 2016-04-30T16:10:00+00:00

Change your mindset from "going out to get girls" to "looking for a good time". Mental attitude is everything, walk into the club/bar smiling and laughing with your boys. Do a shot of something rough, chill with your friends and find a cute lady. Feel good, look good, do good.

2016-04-30T18:18:51+00:00

Eyefuck a girl. If she stares at you back then smile at her and if she smiles back then boom. Go approach her and compliment her on something and buy her a drink or something. Gotta act like the man and if she denies you then at least you tried you'll never see her again in your life anyway. It's really all about eyefucking. I walked into a club eye ducked this girl for maybe 5 seconds she eyefucked me and I started dancing with her and hooked up a few min later. After about 10 min I was like thanks and left to proceed with the rest of my night. Be confident or act like it. It will get you very far

Mouthpiece · 2016-04-30T19:46:01+00:00

What story are you telling yourself inside your head, about what's going to happen if you approach?

2016-04-30T21:59:47+00:00

Give your friend $100. For each approach, you get back $20. If you fail to approach he keeps the $100. You can do the same for your friend. Wanna make it harder? Get your friend to only give you $10 or $5 for each approach. Money always seems to motivate me.

dkasper6696 · 2016-05-01T04:41:22+00:00

I know it sounds simple and dumb, but you just have to fucking do it man. I did an approach not long ago, there was a girl in my class and everyday Id say to myself that Id go talk to her after class. Everyday my heart would start beating really fast once the end of class got around, and Id make up an excuse not to talk to her and everyday Id hate myself for it. Literally waited the entire semester before I decided to say fuck it and go for it no matter what. Do or die. So I did, and I found that once I just did it, it was sooo much easier than I worked it up to be. I actually have a coffee date with her tomorrow. The buildup to the approach is the worst part of the whole process and youre just repeating it over and over again. Go fucking do the good part amd approach them! Youll feel good about it.

TiberZurg · 2016-04-30T15:20:24+00:00

Find people in your area that are already good at approaching. There are pickup groups in most big cities. When I first started approaching I had to be forced too.

OneMadChihuahua · 2016-04-30T15:46:22+00:00

How often to you practice speaking with others when you are out? When you go to the store do you chat up the clerk or check-out girl? When you're out shopping, do you ask the odd question of a stranger?

Get used to chatting up people and it will become something with less fear. Also, take failure out of the equation. Don't make the approach as a win/lose situation.

2016-04-30T16:17:59+00:00

The most helpful thing I've found is to not target hot girls exclusively. When you go out, go out with the intent to speak to 10-15 strangers on your way to X location. Once you get warmed up with a few random people you can start specifically approaching the hotties with intent. Treat them like normal people and you'll do fine.

urmyfavoritecustomer · 2016-04-30T19:35:37+00:00

Try splitting up from your friends, that way you won't be constantly tempted to fall back on the safety of your friend group. Extra bonus, the approach anxiety will likely be lessened when you know you're buddies aren't watching. Or up and go out alone, I like to call it working without a net, you force yourself to interact with people outside your buddy group.

newtothelyte · 2016-04-30T20:56:28+00:00

I'm a big believer in progression. Baby steps, man. Just kind of stand at the bar next to a girl and ask her if she's having a good time or not. Thats it.

She says yes or no, and you say "Cheers, have a good night!"

bobvex · 2016-04-30T22:53:09+00:00

Grow them, or be alone indefinitely

FancyAssortedCashews · 2016-04-30T23:38:20+00:00

Gotta go with different friends. Or by yourself (but I have no experience with that, so I hesitate to suggest it). Friends who sit around and endorse each other's excuses are never going to grow or change.

psykitt · 2016-05-01T00:33:00+00:00

it's not about having balls, it's about wanting it and having fun.

PaulRocker · 2016-05-01T05:44:38+00:00

Look here my guy

I am good looking to the point where I just put off people.

The reason I say this is because no matter how much money you earn, or how attractive you are, it doesn't mean anything without confidence aka BALLS.

Tony Montana wasn't good looking but he was alpha as fuck..he was confident and didn't give a SHIT. He went after what he wanted and got what he wanted. The girl.

But the thing about women is that no matter how much courage you have you have to offer them something. This is where power comes in. This is because women need security, they want security. Money is security, passion is security. Passion means you know what you want and have aspirations, which means they know you're not a loser. You can't expect to pull random HB8s-10 with small talk and a pretty face. You know how often they get hit on? Sure you can get the number if you're good looking enough but numbers don't mean shit anymore. You need to have something follow up. For the date, for the long term, for the pussy. Don't let the media fool you into thinking all you need is so and so and you'll get women. No. Men who get a lot of women are rich as fuck, talented as fuck, or famous.

Most niggas lie about their sex life. Especially dudes, because no one wants to sound beta. You have no clue what that dude had to go through to get that HB 9 around his arms. Notice the guy their with usually has some sort of high status. He's not just good looking. There are a lot of nice looking cats. But all it can give you is a number.

These YouTube videos can be bullshit too. Why would they put the rejections on YT for everyone to see? Point of the matter is, just go for it but you better have something to back it up. Get your life right, get your style right and you're golden.

jousmas · 2016-05-01T06:09:45+00:00

Go up to a girl as if you know her, but when she turns around, say you actually don't know her. It's not weird because this kind of situation is "natural". Next step only would be to talk.

i4mn30 · 2016-05-01T14:57:00+00:00

Dude.

Nothing nobody says here is gonna strike the confidence and lion heartedness of Achilles or Tony Stark or whatever. No quote, no blog, no goddamn book is gonna help you if you won't make the leap.

When I approached a girl for the first time, I had lost all feeling. I was like - fuck this shit - I got nothing to lose. I mean I was numbed down to the core. I had lost all feeling. It was just "I have this task, I have to do it, just like all other things I gotta take care of by the end of the day", and I did it. Then I did more, and again and again and fucking again without any feeling of nervousness.

I never got any dates;only got rejection or fake numbers and sometimes just plain stood up at the last moment, and that sort of started to get some feelings back in me. I got frustrated and so I stopped approaching. That was 1 year ago, almost fucking exactly. 4 months of cold approaches, 4-5 girls every week. Probably not much if you compare it with the greats in this sub, but it was good enough for me.

But that's not what you should remember. Remember only this: You and only you can push yourself hard enough to do the things that scare you the most. Once you internalize this fact, you won't ever have to care about any goddamn book or some guy's blog or wiki etc. You know what you gotta do, you read about other's experiences, mistakes, but the final leap - you just make it.

Either you make it or you don't. Nobody's gonna give a shit about it - only your brain would, right before you sleep and weep to yourself about how you could've approached that girl but pussied out, and you'd never know if it would've gone right, maybe you are the person she had been waiting for all along!

ReadingLizard · 2016-05-01T15:38:29+00:00

As a woman, I don't think I'd like being pulled away from a family meal. I mean, where is this taking place? A restaurant? If that's the case, maybe wait until the lady has fewer people around her and just say "hi" while making good eye contact. Smile at her another time in the same interlude. If she seems interested, you can try just giving her your number (written down) and let her decide. That's a tricky situation.

Surleschemins · 2016-05-02T11:32:25+00:00

But where is "here"? :o

CaiptainJack · 2016-05-03T11:49:13+00:00

For me, it was helpful just to stay in the venue until I did the first approach. First time this was three hours. Staying somewhere doing nothing is so boring to me that at a certain point I just do it.

Title	Been out 3 times, and still haven't had the balls to approach anyone?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	45
Comments	54
Date	April 30, 2016 2:58 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/4h4qv6/been_out_3_times_and_still_havent_had_the_balls/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/been-out-3-times-and-still-havent-had-the-balls-to.1406120 https://theredarchive.com/post/1406120

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