For about 13 years, my ex-wife had me trained to always be cautious about her feelings/schedule. Everything was on her time. The weekends were hers. If we had to go see her family or help them with something, of course I was helping - no questions asked. Holidays were always with her family. Anytime anyone ever needed me, I was to be there - no questions asked. But it did not work that way in reverse. I remember only ever asking my ex-wife for help with something that would span a weekened about five times. I quickly learned that she would not be there to support me, so I stopped asking and figured it out on my own. Whenever I needed her help and she actually showed up, she would grumble, bitch, moan and complain the entire way.

I'm at the point now where I need to close out my parent's old home, sort through their stuff and decide what to keep and what not to keep. I had been trained for years not to involve my SO in this, so I was scared to even approach the subject with my girlfriend.

I decided to not even ask for help and just do it myself, so I told her I would be gone one weekend to go take care of it. "When do we need to leave?" She asked. I was flabbergasted. "No, it's fine. I got it. I know you're busy with work etc."

"So are you", she said. "Wait, you actually want to help?" I asked. "No, of course not, but I don't want you to have to do it yourself. Of course I'd rather both of us be home, but if you're going to be there doing it, I'm going to be there with you."

I cried, and she asked why, and I explained how things used to be and why I was confused. I didn't know things were supposed to be this way. I can't believe there was another way to do things. I can't believe I didn't even realize how bad things were.