Have you ever seen a girl who is very attractive and you get all anxious and standoffish towards her? Even though you would love to get with her?

helikesart · 2020-11-01T06:14:07+00:00

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Uesugi_Kenshin · 2020-11-01T07:54:41+00:00

It's your self-defense mechanism to be stand-offish and try to play it cool. This way, you don't have to approach her, i.e. put yourself out there in a vulnerable position, and don't risk failure.

It's self-preservation of your ego, a way of trying to stay in control. You tell yourself "I can't fail at flirting with her if I don't even attempt to try it." - thus giving you a false sense of control over yourself.

In those moments, you just have to recognize it's your ego trying to trick you into feeling in control and gather just 10 seconds of insane courage to conquer your nagging, self-doubting voice and fucking go at it. If you do that, you've already rewarded yourself by defeating your imaginary self-limitations. Anything that comes after it is a bonus, and you should treat it as such - it will free your mind and make you less outcome independent --> better interaction.

redpoetsociety · 2020-11-01T06:21:46+00:00

You have to remember not to place someone on a pedestal because they’re pretty. It does damage to you. the reality of the “pretty” person in question, is that they’re just a person like anyone else: teacher, homeless person, siblings etc. it helps to not idealize too much.

MachineKillx · 2020-11-01T06:32:49+00:00

I actually get this a lot too. I sometimes want to meet someone or get to know them but since I’m attracted to them I get anxious, and even a little intimidated. Attractive people intimidate me.

daproest1 · 2020-11-01T05:54:30+00:00

Stand offish yeah ( by design). Anxious? No. Beat that years ago. Their beauty means nothing. Ignore it. They got lucky and won the genetic lottery. And have been using it to their advantage ever since they figured it out. Remove that advantage. Be immune. They’re just people. How do u do this? Talk to them. All of them. A lot. 9 times out of 10, you’ll be disappointed in them as a person lmao it’s hilarious.

gruntledjoe · 2020-11-01T08:10:10+00:00

Me: I like you.

Girl: Oh! Nice. Now stand in the queue.

Collationem · 2020-11-01T05:11:09+00:00

Yep, you ask yourself are you good enough for her. Just remember to humanise her, don't idolise.

Bassface_90210 · 2020-11-01T11:30:04+00:00

I do the same thing with guys I fancy. I have put it down to low self esteem: I am so eager to please them that I get all caught up in filtering myself/presenting the self I think they would like, that I forget to be myself. I also forget to get to know who they actually are, rather than the impression I have of them based on their looks or superficialities that admire (music they like, shared interests etc.). People tend to respond better if you are clearly trying to get to know them and asking questions, rather than trying to present yourself in a positive light, by boasting etc.

If I trusted that i was enough, I wouldn’t feel the need to change myself to appeal to someone else and I would be more interested I getting to know them than them getting to know and like me.

If this rings true with you I would suggest you work on your self esteem separately. If you can continue to put yourself out there, without it making you feel bad about yourself, then keep going, as the more you do it the less you get scared by it (most of us, even without self esteem issues, get a little nervous when we are physically attracted to someone). You will also learn how little you can know about someone based on appearances alone, and that should help as well.

wizardlover96 · 2020-11-01T09:28:40+00:00

As a woman, I do this all the time, it’s rough

And I’m gonna follow this so I get hopefully get some tips haha

2020-11-01T04:37:46+00:00

Yeap that happened. This idealisation of pretty women. Like to be pretty is a high value.

But what is valuable is the quality of contact and of a relationship.

Fxxlings_22 · 2020-11-01T06:33:06+00:00

Just talk to her like you would any other person, like someone said in the comments, you'll be surprised that the girl has no personality at all lol. All that beauty and yet she holds no secrets to the universe.

2020-11-01T09:13:18+00:00

This is just a basic rule. Showing too much interest just makes you look a bit desperate.

4Lisouille · 2020-11-01T12:28:42+00:00

I litteraly turn red and I can't make correct sentence toward a very cute guy

JingleXDingle · 2020-11-01T15:09:44+00:00

Pretty girl: Hi!

Me: So.... How long have you been a girl?

2020-11-01T14:09:24+00:00

You become standoffish as a defense mechanism. You rejecting her before she gets to reject you

burncushlikewood · 2020-11-01T07:07:24+00:00

My favorite thing to respond to this is simple. She's hot but she still gets jealous just like the rest of them. Make her jealous by talking to other girls around, why night game is king for this exact reason. It's such a powerful feeling to seeing such an attractive woman chase after you

2020-11-01T09:43:21+00:00

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popaknot154 · 2020-11-01T16:06:24+00:00

I’ve had young men be rude to me because of it. I can never tell what’s going on there. Why is that?

Neil1398 · 2020-11-01T16:29:38+00:00

That’s been me all my life and I still do that. It’s approach anxiety, and fear of rejection. It’s an ego thing. If I act like I don’t give a shit she can’t hurt me.

Only way you can get rid of it is by going through the fire lol.

I had a crush on a girl and we would talk and then I’d pull back because of fear of rejection lol even though we were talking.

notpahimar · 2020-11-01T16:51:10+00:00

Most men aren't attractive enough to cause this response in women.

TheCuriousBread · 2020-11-01T17:19:06+00:00

But I'm standoffish towards everyone.

perern · 2020-11-01T07:09:39+00:00

Pretty girls feel like this towards guys they think are attractive too.

So the girls that are not pretty doesn't feel this way?

Abadhon · 2020-11-01T11:06:18+00:00

No matter how good some one looks they still have the same insecurities that you have all women are looking for is a good guy to take care of them and it really doesn’t matter what you look like or how big your dick is approach every female as a person forget her beauty and see her personality vibe with her on that level and she will catch feelings for you be yourself bring her food share your interest with her show her memes be corny and make her laugh

2020-11-01T08:51:53+00:00

I don't experience this. It isn't something I worked on so I can't really offer you any tricks. I just view girls as either hot enough or not hot enough. If they're hot enough to be worth approaching then I don't really think about it after that.

ReditGuyToo · 2020-11-01T15:39:28+00:00

The only thing I can tell you is that no woman has ever felt that way toward me.

Foreveryoung0114 · 2020-11-01T17:42:20+00:00

I had a situation like this happen just a few nights ago. My friend's newly met girl toy wanted to play wing woman, introduced me to this girl. I froze, they got up and left the smoking area. Found out she was actually taken about an hour later then see her run off with these two meth heads with face tattoos. Where is the value? Everything is backwards in my eyes and makes me bitter. #staybitter

HollowLegMonk · 2020-11-01T08:27:22+00:00

9MaxR9 · 2020-11-01T10:41:29+00:00

Yes.

Victory4Life · 2020-11-01T16:41:02+00:00

I think most of us; at least differently than we treat women we’re just friendly with. You have to treat them no differently than you do any other women, which is hard no question.

Oland_Devo · 2020-11-01T17:26:47+00:00

Spidey senses going crazy! DANGER Will Robinson DANGER!

Don't do it. She will ruin your life.

Fine_Platform_2534 · 2020-11-01T18:16:03+00:00

In my experience I act no different towards people well girls to be more specific I have natural uhh flirty tone abs way of talking so I act no different

sjra1234 · 2020-11-01T20:25:39+00:00

girls think that boys are attractive too
hmm... serntainly not for me

highjinx411 · 2020-11-01T23:36:05+00:00

Not for a looooong time. Pretty is just pretty now. Im actually more comfortable the prettier they are. I wasn’t always like that.

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