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Woujo
[–]JaggedYellowPill 97 points98 points99 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
The “write a post on seddit about shit he doesn’t like to see on seddit” guys
Seriously, fuck those guys. 😂
[–]K2Valor 131 points132 points133 points 9 years ago (16 children) | Copy Link
Honestly, the thing I'm tired of most is these long-winded posts that attempt to pass on prophetic advice and then link to personal social media pages. Like I can't find this information anywhere else.
[+]Woujo[S] -91 points-90 points-89 points 9 years ago (15 children) | Copy Link
Cute.
[–]Messisfoot 86 points87 points88 points 9 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link
you ruined your post by linking to your social media. you went from a legit poster trying improve the community to another garden variety pick-up salesman.
I am not knocking on your message. I am knocking on your delivery.
[+]Woujo[S] -100 points-99 points-98 points 9 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link
well this is how i make money so I'll send you a cookie when I start to give a fuck what you think
[–]Messisfoot 70 points71 points72 points 9 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
wow, you just spoke about how you hate how fragile egos can be here, and here you go having a hissy fit because I criticize how you deliver your message?
Are you that unaware of your self or a moron?
[+]Woujo[S] -65 points-64 points-63 points 9 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
look bro. don't expect to talk shit without getting a response. if you dish it out you cant cry when you get It back
a lot of stupid losers criticize the fact that I promote my blog on this site. this is how i feed myself so im letting you and all of them know that I couldn't give less of a fuck and I'm not gonna stop doing it. if you call that having a hissy fit then so be it.
[–]Messisfoot 42 points43 points44 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
please, continue to have a hissy fit because you don't like being criticized.
it totally makes you sound like a balanced individual
[–]shpensha 26 points27 points28 points 9 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Your rude interactions with people who comment on your post aren't helping you promote yourself in a positive way. Your comments actually pushed me away from the initial interest I had from your post. Maybe consider a friendlier approach to those who have a legitimate critique about leaving self promotion out of a post complaining about sedditors. . . unless you were going for irony in which case I missed untill now. My advice...leave practical advice in the post and promote your blog in the comments to redditors who express interest in the stuff you have to say.
[+]Woujo[S] -12 points-11 points-10 points 9 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I'm really trying to find a way to express how much I don't give a fuck about what your or anybody else thinks of me promoting my website. I tell the truth. you can take it or leave it. but if you are going to ignore my advice because your feelings are hurt then I don't want to help you in the first place.
[–]PattyFlash4MePls 30 points31 points32 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
rants about people paying for advice on girls continues to promote his website that does exactly that
[–]Messisfoot 16 points17 points18 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"tell the truth".. laughable...
What advice are you talking about? all this post was a rant about how you don't like somethings and then tacky self promotion at the end.
For someone who claims not to care what people think, you sure lash out like someone with some very delicate sensibilities.
[–]Spades76 4 points5 points6 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Making countless posts about how you dont give a fuck shows pretty well that you do give a fuck.
[–]with_more_feeling 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
First sentence is diarrhea retarded aids in the context of pickup.
[–]Bonphire 13 points14 points15 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Bro, if you're going to "sell/promote" yourself, you may want to improve on your professionalism.
[–]with_more_feeling 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Looooooooooooooooooooooool
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Jesus are you actually made of glass? You seem like a guy who is ready to jump off a ledge after every rejection. Are you the noob giving advice you talked about in your OP?
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Suck on a old wouju faggot
[–]cheese198 64 points65 points66 points 9 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
You forgot the guys who leave links to their social media and websites. Fuck those guys.
[+]Woujo[S] -7 points-6 points-5 points 9 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
You're the third person to make that joke
[–]Honeywagon 6 points7 points8 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's not a joke.
[–][deleted] 9 points10 points11 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's not even relevant. If it's good criticism it's good criticism regardless of whether you're promoting something or not
[–][deleted] 9 years ago (26 children) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]Xanarxses 5 points6 points7 points 9 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
It's astonishing the amount of empathy you have for us chodes trying to break out of our vicious cycles.
Out of our shells, out of our heads, out of all these walls that keep us "safe and sheltered" AKA "sedated and powerless".
I appreciate you, bro.
You're a good guy.
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Thanks....... !
p.s. Don't call yourself a chode. :P
[–]Xanarxses 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
But it's an amusing word, dude.
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Fine.... You made me laugh.
[–]Aeon199 -1 points0 points1 point 9 years ago* (21 children) | Copy Link
I personally spent YEARS as a hard case, with people telling or showing me that they thought I was lost beyond all help. In retrospect, I thought I had no options,
I actually find this pretty hard to believe.
I am not going to suggest you're lying. I believe you fair enough.
But you are clearly an intelligent guy. You have empathy. You participate in life. Probably you had these qualities while you were a "hard case."
So that's why I'm thinking.. you of all people being a hard case? How is it possible?
The "hard case" category of men (apart from being very unlucky with looks, or having a very obvious handicap, etc.) to me, this represents men who have very little social intelligence and/or emotional intelligence. Take me, for example. Here I am in my 30s and my understanding of "game/women" is still only around what a 16-17 year old typical guy would know. My emotional functioning is probably about 12 years old, still, or at least it is when I can't "fill it in" with logic and analysis.
And all these things are offshoots of that innate social deficit. And I don't function well in society.
That's a real, bonafide "hard case" for you. And that, you never were, from what I've seen.
If you were a hard case, then I am an impossible case, let's put it that way.
[–][deleted] 9 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
[–]Aeon199 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
The things that make me full of doubt and so on, here's a good example, from lower down in this thread by "king of ass":
I spent 4 years of college talking to people and forcing myself to go out, I dont think I ever had a positive or normal interaction with anyone that whole time and I did not get better at it
There's one for ya.
Then we have the "conventional beliefs" that a man needs to offer a lot of value to women (typically more) with the whole hypergamy and competitive dating scene. Maybe some optimistic guys here would say "there's no leagues" but do me a favor and ask women about what they require from any/all mates, for any arrangement. You're not going to hear good things.
You know a lot about what I can offer. Apart from being myself (quirky and awkward) there isn't much there.
Don't women EXPECT a guy in his 30s to have it all together? That was the impression i got from online dating. I had women from out of state messaging me asking me "put your occupation in the subject line" simply because I said I was past 30.
I have trouble imagining it would be "less shallow" if I was out in the world meeting "real women" or whatever. You have said this before, I have trouble being convinced of this. The cynical is the same as truth. That's life for you.
What about this thinking is wrong? The problem is much of it isn't. Studies and statistics align with the impressions I have. Men are assessed based on the conventional value they offer. Men in their 30s are assessed relative to the expectations of that age group--they're supposed to have their shit together.
You know what I said about being industrious and getting things done. It's not in the cards.
Do you actually think I can simply adjust my mindset to more positive, and women won't care about all these deficits?
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
I've long said that you do need to take care of your own life. We've gone in circles about how you're smart enough to have these sophisticated conversations with me, and yet you can't go to school or hold a job down, mostly apparently because you choose NOT to seek out therapy or treatment that would allow you to have an outside life.
If there are people out there with worse conditions than you, who manage to do this, why can't you even try?
For the moment, fuck the idea of trying to date and go take care of your damn life. You are fussing about the roof on a house that you haven't finished building yet. And you're fully capable of doing so. All this business about trying to fuck a chick, is just a distraction from you sorting your life out.
[–]Aeon199 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago* (8 children) | Copy Link
I don't think you have an understanding about how anxiety affects general ability in autism, especially in social scenarios (which is, essentially, every job in existence besides self-employment.) This is where that study comes in. That study showed roughly 80% of the autistic spectrum--including high functioning Asperger's--is chronically underemployed. I believe it is mostly because of anxiety. We can't hold up the facade of normality for too long, without extreme consequences to mental health. One example, my Aspergian brother developed life-threatening epilepsy with no prior history, just because of holding down a job he hated (but everyone, including therapist, told him to keep.)
So, you don't understand this. I have firsthand experience with it, if you're willing to believe me on it.
And you're fully capable of doing so. All this business about trying to fuck a chick, is just a distraction from you sorting your life out.
Well then if this is true, why is every other post you wrote for me in contradiction. "You're capable of getting women" and then here, you seem to imply I am not, since I'm unable to take care of my life.
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
The problem is that you accept this idea that you can't take care of your life. It comes off as if you've just given up and continuously resort to trying short cuts and magic tricks from PUA marketers.
What therapy have you tried?
Have you tried anything like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy?
Out of curiosity, do you watch movies? (Yes, it's a related question.)
[–]Aeon199 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Yes, and I'm curious why you asked.
I haven't tried CBT or REMT.
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Out of curiosity, do you watch movies? (Yes, it's a related question.) Yes, and I'm curious why you asked.
Is it difficult to understand the facial expressions of characters, and their associated emotions?
I haven't tried CBT or REMT REBT.
Most of the difficulties you've cited are anxiety based. If you haven't tried CBT or REBT, then you're doing yourself a disservice.
Of course, you seem bent on thinking you have no hope, so....
[–]Aeon199 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
It is hard to answer but I would say "not really." But this does not rule out Asperger's.
[–]Xanarxses 3 points4 points5 points 9 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I've seen you here before Aeon and I'll just say this.
If you've ever had a slight budge in mindset. Just a slight off center moment where you didn't believe you're a lost cause. Where you didn't believe that you're fucked and nothing can save you.
Then try to hold that budge there. Try to keep it off center. So that it keeps tipping.
Do you feel good believing you're a piece of shit or a lost cause? Of course you don't. So why do you feel the need to draw out and prolong the feelings of inadequacy, weakness and agony?
Why do you cling to beliefs and thoughts that hurt you? You can feel down, you can feel bad, it's human.
But you have to know that the way you think will reflect in the way you act. Your thoughts will change your actions. Your aura. Your radiance. Your energy.
You can't have victory when all you have is expectation of defeat.
You can't change if you don't believe you can.
It's easy to say that you don't have a choice. You're meant to be this way. You're meant to just stay lonely and horny because you're unworthy. It's easy to throw away responsibility and freedom. Knowing that it's all up to you is very scary. Many times you'll just hate knowing that. You'll hate knowing that fact because making choices that matter is hard. And we're so used to being comfortably sedated in our boxes that society encourages us to create around ourselves. It's hard to break down the walls. It's hard to break out.
I understand you. I'm not going to say that I'm worse off than you or anything like that. I just want you to understand that you have a choice. If it's any indication, the guys on this sub that may somewhat recognize me, can also recognize the fact that I'm a hard case myself.
So don't throw away the power of freedom and the power of choice just because you're afraid of it. That's the thing, I don't have the power to convince you. I don't have the power to change you. I only have control over myself. I may not be able to avoid every shit feeling that inhabits me. But I do have a choice when it comes to how I should interpret it. Many times I'll have depressive, shit thoughts and eventually they just flow right past me. They come and go. I don't choose to eat them and just process them to make sure they stick.
Because they're bad feelings. Bad thoughts. That make me feel horrible about myself. Why would I want them to stick?
Why do you want yours to stick?
I appreciate the long post. What you say makes a lot of sense.
Because they're bad feelings. Bad thoughts. That make me feel horrible about myself. Why would I want them to stick? Why do you want yours to stick?
It's fairly simple. Ever had the feeling "what's the use of doing anything, if all I can do is suck ?" I've been dealing with that thought for much longer than a decade. And quite a bit of suicidal ideation throughout beginning in high school. I don't mean to go "poor me" or ask for sympathy now, because actually I know my life experience has been much easier than so many other folks.
All it takes to keep re-triggering that thought which goes "Just give up on everything, you are worthless anyway.. what's the use?" is feeling envious of anyone (very easy to do, since all I ever hear about are high achievers; and what's worse, everyone I've ever known does more than me in life.) Or remembering painfully stupid things I once did, even at the age of 12, or 19, or any age really. I think it all paints a picture of a mentally compromised person. A stupid person who can only be so.
And the concept of genetic determinism and all this. Folks telling me intelligence is the most important thing and it's fixed, you can't improve it (and backing it up with studies!) I can't shake these thoughts off too easily. What if I really am 'genetic crap' and that's all I can be?
On good days I don't have these thoughts. But they're always ready to come to the surface.
How can you stop thinking like this? I'd like to know. Even if I did stop thinking like that, wouldn't I still be ridiculously behind in life and crappy anyway?
[–]Xanarxses 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
what's the use of doing anything, if all I can do is suck ?
Yes. I've had that thought going through my head many times where I just lie on the floor of my bedroom, looking at the ceiling. Just being there, just staring at the ceiling, doing nothing. But the biggest thought is "What the fuck is wrong with me."
I've gone through that many times. Something would really upset me and I'd just sink into the pit of shit. I've cried and felt shitty as a whole. I'm sure you can imagine. Every feeling in the box.
Eventually what started happening is that I bounced back from those moments. I kept going. I mean I'd lie on the floor. Or I'd sit against my bed and cry. Eventually I'd get up, put some music on, have a smoke and feel myself slowly fade back to my normal state. Feeling a bit better than before the breakdown. Smiling for no tangible reason.
The breakdowns got rarer and rarer as time went on.
Can I tell you how? Can I tell you how to do it? Not really. This happened over time for me. You need to have a drive high enough so that every time you go to the "give up" thought, you feel it, you savor the bitterness and then you roll back into "Hell no. Not giving up."
Get good habits and maybe leaving this sub would do you some good. I left it a couple of times and it did. I felt better.
When it comes to envy. I mean I generally don't feel envious of people. I'll either feel neutral or happy for them. Sure maybe sometimes I see a success story or something and it feels more disheartening rather than inspiring. But not because of bitterness or envy.
Honestly, I can't tell you much, Aeon. It's hard to tell someone how to turn their life around and even more so the way they think. I'm not a success story. I'm a guy that just like you isn't getting any and doesn't always feel happy. Maybe you feel more miserable than I do but I'm by no means at the top of the ladder.
I just try every day, to change myself even a little bit. Figure myself out even a little bit. Get myself on track even if it's just a millimeter in the right direction.
I don't focus on the things I can't do. I still "can't"(won't) approach girls. I can't(won't) always stay consistent with my habits. I "can't"(won't) always be positive and productive rather than negative and destructive.
I'm a very dictatorial person with myself. I've had so little structure in my education and everything else in my life. My dad was never a role model for me. He's too shy, emotionally retarded and reserved to teach his son how to be a man. I love my dad but he's never given me something every son needs.
Both of my parents tried to make me the best in school(as so many Russian parents do. Hardasses) but I can tell that eventually they understood that nothing stuck so they gave up. I know that subconsciously I disappointed them but at the same time they accepted me already.
But now I see that since I've never had true strict order and structure in my life. I need to maintain it myself. Emotionally and physically. It's hard as fuck but it's a war of millimeters. And as long as you stick to it, no matter how much you fail, you will always be going forward.
That's how I think of it.
I wish I could give words of encouragement. You can do it. You just have to make that decision. You can either spend your whole life thinking of yourself as a sack of shit, feel like one your entire life and by the end die feeling like one.
Or you can try to change that. You can fight. Fight harder every day.
Do you really think it's worth throwing your entire life away?
[–]Aeon199 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I do often think it's a lost cause already, and I should forget about not simply women but socializing in general. I'm too far apart, given I'm in my 30s and everyone--literally every single person--is light years ahead. And I don't feel good about that. I'm envious. And I hate being a 3rd wheel, which is what I would have to accept if I decide to get out there and socialize. That's the only position I can ever have. What's the use? Guys like that don't get laid.
And I wouldn't be out socializing because I love socializing. As a matter of fact, I detest group socializing. Nothing good can ever come from that. I can't stand it, you see. It doesn't work for my brain, I don't even have the framework for it.
So in that sense, it may be worth throwing it all away. Since no one can appreciate what I have to offer, but myself. And I will always be judged for not contributing anything, both in the past and present. What else is there to do? What better way do you offer?
"Just go out to socialize so you can be that worthless third wheel, sit there in the corner and say nothing, expect no women will ever have any interest, and be content with that." Is that your alternative? Is that what you suggest I do?
[–]Xanarxses 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
No.
Go out to socialize so you can light the entire group on fire. So they can feel your energy. Your power. Your love for life. Your passion for all around you.
But you need to have those things for them to be felt.
You need to think about yourself, man.
No person will say the things you say if they've got it all figured out for themselves. They simply won't.
So you must figure it out.
Sure you can die alone but do you want to?
It's as simple as that, bro.
Do you really want to die alone?
How many times have you legitimately tried to turn it all around?
[–]Aeon199 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That depends. Do you mean more along the lines of gaining traditional value--higher education, good job, and so forth--or do you mean actually going out to socialize and meet women, etc?
I can't do the first of them, or at least, all I've got is something of a pipe-dream in that area which I'll have to work very hard to achieve some semblance of it. I can't do college or higher education and can't have a fulltime "real career" I don't function well enough for these things, that's that.
The second one may be possible. It would still be very painful, and for the reasons I stated in the above post. Being in my 30s with little going on and unable to even hope to function like my "peers." Who would I be able to connect with? Literally everyone else is far better off than me and lives like an adult. I don't.
[–]LiquorNoChase -1 points0 points1 point 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Here I am in my 30s and my understanding of "game/women" is still only around what a 16-17 year old typical guy would know. My emotional functioning is probably about 12 years old, still, or at least it is when I can't "fill it in" with logic and analysis.
I have come to the same conclusion after about a decade. It's funny yet humbling when you finally realize where you stand. I've seen 14-15 year olds boys engage adult women in a way that I never could without a ton more of trial/error and rejection. Play with them, flirt with them, make them laugh. And here I am at 26 still not feeling confident about what women really appreciate. Approaching has been fruitless for me because any conversation I strike up seems to bore them, jokes I make go over heads, text convos lead nowhere, etc..Meanwhile plenty of guys I know prosper doing the exact same thing. my personality is never quite 'sticky' enough to make people who haven't known me for years already, remember me. I don't think I'm bad looking but at 26 I feel a bit devoid of positive memories. I've only had 1 girlfriend, I've had sex with two women, so I'd say I'm right where a socially adjusted 16 year old would be. Sad. :)
[–]Aeon199 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
In this case I'd be curious to know how you even have had sex or relationships at all! Hopefully your answer won't be "my education and career/income impressed them, that's most of it probably" :P
[–]LiquorNoChase 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
The truth is way worse actually. First of all it took me AT LEAST 3 years after meeting the chicks before I had sex with either, and also they were hoes who a lot of my friends had ran through and passed around before they got to me. On top of that they were maybe 4-5 in the looks range. One of them was past her prime body wise and was a self-cutter but when she was toned up in high school I would have rated her a high 6. Really nothing to write home about. The other was my best friend's ex who I had known for at least 5 years. The relationship was short, she cheated on me multiple times and the split up was nasty. And now here I am, over a year later an incel I basically have forgotten what sex feels like. I had no career or money at the time. It was all a function of "being around" long enough to see success. That's it. I still feel like a virgin sorta. I feel like I've never pulled anything from my own steam. It was all a function of who I was with
[–][deleted] 10 points11 points12 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"Inexperienced guys who give advice"
I was literally laughing for a good 30 min
[–]Grasshoppaw 4 points5 points6 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
A guy told me the other day to just go for it in X way because blah blah.
I ask his experience. He has none.."it's just obvious".
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
I just wanted to say...
I was ~ 17 when I first used /r/Seduction & I can say, it has helped me immensely with general living, experiencing life and being comfortable in my own skin.
I'm mid 20s now and I can say:- Had I not used this subreddit back then, I wouldn't have had some of the remarkable relationships I've had since.
I'm currently seeing a girl who I care about very deeply - she's early 30s and I've been interested in her for 2-years (While dating a different girl at the time). After I broke up with my ex, the mentality of this subreddit that the worst case scenario is she says "no".
Thanks to this subreddit, I am actually pretty happy with life and have had 3-long term relationships since (About 2-3 years each) with a couple of flings here and there.
I never post in this subreddit, just read all the material & haven't used it since I turned 18 (around the time of my first long-term relationship).
I only used it recently to find "God Tier Cologne" which I found here.
[–]Aeon199 -4 points-3 points-2 points 9 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
It's good to be a normal person who functions properly in society.
Some guys cannot be. Guys like me have no chance, in any platform. Suggestions I've seen like "speed dating" and "clubs bars" make me laugh. All I need to do is stand in a bar for 15 minutes before the sensory problems start and I look like a lost little kid who needs to get away. Speed dating? You've got to be fucking kidding me.
Salsa dancing? Even more ridiculous. You're saying "women want a guy who doesn't understand directions, who always looks tense and anxious" if you suggest that.
Online dating? What a great idea. 5'9" and not listing my income, for a good reason. Yep, that will work...
I think I made my point. Some guys are not meant for women. Evolution working nicely, I suppose, at least in my case.
[–]whatnololyea 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Alright, let's say this is true. Then why are those people still in the subreddit posting about this "fact" about themselves? Of course, the natural reaction for the people here would be to help that person.
And then that person shuts them down. And the person helping ends up feeling negative. For helping somebody else.
If people genuinely think they have no chance to improve, then why bother going to seddit to post their case? I genuinely want to know.
Nobody wants despair all the time. They want hope, also.
I can't let myself think the reality is I was essentially "chosen" by genetics or other factors outside of my control, to have this damn card for life. Could that be true? Maybe. But I don't want to believe it.
I don't know what to believe, or what I should believe. I think this is the case with a lot of other guys who do the same thing, saying they will never get laid but still asking for help. They have great uncertainty from knowing they have severe deficits (in terms of getting women) contrasting with optimists saying "losers can get laid, too" and that leaves them in the middle.
What is the truth? I don't know. But isn't the truth pretty darn crappy? Why choose to side with the fairy dust of blind optimism if the truth always intervenes?
Both life, and women, are more competitive than ever. Hypergamy appears to an actual real concept. That seems to be truth, from my perspective. I mean, the only guys I ever see with women have "conventional value." Are my observations "fake"? Not to me. It's what I've seen.
Where are the losers who can't socialize? Not with women, obviously, and most probably never will be.
[–]whatnololyea 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Then why are you rejecting the possibility that that is false then? Shouldn't be a better outlook to not think this true logically and believe and internalize that it is indeed possible?
Aren't you metaphorically chaining yourself by rejecting other people's suggestions that you "having no chance to improve" is false? It seems you are your own worst enemy and it's mostly inner game that is holding you back mate.
The problem when I begin thinking it is possible to get laid is then I reach the point where I have to think about the "depressive-realist" advice I get here... like "If you have no value to offer, take the leftovers. Pay the hooker or find the 45 year old women with 4 kids, on dating sites."
Just got another one of these today. Thankfully I won't be hearing from that guy again.
What am I to do? I'm an okay looking guy but past 30 and autistic, and impaired socially and occupationally. That's what I was dealt. Must I accept this "If I can get laid, head to the leftovers section" kinda thing? I think it is actually cruel, for folks to discuss it in that matter.
The implication that I am some kind of "worthless leftover" is particularly galling. I am who I am, right?
[–]nocmp 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Online dating? What a great idea. 5'9" and not listing my income, for a good reason. Yep, that will work.
Whoa now, I'm 5'9" probably closer to 5'8.5" , 30 and up until very recently I was a student so I had absolutely no income and I have done pretty well with online dating. You just need to have a couple decent pictures that aren't bathroom selfies, a funny or interesting bio section. And when you match, don't just say hey.
I would like to think so. But I tried something very similar to what you suggested here and nothing worked, I got some replies but no numbers and no overt interest.
Craigslist I tried also, for longer than a year.. and got almost nothing. Maybe a couple of numbers but no dates. It's one of the worst places ever. I can't say anything politically correct about my experience. Not a thing. And I'm not a politically incorrect person either but I have no other way to describe the experience without possibly risking offense to different people, etc.
What is with the "dangerous neighborhoods"--folks who live in places I would never visit for good reason--being the only ones to reply, 95% of the time. You can see where this is heading. I dunno, maybe it would show that I am "racist" or "prejudiced" without knowing, but then again, this is true of everyone.
[–]nocmp 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
No Craigslist is very sketchy, no judgement there.
Well tell me about yourself, what are you some things you like to do and what are you passionate about.
Other than height and income, why do you think you have trouble with women. What do you think you do right and what do you think you do wrong.
Also I would never suggest someone get a dog just to pick up women, they are a big obligation. You should only get one if you are prepared and really think you would enjoy the company of having a dog. That being said, I did have a big increase of matches after getting a dog. Wasn't the intent but pleasant side effect.
Can I get with an average looking woman who is socially awkward who would appreciate the compatibility? To be honest I would be looking for another "ForeverAlone" type, but at the same time, they have to take some care of their appearance. (Again, I don't mean they need amazing looks, they just need to be socially low-functioning but otherwise have a tad bit of healthy pride.)
[–]HelicopterSack 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Lower your standards. If you have nothing to offer you have to take the leftovers...
If you dont like that you either try to raise your value or gotta be content with paying for the monthly hooker.
[–]Aeon199 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Take your own leftovers, mate.
[–]giovinezza_c 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Agree with most all of this, I've been a lurker for ages but this is one of my only comments/posts.
I have a question, I notice that often when I am approached by a girl I find attractive (or vice versa) I get into this super quiet, weird submissive state that I recognize when it's happening but it's hard to stop. What usually happens is the first 10 mins or so go great, then things draw out and this ends up ruining it and they go "oh, he's really boring" and that's that. It just happened today. I was at rowing, this girl I never talked to was visibly interested, I could see out of the corner of my eye that she kept looking at me and then looking down (standing next to me) then she starts talking to me. It goes fine for a while, she's laughing etc and then when we actually get in the boat she's talking nonstop and I really have nothing to say, occasionally give her a "yeah" etc. just kind of agreeing, and then she seems to lose interest and we don't talk at the end or anything.
Any tips on overcoming this? I recognize it completely as it happens but I sort of assume the worst and can't recover from it. It's funny though, with girls I don't find astonishingly good looking I have no problem with this.
[–]PM_ME_UR_TECHNO_GRRL 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Look. Anything is possible. You can get laid by pulling your dick out in front of girls and saying “say hello to my little friend.” There are lots of crazy and weird girls out there. But some shit is just not likely to work MOST TIMES. And ultimately, the point of this sub is to teach what is likely to work MOST TIMES because we cannot predict every single situation.
It is not about what works most of the time at all.
Brad Pitt walks into a girl in the middle of her workout and asks her to meet him at his Beverly Hills mansion later tonight. Does he pull?
Good looking guy who actually harbors a lot of self doubt tries to approach a girl at a night club - prime environment for meeting girls - and tries to engage her in conversation. Is he going to pull?
You disparage PUAs - people who have spent their life perfecting gender interactions - but they have already left you behind. Most of them know that interactions with the opposite sex is not about a set of circumstances, but an interaction of personalities. The right personality pulls, the wrong personality does not. Owen Cook talks about his pull when he did what seemed like an insecure thing to do - call a girl over and over again - yet it worked. Your paradigm is altogether wrong.
I talked about the good looking guy, because that was me for years on end. People expected a guy that looks as good as I do to drown in pussy, but I had serious emotional issues that were not resolved. Result: no pussy. So I know from personal experience that this idea of aligning circumstances to get laid is not the best approach. Like me, there are tons of other guys in this sub alone.
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Totally agree, I remember I posted about getting numbers at a stoplight when you pull up next to a hot girl, and that was supposedly completely unfathomable for most people. Asking me what kind of car I have and everything. No, I will not worry about "annoying them." That's ridiculous. If you want something, go for it, plain and simple. When I have gotten multiple numbers and a 2 year relationship at a stoplight, and I get downvoted, that kinda shows the lack of balls people have. Like recently I walked up to a girl having lunch, wearing her headphones, you would think she doesn't want to be bothered. Well guess what she apparently did. You're not gonna know unless you talk to them. What works "Most of the time" lol. Who cares what works most of the time. How about trying different things and getting creative?
[–]Woujo[S] 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What?
What did I say that was wrong?
[–]yokhai 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
ITT: Butthurt, butthurt a mile long.
Woujo bringing the pain.
[–][deleted] 9 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]luaudesign 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You're doing great, then. By all means shot for the girls your age but do not stop on the twenties. By the time you're their age and above you have years of experience with them.
[–]Jack__Knife 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The cool thing is you don't have to be here if you don't want to.
you're annoying
" Most of you guys are emotional as fuck "
Sez this dude.
What I hate most is retards writing shitty posts for self promotion. Fuck off.
[–]Kenic_In_MD 5 points6 points7 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Good post, I do appreciate you /u/Woujo
[–]king_of_ass 3 points4 points5 points 9 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
I dont believe ill ever get laid, I come here to try and prove myself wrong and find something to change my mind. What ive ascertained is that most of the people who suddenly bloom into socially capable, sexually active people later in life just had something holding them back and were otherwise normal. I go out to parties and talk to people, get no response, and then later I look at myself in the mirror and go "oh yeah thats why" along with with general ineptitude at most things including conversation, its pretty simple and I dont think its too far fetched.
[–]Woujo[S] 6 points7 points8 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I dont believe ill ever get laid, I come here to try and prove myself wrong and find something to change my mind.
Well I can just tell you that you are wasting your time. Nothing will change your mind.
When you are emotionally wired to think a certain way (and you are being emotional) no amount of logic can change how you feel.
What ive ascertained is that most of the people who suddenly bloom into socially capable, sexually active people later in life just had something holding them back and were otherwise normal.
Yeah the same thing is probably happening to you.
I go out to parties and talk to people, get no response, and then later I look at myself in the mirror and go "oh yeah thats why" along with with general ineptitude at most things including conversation,
Well if you think you are inept at "most things" then yeah, you obviously have deep issues with self esteem and like I said, being on this subreddit won't help you.
You can try messaging me and I can try to put you through my "program" but I can't guarantee any results. People whose self-esteem is so shot often have a very hard time recovering.
Coping mechanisms serve a purpose.
Figure out why that coping mechanism was protective, alleviate the stimulus and the mechanism dissolves
[–]SeinoMore 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
I dont believe [I'll] ever get laid...
Why do you have this belief? Where does it come from? What exactly do you believe that makes you think this?
[–]Aeon199 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago* (6 children) | Copy Link
along with with general ineptitude at most things including conversation,
I'm not him, but the answer for you is there in his quote.
I am assuming this guy is socially challenged.
I believe with good reason that actual, innate social difficulty is the cause of 95% of this "virgin for life" phenomenon in men. If that is what he has. It could be he just has "social anxiety" if that is the case, it can be improved.
But my problem with social skills is very deep and resistant. I don't function like a normal person. Yes, mine is hardwired, from autism.
Studies show only about 32% of autistic people will ever have a relationship, to begin with. One may assume the majority of them are women. It does not look good.
What can be done? I almost accepted the card for life, by now. I am not like other people who have their full life and begging for more activity, more people, more social experiences. Whereas I cannot have a career, cannot socialize in groups, cannot converse with fluency.
In my case, the writing is on the wall. The only thing left is full acceptance. Women are more competitive than ever. It's evolution in motion. Any guy with a social problem who cannot compensate with a good career/money, that guy is never going to get laid. Period.
[–]SeinoMore -1 points0 points1 point 9 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Thanks. Good well reasoned answer. Seduction does imply some base level of social skills and to be fair a lot of basic seduction advice does fall into that category. I'm not sure though that this subreddit is the right place to find suitable advice if people are really struggling.
It would help if people mentioned that they have problems from the outset as responders will hopefully not just tell them to get out and grow some balls. A guide for people who are socially challenged on the side bar would be a good idea.
Any guy with a social problem who cannot compensate with a good career/money, that guy is never going to get laid. Period.
This reminds me of Bill Gates up to the age of 38.
[–]ToxicRocketry 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I would just like to say - being socially challenged can be fixed the same way as anything else.
By doing, that is, by actually talking to people.
People who think that being socially awkward and bad at reading cues is some insurmountable obstacle are wrong. I apologize for the bluntness, but you are simply wrong.
[–]king_of_ass 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Aeon199 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
Usually I would have responded with more vigor and bombast telling you "don't accept the truth as I wrote it" etc, but it seems you do have some understanding that the "socially challenged" hardcases like me, really are a special case that need alternative/idiosyncratic ways to attract women. We're not simply introverts, it's something deeper in most cases. Especially when you write this:
A guide for people who are socially challenged on the side bar would be a good idea.
If you are not sarcastic, that shows you understand the magnitude of the issue. You understand the advice that goes "salsa dancing, speed dating, bars/clubs, social circle game" is not going to work for guys like me, since most of us cannot manage to look comfortable in those scenarios, or otherwise we're just like a "third wheel" indefinitely.
In summary, yes, guys like us need some kind of different tactics. And another thing that doesn't help is cynical advice (when guys understand we really are low-value socially) which goes like, "pay a hooker" or "look for women in their 40s with 3 kids, those women are overlooked" or whatever. That advice is not appreciated even if we are "hard cases." (Nothing wrong with such women, but the concept of 'equating' social value between genders is not pleasant, and should be avoided)
So, what we need is something in the middle. "Yes, it will be very hard for you since you cannot really have social status, but that doesn't mean you can't attract women; so here's how you frame it, here's what you do, etc" Something like that, without condescension, would be appreciated.
[–]SeinoMore 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
No, I wasn't being sarcastic. I really do feel for you guys but my worry is that without the context to know what challenges you face people are going to assume that you are socially adept and give advice that is hard to follow.
In this case, my guess is that, actually meeting up with a good coach who has experience would help. I'm not sure how well the regular seduction coaches can help or do specifically do try to coach socially challenged people to improve their game.
Why not start off a bi-weekly "Socially Challenged Mega Thread Topic" where those who know or feel they are socially challenged can ask any question without getting roasted?
[–]failatsomething 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Subset of mental masturbators: "Will [activity that's no approaching girls] get me better at approaching girls? [I don't want to approach girls.]"
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Well it is FREE advice after all. Even free beer is almost always busch or milwakee's best, don't expect small brew craft beer made by ex-germans.
[–]Turlast 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This post is definitely necessary. This sub be all over the place now.
[–]Flexappeal 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
OP you should go make this post and link your social media on /r/incels it'll be fun i promise
[–]Woujo[S] 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I think I may have already been banned from there.
I'll try though.
[–]Flexappeal 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
oh i was just poking fun nobody gives a shit about your twitter
[–]dillpick15 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Real shit here. I know I'm guilty of a couple of these like the not going out and talking. I actually appreciate someone calling me out. This isn't sarcasm; I actually appreciate it
[–]UndidIridium 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
or “asking a girl her advice is like asking a fish how to go fishing.”
The one thing I was looking for, and u/Woujo did not disappoint. Haha!
The most recent one was something about "asking a deer about hunting." That made me laugh.
[–]failatsomething 5 points6 points7 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I'm one to recommend learning game from dudes that are good at game (rare) instead of women.
I don't deny that some women are self aware and can speak to game, but learning about the psychology of attraction and proper relationship dynamics is not something that dudes learn from women/pop culture/everything we're ever told.
It does take learning game from dudes that know game. That's why this sub exists. That's why the "pickup community" is a thing.
Obviously (this thread highlights cases) the legitimacy of the communities have been stomped like vegas coke, but there's still not many other places to turn for legitimate information.
You can approach all day long, but if all you're trying to do is match the behavior of the prince in the Disney movie, you're going to end up with the same result.
Yes, approaching is king and important to breaking down the limiting beliefs and gaining self confidence, but (at least for me) it took some dude better than me to share some psychology of what people respond to in order to get to that point.
Or maybe I'm a misogynist. Whatever :)
[–]UndidIridium 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Learning game from guys 'you think' are good at 'the kind of game you want to develop' is fine. The fundamental failing of those sayings; "don't ask a fish," "don't ask a deer," and whatever other variation of it, is the automatic dismissal of potentially good advice simply because the source is a woman.
And, that, is abjectly ignorant.
It is completely irrelevant whether the source has a penis or vagina. Hell, in Seddit alone -- look at the plethora of really bad advice disseminated in here... by guys.
And women are not merely one-dimensional simpletons.
Be open-minded, listen, and exercise one's brain to analyze, and couple it with Emotional Intelligence and common sense (which is incredibly rare, so if one doesn't have this? That's just too bad. But no worry, they won't be aware of this drawback anyway.), irrespective of the gender of the source. And one will not only potentially up one's game, but also overall social skills can improve, among many other potential aspects that can be.
[–]SeinoMore 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This should be pinned to the top.
[–]BasketCase559 -2 points-1 points0 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Woujo, for what it's worth, I've always found your posts helpful and I always read them when I see them. I don't understand why you get so much backlash for linking your website at the end of your posts. If you don't like it, don't click it!
[–]Woujo[S] -1 points0 points1 point 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's just haters.
I appreciate the compliment.
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