A Beginner's Guide: How to Get Good Fast, The Natural Way

Hey boys,

Someone asked me to write up a beginner's guide, so here it is. After nearly 8 years in the game, this is, I would say, the fastest way to get good, even if you're a complete hard-case newbie with next to no social skills.

A little background about me, though, before I go into this.

Up until around 17 years old, I was a social shut-in. I was awkward, behind in my growth (I didn't start puberty until around 14 or 15), and spent most of my time playing video games and hanging out with other social rejects.

I didn't kiss my first girl until 16, didn't get my first blowjob until 17, and got dumped by my first girlfriend (the girl who blew me) about a month into our "relationship" (we barely ever saw each other). Didn't lose my virginity until Christmas of 2010 when I was 18, and that was after MONTHS of failed attempted with my girlfriend. I had HUGE Erectile-Dysfunction problems (insecurity and years of porn addiction).

And the only reason my eyes were really opened to my potential when a beautiful, rich, popular blonde from the nice side of town pursued me at the Youth Group I attended.

Unfortunately, even though she threw herself at me, I was hesitant, because she had a boyfriend.

I have different morals now, but because of my hesitance, despite her verbal and physical aggression with me, I refused her and then lost her.

Then, I realized my mistake and pursued her relentlessly...to no avail. It was too late.

This sent me into a deep despair. For 7 months, my grades and health atrophied.

Then through a combination of reading Nietzsche, Tucker Max, and fighting the demons within, a realization came up on me.

"Suffering isn't necessary."

It was a sudden epiphany. Like lightning. I was laying in my bed crying.

The crying stopped immediately. Then, I laughed.

There are many names for What whispered this to me, but the only thing that matters was the whisper.

I vowed then to stop being weak and to take control of my life.

My first step was to become more social. I had no particular goal of becoming a pimp, some PUA master, or anything concrete. Simply, more social. I knew that was the first step.

So, I started attending football games, accepting the occasional invites that I'd receive from people at school, and even volunteered for a competition at my high school called, Mr. Homecoming. Basically, a talent show/beauty pageant for guys.

I danced to Michael Jackson's "Billie Jean" in front of my entire school.

I won 2nd. I felt what it was like to be the center of attention and have people want to spend time with you.

I loved it. I wanted to feel it again.

The girl who I first dated was my escort during Mr. Homecoming. Got my first blowjob on the first date I had with her, simply because I knew she liked me and I invited myself to her place. Then, while kissing her, I said, "You should give me a blowjob." She took off my pants and I did my best to reenact the countless porn vids I'd watched.

I loved it.

The relationship didn't last long, as I didn't push for sex. My assertiveness hadn't yet fully blossomed.

I kept going out and hanging out with people. Again, I had no idea what I was doing. I was simply chasing the pleasure of being around people, talking to people, and talking to the beautiful creatures known as women.

In the summer before I was to go to college, I was hanging out with my friends at a WoW LAN party. We all decided to add these hot twins that attended our high school on Facebook. We all chatted them up and they happily talked to us. One of them took a liking to me.

We began Skyping. This turned into a regular thing. We eventually went on a date. I kissed her. The third girl I'd ever kissed. We kept Skyping.

Then, I asked her to be my girlfriend. She said she'd like that. I went to college and we had a long-distance relationship.

At college, I threw myself into the social scene.

I talked to everyone I could, with my only agenda being, "I want to be popular and have girls love me." This general goal manifested itself as a variety of skillsets. I needed to learn how to approach people, make them enjoy conversation with me, and then add them to my network.

Socializing became a Piecewise function for me.

And every part of that function has a potentially infinite set of sub-functions that could increase (or decrease) the value of the variables.

Telling jokes. Telling stories. Touching. Smiling. Eye contact. Listening.

And so I set myself to task. Master it all. My goal was to be the most known guy on campus.

Eventually, with enough hardwork, I became the most popular kid at my school. Well, popular means I was universally liked. This was patently untrue. I was quite notorious because of my confrontational personality, unpopular views on politics and women, and my somewhat savage approach to....everything, but goddamned did everyone know who I was. I was sometimes called the "Face of Greek Life," as well as the biggest player on campus...and a few other, more unflattering nicknames, some true, others false.

And this was without any mentor. Any books. It was only when I entered my Junior year that I found the PUA community, for real (I'd vaguely known about it, but paid it no mind).

I was a natural. I developed my own language and system. However, it was when I found the PUA community, particular Girls Chase (the company I now work for), that my vague, fuzzy system became clearly definable. These men had formalized a process I'd already been doing.

Truth be told, every system, no matter how mathematical or intuitive, is effective so long as it works. In fact, you are all at a MASSIVE advantage over me. I have clients who have accelerated far faster than I ever did in a matter of months.

In fact, I went through a very rough and unnecessary long learning curve.

If you are willing to put in the work (i.e., meeting lots of people), constantly refine your process, and enjoy it, you can go as far as you'd like. There is no upper limit. The only limit is that one day, your body and brain will shut off (and this is not the end, but we won't go there in this post, since it's too far outside the scope of this discussion).

But if you listen to people who are ahead of you, you can learn quicker and faster.

It is imperative, however, that you listen.

Of course, in the end, you are your final judge. You must explore and verify everything yourself. This applies both to philosophies that are attractive and those that are...strange. If you have not explored a particular system, you cannot claim it to be true or false.

As I always, the proof is in the pussy. So long as it doesn't violate law or your own morality, try it, and you will find your moralities will evolve the more advanced you get.

But back to learning.

I will give you 5 general tips you can follow to achieve any and all goals you wish to have in the spectrum of human interaction, social and sexual.

But before that...

Five Inconvenient Truths

1. There are girls who like you right now. I don't know a single guy who I've met who doesn't have some women interested in him. Even the most genetically ungifted, weird, socially uncalibrated guys I've met - I've personally witnessed SOMEONE attracted to them. It may not be your ideal girl or the type of girl you want, but someone is attracted to you. The biggest issue is you don't know how to SPOT them. Either you deny their interest in you or your standards are a bit too high for where you're currently at. However, I'd say that even those awkward guys I knew...there was some cool and very hot girl who liked them. Again, it was an issue of RECOGNIZING interest and not having the confidence to ADMIT the interest and to PURSUE it.

2. You will have to work and it will be uncomfortable. I don't know ANY guy who didn't have to learn this at some point. When you see someone who is successful, socially or sexually, it is IMPOSSIBLE that he got there without a learning process. What you are witnessing is an EVENT, but what you might be ignoring is the PROCESS that led him to being able to manifest said event. If at any point you are complaining or tired of the process, there are two and only two reasons - you are either complaining or you are going down a fruitless path. If it is the former, stop it. If it is the latter, change course.

3. How many failures and negative experiences must rack up before you decide a particular approach, vibe, demeanor, expression is unfruitful towards your goals is context specific. Only experience or someone who is experienced enough to notice your ineffective method can tell you it's wrong. Sometimes you give up too early on a process, sometimes you spend far too long on a particular process that is far less effective than you'd like. There might be more effective means for you and your personal disposition. The only way to tell the difference is experience. And the only way to get experience is to approach and talk to people. Experience with another human being means being in proximity to them and interacting with them socially and/or physically. If, however, you cannot take that first step, you will not improve. End of story.

4. Your most primary fear, the one right in front of you, is your current limit. If you fear approaching, and won't approach, this is your limit. Until you break through this fear, you cannot move further. For every level, there's another devil.

5. Mindsets cannot help you unless they lead to a process change. You can have all the "Ah" moments you want by reading book after book, post after post, but if that epiphany does not lead to action or a change in action, it is worthless. I have countless clients who come to me and tell me about all these books they've read...but they haven't changed a single thing, then I tell them to change on or two behaviors, and suddenly, they get better results.

Read these truths and read them well. Understanding them will help you execute the following steps.

Now, for the 5 tips that I think are most crucial for you getting better, faster, when you're a beginner.

The Importance of Social Circle

All of the best seducers I know come from a social circle background. They got their start sleeping with girls through friends and friends of friends.

Men who master social circle first have a VERY strong base.

They learn, firstly, how to meet people in a fun and fluid way. They also learn how to start and break conversation. It doesn't have the "do or die" time limit that cold approach often has. This teaches them how to flow in and out of conversation, with a variety of topics, and how to retain interest over a long period of time.

It also gives them a plethora of positive social experiences that aren't contingent upon whether or not you get laid. This helps prevent you from burning out or getting depressed.

Social circle is also VASTLY more fruitful, at least until you get to the advanced stages of cold approach. All it takes is ONE person and you can be introduced to DOZENS of cool people, including many women who like you.

As for women, being introduced through social circle gives you an immediate fast pass. She knows, if she's introduced to you by a friend, that you are least somewhat cool. Someone she values values you as cool enough to hang around with. This is called social proof and preselection, depending on the context in which the guy or girl introduces you.

Social circle is also vastly more complicated than cold approach. There is a countably infinite more variables going on and learning how to handle them all at once will strengthen your social intuition and expose you to a lot of situations you wouldn't see in cold approach.

Social circle also exposes you to long-term effects of the actions you take. One thing you say today can come back a year or years later.

It also helps with relationships. If you're a cold approach guy, get a girlfriend through it, and then are introduced to her friends, but don't know how to interact with people without seeing it as a means to get laid, your relationship could suffer because of it. Her friends won't like and accept you.

Social circle is also a much more effective way to expose yourself to the highest tier of women. Getting a smoking hot girl from a club cold approach or day game is very difficult. If it was easy, everyone would be doing it. But you can meet and sleep with hot women FAR easier if you're within their social circle or in the periphery of her social circle, simply because you've been cleared of the "Stranger Fear" that comes with a cold approach.

I'm not saying don't cold approach, I'm saying cold approach AND do social circle. Also, if you're doing cold approach, you should be getting a social circle via your approaches. RSD Luke is the only guy I know of in the industry who teaches this like I do (I've also met him; he's a cool guy, is friends with some guys I know, and REALLY knows his stuff. He's my favorite RSD guy. And, yes, he comes from a social circle background, specifically the Vegas nightlife industry, which I'm somewhat familiar with myself, though not nearly as deeply as he is).

To be clear, social circle has its own difficulties, particular false positives (i.e., women being polite and nice and flirty, but not actually attracted to you; this can lead to you pursuing women who are not actually interested in you for months and years on end, whereas a cold approach king can meet her and ten minutes later is in her room).

How do you get a social circle? Go to their social circle.

A dance class is a social circle. It has its own hierarchy and set of rules.

The nightlife industry of your city is a social circle (and the highest tier one in existence, save for the aristocracy of the city), with its own hierarchy and set of rules.

A volleyball meet up group is a social circle, with its own hierarchy and set of rules.

All it takes is ONE person and you're IN. Of course...you need to know how to approach and hold a conversation to get invited into it.

Thus...

You Must Approach

You HAVE to be able to walk up to someone, say hello, and have them like you in conversation. If you cannot approach, you will not move forward. Whatever therapy, motivation, or mindsets you need to convince you of this, go for it. Mindsets, in the early stage of learning socializing, serve as motivation. You might THINK you understand how mindsets like abundance mentality, that women like dominant, aggressive men, and all other general, grand strategy principles work, but you don't.

The name of the game of the beginner is action. Until you have concrete, personal experiences of talking with a VAST number of men and women, any and all mindsets have no veracity. They are vague, nebulous thought constructs. Nothing more.

You. Must. Talk. To. People.

Men AND women. LOTS.

I've met TENS of THOUSANDS of people. This may seem like a staggering number, but for the level of proficiency that I wish to have, it's necessary.

However, for those whom this might intimidate, let me be clear.

Work on What's in Front of You

Every journey starts with one step. If your problem is approaching, focus on that and little else. Learn how to move your feet, walk up to a person, and talk to them. Say ANYTHING.

You don't know what to say? Doesn't matter. That's a step AFTER. You cannot skip steps. You can try, and you might find success, but it's SO much more effective to focus on one, two, MAYBE three things at a time.

The trick, and the boon of teachers and coaches, is finding out WHAT you need to focus on now.

If you're new to all of this and you're trying to grasp grand concepts like abundance mentality, "I Am the Prize," and anything complicated like this, I assure you, you are going down a VERY ineffective route.

Focus on simple, concrete steps.

Learn to walk up to people and say hi.

Then, learn how to have small talk, the initial conversation you have with anyone.

Then, learn how to have meaningful conversations, how to get people talking about what's important to them.

Then, learn how to get their number and see them again, both men and women.

Then, learn how to text them to see them again. Learn how to structure invitation texts.

The devil is in the details and if you try to learn a huge, complicated process, you will be overwhelmed.

Plus, a lot of times, the work will be done for you. If you focus on approaching, at some point, you're going to meet a girl or a guy who will HELP you. They will lead the conversation, they will take your your number, they will invite you to join them. Let people teach you. Your greatest teacher is the next person you will talk to.

That person will be a direct reflection of what you need to work on.

You meet a girl and you can have small talk, but have trouble going beyond that, then THAT'S what you need to work on.

If she teaches you that by blowing you off and "going to the bathroom" after a few minutes, you need to focus on everything that happened RIGHT BEFORE she excused herself. Somewhere in that few minutes of conversation is the answer to your question, the answer to why she ditched you.

Sometimes it was something out of your control, but ALWAYS, there is something that you could have changed that would have prevented her from leaving. Maybe one of her friends came over and got her, and she DID need to leave, but if you had run the conversation better, she may have insisted she stay OR she would invite you along.

Focus on maximizing what is in front of you. Perfect THAT, then move on.

I am always, always, always working on the simple things.

Why?

Because..

Fundamentals are EVERYTHING

The way you dress. The facial expressions you make. The tone, rhythm, cadence, tone, vibrato, and intonation of your voice. The angle at which you stand up. The way you move your hands in conversation. The way you lean. The way you move your mouth. How fast you look at objects and what you choose to look at.

Think of your interactions with people as a play. You want to always be tweaking how your character interacts with others.

Remember, people ONLY see what you do and hear what you say. And even what people hear ABOUT you from others is a result of what that other person saw you do and heard you say. At some point, there is a first person account of the character you present to others, and all of that has an empirical, phenomenological reality to the person who experienced you as a person.

By constantly tweaking the way you act, in the most visceral, empirical way (e.g., "I took a deep breath here before continuing my story, and this made the person pay more attention to what i had to say, because I was taking my time and wasn't rushing, which communicated confidence and assuredness), you will be able to control, to the best of your ability, how others experience YOU as a human being.

In the end, everything comes down to how someone experienced you. Your voice. Your face. And how you said the words you said. Always.

And how do you know what is attractive, and what isn't?

E. X. P. E. R. I. E. N. C.E

How Good Do You Want to Be?

Getting laid might seem hard right now, but I promise you, it's easy. In fact, you thinking it's hard is what hurts you. Approaching people at all might seem hard, but I promise you, it's not. Thinking it's hard is what hurts you.

Whatever you fear RIGHT NOW is your limit. And you need to go INTO it.

Of course, how far you want to go. You don't need to be anymore than average to get laid. Average isn't bad. Average is LITERALLY AVERAGE.

But you cannot get the BEST women by being average. It doesn't make sense. To get amazing women you have to be amazing.

How good you want to be is up to you. If you're not satisfied with where you're at, you need to work harder (or smarter).

It's good to have grand goals, but, as with my personal story, I focused on the details. Yes, I wanted to be the top guy on my campus, but I KNEW that it would take practice (my experience in marital arts helped this. To get to black belt, you need to first get the other belts).

So, it is like this.

Approach people.

When you interact with said people, focus on THAT specific interaction, what you said (game) and how you said it (fundamentals). Keep your observations simple, honest, and empirical. Take time to consider how that person experienced you (empathy), and what was good (they enjoyed it) and what was bad (they didn't enjoy it). Maximizing the good, minimize the bad. Focus on what's in front of you only. The answer to all of your problem was in the most recent bad interaction you had with a person.

And get a social circle. They will expose you and teach you far more, far more quickly than if you were to spam approach a thousand people, because the length and quality of your interaction with people in social circles give you a much broader replay of your strengths and flaws than a hundred random approaches. Though, your strengths and flaws ARE evident in those cold approaches, too. The boon, however, to social circle, is that they're usually much more calm interactions and, even though you're dealing with MORE variables, they're all usually present in the current situation.

Of course, you're talking to people in the end. People in social circle. People in cold approach. But this is about when you're a beginner. I'm trying to give you the fastest and most effective process.

At the highest level, it's all people. People with motivations, desires, and fears. Once you've met enough people, it all merges into one, great understanding of the fundamental nature of humanity.

But, that's not for right now. Right now, put one foot in front of the other.

A kilometer is a thousand meters.

Go one meter at a time.

And one day, you'll find yourself running 5k's like they're nothing, if that's what you want.

So, figure out what you want.

Learn a process to get there.

Maximize your fundamentals.

Reflect. Adapt. Reflect. Adapt.

Iterate ad infinitum until you get to said goal.

Profit with pussy and popularity.

Get another goal. Iterate ad infinitum until you get to aid goal.

Stop when you want to stop. Or when your body and brain stop.

Hector Castillo