How do I show interest without coming off a clingy?

HungDaddyNYC · 2018-08-29T12:30:29+00:00

It’s a mixed bag. Some people are open and ready for a relationship. Some people want a relationship but aren’t ready - needless to say they’re willing to be coupled.

There are two ways to handle this: be a leaf in the wind or be the wind.

Let them come to you is a no risk approach. Ultimately you end up with people who are interested in you but you might not be that into them. Not always but you’re letting things happen and are taking a step back.

Going after someone is risky. They might not be interested or they might be the leaf in the wind and seeing what happens. If you go this route you end up going after what interests you.

Both approaches work depending on where you or they are at. I’ve done both but ultimately ended up with someone when I went what I was after. I also always dropped those who I felt weren’t into it or weren’t the ones to put in effort.

AlphaGinger66 · 2018-08-29T12:12:18+00:00

Set up plans to see her through texting. Keep the text convos at a minimum so she wants to see you more. Use it to set up your plans for your date then stop texting until you see her. When she has your attention 24/7 they naturally lose interest.

bolxrex · 2018-08-29T18:46:04+00:00

don't text her, let her text you but to me

This is stupid. I always text after a date the following day, assuming I'm still interested.

bemore_ · 2018-08-29T13:42:40+00:00

You can only come off as you are

NJBarFly · 2018-08-29T13:43:13+00:00

Just don't show more interest that she shows you. If you send multiple texts and respond immediately and she only sends 1 or 2 and waits a while before replying, you'll come across as desperate.

tab13092 · 2018-08-29T17:28:55+00:00

Honestly, there's really no "right" or "wrong" way to go about it because people are people.

We live, thinking, decide and plan based around emotion rather then logic.

Given that, everyone is different so their wants/needs are different. Some girls want you to pursue heavy and others will melt at the sight of a text from you. It's all about pace and learning your potential S/O's communication style.

My rule of thumb for awhile now as been to let the girl take the lead in terms of communication outside of actually hanging out (ie texting/messaging)

Once you get a feel for how often they want to communicate you will find a nice natural pace to communicate so that both needs are being met outside of an interaction and everyone is on the same page.

Hope this helps, best of luck.

hunterpua · 2018-08-29T18:04:51+00:00

The key to showing interest without coming off clingy is balancing it with disinterest or indifference.

The last girl I slept with has pretty big boobs and likes showing them off. When I met her she was wearing this top with a neck that hung all the way down to her ribs, so you could see cleavage, some underboob and even part of her stomach and she was doing all kinds of things to clearly show them off.

Within 3 minutes of talking I said to her, "You know, your boobs are really distracting. They're just so damn nice its hard for me to keep my eyes off them. I seriously don't want to talk to you right now....unless you have something really interesting to say that'll make me forget about them." Then I began qualifying her about everything but her boobs, I even talked about why her ass is really small.

When you balance your interest with disinterest you're acknowledging that there is something you do like about her but also communicating that just because you like one thing about her doesn't mean she's already won you over.

For your texting thing, you should text her, they do feel like you aren't interested when you don't text after a date but you can very easily balance that out by ending the conversation first.

So you might send her something and she responds and you respond to that then she responds again then you don't respond.

She'll feel like you did like her but.....you're not sure about her yet.

GrinAndBareItAll · 2018-08-29T12:23:51+00:00

It’s not up to you, unfortunately. It’s up to the girl to perceive you as clingy or disinterested or charming. She’ll have a perception of you based on all your interactions, but especially the early ones. First impressions are very difficult to break.

In my experience, I usually acknowledge the three day rule. “Hey, I know I’m supposed to wait three days but...”

Khan_Tusion69 · 2018-08-30T03:02:50+00:00

call her a ass poop

smokesomeweed420 · 2018-08-29T13:50:14+00:00

clingy? clingy is when you say lets meet up and she says no or has a soft rejection and then you keep trying to set up a date. just text her about whatever the fuck you feel like texting and when you think of something fun that the two of you could do together then ask her out. if she rejects it in any way dont ask her out again unless she says she is free at another later time.

RamenHotep · 2018-08-29T20:05:57+00:00

I like to say something like "If you are nice I might let you accompany me to dinner" with a wink. Something like that.

1youlove · 2018-08-29T21:20:28+00:00

I think definitely text her first after the date, probably the next day is best. We as women are constantly being told we are too clingy, so many try to avoid fulfilling that stereotype at first.

A_solo_tripper · 2018-08-29T23:03:02+00:00

Obviously, you did something right to get the date in the first place. Just rinse and repeat whatever it is that you did. If you texted her before, do it again. If you asked her out in person before, do it again. Don't complicate things.

recyclablebanthas · 2018-08-30T04:29:28+00:00

____1____

How do I show interest without coming off a clingy?

This isn't actually a choice between showing interest and risking clinginess or not showing interest.

The reality is that people react poorly to other people showing interest because:

The person showing interest is insecure and their baggage is showing up when they "show interest." Hint: It's not the interest, it's the insecurity and fear, etc.
The person they're showing interest in, is simply not ready for a relationship, not wanting one, or not wanting one with that person. In this case, they will often misdiagnose the person showing interest as being "needy." Because people are often unintentional assholes who often blame others for their own issues.

____2____

......after the date I don't know if I should be talking to her when I get the time to or let her come to me, I've gotten advice saying don't text her, let her text you but to me that seems to look like that I lost interest.

The answer is two-fold:

You should have your own damn life and just because you had a good date, you shouldn't be making them the center of your life and your thoughts.
You shouldn't be playing games to seem like you're not interested. This is an overcompensation that insecure people have often come up with to try to hide the fact that they're not balanced in life. And it inevitably becomes apparent that it's fake.

So if you had a good date, text her if you want to. It shouldn't be this nonsense of only waiting for them to come to you. If you play that game then some legit girls are going to peace out because they don't want to play games.

Lonewanderer08 · 2018-08-30T13:24:28+00:00

Dont rely too much on text, my approach is to get to know them first through a bit of back and forth but not too much and then just ask for a date.

Often if you ask too early they wont agree because it comes off as if you are only in it for a quick date and fuck, but if you take too long you will have conversational problems, because you already discussed a lot of topics and it might be that they dont even agree to a date because they got bored.

Dont text for too long, but dont ask for date immediately either. When you text, try to keep your responses about as long as hers, often the first few messages are rather short but when either party starts to be more comfortable in the conversation they will tell more and longer about topics.

Dont send multiple messages if they havent replied, also dont send a message each day if they still havent answered, it just looks needy.

If they dont answer often (as in for a few days, not a few hours) they either are really busy or arent as interested as you are.

In that case i try a joke like "Why dont ants go to church?" and this works often for two reasons, first its often completely unexpected and second the suspense is what gets a lot of them to actually ask or guess and if your joke is actually funny they might gain more interest.

Obviously it can fizzle out anyway but for me this approach worked rather well.

And im almost the perfect example for average: Average tall, athletic, glasses, good education but nothing really surprising or mysterious about me. Im neither really ugly nor really attractive im just "there" if you know what i mean.

But being witty, funny and overal just a charming nice dude gets you often farther than being a 10/10 in looks but boring as fuck dude.

LoneWolf1404 · 2018-09-01T02:43:02+00:00

Don't text after the first date. Go silent. If she doesn't text you in a week, you text her and ask her out on a second date.

dromance · 2018-08-29T12:40:14+00:00

Try texting her with something funny, or casual. Memes. Stuff like that. Make her laugh. And don't respond right away. Seem busy. Patience is key.

Savaaage · 2018-08-29T12:15:21+00:00

If you get rejected say "Yeah you know what? Fuck you" #incelgame

Title	How do I show interest without coming off a clingy?
Author	Wezzrobe
Upvotes	44
Comments	36
Date	August 29, 2018 11:21 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/9b8dwg/how_do_i_show_interest_without_coming_off_a_clingy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-i-show-interest-without-coming-off-a-clingy.1452452 https://theredarchive.com/post/1452452

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