How do you make dating and approaching women fun or at least less painful?

Optymistyk · 2021-03-29T17:22:15+00:00

dont take it seriously.

kettlebell_workout · 2021-03-29T18:13:07+00:00

It is just your perception.

It may sound crazy, but you can actually control what you like, what you think, and what you feel. It does take some practice, tho.

Be always aware of your thoughts.

When you notice negative thoughts, STOP thinking. Turn everything off.

Then start thinking about something positive.

Alpha-Charlie-Romeo · 2021-03-29T23:21:53+00:00

Remember dude, you're not supposed to win her over. You're supposed to find a lass that can win you over.

If you find a girl that is worth your time, then go for it without a second thought. If she rejects you, well move on and find another girl.

The world is a beautiful place and having fun is all up to you. Don't take dating so seriously, take it as meeting people and having a blast with them until you meet the right one

ChadsGrandfather · 2021-03-29T18:10:52+00:00

You sound like you have insecurities. Are you overweight? Do you make any money? Do you have any skills at a very high level? I’m seriously asking

NouRDdroidsHEslookN4 · 2021-03-30T06:01:08+00:00

I used to be sUper concerned about finding a girl when I was younger. I became an anxious basket case whenever the thought of asking someone out crossed my mind. I found that getting a couple a hobbies helped me out in that it got the topic of asking girls out off my mind and helped me with my anxiety as well because it got me out of my head. I slowly stopped caring about dating in general because I was forcing myself to hyper focus on a hobby. My drop in anxiety resulted in a bit of a boost in confidence that helped me actually seize the moment when a opportunity to ask someone out came along. Since I didn’t really see dating as important as I used to I was more comfortable with putting myself out there. I guess my main point is that taking time to evaluate your weaknesses and work on one of them really helps. (Sorry that was a bit of a jumbled mess of a rant)

FrankenBeanTheGreat · 2021-03-30T06:38:48+00:00

It sounds like you are going after people you have nothing in common with. When you approach women and they reject you it isn't them sitting back and judging you or determining your worth, it is that in a lot of ways dating has changed, women are terrified of accepting drinks from strangers. Think about it, women are now taught about the risks of giving out phone numbers and social media regarding data security. You aren't having fun because it isn't actually all that fun to just randomly have drinks with strangers. Find a hobby group with people who share your interests and approach people not because they are just physically attractive but because you actually think you might enjoy spending time with them. In those situations it is far more likely that girls will show interest even before you ask.

The way you describe how you want to have fun even if it is at the woman's expense, that is the long, dark road toward incel culture. Believing you are the victim of criticism and judgement when really it is more about living in a world where women need to be way more sure you aren't going to rape and or murder them before they go out with someone.

Jayyayyvee · 2021-03-30T07:24:25+00:00

Try to be happy with yourself first brother. Trust me the women will come. Start small. Set small goals. Try to stay active. Learn new things your interested in. You’ll find that when ur looking the least and just working within first you’ll start to get more traction after with the ladies. When they see how exciting and fun filled your life is because you truly enjoy your life with or without them then they seem to gravitate towards that. Look at it this way...would you be inclined to go after a girl that didn’t have fun interests, a positive attitude, a stable job, etc. get a piece of paper write down what you want in a woman. Then become those attributes. Like you can’t say you want a woman to be healthy but you aren’t healthy yourself. You can’t say you want a woman to be high quality if you aren’t high quality. Just take it one day at a time pal. Everyone has to start somewhere. You got this! If you need anything don’t hesitate o reach out 🙌🏽

strawberryadvil · 2021-03-30T08:29:36+00:00

Stop dating assholes.

brightorangeblossom · 2021-03-29T17:32:06+00:00

[permanently deleted]

revente · 2021-03-29T17:27:42+00:00

Then don't buy her coffee. Don't let her judge and actually judge her and expect that she has to "win you over".

wastar699 · 2021-03-29T19:43:43+00:00

Don’t make it an important part of your life.

And regarding your preparation: make it part of your lifestyle to always be groomed, have a bottle at home and a clean house. (Hope you get my deeper point in saying this)

melancholy_coffee · 2021-03-29T21:31:13+00:00

Pursue better women? they are out there, no one is making you chase girls like this

PilotNo7076 · 2021-03-29T22:06:32+00:00

You’re not alone! Join an organization like a church or a group and date there. I also suggest downloading “MeetUp” it’s a place to meet friends and go do social activities. It’s not a dating app but rather a social app. Once you join a group and go for a hike or a game night you can start meeting people that are also single and ready to mingle.

bmunger718 · 2021-03-29T23:31:09+00:00

To be honest sometimes as humans were searching for the perfect answer to the simplest question. I don’t know how but you need to disconnect yourself from the process and stop getting your feeling entangled and treat it like a game.

RunChariotRun · 2021-03-30T01:18:59+00:00

I’m seeing a lot of good comments about over-investment and mindsets here.

I’ll also add that I am a woman and I am also the type to put investment and energy into a date that doesn’t always get appreciated or returned. So, the way I deal with that is to not plan anything for a date that I wouldn’t be happy to just do myself anyway. Then no matter what, at least I am having a good time.

moforavioli · 2021-03-30T02:31:24+00:00

Live your life in a way that isn’t depended on other people. Put effort style, hygiene, and keeping a tidy ready-to-host space regardless of whether or not you have a date coming up. These are all normal parts of being a functional adult. You can’t control other people, but you can control how you respond to their actions. Be open to the knowledge that whoever you planned a date with may cancel, and that’s ok because if they weren’t excited to come they wouldn’t be a very fun date anyway. Until you know someone’s interest level, don’t plan anything that couldn’t easily be cancelled. Also remember that women are just regular human beings, not some prize to be won. While you may feel utterly rejected when a woman stops talking to you, you’re not really entitled to anything from strangers. You don’t actually know these women, and they don’t owe you anything. It’s also not any woman’s job to save you from loneliness. You should have other relationships (friends, family, coworkers...etc) so that your life is not empty regardless of your dating status. No woman will want a guy that is fully relying on them for all his social and emotional needs.

Lance1up · 2021-03-30T04:30:48+00:00

You don't.. There's nothing fun about getting rejected by women. You just have to eventually get numb to it.

Ziondizl · 2021-03-30T07:14:36+00:00

I literally stopped giving a fuck aboutnwhat people think about me bro, I am 34, was in a 10 year relationship and a 4 year relationship since I was 21, I started dating and found that I just am a confident person because I don't give a shit about being rejected, I call women darling, babe or honey, I am an aussie though and is the norm, I started talking to the bartender girls at my local to build up my confidence, now when I see an attractive women shopping or out, I compliment her and just continue to have my drink, if she comes back I take her number or snap chat, if she doesn't I say something stupid like I guess it takes to passing for love at first site lol, I just be silly and have fun.

It sounds like you need to work on yourself rsther than how to pick up women, I get younare oonely but you need to step up the bar, give them something to want, dress nice, speak fluently, hood your posture.

Anyway, happy to converse if you want to chat about life improvements 🤙

PsychoanalizendChill · 2021-03-30T08:14:52+00:00

This might not be helpful at all but you sound like being very close to the point of not giving a fuck. Keep going since you might reach that state of zero outcome attachment. That's the sweetspot all the Guru's talk about. Only thing to take care of is not getting bitter about women. Good luck ;)

HeavenPiercingMan · 2021-03-30T09:41:49+00:00

I may be total loser in this game but I might be right here: If you notice that she starts treating you this disrespectful way you should leave her and save effort for other girl

Optymistyk · 2021-04-01T00:50:08+00:00

Hey man. You sound like you're literally in physical pain. Go see a therapist, and take it seriously.

Oh, and the answer to your question is to A. Realize that women are people too. One practical way to do this is to make firends with a woman, the more attractive the more effective for this purpose. Reading books written by women and about women's experiences can also work great. An example, do you know how crazy it is for a girl, after hearing all the stories of women getting murdered and raped by men, to leave her friends/ friend group and come home with you? Like she's risking murder, slavery and all that because she's weaker than you and you could decide at any moment to hurt her and she couldn't do anything about it. That's the kind of trust we're asking for on the first date, again, with no guarantees.

Why it works? By not taking her experience into account, thenproocess becomes more like a slot machine, where you're pressing buttons to get a result. Making friend with a woman allows you to empathize with her struggles and see her flaws without your own insecurities.

B. Let go of the outcome. There are several ways you can go about this. One is finding other interests besides dating. Another is practicing meditation/becoming more present in social interactions. The best way to do this is to do all the above and seek a therapist.

Why it works? When dating, we tend to come to it with our own wants needs biases and psychological traumas that color our experiences with others. We bring expectations and overthink/ over react to things that are in the grand scheme of things trivial and unimportant.

This limits our success and enjoyment in this area of our lives. Also some people use dating as a source for validation and or psychological crutch instead of being open to the profound experience of interacting with another person. Letting go of the outcome leaves you with nothing, in the present, actually there. You're not complaining you're not worrying about what they think of you, you're there and the other person can sense that. Their jokes and stories land with more impact, you can actually call them out on their bullshit because you don't have a dog in the fight and other benefits.

These two things, I think are some of the most important lessons you learn in dating. Learning them will accelerate your journey and help you remain collected even when shit goes south with a woman.

BONUS C. Don't be possessive/ build your self-esteem. You should know off the bat that the woman you're with could leave at any time for any reason, and that's okay. This is very difficult for most guys to wrap their head around but its critical. It's not even always your fault, and it could be any number of reasons. Attraction comes and goes for any number of reasons. (read: post nut clarity)

It is for this reason that a woman's respect is much more valuable to you than her vagina, because her emotions are volatile, but very few guys are considered respectable by her (this may include her boyfriend). Which brings me to the topic of possessiveness or neediness. Neediness (in anyone) is usually a symptom of low self esteem, leading one to believe that they need another person (or thing) to complete them. This is a very dangerous place to be as, like I said, women's emotions are very volatile, therefore it is necessary to be honest with women and to check them when they cross your boundaries.

An example is if you are a monogamous man, and your girlfriend cheats on you, it is your obligation to yourself and that woman to break up with her immediately. Since you told her what you couldn't tolerate earlier its critical that she understands that you're a man of your word and therefore worthy of respect. It also doesn't hurt that this will make you more attractive to her in the process.

Other things that you can do to be more respected by women include having a purpose in life, having healthy boundaries, taking care of yourself financially, providing (for those in a relationship), taking care of your body, having good conversation skills, knowing how to escalate (and turn her on), passong shit tests, being discreet about your love life (not sharing names or too many explicit details) and so on.

Why is this important? Because women who respect you are much more submissive, feminine, friendly and easier to deal with. They also test you less, are much more honest and overall easier.to get along with. Less pain, less stress, more cooperation and support.

juandantex · 2021-04-14T17:05:09+00:00

Go out with Wings.

Title	How do you make dating and approaching women fun or at least less painful?
Author	Optymistyk
Upvotes	48
Comments	90
Date	March 29, 2021 5:18 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/mfuh2h/how_do_you_make_dating_and_approaching_women_fun/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-you-make-dating-and-approaching-women-fun.1511815 https://theredarchive.com/post/1511815

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