Is it possible to be dominant without conflict?

beach_samurai_ · 2021-04-02T19:08:11+00:00

Dominance does not need to include conflict. You can show dominance by being assertive, knowing what you want, and achieving your goals. Seeking conflict is a weak trait.

Daunt02 · 2021-04-02T20:42:12+00:00

Thinking that you have to do something to appear dominant to people is the farthest thing from Being dominant. Dominant is the way you go through life, be damned if anybody notices or cares because being dominant is not for them. It's the way you want to move through life.

Personally I'm a peace keeper and I'm usually the one that mediates conflicts between people. I despise drama and I usually never start it. However, if someone crosses my boundaries or displays behavior that is not in line with my how I respect others and myself I express myself openly and immediately and start taking actions to establish my principles and boundaries. This goes for men, women, at work with my boss or just hanging with friends. All this is for me to keep my state and trajectory in life. Who cares if anyone notices.

You may be confusing dominant with the need to control which isn't sexy. If you're turning on "dominant" because a woman is there then that's inauthentic and possibly an immature view about women.

Just know what you want and regularly take actions to fulfill it. If it's really getting to you try more bold actions or lay out the plan for everyone to fall in line with. "Alright you guys are cool. We're all going to my place to be cool together" or some stuff. Being dominant to expect a result is disrespecting yourself and the person you're talking to. Dominance is just the way you move through life. It's for Noone but you.

Selecto_ · 2021-04-02T19:33:29+00:00

I think that true "dominance" should always come without conflict. Think about it, someone who is a true and admirable leader can sort out problems without entering in conflict with anyone, showing that the things that he/she wants to do are the most reasonable and respectable. If you enter in conflict with someone to show you are the"dominant" one, then you are just imposing yourself. The one who wants to be dominant should make people respect him/her not by fighting with everyone, but to show that he/she is a smart person who knows what to do. There will be people who try to fight with you obviously, but it's in those moments that you should know how to behave and when to step back.

But yeah, this is just my take on it. Maybe other people think it's different.

2021-04-02T21:53:14+00:00

common misconception. people think being dominant and "alpha" means being an aggressive asshole.

"positive dominance" is simply being direct, knowing what you want, without the aggressive toxic elements. this is mostly shown automatically with sub-communication. if you aren't a toxic, angry dude then you probably won't exhibit those qualities when you're assertive.

think of the coach in sports who's yelling at his teammate telling him to do better and work harder, not because he's mad but because he has so much love for him and wants the best for him.

the difference can be interpreted by people mostly by your vocal projection, tonality, word choice (pretty much all the things you do on autopilot). if you aren't genuinely angry with the person you're talking to, most likely the toxic part of the assertiveness won't be present. hope this makes sense

MrDownhillRacer · 2021-04-02T22:06:31+00:00

I think the point is that, if you're dominant and assertive, you can't know if any given thing you say is going to lead to conflict, because you don't know how other people will react, or who will be rubbed the wrong way by you unabashedly expressing yourself.

The point isn't seeking out conflict. It's just not second-guessing all your actions and trying to moderate yourself for fear of somebody having a negative reaction. It's going, "if people don't like me, that's okay, because I don't have to please everyone all of the time."

Conflict doesn't have to be literal violence. If you say something that turns your date off, that's a form of conflict. But the point is, maybe doing that and owning it is better than trying to figure out what the other person likes, and tailoring your personality to that.

This is all meant to be within reason, though. Obviously try to be considerate of other people's rights and feelings. It's just that, most of us that feel the need to look up dating tips in the first place are the sorts of people who need to learn to be not so much of people-pleasers, and could benefit from being a bit more assertive. There are others out there who are way too domineering and could benefit from checking themselves more often and taking a damn chill pill, but they're not the sorts to come to a sub for people trying to learn to be less scared to talk to girls.

TeaIsbestservedwarm · 2021-04-02T20:39:45+00:00

The wishy-washy dominance you've seen with conflict is a lie. People associate violence and shitting on other people as true dominance.

To me dominance is having confidence within yourself and your actions. Believing in your choices, considering others and never being afraid of giving statements/choices/remarks. Your not needy either your calm and humble. Humble enough to admit when you're wrong too

LolaBijou · 2021-04-02T21:49:25+00:00

You don’t have to be fighting to be dominant. Take control of little things, like where you’re going for dinner, and what you’re doing on a date. You have no idea how nice it is to hear a guy say something like, “hey, I made us a reservation at XRestaurant, does 8 work for you?”. When you’re there, ask her what she wants to order, and then order for her. Get off the couch and plan stuff that you want to do with her. Dominance has nothing to do with violence or yelling. It’s quite the contrary.

To quote a really famous chick that was sick of guys acting so passive, “Don’t be so wishy washy, Charlie Brown”.

Maybe-Not-4-You · 2021-04-02T22:10:33+00:00

Dominance is primarily about controlling your own emotions and being decisive. Make the decision and deal with the consequences as they roll in

babytommy · 2021-04-02T22:17:59+00:00

You should focus more on confidence than dominance. Needing to prove that you’re better than any other man comes across as insecurity. Stop seeing things as a competition and learn to be okay with yourself.

It seems like you think of dominance as requiring conflict and aggression. Both of those traits are unattractive. You should strive toward confidence and assertiveness.

CreepyHermit489 · 2021-04-02T22:24:07+00:00

Dominance doesn't mean being an attention seeker and going out of your way to cause conflict to try to prove you are dominant, that's the literal opposite of being alpha. Dominance means you have a mindset of control, it means you are in control of your life, of your actions, your emotions and where you are going. It means having conviction and being sure of yourself. (I like to use fictional characters) James Bond or Tony Stark don't go around picking fights to show how much of a boss they are, if someone insults them, their demeanour doesn't change, maybe give a smirk and carry on because they are in control. That doesn't mean being a pushover, there is a time to speak up and call someone out.

When there is a call to action and you need to confront someone, it shouldn't from a place of 'I need to show everyone how alpha I am, it should come from 'for the betterment of my own life or the people around me I need to do something'.

Sure, you can be dominant in other ways don't get me wrong, but that won't attract (mentally stable) women. You can be dominant like trump and be a total jerk and I very doubt women are lining up to sleep with him.... On the other hand you can be a Geroge Clooney or Chris Hemsworth who are very likeable and have peoples respect because they embody healthy masculinity.

bananalover2000 · 2021-04-02T22:57:45+00:00

Being confident really does the deal. Own your decisions, defend your honest opinion, aknowlege your errors. Dominant people usually are just people that can be trusted when making decisions, so try to work on that also. (sorry bout the english, I'm italian)

kweefer_sutherland · 2021-04-02T23:25:30+00:00

First off, do NOT create conflict just to be dominant. Be smarter than that. Having a plan and sticking to it is more attractive than being a loose canon.

That said, this is going to be an unpopular opinion but I don’t think you can be dominant without conflict. I know there’s a difference between being assertive and aggressive. But naturally, once you improve, you’re going to run into aggressive people because those types often get their way. You absolutely should maintain an assertive personality, but contending with aggressive types is bound to happen and have conflict. Though I know that’s not what you meant.

Optymistyk · 2021-04-03T05:07:24+00:00

[permanently deleted]

purplebears1 · 2021-04-03T07:17:04+00:00

Lots of people who commented on this thread are absolutely correct in that dominance has nothing to do with violence/conflict.

As a woman, I love when my husband is dominant in bed. He can show dominance through verbal command/communication. For example: “Get on all fours and put your ass in the air.” Or it could be, “crawl over here and suck my d*ck”. There is no conflict or violence here. The entire time I feel safe and comfortable because I trust him and we respect each other. I know that if I would say no to anything, he would stop.

I’ll give you another example of dominance. One time my sister and I were having an argument at her house. Her husband came in the room and asked me to leave because he could tell that his wife (my sister) was at her limit for the day. That was that. I said okay and my sister and I hashed it out the next day.

I hope that helps clear up some misconceptions.

BearzBeatz · 2021-04-02T21:37:34+00:00

Being dominant is different from being aggressive

revente · 2021-04-03T00:13:31+00:00

Do dominant people create conflict just to show their dominance?

Nope insecure people do. Most dominant guys are usually the chillest and friendliest.

overthinking_always9 · 2021-04-02T20:03:36+00:00

Dominance does usually involve conflict. However, you can show Dominance without conflict. Dominance is a mindset that rides the line of being overly confident imo. If you're a dominant person, you're decisive about what you want and clearly execute a plan to get it.

a2899 · 2021-04-02T21:06:04+00:00

I had read that dominance is very attractive to women

Yeah I heard girls say angry guys are sexy and they like to argue with guys to see them sexy and I’ve never understood that. Arguments aren’t good in my opinion, they can easily be solved by communicating calmly and compromising. Anyway I won’t ever get angry like that at my girl so I’ll have to find one who doesn’t find it sexy

cherrythrow7 · 2021-04-03T07:40:21+00:00

One word: semen retention

ImGoing2Japan · 2021-04-03T12:37:00+00:00

If you change your personality you’ll find a woman who wants that personality not yours. So when you begin acting like yourself again it may not work out. It’s cliche but be yourself man and find a woman that loves you for you. They are out there just don’t give up!

ImStuuuuuck · 2021-04-02T21:22:45+00:00

you can playfully and jokingly grab a broad by the hair or neck then play it off like "lol jk" juuuust enough to give her the thrill of OH SHIT and awaken her curiosity. just dont force it. i usually do this to re-direct energy when a chick starts to get mouthy or testy. if things get awkward i go grab a drink or to the bathroom to recompose myself and come back all smiles

Illennya · 2021-04-02T23:07:05+00:00

Body language is huge! Read louder than words by Joe Navarro. This information is so underrated and makes a huge impact. Cheers

MakeSail · 2021-04-02T23:43:14+00:00

There is physical dominance and emotional dominance.

Physical dominance in the scope of dating and relationships (sex) is basically having the will to act in escalation. That is, taking initiative in touching, kissing, etc.

Emotional dominance is about establishing and maintaining emotional control of the interactions.

nsfyou2 · 2021-04-02T23:47:02+00:00

Dominance is the ability to LEAD an interaction between you and another person. In this case.

So no, you don't need conflict per say, but you need an interaction. A good one or bad one, doesnt matter. By leading, i don't mean controlling every detail about it, but just the direction it is going. And as someone pointed out, be honest and authentic about the direction you want it to go in, i.e. confident. Admit to mishaps when pointed out, but don't let it disrupt your lead. If the other party doesn't want to go that direction, after trying once or twice, drop it. You tried. You don't need to coerce.

Mossmaster · 2021-04-02T23:54:19+00:00

Yes.

burncushlikewood · 2021-04-03T00:31:03+00:00

Dominance is very attractive with women you're correct, social dominance, if you are able to build connections with other men and lead and create a group that will follow you that is attractive. It's our brain wiring to be attracted to authority figures who can curry favor and form alliances. A strong man would get overpowered by a group of lesser strong men, strength in numbers is very hot to women

imotski88 · 2021-04-03T00:43:57+00:00

Calibrated dominant behavior can often prevent conflicts because of accepting the stronger frame. I recognized that being less dominant sometimes can even increase the chance of getting in conflict because people challenge you, when they smell weakness.

Manwhore_DatingCoach · 2021-04-03T02:19:21+00:00

You can see dominance as just a playful way of getting things done, progressing an interaction and furthering intimacy. In THAT context you might realize it's actually essential.

Here's a story of an account with a girl where there was no conflict between her and I, but it required a sort of playful storied dominance to create and end up at the desired goal:

https://www.manwhore.org/predator-prey-daddys-little-princess/

Digglenaut · 2021-04-03T02:38:01+00:00

You can be dominant by refusing to be drawn into conflict. Only cowards seek a fight; they need to prove that they can win.

ThenIJizzedInMyPants · 2021-04-03T02:39:17+00:00

Dominance doesn't mean that you're out there fighting with people and constantly engaged in warfare.

It means that you have gravitas and sprezzatura - when you speak, people listen. When you walk in the room, people take notice. When you give value, people feel joy.

Patient-Appeal-3891 · 2021-04-03T03:26:17+00:00

Queen

Abhi005 · 2021-04-03T03:56:23+00:00

Dominance doesn't need conflict. Taking dominance through conflict is not appreciated by people in our normal world. If you are living 1000 years back, it is appreciated. Now, the dominance is in what you do. Become the best in your study area or career area. And also become more confident in walking and speaking.

Rev_Irreverent · 2021-04-03T04:00:00+00:00

In a social context, you can see who has the lowest value if you look for the scared and the pissed.

True_Music48 · 2021-04-03T05:07:02+00:00

Yes. Easily. You have to be hot, strong, and lean then girls will see you as the dominant one and they will be submissive to you personally and sexually. Girls will listen to you and let you dominate them. Being really hot adds to your dominance and they will let see you as more dominant and will always submit to you. You have to be really hot for them to always submit to you, and you have to have good style that shows you’re hot or a celebrity looking style.

18cmOfGreatness · 2021-04-03T05:18:05+00:00

Dominance isn't about aggression, it's about control. It's shown through your confidence, your body language, posture, strong voice, etc. By telling people what to do and not being subservient to others. To be dominant without any aggression you need to use humor. In the end, though, it's all about your confidence and frame.

remote_dinosaur · 2021-04-03T06:53:07+00:00

Looks like you define dominance primarily based on physical engagements which shouldn't be the case. In fact, initiating a conflict with a woman is seen as a weak act from a masculinity POV.

As a man, you need to be rational; your mind is everything you need to be dominant, be decisive; always take lead, being emotionally restrictive; don't overtly show her your emotions, by punishing her for disrespecting you; punishment shouldn't be physical but rather emotional and psychological by temporarily withdrawing your attention and resources.

Sue__Me__Then · 2021-04-03T07:22:37+00:00

Non-reaction is huge in projecting dominance.

I'll say it again. Being non-reactive is what leads most people to be assumed dominant in any given situation. If you study shows like the James Bond series or The Witcher, the main characters are seen as dominant--and, therefore, manly--because they show through their body language and calm, short words that in any given situation they are unworried, unconcerned, in control.

The issue you might run into with a non-reactive body language and mindset is that it can be more difficult to initially meet people, since it would be incongruous to take initial action while projecting such high levels of dominance. A truly dominant person wouldn't need to take forward action to meet people--others would naturally flock to them. If you want to develop this style of charismatic behavior, you will need to have well-developed skills in some area, something that people could admire and value over long periods of time.

That's not to say, though, that non-reaction has no place in a social situation. You don't have to project full dominance at all times. Certainly, non-reaction can be used as a method of negging, but you can actively neg a target as well.

If you want to be seen as more dominant, study confident and still body language, and copy it into your daily routine, regardless of whether you are in a PU situation (or even around people) at the moment. I'd also advise cutting any mirroring you have been integrating down to a minimum, if you want to be seen as maximally non-reactive.

Remember that just as your mind affects your body, your body also affects your mind.

UsefulParamedic · 2021-04-03T09:47:22+00:00

Start by choosing things unpopular/alternative things or opinions contrary to what most people subscribe to - but positive ones and make sure they work for you. Stick to it no matter what.

tmac514 · 2021-04-03T09:51:24+00:00

You’ve either achieved nirvana or should examine your ambitions.

Dominance comes from fighting for a goal or honor/ standing up for something.

If you take on something challenging, I promise you will find way more conflict than you could ever want....

Women inherently want a man who will take down the Buffalo. Don’t listen to the modern garbage people are trying to convince themselves of. Every situation where dominance is displayed by a man, (not necessarily aggression), you can see the profound impacts on females. And honestly, the respect from other makes.

look how many women in the 21st century shamelessly put only 6 ft+ men need apply on their profiles. They’re not even hiding their lust for: big man big spear; hunt big boar.

No I’m not bitter, I’m 6’, just hate how this is socially accepted to treat men like that.

kikikgftyh · 2021-04-03T10:54:55+00:00

You need to be correctly craniofacially grown to express free dominamve from your body otherwise its seem as incogruent from a bilogical standpoint

ImJustSo · 2021-04-03T13:38:23+00:00

It's the quintessence of dominance to be dominant without conflict. Should you have to fight your entire life to prove that you can win? Or should there be a point where you don't have to prove anything any longer?

Okay, so if you've got nothing to prove, why can't you just get to that point faster?

Is dominance something someone can give you?

Is dominance something someone can take away?

Does dominance belong to you, or does it belong to everyone else?

If you feel dominant, but another person slaps you down, are you dominant?

If you do not feel dominant, yet many others submit to you, are you dominant?

What is dominance? Is it power and influence over others?

Let's say you're 6'5" and 235lbs of rippling muscle. Steely blue eyes and a fuckin glorious beard. Confidence through the roof and the world is your oyster. Everyone submits to your will and any request you have is met five times over, people bending over backwards! Power and influence over others! Dominance, yeah!

Then a smiling blonde in a red dress and high heels walks in. She's literally just a secretary. She winks at you and says, "Hey! Who left the water cooler empty? Did you do that ya big oaf! I'm so thirsty! How am I going to...Oh you'll get it? God you're so sweet!"

Maybe some guy here would say they'd tell her to do it herself? Cuz he's such a dominant guy? No lol(unnecessary conflict). That guy and most of us would help her out.

So she used power and influence over you to get what she wanted. Where's your dominance now? Did she take it? Does she have your dominance now? Is she the most dominant person in the office compared to you?

What about dick-head Brad that always walks into the room like he's a cowboy or some shit? Slaps you on the back! Slaps all the girls on the ass! Gets whispers of sexual harassment cases still ongoing other places too! Brad calls you sweety and Jennifer. Did Brad take your dominance away? Do you have to fight him for it now?!

Here's a tip from a dominant guy that wears perfume, prefers the color pink, and still gets what he wants everywhere he goes. Take a piece of toilet paper and write the word dominance on it. Put that into your wallet. Keep it as a reminder of the dominance you have. If anyone challenges your dominance, then pull out your wallet and give them a little piece, or don't. It's yours and no one has any control over it but you. Unless you let them take it from you.

If someone pulls out a gun and demands your wallet, that's a perfect fucking time to give up your dominance. You dig?

dfsfsdfsdcvcadasdea · 2021-04-03T16:29:32+00:00

I doubt it

I find all social interractions are transactional in one way or another

and often its someone trying to assert status over you, and when you mouth back they get angry or mutter something about you not having to be so upset or whatever

humans are just utter shit

Title	Is it possible to be dominant without conflict?
Author	Optymistyk
Upvotes	299
Comments	129
Date	April 2, 2021 6:32 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/miqge3/is_it_possible_to_be_dominant_without_conflict/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/is-it-possible-to-be-dominant-without-conflict.1512021 https://theredarchive.com/post/1512021

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