Last night, two friends and I went out, wanting to get our very inexperienced friend, let’s call him Jimmy, some experience with talking to girls. My other friend, let’s call him Owen and I also just wanted to socialise a bit. Our go-to method for this is to hit up bar/club, but historically for us, the girls we meet aren’t typically very high quality, or we end up just not connecting with any of the girls on the dancefloor/at the venue. As well as this, you’re largely depending purely on luck to run into girls, and it makes for a disappointing night out when you’re riding in the uber back home, having had no luck.

Obviously, the priority should be to just have fun yourself and not be so outcome dependent that you consider the night a failure if you don’t get with a girl, however, in the case of our friend Jimmy, he’s never even kissed a girl, so we do have the intention of wanting to get him to have some interactions as a priority. What ended up happening that night, was that whilst Owen and I danced confidently with various girls, just having fun, Jimmy tends to stand around shly, trying his best to dance and have fun too, but never standing out too much to the girls. Eye contact and actually initiating an interaction with a girl is very important, and he lacks the experience with this to know confidently what he needs to be doing to get their attention.

So I’ve been brainstorming ways we can have more of a guarantee that he (and all of us) will be interacting with new girls/people that there’s a chance he could hook up with. The conclusion I’ve come to is that we need to start developing a more vibrant, and diverse social circle.

Developing a Better Social Circle

What do I mean by that? We already have a group of boys who all go out and have fun, don’t we? While yes, technically that is a good social circle, it could still be better.

We are all young men, currently attending university. And it’s widely agreed upon that University/College is a gold mine for meeting new people. But it takes effort. And it’s much easier to attend your classes, go about your day, not speak to anyone, and then just go home day in and day out for the entirety of the semester.

But this isn’t pushing your limits or striving for improvement on your part, so it’s obviously not the right thing to be doing. You should be pushing yourself to speak to as many people as possible, learning and refining your social skills, and most importantly, meeting girls. This does NOT have to be in a romantic setting; you don’t have to be cold approaching and asking for their numbers. What you need is to be making FRIENDS with them. Because this is where you start to build a social circle.

Localized social circles, that you can then combine with your existing groups to create parties, gatherings, and outings, that really increase the chances that you or your friends who lack experience end up speaking to women in the first place.

The only way you are going to become more confident, more attractive, and better versed in socializing, flirting, and closing with women is by actually having some hours of experience under your belt. The chances of you going out, (having had no experience with flirting, eye contact, initiating touch, escalating, holding your frame), and then actually going home with a girl, getting a number, or kissing them, are close to zero.

It’s like putting someone in the cockpit of a plane and telling them to land it when they’ve never even done the basic training. So all you are doing is setting yourself or your friends up for disappointment when you head out on the town, hoping to get lucky, telling yourselves that you’re “gonna get some tonight,” when in reality, you have no idea what you’re doing. Confidence in your approach and in how you hold yourself is paramount, and the only way to develop it is to be comfortable socially, by spending time learning the ropes.

So start by SPEAKING to girls. As many as possible. You sit down in class at uni next to a girl but never normally speak to her? Spark up a conversation about the most random thing—it doesn’t matter. Because you never know who you might end up befriending, and more importantly, you never know who they might end up introducing you to. Girls love to introduce their single friends to new guys (given you’ve got the common-sense fundamentals of being well-groomed, dressing at least a little bit stylishly, and being fun to speak to in at least some form and aren’t a total weirdo).

Be an Initiator, Not a Participant

Finally, the most important stage. Are you the type of friend who sits in group chats, waiting for others to organize an outing? Do you get restless on the weekend, wanting to go out, but you don’t because no one has suggested anything yet? That’s a great way to end up continuing to get no luck whatsoever.

You need to become the type of person that your friends know as the guy that’s always planning something. People love this type of person. It allows others to relax into your direction and enjoy events that you put together with people from different social circles that you’ve built.

Consider these two scenarios:

In the first scenario, you don't know any girls or have any female friends whatsoever. When you plan an outing with your male friends, you always end up going to the same old bar or club, and end up going home without any success. This is very common among guys.

In the second scenario, you have built a lively collection of social circles simply by practicing talking to everyone, being friendly, and having fun. When you plan an event, and your friends want to hit a bar on a Saturday night, you can invite a handful of girls you are friends with, telling them you have some attractive male friends coming along for them to hang out with. People love this because you're benefitting both parties while also feeling the satisfaction of knowing you organized the entire thing.

By focusing on developing a vibrant and diverse social circle, you significantly increase your chances of having enjoyable and successful nights out. Instead of relying on luck and random encounters at bars or clubs, you create opportunities for genuine connections and meaningful interactions. This approach would not only benefit people like Jimmy, who needs experience talking to girls but doesn’t really have the know how to pull it off in clubs with random girls, but also enhances the overall social experiences for everyone involved.

Building a strong social circle starts with pushing yourself to speak to as many people as possible, refining your social skills, and making friends. Doing so will lead to combined social gatherings that improve your (and your friends) chances of meeting and interacting with girls, and actually developing those crucial skills that are needed to have an actual dating life later on.

Remember, the key is to be an initiator, not a participant. You need to take charge of organizing events, and soon, you'll be known as the person who brings people together. This proactive approach allows you to create an environment where you and your friends can confidently socialize, flirt, and maybe even close sucessfully.

tldr: Struggling with meeting girls at bars/clubs? Consider building a diverse social circle by making friends with as many women as possible at university and then making attempts to organise events. This approach increases opportunities for meaningful interactions and helps develop confidence and social skills naturally.

Share any of your stories with putting this into practise below, I’d love to discuss this further. Thanks for reading :)