There is no such thing as unconditional love to men

dashdotdott · 2024-07-20T06:12:01+00:00

They all regurgitate the same thing. If I as a woman am not willing to in short fulfill the dreams they have of their life then they’re not willing to even consider me let alone love me for me.

Maybe I read this wrong but you're in the early phase of dating? Still getting to know each other. I think you have the cart before the horse.

I, as a woman, would also not have married a man who I couldn't see fulfilling my dreams. I wanted kids, and marrying a guy who didn't would have set me up for disaster.

You want to find out early, before emotional investment, if you have incompatible life dreams.

The deep relationship you're talking about doesn't just appear. It grows from being with each other through the good and the bad.

liminaljerk · 2024-07-20T07:15:34+00:00

How old are you?

RikardoShillyShally · 2024-07-20T05:51:58+00:00

It's funny how both men and women feel the same way. It's as if we all are meeting wrong people and judging a gender as a whole.

youllknowwhenitstime · 2024-07-20T07:11:01+00:00

Children and dogs have unconditional love. Any man or woman who does is not a competent adult. If you believe your own love is unconditional, you either have poor self insight or a lack of emotional boundaries.

However... I'm genuinely surprised a fairly normal conversation where you and a partner discovered you had very different life priorities regarding children, he pressed to see how firm you were in your difference from him, you confirmed you were indeed firm, and then you parted ways, is what made you have realizations about unconditional love. Was your concept of love a, "the one" "soulmate" type idea where someone would be so infatuated with you it wouldn't matter how severe your lifestyle differences were, they would just change to accommodate you?

I'm phrasing it somewhat harshly, but I'm doing that to hopefully make you realize you probably never truly believed this idea. It was just an emotional fantasy you uncovered and that is contrary to your better judgement and may have been impacting previous choices when you were unaware of it. Now you're aware.

In general, it's best to discuss all major life choices (religion, finances, children, etc.) early on in a relationship so that it's easier to respect someone's different desires and move on with dignity and feelings in tact. Waiting a while tempts people to try to change someone's mind when that's a bad idea that would likely create future resentment if "successful."

I also advise you to avoid this idea of "men are hypocrites who want unconditional but won't offer it" as this is 1) some femcel nonsense 2) not true. Very often men who want to be unconditionally loved are in fact also lacking in boundaries themselves and are ready to simp even when it damages everyone involved. On the other hand, very often men who want to be loved for their controllable qualities they have worked for and maintain understand it is a two way street and that they also have needs, expectations, and boundaries. What you're describing is a small subset of the population who are narcissistic. This is present in both sexes and general an asocial, maladaptive trait that should be vetted against harshly.

Wife_and_Mama · 2024-07-20T13:17:11+00:00

Aside from the love one feels for their children, there's no unconditional love, period. I adore my husband, but knew that if we couldn't have children, the marriage likely would have fallen apart. I'd have unfairly blamed him and it would have ruined everything. Now that we have them, through fertility treatments, if he seriously and deliberately harmed one of them, I'd divorce him, take his kids, and never contact him again.

Everyone has a threshold. Everyone. It's weird that your boyfriend discovered his in a hypothetical conversation, but it sounds like you essentially ended things over a disagreement about how many kids you'd want one day. That's an entirely rational reason for both of you to move on.

Jenneapolis · 2024-07-20T16:06:18+00:00

It’s a hard pill to swallow but for either gender, looking for a “unconditional love” is really not the way to go. Plenty of men are left by women as well.

Unconditional love is given to you by parents or grandparents, not by partners. Relationships are too a degree transactional where both people need to get what they want because both people can leave at any time, again different than a family relationship - you can’t just get a new mom.

All of that being said, I know of many elderly partners who stayed with each other their entire lives and supported each other once they got sick. I don’t know if you want to call this unconditional love or not, but I look at it as rather they spent their lives investing in each other and built up enough trust that they both decide to be there for each other in the bad times. This isn’t something that happened day one and this isn’t something they probably talked about, it just happens throughout the course of a relationship.

I think you need to look at this more practically. Stop looking for “the one” and look at it more as someone who matches your goals. If you don’t want kids or you want one and done, say so and don’t date anybody who wants something different. Don’t take it as a personal affront, take it as that you are not compatible.

CountTheBees · 2024-07-20T22:36:25+00:00

Based on your edit, I think you've come away with the wrong idea. Loyalty is very real and it exists, it's what we aim to get at RPW. My thoughts are:

1) Are you dating high status men who are unwilling to compromise? Lower status men would be more likely to have reasonable expectations.

2) Similarly, even if they're not high status, are you attracted to men with dark triad traits? Men who are more "beta" would be willing to take care of you and stay with you through life difficulties.

3) Is this attitude a cultural one? For example, in my culture, it's quite normal for middle class men to respect female bodily autonomy, and one child is a normal amount for couples to have. You could date less traditional men or men who have grown up in different cultures.

We don't really have any idea of your SMV or RMV either, nor your age, so can't really tell if you're overreacting after 3 bad dates, or what else could be going on.

Ok_Outside149 · 2024-07-20T09:11:24+00:00

You shouldn’t expect unconditional love, and you better not give it either. Of course love should be based on conditions. If your man loses his job and never applies for another one and starts hitting you i hope you won’t continue loving him! You shouldn’t choose to love people who don’t have the same goals in life either. Romantic unconditional love is for codependent people with weak boundaries.

You could stand to meet someone more compassionate though lol. There are plenty of men out there who understand the risk of childbirth and appreciate the pain you’ll go through. Don’t marry and idiot and you’ll be fine.

Fae_Leaf · 2024-07-20T06:06:47+00:00

I just had our first baby. I told my husband that I may no longer want a second, despite us both wanting 2-3 before, and he said it was entirely up to me because I’m the one that has to endure then pregnancy, labor, and delivery.

Sounds like you’re just meeting men who don’t support you the way mine supports me. Because I can promise you that my husband loves me unconditionally. Or as close to it as possible since I’m sure he wouldn’t tolerate infidelity or anything extreme.

One-Introduction-566 · 2024-07-20T15:40:09+00:00

I honestly don’t think romantic love is supposed to be unconditional, at least not before marriage. Reality is, it’s give and take and wanting to build something with someone who’s life goals and values align. Once you find out it doesn’t align, you move on and find someone else. Obviously once you make marriage vows, you shouldn’t be doing that, but that’s after already establishing things and you can still leave if they stop being loving/are abusive.

I’d say the only unconditional love relationships are those of a parent loving a child.

tornteddie · 2024-07-20T12:52:24+00:00

Ill never understand people minimizing birth, who have never given birth or dont have the capacity to do so. “A few minutes” is wild too, if im not mistaken, its very common for first time moms to have quite long labor

HappySpinningSeal · 2024-07-20T06:21:07+00:00

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undothatbutton · 2024-07-21T02:04:41+00:00

I don’t have it in me to explain all the ways you’re wrong but let me just say, your experience isn’t universal and you don’t know everything. I’m sorry you haven’t found your person yet. The only thing you can control is your own attitude going into dating. Deciding men are all like that is a really good way to shoot yourself in the foot while dating.

Significant-Crab-771 · 2024-07-20T07:59:02+00:00

i think this is a pretty extreme generalization. I hope you find a man who loves you unconditionally

AutoModerator · 2024-07-20T05:36:28+00:00

Title: There is no such thing as unconditional love to men

Author New-Round-1880

Full text: My whole life I’ve been a hopeful romantic. Passing up both trashy & average but boring men for “the one”. The one who would give me the love I deserve. But with each passing relationship i continue to realize that men never thought like me & never would.

The conversation I had with a potential tonight broke my fantasy of love permanently. I explained to him how scared I was to have children. How I was terrified about the pain but was willing to try once and see how it went. He hit me with the “women do it all the time..” and “you’ll only feel the pain for a few minutes, it’s a necessary sacrifice” and “do you think it’s fair to your partner to only be one & done”. We broke it off & it suddenly dawned on me that I’ve had conversations like this before. They all regurgitate the same thing. If I as a woman am not willing to in short fulfill the dreams they have of their life then they’re not willing to even consider me let alone love me for me.

Yet if they got sick they’d expect us to stay. If god forbid they had fertility issues they’d expect us to accept that. So many women are willing to do this for men but I’ve never seen a man willing to do this for women unless it was never his interest to have children or remarry.

Long story short my heart is broken and all the years I’ve wasted believing differently are haunting. I wish I could go back and approach each relationship with this perspective and find a partner based on my needs and my needs only and not on this fantasy of loving and being loved unconditionally.

I’m normally such a loving and positive person so I appreciate constructive advice or insight. Please don’t inspire me to think more negatively than I already do atm.

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MoreThanPurple · 2024-07-20T15:44:16+00:00

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ArdentBandicoot · 2024-07-20T08:12:13+00:00

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DomMaster88 · 2024-07-21T21:06:35+00:00

A lot of women think like you. You want the perfect man, who meets all of your requirements. Let's say, he's in the top 1% of men.

But it never once occurs to you, will this top 1% man have strict standards in return?

It is a very standard that many men will want children - at least two or more.

You want the man of your dreams, but you aren't willing to budge one inch to make yourself more desirable to this man. You want him to accept you exactly as you are. That is why you're single. You want Prince Charming to love you, exactly as you are. But high quality men with lots of options... Will be just as picky as you.

Fervent_Maverick · 2024-07-20T08:03:18+00:00

I mean whats stopping you now? You have Dateing experience so you now know what is best for you, dont beleve that just because you've been left doesnt mean you have no self worth. I think its best to Realisticly screen out for an adequate partner who fits right in w/ you. you can start out by

1.) Finding someone with compatible values

2.) compatible personalitys

3.) compatible goals

4.) compatible lifestyles

5.) Good altruistic character

6.) positive attitude

7.) Authenticity.

Forget About the prestige, career status, or anything that screams social norm acceptance. Find whats fits you. The columns above are just ideas if you needed any. You can always add you're own. You're welcome in advance. Im glad i'v solved you're problem. Cash app me later for my Services in Giving life Altering answers : peace ✌️

Title	There is no such thing as unconditional love to men
Author	New-Round-1880
Upvotes	2
Comments	42
Date	July 20, 2024 5:36 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1e7oduh/there_is_no_such_thing_as_unconditional_love_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/there-is-no-such-thing-as-unconditional-love-to.1524771 https://theredarchive.com/post/1524771

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