[Discussion] the reality of the wall

pieorstrudel5 · 2024-11-13T17:08:32+00:00

Amazing question!

What has your experience been with aging.

Recently turned 40. Grew up quite poor on a farm, but my family pushed me to be a good student! I went to the most prestigious private college in the state, gained access to a very affluent and educated crowd. Opened many doors for me. Had 3 major relationships. The longest being 10 years with a man (from college) I deeply loved - but love was not enough. It ended last year - I have been actively dating for almost a year. I am childless (due to infertility on my former LTRs side). I have come to embrace being childless though!

My mother died at the age of 43 when I was 22. This triggered a huge shift in my focus. I changed my diet, embraced exercise, being active, and doing everything I can to live a long happy life. Thankfully my good Southern momma sat me down at 12 years old with the Avon sales rep to buy my first skin care routine. I thank her every day for teaching me that so early! My skin looks great! By 30 - I was still getting carded. Even once got held outside a bar because they were convinced I was using a fake ID. Some of this might be good genetics!

I have aged quite well. Diet, exercise, sunscreen, hats, and skincare are the keys! I also have never smoked or done drugs. Never been a huge party person. Did work a very physically demanding job for many years, though. But in some ways that kept me trim. I would say I look around 30-32 (based on getting cold approached by 28–32-year-old men). My dating market is quite large. Being childless really helps me in that way. I have been dating in a pool of 28-55+ year olds. It's wild! I still seem to prefer men +/- 5 years of me, but I will give just about any man a chance!

What advice do you have for the younger generation?

Get off the internet. - So many of the younger women seem terribly unhappy. They are stuck in a vacuum of their own doom scrolling. Delete social media off your phones. Put timers on it. Prioritize being present with people!

Find Exercise and Activity that you like!! - Make time for it. The end. Know that what you do to your body in your 20s/30s - will start to show up on your face and body in your 40s.

Figure out a game plan for your life - but know that life has a way of creating pivots. Be a palm tree! You gotta sway with the wind sometimes. I didn't really know what I was doing dating wise in my 20s. I was thankfully quite reserved, but my first couple of boyfriends were just meh. I just kind of existed. I didn't have goals or expectations. I think that sometimes made me come across as aimless to those partners. It wasn't until my LTR where I found my way.

Learn to cook, bartend, and be a charming date. It will open so many doors for you!

What would you do differently if you had it to do all over?

Wish I would have put myself out there more in college. My LTR and I met in college, but didn't start dating until we were 30. And now I have just started dating someone else I went to college with. My college was tiny! Less than 2,000 people. So the fact that I am just now dating them seems totally absurd - but oh well! I dated no one while I was in school! I sometimes wonder if I had perused my LTR sooner, things would look a lot different. He perused me in college - but my mom was sick and I just didn't have the capacity to understand it all. Looking back, I can tell losing my mother explains why so many normal things were delayed for me. I didn't date, didn't party (much), didn't think about men, or plan my future career well. I was focused on caring for my sick mother and trying to get through school. When she passed - I had no direction. I was very mature for 22, but I was not ready to be an adult. I was aimless for most of my 20s. But by 28, I started to find my way!

Finally - I wish I had embraced my curves! 90s diet culture made me think I had to be stick thin to be attractive. God gave me an hourglass figure. I didn't know what a blessing it was until I was in my early 30s. So much time wasted eating very little, doing so much cardio. When I could have just been weightlifting and eating more! (big sigh).

What has changed?

My confidence. I know who I am and enjoy it. I hold boundaries. I am actually softer too! I used to be so direct and harsh. I value my friendships a lot more and invest in them more. I also own my sexuality. I used to not like it, because I have always been curvy, and I was (and am) often objectified because of those curves. But I have I have learned to own my sexuality and protect it from those that don't good intentions for me.

What hasn't changed?

My core personality. I have always been silly, adventurous, and outgoing. Never met a stranger. For my 40th birthday, I actually had all my people from the different areas of my life in one room. And the consensus was.... Nobody was shocked when someone said something like "She talked to me in the parking lot of Target." or "She told me I was a badass at the gym." or "She took our photo at the top of a trail and talked to us on the way down." I love meeting new people.

Whoever you are today - just embrace it. Play to your strengths!

Cosima_Fan_Tutte · 2024-11-13T17:16:45+00:00

I'm 42, married 12, years and feel kind of indifferent to the wall...because I was never pretty. Like, what's to lose? I had very little attention from men when I was young. My husband, thank God, seems to like me as is. We still have sex!

Also, I feel like I haven't really declined that much. My tween daughter saw a picture of me at 25 and flatly said, "you look exactly the same." She didn't mean it as a compliment (tweens rarely do!). It was more like, meh then, meh now. I'll take it!

I do feel like genetics and pregnancy have been kind to me so far. I had three kids between 31-36. Not a single stretch mark, no flab. Breastfeeding somehow reduced my appetite and I have no trouble staying slim. It's easier than at 20. No aging-related aches or pains. I walk and do light yoga, that's it.

What would I do differently? First, focus on personality. I would have worked on fixing my serious shyness and social awkwardness much earlier...like 8 instead of 28. I wish I had made friends and developed a social circle when I was young and gone out more. I think I would have met a man like my husband earlier in life, instead of at 28 on OLD. Things worked out for me, but I was very, very lucky.

Also, I would focus more on looks. I regret not seriously considering a nose job. I wish I had learned to use makeup properly, more about beauty treatments in general. I feel very out of it when women talk about this stuff. I'm sure there's a lot of "softmaxxing" I could have done to go from meh to meh-plus at my peak (lol)!

Wife_and_Mama · 2024-11-13T16:05:25+00:00

I'm 37, married for 7.5 years, mother of four under four. I might not be done having kids.

I haven't actually noticed a ton of difference in regards to "post wall" aging, though that could possibly be because I've been pregnant for part of every year since 2020. I haven't really had time to lose the baby weight between children, so I can't really judge how difficult it is comparitively. Nothing sags. My breasts are still up. I'm not seeing a lot of wrinkles or any greys. I use a tretnoin cocktail to get rid of dark spots I developed during pregnancy, but that's not age-related. I do think good genes come into play in a big way. Some people just age better.

If I could do something differently, I'd have drank more water in general in my twenties. I'm still not great at that, but I'm not necessarily seeing any ill effects. If I could talk to my 22-year-old self, I'd probably tell her not to bother with the master's degree. I'm staying home with my kids right now. I'm not sure I'll ever go back to work. If I do, it might be in a totally different field. My husband doesn't care, either way.

My advice for Gen Z women is to refuse to participate in all the treatments their generation has become obsessed with, from Botox to fillers. These things might have a time and place in your life, but it's undoubtedly not at 23. Gen Z is aging like milk. Be the outlier. Your energy is better spent on improving your financial life.

Don't obsess over the wall. There is no hard age where it hits. Don't squander your youth. Talk to men. Flirt. Date with purpose. If you're doing that, you're sure to meet someone. There are no soulmates. Life is not a paranormal romance novel. Put in effort to lock down a good man before you hit the wall and you likely will.

Hot_Blacksmith_3404 · 2024-11-13T17:52:15+00:00

I’m by far the hottest I’ve ever been at 31 - started having a major glow-up in my late 20s that keeps getting better every year. Also helps that I’m way more confident in every way, have better friends, better life skills, better relationship skills, making more money, etc. I still get carded regularly. I’ve been lectured by random older ladies, while out with men my own age, that I shouldn’t be dating older men🤣

I truly can’t wait to see what’s in store for the rest of my 30s and beyond. Life just keeps getting better and better, and I’ll gladly welcome signs of physical aging when they start showing up because it means I’ve also gotten the increased wisdom, skills, fun life experiences, memories, and money that only comes with time.

Jenneapolis · 2024-11-13T16:13:52+00:00

I've been pretty outspoken about my experience as a 41 year old still dating! If I had to sum up my experience as a tl;dr it would be: I didn't have issues getting men at any age and I haven't yet seen any change as I've aged. I am sure I will see a change at some point, but it hasn't happened yet. Here is my summary:

- My 20s. I objectively looked my best and was able to turn heads and date a lot. I did date older men in their 30s who were more established than me (I was in school and didn't graduate with my masters until 29). However these men didn't seem to take me seriously and the men my age were still in party stage. I got into a relationship at 25 with a more established man (31) who I was with for 10 years (on and off for the last 3 of that).

- My 30s. I found myself better able to be on the same playing field with the 30s more successful men once I had my career. We hear here this does not matter, but it did for me. Men took me more seriously than when I was in school and nannying in my 20s, especially those late 30s successful guys. I was WAY more confident in myself and better able to carry conversations, flirt, more emotionally stable, and overall was just more enjoyable to be around.

- 40s so far. I haven't been dating much since my last relationship ended but I plan to start. I have only had 3 dates so far. The apps are full of men in their 40s looking for a life partner which is different than dating men in their 20s/30s. I do find I get the most likes from men who are around 50, so they are looking for "younger" and to them I am "young." But I also get likes from younger men if I open up my age range. On my dates, I noticed that the men seem really eager to commit and settle down which I admit I'm not fully used to yet, or maybe I am just getting better at vetting.

What do I attribute all of this to?

- Lifestyle: I am childfree, I own my condo which I invest in decorating well and works well for hosting. I can cook (not a master but have solid recipes) and generally volunteer to cook for a man and host him over on date 3 or 4. This always impresses them.

- Appearance: Long straight hair, no tattoos, simple make-up (less is more as we get older), dress conservatively (think J. Crew/Madewell style but do add my own flair). I do get botox but you wouldn't know if I didn't tell you, eyelash lifts, and expensive haircuts. Have used tret on my face since my 20s.

- Size: I am not small, I am a size 10 at 5'7". I'm curvy, with a size D chest and a booty. I am sure there are some super athletic guys who choose a smaller girl but mostly it's a non-issue. I work out so I'm toned enough but more soft than muscle-y.

- Health: I get plenty of sleep, drink lots of water, rarely drink alcohol, don't smoke, focus on keeping my mental health in check by yoga, meditation, walks, and other self-care.

- Career: I have a successful career and I found this does attract the men I'm looking for. A doctor, attorney or fellow corporate type takes me more seriously than he did when I was in my 20s.

What would I do differently?

I would not waste time in relationships like I did. I spent many years with men who were not a good match logistically. Yes we loved each other but on paper, there were too many life incompatibilities that made marriage unlikely. I didn't take that seriously enough and just assumed love would conquer all. And I believed them when they kept telling me marriage was going to happen without realizing I was being strung along.

I would not be overly people-pleasing to men. I was too submissive. I did not prioritize what I needed and again ended up in relationships I wasn't happy in, but it was my fault because I gave the men everything they wanted at my own expense. And even in doing all this, they didn’t marry me for it. I should have again focused on finding someone compatible rather than taking someone who had major incompatibilities and trying to change myself to fit them.

Little_Oil_4877 · 2024-11-13T18:10:11+00:00

Take care of your skin with sunscreen and retinol (if you’re 25+), eat healthy, exercise regularly, dress for your body type, don’t be very underweight/overweight, don’t smoke, don’t drink (drink solemnly if you really can’t help it) then you won’t have to worry so much as you age.

sunflowergirls85 · 2024-11-13T21:44:07+00:00

I’m 39 and I’m finally becoming a little fearful of getting older. I don’t feel “old” yet and felt really young in my 30’s. I don’t feel like I look too old yet. People tell me I look younger than my age. I have some gray hairs that I color myself. I try to get ready and look nice every morning. Always have my makeup on. Have some pounds I’d like to lose and I’m working on but I’m not obsessed about looks so much. I’ve been married 18 years and I’m pretty sure my husband is still attracted to me.

I often think about what I learned in my grandma’s old copy of Fascinating Womanhood. A woman can be beautiful but it won’t matter if she doesn’t have the right charm. The way she speaks and carries herself and makes other people feel is more important than beauty. I’ve seen some older women, maybe in their 70’s and they seemed so enchanting. Not because they were young and beautiful but because of an aura they had. They were feminine, graceful, and charming. They did take care of themselves and dressed nice but it was more than that. There was a sparkle.

So I don’t really think there’s too much to fear about hitting the wall. It all comes down to how you carry yourself in my opinion.

manolosandmartinis44 · 2024-11-14T20:02:10+00:00

I suppose the fear of hitting 30 was far worse than the reality. Ditto 40. And probably (44 now) 50, 60, 70, 80, and so on. Having vaulted over these hurdles twice now, the fear of aging lessens and the experience gained over the past decade allows me to look forward with less dread.

No_Insurance_7674 · 2024-11-16T20:46:35+00:00

Men want women to believe they have some "expiration date" because they can't handle the fact that the same women who had options and rejected them in their teens-20s continue to have options and can still reject them in their 30s and 40s. It always boils down to male jealously. It's a cope not reality.

SquirrelofLIL · 2024-11-13T15:35:50+00:00

I am in my 40s and never had a chance. I've never got to become a mom or a wife just because life didn't pan out that way. I'm planning to leave the dating market because it's just not going to happen and focus on living a trad life as a permanently single person.

ellecat13 · 2024-11-14T14:19:10+00:00

39F, currently in a new-ish relationship.

I am objectively hotter and better looking now than I ever was at any younger age and I was always considered pretty back then. But now, I just have so much more knowledge and money to take care of myself properly. Yes the dating pool is smaller the older you get, so that’s a thing. But while I was dating earlier this year, I had zero problem finding attractive and successful men. And I am still young enough to have more children. It ain’t over till it’s over!

The only thing I would change in retrospect, would be to really focus on my education and health at a younger age instead of waiting till my 30s. It’s easier to get ahead on those things when you are younger. And while beauty does fade inevitably, no one can ever take knowledge/education and your health from you.

metajenn · 2024-11-13T16:13:24+00:00

Embrace your red hair phase!

The wall filtered out all the grossly aggressive men forcing me to acknowledge their existance. Still hot tho

RedPillDad · 2024-11-13T18:32:09+00:00

'The Wall' is a red pill term for karma. An attractive young woman has ridiculously high SMV. It wasn't earned or deserved. Young men who can't get much traction in the relationship arena, resent those young women and want to see them suffer a reckoning as they age. It's envy.

If a woman solely focuses upon SMV and neglects RMV, her reckoning may be severe. A good woman is more likely to experience a better outcome.

My wife is very feminine and graceful. She doesn't try to sustain youthful beauty or sexual allure. Her sister is another story, embracing that 'Forever 21' mentality of trying to appear hip and sexy, resisting the loss of male attention and becoming invisible. Her sister is also into luxury branding that denotes superior status. My wife is content and calm, her sister is medicated to keep her demons in check.

AutoModerator · 2024-11-13T15:27:33+00:00

Title: [Discussion] the reality of the wall

Author Deliaallmylife

Full text: Ladies in your mid/late 30s and beyond....

What has your experience been with aging. I ask this whether you are in the dating market or out of it. What advice do you have for the younger generation? What would you do differently if you had it to do all over? What has changed? What hasn't changed?

Or just generally, what has your experience been as an RPW who is past the dreaded wall?

^{Fine print: I don't want to argue about the existence of the wall. It has come to mean different things in different RP spaces and we know that age comes for us all whether we name it or not.}

^{This is the original text of the post and this is an automated service}

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

AutoModerator · 2024-11-13T15:27:33+00:00

Thank you for posting to RPW. Here are a couple reminders:

If you are seeking relationship advice. Make sure you are answering the guidelines for asking for advice on the rules page. Include any relevant context regarding religion, culture, living arrangements/LDRs, or other information that will help commenters.
Do not delete your post once you have your answers. Others may have the same question!
You must participate in your own post. If you put up a post and disappear, it will be removed.
We are not here for non-participants to study us. If you are writing a paper or just curious, read our sidebar and wiki and old posts.
Men are not allowed to ask questions and generally discouraged from participating unless they are older, partnered and have Red Pill experience.
Within the last year, RedPillWomen has had over half a dozen 'Banned from 'x' subreddit' post for commenting/subscribing to RPW. Moving forwards, the mods will remove these types of posts: 1, 2, 3, 4. We recommend you make a RPW specific account.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Title	[Discussion] the reality of the wall
Author	Deliaallmylife
Upvotes	32
Comments	52
Date	November 13, 2024 3:27 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1gqfexm/discussion_the_reality_of_the_wall/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/discussion-the-reality-of-the-wall.1535662 https://theredarchive.com/post/1535662

Comments