I’m two weeks away from my divorce being finalized, and I keep feeling this annoying hesitation—maybe just anxiety about the unknown. She keeps bouncing between begging me to stay, saying she doesn’t want the divorce at all, and then reverting back to the same chaotic behavior that made me leave in the first place.

I know her behavior, especially with her BPD, will never allow for the permanent changes I needed to stay. If I did, it would only be at the cost of my own mental health and peace. The kids are better off with me without the instability constantly around them. So I know this is the right decision. But it still feels like a loss—like I’m grieving something that has died. And that’s strange, because this was my choice.

So many men have gone through this and come out better on the other side. I know it gets better—it’s just that the upfront emotional cost is high.

For context, the divorce is uncontested in WA state. Custody is split 50/50 as much as possible, we’re selling the house and splitting the proceeds, and my military pension is protected in exchange for my 401k (which was $50K). She agreed to no alimony as long as I help her get established. The older two kids are choosing to stay with me most of the time, while my youngest—being a momma’s boy—splits time between both of us.

So overall, no major losses except someone I spent over a decade with.

I guess I’m just asking—does it truly get better on the other side?