Does anyone feel like their attorneys are just one big money scam?

SelectionNo3078 · 2025-05-30T12:18:39+00:00

Yes

Industry needs so much regulation and reform

But since majority of legislators are attorneys that will never happen

Greedy-Policy-1055 · 2025-05-30T11:43:00+00:00

They work together to take money. They work to destroy men. Law firms that advertise for men’s rights.. be wary of them

Greedy-Policy-1055 · 2025-05-30T11:40:25+00:00

There are many lawyers who work hard to keep things going, to get as much money as possible. Even working on the side of opposing counsel to

Gattsama · 2025-05-30T11:15:56+00:00

Oddly enough, the eX got taken for a ride by her first attorney (I luckily found an acceptable one). They ran up a huge bill on her, charged more than the going rate compared to other quotes I got, and they had her do a work evaluation which caused her to be imputed at $42.5k/yr. She switched attorneys halfway through, unclear why (we weren't talking), but they clearly got paid. And she owed all that new debt. I assume came from her portion of the home equity sale.

I also suspect she vented to them a lot, cried victim, and talked their ear off. Which they are willing to do because the clock is running.

atomicnugget202 · 2025-05-30T10:09:41+00:00

Rule of thumb for attorneys. Ask all the questions you need in one go. Or have them collected and dump them to them via an email to respond to them.

If it's a contested them my guess this could be on par with having to talk to them more often but my statement remains the same. All questions just have them in a question bank.

Lawyers aren't your counselors so if anything outside of actionable communications is being discussed your wasting your money.

Damn near treat them like a robot lol.

Lawyer: Hi, how was your weekends? You: Has she submitted her response yet to the petition for divorce? It's been 30 days... I also have somethings I would like to be apart of the decree?

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2025-05-30T09:55:58+00:00

I've seen some of my friends get absolutely ruined my incompetent attorneys.

I got lucky. My lawyer is a no-nonsense woman who laid out the facts as we developed a way ahead. 6 months into separation and have only used half of my $2,500 retainer.

Prudent_Survey_5050 · 2025-05-30T08:51:04+00:00

12 years ago when I got sober and went after custody of my 1 year old son I hired my in the elevator of the court house with tears in my eyes right after the first court hearing. He warned me that it was going to be a marathon not a sprint. Long story but he was mid range for the cost but worth it. I've had custody since then. The worst part for me was having to wait for her to run put of money for a lawyer to prove she was still using drugs and lying. Because of her accusations against me CPS and a "Christian " foster service were involved. Being a heavily tattooed veteran most of the women took her side right away. It actually took a female navy veteran from the foster service to see through her bullshit. My case took 16 months when the average was 10 to 12.

Comfortable-Might240 · 2025-05-30T07:44:46+00:00

Yes dude. I had an expensive useless attorney with terrible online reviews. He was bamboozled and foisted onto me by another attorney with a much better reputation. All my lawyer did was drag things out for 2 years, take all of my money, and escalate conflict. I recently switched to a different lawyer; everything is exponentially cheaper and more simple, with much less mental anguish. My new lawyer says everything my previous lawyer did was insane and self destructive, which costed 20X the price. He was recommended to me by my neighbor who got sole custody, so I find him credible. That being said, my previous lawyer was down for shameless trouble, but you have to ask at what cost and end objective

Vollen595 · 2025-05-30T06:15:22+00:00

I’m here for the obvious reason. I was able to have a conversation with a divorce and family law attorney -free of charge, he was and still is not my lawyer. My divorce had some wild twists, ex was very unpredictable. I mentioned to him that my ex was being billed almost double what I was, had one attorney stop responding at all after the retainer dried up, etc.

He said lawyers hedge their bets. Sort of like a contractor bidding twice as much for a repair job just because they really don’t want to do it. Even if the customer does accept the bid, they are not in a hurry to finish. They don’t want to do repairs again for that customer. The customer is never happy with the work, lots of callbacks, generally just an unpleasant person. Lawyers do the same.

Don’t forget the courts themselves are painfully slow. Glaciers move faster. Generally I would just send a short and sweet question like ‘has she signed the papers yet? No rush on a reply’ and thank you and a day or three later I would get a response and not billed for it. Then again I’m not the high conflict, demonstrable liar my ex is. My divorce was more slam dunk. I will state some lawyers are just absolute shit. I fired my first atty because my STBXW accidentally let slip she talked to my attorney behind my back and it was not disclosed to me. I called and emailed STBFired attorney #1 for five days to raise hell about it. Zero response, but her paralegal managed to send me a billing request for another $3K when I still had $1,400 unspent on retainer. Scam alert. Lawyer never did respond. I will fight that another day, I had to hire atty #3 to finish the clerical details but it wasn’t terribly expensive.

If you and your STBX can work out divorce between you, worth it. If you think or know it could escalate or have kids and custody issues, lawyer. And lawyer first, be nice, listen well and check every review you can find before handing over a retainer. Wish I had.

One_Wolverine1323 · 2025-05-30T06:10:46+00:00

They win either way.

Then-Stage · 2025-05-30T05:12:42+00:00

Correct. Try and meet with your wife & agree to divorce together pro se. If that doesn't work try agreeing to an arbitrator. Don't waste both of your money on lawyers.

CRobinsFly · 2025-05-30T04:50:22+00:00

You have to manage your attorney, theyre basically your employee.

Me personally? I basically did 90% of my battle pro se. I have had two attorneys though and currently have one because I am such an antagonist/fighter about lingering coparenting & custody issues that I currently have a TPO against me because "he's a meanie bobeanie" - I am spending the money on the atty to help me - I expect she'll lose and I have managed to flip her TPO into also a contempt hearing (she's been denying me supervised visitation which was ordered).

Throughout this process I have managed to drive her legal bills up to probably 50k$, though the last checkpoint I got was about 26k in Feb before all of this exploded. Meanwhile my bills as a pro se? 10k, 5k of that was an attorneys fees award to her from last year. Big whoop.

If youre willing to fight and put in the work to research and learn, you can effectively fight back without an attorney, but if you really just struggle to understand the system, maybe paying a decent attorney is better? I always say the best defense here is a good offense.

Reflog1791 · 2025-05-30T04:26:28+00:00

If you can’t afford an attorney you have one option: cool down the temperature.

Stop talking to your ex. Stop talking to your ex. Don’t antagonize her by ghosting her just stop getting triggered with every communication.

Stop getting triggered. I don’t care what she does you have to take your lumps and respond rather than react.

You should have got the critical information from your attorney in these phone calls.

There’s only one critical question during the divorce: what bills do I need to pay and how much do I need to put in the joint account for her to squander?

In my jurisdiction the answer was, keep the mortgage paid and you’ll get your 50% of the increased equity. Keep the bills paid so your credit doesn’t tank. My strategy with uncooperative spendthrift was deposit 50% of my check into my account. Other 50% goes into joint account. On payday I paid mortgage/bills (including my apartment rent/bills) from joint account. That leaves $250 left in joint checking for her to take it down to negative. She had a job too so there was no destitution claim or anything of the sort. It was a tight 18 months. Then when the real negotiations happened a week before trial date I was easily able to say no alimony on 7 year marriage due to my sterling record of temporary support for the last 18 months.

Your situation is different so you need to know how to play it.

When it gets to final negotiations you haven’t sent any triggered texts in a year, your bills are paid up, you’ve kept the status quo while killing your personal debts, etc etc.

Arguing with your ex will just make this ridiculously expensive. Swallow your pride so your future cash flow is golden. A thank you here and there even to a bitchy ingrateful spendthrift ex wife will work wonders for your future self.

Dry_FishMan · 2025-05-30T03:59:53+00:00

Spent 60k plus in a year on mine. Not to mention the custody evaluator appraiser and financial expert…

upvotersfortruth · 2025-05-30T03:49:28+00:00

Did they send you an itemized invoice and did you review it in detail? Depending on the size of your retainer and what you instructed them to do, it may be justified - for example, if they drafted the petition including reviewing all supporting documents you provided, that could take 4-7 billable hours depending on the complexity.

100% you should review the timesheets before you start complaining and ask them questions about any entries you deem questionable or need to understand. In almost all jurisdictions I know of, they cannot charge your for questions on billings.

Also, just be direct. You're not going to piss them off. But do your work, too, so you're not just walking in sticker shocked.

And a phone call every other week seems excessive unless there's some real emergency going on.

DietznutzCA · 2025-05-30T03:29:57+00:00

Hindsight.. I should have fired my first attorney after the 2nd arbitration. It took me about three months to get the feeling that I need to let her go. But I was too scared about the process. 2nd attorney was much better. And I should have found him sooner. My divorce lasted over 3 years. Would it have been that bad if I had 2nd attorney first? I tend to believe I would not have spent so much money.

My point- trust your gut. If you have any second thoughts about your attorney… switch sooner than later.

TheBillyBadness · 2025-05-30T03:25:19+00:00

A good one is really worth it. A bad is like buying crappy boat.

DietznutzCA · 2025-05-30T03:23:56+00:00

Sorry for laughing, but I honestly know how you feel.

DietznutzCA · 2025-05-30T03:22:56+00:00

Hah! Welcome to divorce. I went through two attorneys. It sucks. And it will just get more expensive.

Title	Does anyone feel like their attorneys are just one big money scam?
Author	Bluey-Dad1987
Upvotes	28
Comments	21
Date	May 30, 2025 3:12 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1kytzow/does_anyone_feel_like_their_attorneys_are_just/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/does-anyone-feel-like-their-attorneys-are-just-one.1553471 https://theredarchive.com/post/1553471

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