If you got Divorced today, what would you tell yourself?

TheBillyBadness · 2025-06-04T02:43:10+00:00

Get a solid separation agreement you and your STBX agree to, and remember it’s not an agreement for today. It’s an agreement you should both embrace for today, tomorrow, 12 months and many years out if you have kids, so look through that lens and get the right one in place.

As for splitting money, material items, and many friendships, be ready to let it go fairly and embrace what’s next. It’s not with the fight for most of it.

Longjumping-Method56 · 2025-06-04T00:44:09+00:00

I'm glad I donated the 401K burned down the house poisoned the earth on my property and poured concrete in the sewage lines and left this plain of existence through self termination

CharacterProper8732 · 2025-06-03T23:35:19+00:00

Once you make the decision, grieve to yourself, your counselor, and dear friends. Start saying good bye now to mutual friends—keeping those friendships is a fool's errand.

Stay optimistic! It's phenomenal on the other side. And you deserve every bit of the relief of getting this woman off your books.

And no matter what anyone tells you, you were a good husband, and she may be a great wife to someone, just not to you.

Dangerous_Moment_689 · 2025-06-03T20:39:11+00:00

This will be hard. You must survive Do whatever it takes. Don't compromise. That's living half a life.

Historical_Eye3756 · 2025-06-03T19:27:47+00:00

I was upset at first but at peace! mine filed because she got pissed off at me. She was vicious with her demanding lifetime alimony for a pathetic shitty 10 year marriage of lies and what not.

AvacodoCartwheeler · 2025-06-03T17:59:46+00:00

The truth is that when you get that paper in your hand showing you are no longer married a rush of mixed emotions will flood over you and there's no preparing yourself for that.

MGTOWManofMystery · 2025-06-03T16:11:14+00:00

Congratulations!

redragtop99 · 2025-06-03T15:17:50+00:00

My divorce could literally be over today, and I would go celebrate and spend some money on myself… I’m almost sure I’m going to win, but our trial was on 4/30, and written final judgement can be issued literally any time. Went through 31 months of a BS seperation where I was treated like shit, name drug through the mud, all that stuff, but I won the trial and I’m going to win the verdict.

It’s a long drawn out process and it’s still going on for me, but it will be worth it when it’s all over. Keep at it.

Curious_Helicopter29 · 2025-06-03T15:11:02+00:00

Learn as much as you can about your state’s divorce laws as quickly as possible.

Your laywer is not supposed to be your pal or therapist. Part of their job is to get you over the finish line with an acceptable agreement.

Don’t be afraid to tell your laywer NO.

Don’t take a scorched earth approach to divorce. Also try to recognize if the opposing side is thinking that way.

OctinoxateAndZinc · 2025-06-03T14:21:50+00:00

What would you tell yourself after going through it all?

You should have gotten a lawyer and filed sooner.

Separate your income immediately.

DO NOT reply to any of her messages, its only her trying to bait you into a fight.

Wait a day to reply to anything and remember that not everything needs a reply.

Let all the small BS go (physical crap).

Paddle_Pedal_Puddle · 2025-06-03T14:03:01+00:00

Feel what you need to feel. Then get back to the business of rebuilding a better life and a better man.

MistakeIndependent12 · 2025-06-03T13:02:02+00:00

I may be sad about this situation, but I know I’m about to learn some hard truths about myself.

Things I may not like, but things I can change.

Not for anyone else, but for me. And that's a good thing.

Exactly65536 · 2025-06-03T09:05:25+00:00

When I was past my first divorce, I had learned several lessons.

Don't worry about losing the love of your life. Life is long, love is fleeting.
Be more resolute. When you see there's no future, act immediately, don't hope and wait.
Everyone can be nice and friendly, it's not an indication of how they will behave in a zero-sum game against you.

Now, my second divorce seem to have gone much smoother, although we are still co-habiting so technically it's not fully done. The lesson I learned from this one is

Don't get marriend in the first place.

I think this must be my final piece of wisdom in terms of divorcing.

NotYours25 · 2025-06-03T04:51:49+00:00

Do not trust the system

Ordinary_Shoulder889 · 2025-06-03T03:59:50+00:00

If I try again be smarter!

kcinkcinlim · 2025-06-03T03:57:03+00:00

I'd tell myself "You weren't the problem. Are you perfect? Absolutely not. But you did the best you could with what information and experience you had. If someone determines that suddenly isn't enough after 10 years, that's not something you can change, nor should you feel the need to change yourself. Improve yourself? For sure. But improve yourself for your own sake, not to appease other people, and certainly not to appease someone whose expectations skyrocketed overnight due to their own insecurities and trauma."

Gattsama · 2025-06-03T03:51:41+00:00

I don't normally answer these sort of questions directly. Because I would give myself stock market advice and life hacks :)

Normally, the real question is: Did you make the correct choice. Regarding my divorce (which I filed for), that was 100% the correct choice. I have zero regrets. Lofe has been exponentially better. New g/f with better boundaries, intimacy, love and support. Even with spousal support, better financials: discretionary income, savings, investments, debt free. I have never been more peaceful and stress free.

I get the hint that in your case she filed and you either don't want the divorce, or are worried a out the future. Here's the thing, literally millions of men have come before you. And while some of them are doing poorly, most are killing it. It's ultimately largely a person choice. Divorce = freedom. And with that freedom come options. If you make the right choices and exercise the smart options, life is great. If you make bad choices (eg alcohol, drugs, not nothing the emption healing, and mental work) life will be horrible.

Things are going to suck at first. Divorce is a horrible process through a fundamentally broken system. But on the other side is a lot of potential for light.

Look to those that came before you. Stop and do the healing work necessary. Plan what your ideal life looks like, then go take steps to attempt to create it.

You will be ok .

LonelyNC123 · 2025-06-03T03:46:44+00:00

Well....if I can get a 'fair' settlement I'm pretty sure I will tell myself 'much better things await you'.

If the settlement turns out the way I think it will I will say 'just go buy a shot gun at Wal-Mart and end it'.

I'm older now and I want the divorce; in my state alimony is a death sentence for a man my age.

_when_the_sun_hits_ · 2025-06-03T03:34:02+00:00

This is a new beginning, with infinite possibilities. You have a new lease on life, agency,freedom and self love. You’re free to do as you want, be with who you want. Enjoy your solitude, your new relationships, renewed time for hobbies. It’s not the end, relearn yourself and your convictions. It’s life anew.

Title	If you got Divorced today, what would you tell yourself?
Author	AdditionalArt8638
Upvotes	20
Comments	33
Date	June 3, 2025 2:34 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1l20u05/if_you_got_divorced_today_what_would_you_tell/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/if-you-got-divorced-today-what-would-you-tell.1553790 https://theredarchive.com/post/1553790

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