Here is the deal: I can’t imagine myself with a hot girl

norwegiandoggo · 2025-08-24T08:05:54+00:00

Why does it matter if you can or cannot imagine yourself with a girl? That's just mental masturbation anyway. Just make moves on girls in real life. Not in your head.

As an example: Many Olympic champions never imagined they would win gold at the Olympics. That didn't stop them from winning.

AdhesivenessOld9746 · 2025-08-24T08:10:24+00:00

Switch up your frame of mind, think:

"This hot girl is with me"

A lot of guys think that you have to be this and that, yet I keep on seeing men pulling 10s when they look like a 6, and i always see them in a 3-dollar-a-meal restaurant.

Let that marinate.

HistorianOk2573 · 2025-08-24T11:47:22+00:00

"She is hot therefore she has value, i'm not hot therefore i don't have value."

The problem is you are too immature to date when you think like this. Is the worth of your mother based on how attractive she was to your dad? That's it, that's all she is good for an object that your dad uses for sex? Being pretty and nothing else? Or did your mother have more worth to your dad than simply being pretty and fuckable for him?

What about flaws? Because every girl no matter if she is hot or not has flaws, they always come up sooner or later even if you can't see them initially.

Instead of thinking "how to i get her this woman to date me so that i'll feel like a chad?"

You should be thinking "is this hot woman good enough for me?", "is she gonna be jealous every time i don't text her immeidately even when im busy", "is she gonna nag me because i spend too much time with my friends according to her and not enough with her even though i believe im already spending enough time?", "Is she gonna make me sacriface things i enjoy against my will with threats?", "Is she gonna keep arguing with me when we are together about mundane shit and make my life a living hell?", "is the sex life gonna be good and consistent or is she always gonna come up with excuses not to have sex?", "will she genuinely be loyal with me when life gets boring and less exciting after the initial honeymoon period?", "is she gonna have temper tantrums that cause herto scream at me?"

Like why are you not thinking of these things when you meet a hot woman? Why do you only focus on how hot she is? You only fantasize about how cool it would be to have such a hot piece of ass because that's all you care, the object of desire, not the person underneath.

And that's the problem, that's why you can't connect with women like this. Because you don't see a person, you see a shiny object. Something you have to obtain, a mission,... rather than someone to see if you bond with. A trophy you must win in order to feel like you have value yourself, a trophy to show off to your friends so that they'll admire you or respet you. A thing, instead of a person, that symbolizes that you indeed are good enough because you managed to obtain that ~~person~~ shiny thing.

This is the fucking problem with you. She is not a human, no, she is "the hot girl". The thing you must win over to make your life better. This whole fucking mindset is the reason why you can't get girs, not your height. You need to stop worshiipping women for being hot. Stop putting them on a pedestal, stop acting like you are sold on them jsut because they are pretty.

Stop acting like they are above you when you don't even know if they'd be absolutely crazy annoying nagging bitches once they are your girlfriends. When you treat this women like people you should screen and vet properly, and not like things you must win over, then maybe you'll connect with some of them and date them.

eablokker · 2025-08-24T08:41:00+00:00

Part 1: Resolving old emotions and thoughts.

Your thoughts are a reflection of your emotional state. What is your emotional state when you see a hot girl? Take a moment to stop thinking and start feeling. What is the feeling? Likely something from some past experience that got stuck in your body because you never allowed yourself to feel it. Now is your time. Allow yourself to feel it, as horrible as the feeling might be. Make it a regular practice. That's how you resolve the emotions, and thus resolve the negative thoughts.

"There’s no way that girl would be interested in me." That sounds like self-doubt, feeling inadequate, feeling not enough. Our natural instinct is to want to make those feelings go away by shutting them down, pushing them out, suppressing them. That only delays their natural resolution, and keeps them stuck in our bodies forever. Next time it comes up, ask your body to let you feel the most intense inadequacy possible, so it can let it all out and be resolved. Be present with it and feel it fully. It feels like hell, but only for a few minutes, then it's gone.

Part 2: Installing new emotions and thoughts.

Imagine yourself with a hot girl. It's that simple. Visualize in your mind meeting a hot woman, doing all the things you want to do. Imagine what you would see, hear, smell, taste, and feel. It's more effective if you visualize a series of steps, like first meeting, going on date, going back to your place together, next step, next step, etc. The goal is to get a lot of good feelings going in your body. This changes your emotional state and thus your thoughts, and behaviors too. If this doesn't make you feel any emotions, you are likely emotionally repressed and you need to do a lot more of part 1. If any uncomfortable emotions come up that prevent you from visualizing this, do part 1 on it.

Thierr · 2025-08-24T17:07:01+00:00

The long term solution is therapy - it's clear you have some deeper insecurity issues that you want to address

Short term: a quick fix to start retraining your brain (because these are just automatic thought patterns) is to, whenever you notice them, just tell yourself the opposite, but try to do it with full belief. It will feel difficult and awkward at first, and hard to believe - thats what makes it difficult - but if you keep training it, it will eventually shift.

Dont make the old pattern "wrong", dont treat it bad, but treat it with softness like you would your small child. Like hey, I see you, and i understand you thought that way - but actually, I'm doing really good, and I'm totally deserving of hot women, because I'm a great guy!

-Twyptophan- · 2025-08-24T19:34:00+00:00

5' 8" is taller than most chicks

Get jacked and change your mindset. Start by not using a reddit name "Lost virgin"

KingRemu · 2025-08-24T08:17:14+00:00

Yes, you can overcome this, but I'm not sure just going out and trying to talk to girls in that state of mind is the best option since the insecurities seem to be quite deeply rooted.

I know it's sort of a cliche but going to the gym is one of the simpler ways to gain confidence. When you look good you tend to feel good.

You need to stop hyper-fixating on your flaws because every person on this planet has flaws. Instead focus on your good qualities, I'm sure you have a lot of them and many women would appreciate those qualities, but first you have to see them yourself.

I don't know where those insecurities stem from but talking to a professional can also help and I think everyone should try that at least once in their life.

Fantastic-Life-2024 · 2025-08-24T09:27:44+00:00

As a 6'5 male and athletic I used to think the same. I was so wrong......

Maxwell Maltz wrote a book on this.
My advice become deliriously self confident. Reduce your handicaps and inflate your strengths.
A person has an image of themselves sometimes tall people see themselves as being short and short people imagine themselves as being tall.
Girls and people pick up on this. It effects their experience of life.

HomelessMilkman · 2025-08-24T10:45:04+00:00

I realistically think « there’s no way that girl would be interested in me »

This is true because you're unskilled in these situations and proceed to behave in weird, uncomfortable ways; you don't have to be a fortune-teller to predict whether women would derive fun and enjoyment out of that; it's nothing to do with the arbitrary reasons you make up.

Obviously, you can't trick yourself into believing you're fun and charismatic because when it comes down to it, you're not; and you're not going to be without practice, specifically talking to people. That's okay, many of us have been there, which is why we ended up here.

It is 'mindset' but there's a strong link to performance and results. If you loosened up, were expressive and fun, got recognised for being a cool guy at least temporarily, you'd believe in yourself a bit more.

number2chevyfan · 2025-08-25T23:42:28+00:00

5’8” isnt short enough to be thinking like this.

Rama_Karma_22 · 2025-08-24T15:08:43+00:00

I used to feel that way about women, until I realized that they too are just human and have their own flaws and insecurities. Also you project your reality. If you feel no confidence and are wormy and unable to talk to women, yes that will be the universe you live in. Try being playful with anyone, male/female, young/old. Get some real interaction practice. Sometimes I go to the gas station with the sole intent of spreading my good vibes to anyone that is willing to play. It’s really that simple. The only thing holding you back is behind your eyes. Create your reality don’t just be an observer.

Pzseller · 2025-08-24T09:18:47+00:00

Bro listen to me.

I am 6’1” and in great shape. I have dated one, ONE, super hot chick in my whole life. She was a 6’4” polish model. I have a thing for taller chicks, maybe like you do from what it sounds like. I was super apprehensive about approaching her. But here is the thing, tall chicks are self conscious about their height just like short kings are but just the opposite way. My ex-gal, she couldn’t get a dude because dudes were intimidated by her height. Not me. I wanted uppies. So I took the risk. And I got in and she was amazing. We lasted a year and a half. Best sex ever. I got to be the small spoon sometimes when we cuddled. But alas, immigration laws got the best of us and she worked internationally and I am a dad and don’t have time and resources to support that.

My point…just stop over thinking it and go for it man.

Uppies are the absolute best with tall strong chicks.

Dandys3107 · 2025-08-24T15:25:30+00:00

And maybe your intuition indeed doesn’t deceive you. If you don’t feel you bring any attractive value to the table, why would the girl try to convince you otherwise. There are multitude of qualities that you can improve on and feeling good in you own skin is often a big first step to get others interest. For example, wear good, distinctive clothes and accessories, fancy hairstyle, work out, smell good, meet new people and new places so you can share things with others.

soulfly7777 · 2025-08-24T08:11:14+00:00

Listen bro i'm like 5'9 5'10 with the right shoes. You don't need to be insanely tall to pull a baddie. Carry yourself correctly, take care of yourself, make her laugh but also be deep. You'll be alright

Rhino3750ss · 2025-08-24T09:53:22+00:00

All you have to do is picture the hot girl sitting on the toilet producing loud and wet blasts of diarrhea as she vomits..she is losing it from both ends.

Humanize the hot girls, see them for what they really are beneath the beauty...don't put your strength into them for they are ruiners of kings.

Picture them doing something nasty, accept that there is a chance she might be a terrible person on the inside, then it will be easier to picture success because you will understand they have to impress you, not the other way around.

Superman-av · 2025-08-24T08:07:42+00:00

It's all about what you think about yourself and your assumption of what she thinks about you, which is you projecting your insecurity. I know guys shorter than you who have dated girls way hotter than them. If you yourself think you're not worthy, nobody will. « there’s no way that girl would be interested in me » - is your assumption of her thinking; she is not responsible for your assumptions. Maybe she actually does like you or finds you attractive, but your brain assumes she doesn't because that's what it believes. Change your beliefs about yourself, and the world will reflect that.

SecretComments · 2025-08-25T17:14:38+00:00

Best player I know is actually 5'7. Dude is surrounded by hot girls all the time. Has fucked all of them. Most would fuck him again if he let them, and he wouldn't. He doesn't care.

He has a good face but a very gay slightly higher pitched voice, a little muscle but not a lot. He just does not care and they can all tell. He's not nervous. He's unapologetically himself.

We should all yearn for that level of confidence and willingness to be as true and real and sometimes foul as possible, but it goes to show, it's very much internal.

Walk around in public enough and you'll see hot as hell girls with guys shorter than you all the time. Some of the guys are even fat. But it's likely none of them are all that nervous or seem like they think they don't deserve a hot girl at all, or they couldn't land another one.

Free yourself from the prison of your own making and go fuck someone pretty.

over_pw · 2025-08-24T10:05:29+00:00

You can absolutely make up for it with personality. Just relax and have fun with her and if she doesn’t want to, next one. I know some marriages where the girl is tall and hot and the guy is short and just average-looking.

KeyCryptographer913 · 2025-08-24T12:43:24+00:00

It's her job to decide if she wants you, not yours

Matter_Still · 2025-08-24T13:53:07+00:00

If you imagine them in your fantasies, you can. You’ve just wandered into the too-good-to-be-true zone.

TuneSoft7119 · 2025-08-24T15:21:51+00:00

I cant even imagine myself with any girl.

AcanthaceaeTop2796 · 2025-08-24T15:39:54+00:00

I get where you're coming from. Im about your height and unfortunately get mistaken for being indian. All women pretty much automatically reject me.

I'd say just focus on your career at this point. Dont become a BB for some bitch who rode the CC all her life but make money for yourself. That'll be your legacy

Upstairs-Indoors · 2025-08-25T02:18:37+00:00

Just "settle" for fat and ugly girls. I'm 6'2'' and I've accepted my worth is low... just embrace it. If you deserved better, it'd be yours already ☯️

KpopFramer_23 · 2025-08-25T12:12:44+00:00

had the same issue with height insecurity at 5'8. these helped me:

• started with low stakes conversations (coffee shops, stores) • realized most rejections had nothing to do with height • practiced talking to people without dating pressure first

still overthink sometimes but the mental barrier gets smaller with practice

Rambo5Team · 2025-08-27T07:32:11+00:00

Changing your mndset helps.

https://youtu.be/i-i0euoq4DA?si=LUuJVlorYT2h1Xg_

Hunt_the_Bay · 2025-08-28T23:11:09+00:00

Well then don’t go for a hot girl and just find a nice one. Problem solved.

BatBottleBank · 2025-08-24T16:07:23+00:00

Because you aren’t in their league. Hot guys know they’re hot and date hot girls.

KLeviPop · 2025-08-24T23:24:09+00:00

dude you're literally rejecting yourself before even trying. stop making excuses about height and just talk to them like they're people. worst case scenario you get better at conversations

Physical_College_551 · 2025-08-24T20:53:40+00:00

I date only fat, ugly, women men won’t touch because not hot women want me and at least I can be myself with these women. I have no choice because I guess women run the game..

dobbs1997 · 2025-08-24T16:40:11+00:00

why not ?

Title	Here is the deal: I can’t imagine myself with a hot girl
Author	LostVirgin11
Upvotes	125
Comments	57
Date	August 24, 2025 7:59 AM UTC (10 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1myppxr/here_is_the_deal_i_cant_imagine_myself_with_a_hot/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/here-is-the-deal-i-cant-imagine-myself-with-a-hot.1560329 https://theredarchive.com/post/1560329

Comments