I feel like a lot of messages about red pill women end up being “women suffer so men don’t get their feelings hurt”

Ok_Outside149 · 2025-09-05T16:21:04+00:00

I do think a lot of tenants on how to treat men can basically be boiled down to “treat men like children”, but I imagine men feel the same way about women and our reactions to what they view as insignificant things. Maybe we’re all big children at the end of the day?

WRT to the directions example, I think it’s a pick your battles thing. Is being on time more important than how your husband feels? In certain situations, yeah it is. Like if you’re going to be late to a job interview or idk giving birth in the car, point out the correct route! But if you’re just going somewhere not quite as significant, is being late really that big a deal that you’re willing to upset your husband about it?

To them it’s about respect. When you point out he’s going the wrong way, what he hears is “she doesn’t trust me, she thinks im incompetent”. Crazy to us, but it’s like when he mentions another woman’s beauty, we hear “he thinks she’s prettier than me, he would leave me for her” (or so the stereotypes go). We’re all just hearing things that weren’t said lol. Is it childish? Maybe.

Of course, there’s more individualism than the books suggest. Some men are more receptive to input than others. Some men are timely. Pick one of them!

InevitableKiwi5776 · 2025-09-05T16:44:10+00:00

First, not every message may apply to you. If you’re not the kind of person who is overwhelmingly compelled to point out when someone else is doing something “wrong” (not how you would do it), then maybe that advice isn’t particularly useful to you. But surely you must recognize that some other women tend to do that a lot. A lot of times people say things more to assuage their own anxiety rather than to actually be helpful.

One thing I have noticed is that some people tend to treat the people closest to them the worst. Like being in a close relationship means that the other person must put up with our worst behavior because we know them well, instead of being on our best behavior with them, because we love them. Lots of women treat strangers way better than their husbands without a thought. These types of messages can help us think through our behaviors and see how they contribute to the relationship dynamic we have.

Wife_and_Mama · 2025-09-05T16:09:02+00:00

I think the issue here is are you actually suffering? In the scenario you quote, are you running late to something important or are you headed to a come and go party for his family? If its the former, sure, speak up. Ask that he stop for directions or use a different app or whatever. If it's the latter, then he's probably frustrated enough without you nagging him about something that doesn't really impact you. It's certainly not "putting pressure on everything else" in your life.

With other issues, I'd say dating and marriage makes a big difference. If you're just dating and he decides to buy a vehicle you don't think he can afford, it has zero impact on you. Now, of course, it might say something about his decision making skills and you might decide you don't actually trust him, but if not, you don't get a say, because it's none of your business, just as it would be none of his if you were buying a car. In a marriage? Well, you've chosen this man and signified you trust his choices, but humans are fallible and marriage setups vary, so maybe you do speak up, because that actually could impact everything else in your life. It's not about rolling over, but choosing your battles. Some of the least happy women I know chose all of them and now wonder why they have to do everything and make all the decisions.

beautyandbravo · 2025-09-05T17:17:18+00:00

I haven’t read the books you mentioned but the Laura Doyle stuff I have read emphasizes focusing on the end result you want as opposed to how you get there. In your example - what’s more important to you? Taking over with the directions and making the party on time but having bickered/both in a cranky mood? Or being late but having stayed connected and having a loving vibe and fun flirty time together once you get there? (And to be fair, depending on where you’re going it could sometimes be the former, sometimes the latter). But with a lot of men you probably have to pick one or the other.

You can only control what you can control - your input into the situation, not someone else’s reaction. Is it suffering or is it strategically using your behavior to ensure the outcome you want for the day? Because unfortunately you can’t control his reaction to having his mistake pointed out or whatever. It doesn’t make it right if he overreacts or gets pissed or whatever but that’s simply not in your control. Not ideal but that’s the reality. You either sacrifice lateness or sacrifice a nice dynamic between you. Your choice. Control what you can control to get the outcome you want.

RedPillDad · 2025-09-05T18:32:01+00:00

If I'm driving to a place we've never been, my wife handles the navigation. Teamwork makes the dream work.

StepfordInTexas · 2025-09-07T01:35:19+00:00

Many of the books recommended here are older. When men still acted like men and not children. Same with the advice given here. It only works when you are partnered with a man who behaves like a man and equally wants a successful relationship

ArkNemesis00 · 2025-09-10T14:12:20+00:00

so why should I have to sacrifice that in order for him to feel good? Especially if I know he’s making a mistake that will impact other parts of our day?

I ask myself if our places were reserved in some equivalent scenario, would I like for my husband to sacrifice for my happiness and/or to receive grace when I make mistakes.

I've decided I like being treated kindly even when I'm having a bad day or have made a suboptimal decision, so I treat my husband kindly.

Jenneapolis · 2025-09-05T17:08:26+00:00

So this is where you first have to decide a few things: what is your goal? What kind of guy do you want to be with? Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?

There ARE men out there who will be 100% fine with you speaking up whenever, even bossing them around. They love it. You can totally find one of those men and have a long happy relationship.

However if you want a man who is a leader type (call it HVM/dominant/alpha/greater alpha or whatever), then you may need to make sacrifices to get this guy. Why? Because he has options and he enjoys being in the lead, and we do things to make our partners happy. And one of those sacrifices may be changing your behavior. It is not required, it is a choice. What is getting a guy like that worth to you? How bad do you want it?

But also, once you realize that by making these sacrifices, you will receive benefits back from him in terms of love, appreciation, adoration, etc. then you may realize it's worth it.

serene_brutality · 2025-09-05T17:41:35+00:00

Like men don’t suffer to protect the feelings of their SO?

Ok-Journalist7629 · 2025-09-06T11:08:46+00:00

Laura Doyle frames this as every interaction is a choice to preserve intimacy or say what you are thinking. Its up to you and some things are important enough that you need to risk your intimacy to hash them out. Maybe telling him he's about to miss a turn is worth it to you so you can be on time. Maybe you aren't late and you can just keep it in your head.

Ok-Archer-5796 · 2025-09-07T07:12:35+00:00

I'm struggling with this too because I have found that my man has major blind spots in certain areas. Like I want to trust him and let him do his own thing but I fear he'll mess up.

Unique_Mind2033 · 2025-09-05T17:38:42+00:00

Yes, it is putting pressure on women, you are assessing this accurately. Married women live shorter lives than single ones because of the cumulative stress of depending on faulty men

AutoModerator · 2025-09-05T15:58:10+00:00

Title: I feel like a lot of messages about red pill women end up being “women suffer so men don’t get their feelings hurt”

Author randomusername019266

Full text: So for context I’ve read the Queens Code and I’m now on to men are from mars women are from Venus.

I feel like a central theme in these books is “men don’t like unsolicited advice because it communicates you don’t trust them. Instead, take a deep breath and let him figure it out”, but why should we suffer because they’re gonna get their feelings hurt? For example in MFMVFM, it is saying when this couple is driving in a car and the man is lost, instead of offering unsolicited advice, the woman should take a deep breath and let him figure it out.

I have a hard time with this because it’s putting pressure on everything else in the woman’s life. We tend to plan things and want to be on time to them, so why should I have to sacrifice that in order for him to feel good? Especially if I know he’s making a mistake that will impact other parts of our day?

I hope this makes sense!

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Economy-Praline9372 · 2025-09-08T02:16:38+00:00

Men keep saying they like clear, direct communication.

IcarusKiki · 2025-10-02T16:14:31+00:00

Its more about letting go of what you can’t control (same on the male side of the red pill)

LateralThinker13 · 2025-09-08T19:55:05+00:00

men don’t like unsolicited advice because it communicates you don’t trust them.

No offense, but this is a typical statement from a woman who doesn't understand how men think and what they value. Trivia question: a survey asked men and women, "If you could only have one, which would you rather have. Love or Respect?"

What do you think the answers were? What is yours? Be honest.

Men overwhelming wanted Respect. Women overwhelmingly wanted Love.

But do you know how that translates? For a woman, if a man sees you're going off course and offers you a correction, you accept it (if you aren't insecure) because it's an expression of love, showing that he wants you to get where you want to go.

If a woman corrects a man unsolicited, however, that translates to a lack of respect for several reasons.

- it suggests he's not mature/wise enough to ask for help when he needs it, and

- it suggests that he's not smart enough to figure out how to get to where he's going, or even that he's lost

Men and women have totally different worldviews. If you don't get that, deep down, you're going to blunder while meaning nothing but goodness.

instead of offering unsolicited advice, the woman should take a deep breath and let him figure it out.

How about instead of offering unsolicited advice (which comes across as condescending), you instead ASK him if he wants or needs any help getting to the destination. That way you're being a helpful First Officer instead of a smarter-than-thou Hermione.

I have a hard time with this because it’s putting pressure on everything else in the woman’s life. We tend to plan things and want to be on time to them,

If getting there on time is important to you, and he sucks at that, then that's a different discussion. I'm in the same boat, only my wife's the one with zero time sense. And because she's awful at it and knows it, I take charge in our getting places or just accept being late, because I'm not going to fix her and getting mad at her won't help things.

But I get the feeling that a lot of issues in your relationship are grievances that haven't been properly aired, have they? He can't fix them and grow if he doesn't know there's a problem, just a seething girlfriend stewing beside him.

Ok-Transportation744 · 2025-09-11T14:48:40+00:00

always submit to your man!!
and chose stoicism while doing it.

West-Assistance-8857 · 2026-03-23T22:48:13+00:00

Funny how 30-40% suffering from domestic abuse are male this hardly gets a mention.Suicide rates higher in males this I feel is due to our everchanging world where some men feel they do not fit in.The thing is I am all for equality however I am also practical.Men are the victims of most accidents in work because men are often in physical, dangerous jobs.80% of deaths in warfare are men.Men do have a place in our world along with us women let us not discourage them .

Jenneapolis · 2025-09-05T16:54:22+00:00

Yes. However the right person will ensure you aren’t being hurt in anyway.

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