Why can CS/Alimony be modified when we increase our pay if the divorce was finalized based off our current combined income?

Hot-Jump-1548 · 2026-01-03T23:58:25+00:00

You are conflating alimony and child support. They are different. Surely you know this.

An increase in child support is so your children benefit from your increase in income.

An increase in alimony is something you made up.

UnknownUsername113 · 2026-01-03T22:27:32+00:00

First off: stop saying the system is against men. If the roles were reversed you would get the same treatment. Remember… lots of women are making more than their spouse these days. They could be the ones paying.

Second, I agree about alimony. CS though, should naturally go up as a parent makes more. If you were still married, would you withhold more support of your children if you began to make more? Or would you provide the extra things that families do when their income increases?

Try to look at these things from an outsiders perspective. Alimony is BS, yes.

CS is for the kids. You can nitpick all you want about what she spends it on but as long as the kids are healthy and happy, does it matter? The truth is, the best outcome for your kids is if both parents have equal finances. That’s what they had when you were married. If your ex was a SAHM, that’s one of the biggest mistakes men make. You now have to provide for two houses. But… you can always take HER to court if she starts making more.

Familiar-Cobbler4567 · 2026-01-03T22:23:24+00:00

Behind every independent woman is a man paying alimony and child support

pk2at · 2026-01-03T20:23:26+00:00

That's because you are a sucker and agree to everything

Upstairs-Pizza-1843 · 2026-01-03T18:01:44+00:00

"Behind every strong independent woman is a man paying alimony"

-Confucius

Vollen595 · 2026-01-03T16:22:44+00:00

It works the other way as well.

I’m the single dad with sole custody of our child. Divorce was due to her cheating but the major component was the ex abusing my daughter and endangering her welfare (mild description) and my kid simply snapped. I didn’t ask for full custody, because I believed as a father I was getting shafted no matter what happened to the detriment of my kid. Ex had planned on silver bulleting me, planning on keeping the house, alimony and child support for her. There is no alimony in my State.

The court ordered full custody for me. The court ordered her mom to start paying CS from the date of the pre-trial hearing. No alimony as noted above. CS wasn’t much, medical and school added in and it was still not much. It was a formula the State uses.

The ex kept delaying everything, even after being ordered to pay CS. She moved, ducked, dodged, made excuses, lied until the court had enough and notified her attorney they would sign off on the divorce regardless of her appearance in court. She really pissed off the judge. By the time the final decree signing was a do-or-die for her, she had not paid a cent of CS. Roughly $9k. I said fuck it, I will waive back CS if you just sign the papers so me and my daughter can have some security and rebuild our lives. She signed and the court re-started the CS the month after the final. It’s been 7 months since, she still hasn’t paid a cent.

I do agree alimony is bullshit if both parents are reasonably balanced in their income. Stay at home long term parents, case by case basis maybe. Increasing alimony post-divorce because the other parent earns more money now? Absolutely not. I could see increasing CS based simply on inflationary factors. It’s your children. Take care of them. I know many parents who divorced civilly where one parent goes beyond ordered CS amounts to pay for certain things. No threats, just parents stepping up.

When my ex left, she looted every dollar out of savings. Blew it all quickly too. Acted like she’s a rockstar traveling and who knows what else. Technically she owes (owed) half back to me. The court didn’t even look at that. Sort of pissed me off but I’m a realist, that money is gone. Call it a going away present, I don’t care. My priority is my daughter, its obvious the ex never saw it that way. Aside from emotions, the financial damage caused by my ex I’m still sorting through. Recently a CC lawsuit showed up at my parents house in her name. Blew my mind, she was filtering her finances through my parents address. So far, all of the bad credit and lawsuits are in her name and not tied to my credit. I have absolutely no idea where that money went, it certainly wasn’t spent on our family. Ugh.

I know about half the States treat fathers like criminals and ATMs so I was hella fortunate my State looks at both parents as equals. I knew some shady AF stuff was going on years before I filed so I gradually eliminated all debt and loans. Own everything outright. Since she looted the joint account, all she received at the end of the day was a car. Enjoy. ..I.

It’s not always one-sided. But then again my ex was a special kind of huge POS and the court recognized it. It would be nice to have the money, it would go straight in my daughters account because it’s hers, not mine. But what I received in return was priceless. Not only full custody and CS, but a no contact order until our kid is out of HS. Why I’m not that concerned about back CS. Unfortunately for her, back CS is about to hit a felony amount. The State keeps sending me letters stating they will go after her. I haven’t responded. My daughter is no contact by choice. She hates her mom (justly) but I don’t want a booking photo of her mom being on the States Deadbeat Dad website. It almost feels like the State wants her arrested so they can front page a women on their site. You know, equal treatment. Last I looked there were only 5 women on the site and a hundred men. Women get top billing.

It’s not solely fathers being targeted. I know my situation is different but I will concede if I lived in a dad -hating state I would likely be fucked and my daughter weaponized, tortured and damaged until she becomes an adult while I pay for it. The horrible stories I read here more than validate that.

Good luck gents, stay strong.

MaineMan1234 · 2026-01-03T14:50:49+00:00

Not all states allow that. For alimony, the two states, NY and NH (only one divorce, changed jurisdictions) where I’ve dealt with divorce law, that wasn’t allowed.

Child support though is treated differently in order to equalize households.

In my divorce agreement via mediation, she has no recourse to ask for increases. The only thing that can change is that if my income falls, she gets proportionately less money as alimony.

But she’s already getting a shit-ton of money as it is. $8000 a month in alimony and $4500 a month in child support for two kids in college. At least the CS ends in 2.5 years when they graduate. She doesn’t work, which frankly doesn’t surprise me.

electromattic · 2026-01-03T14:04:26+00:00

I understand that the rationale for CS is so that the child can have a reasonably comparable quality of life with each parent. So if dad makes 120k per year and mom only makes 50k per year - the child wont end up favoring dad since dad is able to provide a nicer home and life.

Alimony is so that if the wife gave up earning money and a career in order to have kids "for the marriage" then there is some form of compensation that the husband needs to provide.

This isn't the 1950s anymore so both parties are likely working and have had jobs their entire adult lives. So that logic for alimony and CS is deeply broken.

I personally think that as long as neither parent is living at or below the poverty line and/or both parents have reasonable jobs or careers there should not be any alimony or CS required at all.

Inquisitorial_Court · 2026-01-03T13:39:44+00:00

Because we live in a country where we tax child support, so the states have a need for men to be on child support and pay, so they get their cut. Women are deemed as useless citizens in society, so they must be taken care of irregardless of the situation. Pretty normal stuff.

MasterPip · 2026-01-03T13:37:54+00:00

Im with you 100%

Its nonsense. I can somewhat understand CS being adjustable but within reason since its for the kid. Problem is that money rarely if ever gets spent on the child. When a divorce is finalized it means all parties agree to the terms set by the judge. The story should end there.

I dont think Alimony should even exist unless the husband is at fault (cheating/abuse) or in terms of extreme cases such as being married for 40 years and the wife can't work anymore.

Grafixx01 · 2026-01-03T13:28:01+00:00

It doesn’t make sense to anyone that pays it! If you get a raise, promotion, second job they have the ability to take you back to court for an increase because “they deserve it”. It’s be and a scam tbh. It should beat the time you got divorced and that’s it. MAYBE. A cost-of-living-adjustment annually or biannually but it still has to be within reason. However it is all a money-making scheme and scam. It’s to keep people broke, that’s about all it is. Just like how they say that your 401k / pension / retirement is an “asset” and divisible by half in a divorce yet the spouse NEVER pays into it but can benefit from it when you take out loans against it.

ImpermanentSelf · 2026-01-03T13:26:40+00:00

CS makes sense, alimony doesn’t. Though I think CS should be handles by documenting each party spending the money on the child rather than transferring money between parties. Ie if your CS is $1000/mo, you don’t give the money to the mother, you buy clothes and stuff for your kid and document it throughout the year. This way parents cannot use CS money on themself.

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