What are the key things to learn / develop to become good with girls?

GO_Zark · 2026-01-21T20:53:43+00:00

The general rule for all social interactions is the guiding light. Step 1 be cool, step 2 don't be uncool. A lot of dudes who violate rule 1 are boring as fuck and dudes who violate rule 2 are dicks. You can succeed with either, but it's significantly harder. The ideal is to be a generally cool person with lots of friends who's fun to hang out with. There's a lot of ways to do that depending on your style, vibe, attitude, etc. but you need to be able to generate positive emotions PLUS intrigue, curiosity, or enjoyable tension in a woman to have consistent success.
You've gotta be willing to shoot your shot repeatedly and knowledgeable enough to know how and when to shoot your shot without making her feel unsafe.
You've gotta be ok with being told no. Women will tell you "no" a lot. Could be that time of the month, she could have gotten bad news, she could have plans for later, she could've JUST gotten laid and isn't looking for more dick today. You never know what's going through her head. You've gotta be ok with being told no, know not to take it personally, not take it as a "never", and finally not be a reactive cunt about it. A lot of my successes have been on the second, third, fourth, or later shot. Women will respect you for trying and for being persistent, but also for knowing that persistence doesn't mean being annoying or insistent about it. That violates "don't be uncool" and probably also marks you as "unsafe". Both of those things will blow you out pretty much immediately.
You've gotta have a plan and not be looking for her to take the lead all the time. Some women like taking the lead, but most don't. You need to be able to open her up, get her interested AND comfortable at the same time, and then know how to seal the deal. You've gotta have logistics cause she ain't gonna do it - even if the logistics are just "out in the back alley", "in the bathroom lets go" or "in my car". Never "I dunno, what do you want to do". Let her tell you "no" and be able to adapt.
Control what you can control. Emphasize your strengths and minimize your weaknesses. Make things easier on yourself - good style, good shape, good smell, good crew / socials, fun hobbies, cute dog, etc. I've made plenty of posts on how to do the self improvement stuff that makes being social easier even when it doesn't come naturally to you. It's always a best-foot-forward kind of thing. You dress up for interviews, you should present yourself well when you're out with other people too.

edit 6. You've gotta be in the game and doing the thing not just keyboard jockeying. You've gotta go out at least a couple times a week and be chatting with people and honing your skills. You don't always have to be trying to fuck or get numbers and take people out, but you DO need to be in the mix. Otherwise you're just sitting at home waiting for romance by home invasion and that's really not a realistic way to live your life.

PostAvailable9966 · 2026-01-21T18:35:44+00:00

Evolution, Psychology, Game Theory, life Experience, some Gym, some Money (not piss poor at least)

and also Philosophy, travelling and understanding of Culture, education helps.

Practice on social settings to be comfortable with the use of Frames and Attraction (rapport breaking or frame switching)

Then, good understanding of you own Psychology, some Stoicism and Fatalism mixed in, habit building for approaching and shrugging of rejection.

And personal favourite: Neuroscience to connect Evolution with Psychology and biochemistry

If I forgot anything, feel free to add!

Edit 1: Ah, RP fundamentals are really valueable, especially the early work.

Edit 2: History and Civilization theory help a lot at understanding everything else.

Edit 3: If you think I am joking... I am not

Broad-Cranberry-9050 · 2026-01-21T19:22:43+00:00

Understanding that being yourself does not mean you do not need to grow. You always need to grow and adjust. Being yourself means dont be nice becaus eyou like the girl and dont be an AH because you like the girl. Be yourself with her. If you are witty, be witty with her.
Work on your social skills. You get girls when you can go into any conversation not caring if you ever see her again. That's how your genuine self comes out the most. Go out and talk to strangers even if they are men and do it just for a pleasent conversation not to get somethign out of it.
Dress better groom better. Get clothes that make you look good, ask females your age what you look good in. Grow a beard to make yoursel flook more manly. Wear cologne more often, buy some strong colognes with good smell. Work on your looks. Dont fall into the trap of if you get a 6 pack girls will kiss your feet, that never happens. But looking better will give women a better first impression of you, then your personality can do the rest.
When you go out, go out for your own enjoyment. A good night should not be defined by the girls you get, it should be defined by the fun you have. Women like being around men who are just having a good time, nto the men who are clearly trying to fuck them.
Be a social butterfly, women love a guy who can just be friends with everybody. Like one time i got a girl and barely spoke to her. Because we were at a party and i just branched around and talked to everybody and she said she loved the fact that i didnt just cling to peoplke and everybody seemed to love me.
Be around friends who view you in a good way. If youre freinds view you as shy and awkward, anybody you meet will see that energy and treat you teh same.
Be the guy that gets people togehter. I used to get everyone's number and invite a bunch of people to hangout. This leads to you meeting more people, and when people are bored they will reach out to you for fun. Or if they hear of a fun party thye will invite you out.
Being ok with rejection and ghostings. Even the best guys get like 5% success rate, they just try more adn talk to more people. You might make out wiht a girl and get her number and never hear from her again (has happened to me mor etimes than ive succeeded tbh). It's about looking at the glass half full instead of half empty. Just talking to a girl you did better than 80% of the room in the club.
Learn how to close. This is something my friend and i debated for a bit because we were good being around girls just not closing the deal. If you are at a club and get in with a girl and have a fun day of dancing, at the end of the night we would get flirty hodl her waist and say "so what's the plan for the rest of the night?" if she was into me she'd say "idk what were you thinking" and then id suggest an idea. If at any point the girl pushed back id respect the distance.
Be ok taking risks but respect her when it's obvious you got to close. This is a big one. Reading body language is becoming a lost art. A woman will tell you what she is ok with you doing to her through her body language and if you can't read that than you wont do good. It's something you gotta learn iwth experience. You can't just grab a girl and expect her to like that, you gotta ease into it. Good conversation, small handshake, etc. If you are dancing, hold her waist first, then guide your hand lower, let your face get clsoer to hers, if atany moment you feel a push back, then dont do anything more, respect that she did that and keep it as far as she let you get it to.

Disastrous_Affect742 · 2026-01-21T18:33:44+00:00

Being self assured and authentic. Don't even think about what to say , just say it

norwegiandoggo · 2026-01-21T19:05:50+00:00

The courage to hit on them.

ChicoBrillo · 2026-01-21T19:38:34+00:00

Outcome independence may be the single biggest take away.

You need to be very chill and confident. Unaffected by a "rejection" you don't even see it as a rejection, you're just bold enough to put your intentions out there and that person wasn't interested, you'll find someone who is though but you're not pressed about it.

bmguitar · 2026-01-21T20:59:41+00:00

So they say confidence is key, but you can't be confident if there's nothing to be confident about (unless you're super good with hypnotising yourself).

Which means you have to be a better man first, confidence just follows.

Entrepreneurialcat · 2026-01-21T18:40:51+00:00

Nothing.. just hang out with girls.. none of the theory I read helped as much as becoming friends with a girl who introduces you to other girls and then that’s how you learn to interact with girls.

tattooedpanhead · 2026-01-21T21:05:10+00:00

Number 1 stop giving a damn what people think about you. That includes wether or not she likes you. Learn to be yourself un-apologeticly.

Flirt like you don't care. Walk, sit and dance like you don't care who's watching. And always, always be willing to walk away.

Act like you have a hundred dollars in your pocket and more in the bank, like you have a fat 8 or 9 inch dick, like you have girls groveling at your feet begging for it. And even if that's not true, fake it till it is.

BlakeMortimer · 2026-01-21T21:29:20+00:00

Read “The Game” by Neill Strauss.

sleepingbull69 · 2026-01-21T23:37:26+00:00

Develop social confidence and the ability to make people laugh, will take you further than anything else.

ImpossibleWaiting · 2026-01-22T00:36:43+00:00

Experience. Practice and experience. And to do that you need a lot of awareness resource to overcome your apathy and take responsibility for you life.

theadoringfan216 · 2026-01-22T02:29:01+00:00

Nothing is more important than shooting your shot

Competitive_Dare4939 · 2026-01-21T19:00:35+00:00

have no filter, and ask for what u want,

tilldeathdoiparty · 2026-01-21T20:28:53+00:00

Rule 1 - Be handsome

Rule 2 - don’t be ugly

Prestigious_Water336 · 2026-01-22T03:14:25+00:00

Have good social skills and a social intuition

Think about if you were a woman how would you want to be approached and talked to

AdorableLecture_420 · 2026-01-22T13:58:15+00:00

Practice, Practice, Practice. When it comes to girls it is simply a numbers game in all honestly. The more you practice putting up your shot the more things are going to naturally fall your way. An analogy I like to use is that the reason why Lebron James is the highest scorer in the history of the NBA. Is because he has missed the most amount of shots. I use this app called True Spark AI, and it helps me keep track of how many times i'm putting up shots by keeping a streak for me whenever I approach a girl.
Read the room without being creepy, when it comes to a lot of girls sometimes a weird kink that they have is that when it comes down to certain things girls don't go for they guy they want sometimes they end up with the guy that is the most persistent. Sometimes with girls the word, "no" doesn't allows mean no. Sometimes it means, "not––yet", "try a little harder", "try again in 5 minutes etc...." But again this is very tricky so make sure to read the room. Pick up on signs like her body language her facial gestures etc.... This includes her friends as well. If she is saying no but her friends aren't pulling her away then you have a lot more luck than you think.
Do things before hand that make you feel the most confident before you approach. This could be shaving, putting on cologne, wearing your nicest T-shirt, making money, going to the gym. All of these things are different components that you can use in your favor to give you the confidence leading into a situation.
Close quickly, if the connection is already there with the girl there is no benefit in beating around the bush close quickly by getting her number of her instagram so that you can set up the opportunity to see her again. Sometimes when you let the tension be prolonged for tooo long it fizzles out, so close when you see the chance and then get out.[
Embrace rejection. The biggest winners in life are the people that have failed THEEE most. The same thing applies in this dating field. You cannot be afraid of rejection to put it simply this is something that you just can't be afraid of. Every time a girl tells you "no" you are that much closer to a yes. And despite them not knowing it yet, girls like a guy who gets rejected, because it shows them that they can handle adversity and set backs.

FearInoculumTool · 2026-01-22T20:46:07+00:00

The key thing is this. Neediness is your highest obstacle to success with women. If you don’t love yourself, if you think of yourself as a loser, average and other disparaging adjectives, and if you believe that women have something that you need to make you happy with yourself, you will always fail. The secret to having women is simple. Have high self esteem. Know yourself and what you like and dislike and feel good about you AND don’t need them. Nothing drives women more crazy than not needing them.

ElGuap042069 · 2026-01-22T01:54:49+00:00

Be your genuine confident self

Hot-Damage1172 · 2026-01-22T05:04:36+00:00

Be tall
Have good genes
Be white

Title	What are the key things to learn / develop to become good with girls?
Author	DrFlyAnarcho
Upvotes	48
Comments	32
Date	January 21, 2026 6:24 PM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1qj5t4t/what_are_the_key_things_to_learn_develop_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/what-are-the-key-things-to-learn-develop-to-become.1571682 https://theredarchive.com/post/1571682

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