Is this a valid perspective?

RaisinMotor6197 · 2026-03-04T17:39:14+00:00

You’re not trippin in the sense that what you’re feeling is real. A year out from a divorce at 26 with a kid is a lot to carry. The bitterness makes sense as a phase.

But I’m going to be straight with you because that’s more useful than agreeing with you. What you’re describing isn’t clarity about women — it’s an open wound talking. When you’re in that place, everything looks like evidence for the story your pain is telling you. That’s not wisdom, that’s damage doing the thinking.

The problem isn’t women. The problem is you went through something hard, probably before your brain was even fully done developing, and you haven’t actually processed it yet. The flings and the dates — that’s not healing, that’s distraction. And distraction eventually runs out and leaves you angrier than before.

Here’s the part that actually matters: you have a kid. That child is going to grow up watching how their dad talks about and treats women. Every attitude you’re building right now is curriculum. I’m not saying rush back into dating or pretend you’re fine. Take the time. But spend it actually working through what happened — with a therapist, not just with Reddit and bitterness. Because the version of you that comes out the other side of real healing is going to be a better father, a better man, and someone who can eventually build something real if that’s what you want.

You’re 26. You’ve got time to do this right.

ShaunyP_OKC · 2026-03-04T00:04:56+00:00

If your ex wife was a cheater then that perspective is valid and eventually go away. If she wasn't then I'm curious as to why you think that way. Are you watching too much angry content?

wparo · 2026-03-03T17:09:31+00:00

You may need some help

UnknownUsername113 · 2026-03-03T13:21:37+00:00

You said you’ve had a few flings, but you’re concerned about the WOMAN being a cum dumpster? Bit of a double standard, don’t you think?

You don’t date the past, you date the present and hope for the future.

tlann · 2026-03-03T05:19:28+00:00

It depends on the woman. There are some good ones out there. You just have to put in the work to learn what that looks and acts like. Have fun along the way and don’t take life too seriously. But take of yourself.

redditrock56 · 2026-03-03T03:15:41+00:00

Just so I can pay for the date and eventually provide for you etc

That's why you always keep it casual, don't take them or any of it too seriously, and never fall in love.

Harsh, but it keeps you safe and sane.

Itzyaman007 · 2026-03-03T02:29:58+00:00

Goin thru something similar , i (29m) got two boys Turing 5 n 3 this year. Almost done with mediation and finalizing the papers , and i have to pay CS but imo it ain’t breaking the bank cuz i got 50/50 with my kids. I literally told myself what you doing, no more marriage no more chasing, shits on my terms and like others say here boundaries are my biggest thing.

I don’t see all women like that, but i totally get your perspective and was in that mindset. Just take time you’re young bro, and have fun and make sure if you get yourself a lady, she respects you n your daughter and boundaries and respects herself too- cuz now in a days that’s rare

Future-Fan-7732 · 2026-03-03T02:25:24+00:00

Bang a fat girl. Thank me later

Future-Fan-7732 · 2026-03-03T02:23:37+00:00

Bang a fat chick.

Empress1978 · 2026-03-03T01:22:22+00:00

No more marriage and if you get into a relationship, keep your own place and finances. Never moving in with someone either. Been just having fun and enjoying what’s out there and traveling and improve yourself.

Immediate-Story2562 · 2026-03-03T00:54:05+00:00

You can always take it slow and get to know them.
Don't think you can go wrong with stating up front you want to be friends and then see where it goes from there.
Also you now have a child, you can rebuild and never have to live with a woman (or marry them) and put up with them ever again if you don't want to.
Don't pay for expensive first dates, just coffee or a picnic or a walk. Once you know them and like them you can then decide what you want to spend if anything.

engineered-chemistry · 2026-03-02T23:52:39+00:00

I’ll happily pay $100 to enjoy dinner and sex afterwards if she’s got a nice great ass. Not all women need a provider, some do fine on their own but also want to get their rocks off. From my experience, the more demanding the job, the bigger freaks they are…

Chase? Nah, I just match effort.

Sacramentardo · 2026-03-02T23:51:02+00:00

Ignore women for now. Get your mind and body strong, your money stable, your personal mission clear, and be an great dad. Build a life you’re proud of. There are plenty of great women out there. It’s hard to see them when you’re looking through a lens of hurt and contempt though.

__Zero_____ · 2026-03-02T23:48:27+00:00

I get that we have all been burned by divorce and it's bound to leave us all a bit more jaded but I would refrain from viewing all women as "cum dumpsters" for one. You aren't doing yourself a favor by viewing them like that.

By all means, be more guarded and have better boundaries. I don't recommend getting married personally but there are plenty of nice women out there just like there are plenty of nice (and not nice) men.

Just be clear about your intentions and it's all good. You can feel however you want to feel but I just know that generalizing women, or anyone, will skew how you view them individually and it's just not a healthy mindset to be in

whoopyboy69 · 2026-03-02T22:07:50+00:00

Well....for what it's worth I think it's a valid perspective. Because you're right. Women undoubtedly have the upper hand in dating since OLD was a thing and feminism. I've been there. What worked for me is that I decided to not chase women. I would date women, but I'm not chasing any more. Why the hell would I? No more marriage. Live with? Sure.

EvalCrux · 2026-03-02T22:02:17+00:00

Same boat but luckily(?) in my 40s. You went through the scam of marriage early, which could be interpreted as good with plenty of time for the future. Friends of mine describe my similar almost-repulsion/no interest in dating women (putting up with their inevitable shit).

Friends say give it 5 years (I can't imagine dating at 45 but that's my perspective lol). You are only battling with the conditioning of the status quo. My take: enjoy your freedom from desire to chase a bad investment. Invest in yourself, enjoy to the max, you already won with a child. Enjoy!

Title	Is this a valid perspective?
Author	whoopyboy69
Upvotes	10
Comments	61
Date	March 2, 2026 9:55 PM UTC (5 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1rj6jrh/is_this_a_valid_perspective/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/is-this-a-valid-perspective.1574590 https://theredarchive.com/post/1574590

Comments