I have zero self-esteem. Like nothing

Pedro_Moona · 2026-03-17T23:42:14+00:00

Start with unattractive women and move up. Just get accepted by anyone.

eablokker · 2026-03-18T04:40:29+00:00

If this kind of talk is making you feel uncomfortable in the workplace, you're right to feel uncomfortable. It kind of sounds like these guys are trying to fuck with you. That's bordering on harassment. It's kind of hard to tell just from what they said whether it's in a friendly way or an antagonistic way. Judging by how it made you feel, I'd say probably not so friendly. Don't blame yourself for it by saying you have no self esteem. If that's the case, deal with that separately. These are two separate issues.

Chance_Equivalent_22 · 2026-03-18T00:33:53+00:00

Just be comfortable being yourself and if you don’t want to hunt, you don’t have to. Good guys get girls too, not as many, but at least some yeah. The best way to panties is by making that girl comfortable and making some tension. Are you a virgin? How would you rate your looks ?

disarm · 2026-03-17T23:32:15+00:00

Enjoy your life, make the most of it if it's what you feel comfortable with.

Discopotatoz · 2026-03-18T00:30:16+00:00

Why don't you ",like that kinda talk at all"? Why is it uncomfortable to you? If you can't answer that honestly nobody here can help you

Disastrous_Affect742 · 2026-03-18T03:05:06+00:00

You need to develop self respect first dude ! Who cares what your coworkers think! For example it's a boundary of mine that I don't talk about sex at work. Even if I'm sleeping with someone at work , you don't owe those dudes anything.

Next time just lay a boundary, they ask: redirect, be upfront, or a joke like mentioned! Besides those dudes sound like boys , I haven't talked like that about a woman since highschool

Jack26918 · 2026-03-18T04:12:48+00:00

"Dude, it's a coworker... and I'm not a POS."

Most-Famous-Wasabi · 2026-03-18T06:22:46+00:00

>> I cried about an hour after I got home because that's what my life is

Honestly, I think that that is a great place to start from.

If you cry about the state of things, then:

* You aren't numb
* You know that things have to change

>> I just stood there uncomfortably. I don't like that kinda talk at all. Not in my private life, and certainly not in my workplace.

That's also a good start:

You know that women are human and as such they deserve to be thought of with respect. You love women for what they are, as opposed to your friends who use desire as an opportunity to share pornographic fantasies with each other.

So where to go to from here?

>> I have zero self-esteem

Start here.

Building your confidence, self-esteem and character strength is a life-long journey.

You need to find the single step that starts off the thousand steps. Once you are committed to this, you won't stop til you can't breath.

My personal recommendation is that you do this for a month:

Find 10 minutes a day. Sit down, maybe on your bed. And spend that 20 minutes thinking about your victories and best qualities. Your qualities of character. Write them down. Fill blank excercise books with your positive qualities. Repeat the same things if you run out of things to write down.

We've already hit one of them: you believe that women deserve respect.That's a good character attribute.

There are a zillion other things you can do to build your self-esteem - and you'll do a bunch for the rest of your life. But if you are really at zero then start at the ground floor. The above excercise is the ground floor.

Over time you'll shift to buiding wins in the real world, because real backbone confidence comes from stacking wins and building a record of successes.

But start small.

---

Eventually you'll get to a point where you can learn about the technical game.

Technical game (or just 'game') is the technical aspects of creating attraction.

Like any skillset, game is learnable. You can get good beginner results when you start learning. And your self-concept and technical game feed back into each other:

When you start getting results with the techne, then you get wins... which fuel your confidence... which fuels your technical game.... etc.

>> I'm alone and always will be.

Life is full wonders and marvels. For all I know, maybe you will be alone for the rest of your life. But I don't believe that you have to be.

You are a human man with a will. You just happen to have an ossified ego that wants you to stick with what you know... which is a grim and lonely reality... but it is *predictable*. And the ego loves predictability.

Like nearly all humans, you have the potential to dig yourself out of your hole.

I honestly believe that you have the potential to do this. I honestly believe that you wouldn't be crying unless your soul was signalling to you that it's time for a change in your life.

You've got a hard road ahead.
But you've got everything you need to succeed.

Strong-Usual9618 · 2026-03-18T08:18:15+00:00

I also feel uncomfortable when talking about sex or when someone talks about it, it’s just who I am. For me sex is also something private and I kinda can relate what you just said. The only thing you should change is your mindset. I was also really unattractive and fat, but I got to the gym and changed that. I also changed how I dress and what people should think of me. I’m a still shy? Yes. Am I afraid to approach girls? Yes. But the only thing you have to do is to change the things you can influence. Your mindset, clothes, body. I hope it can help you in future

Virtual_Ad_4817 · 2026-03-18T19:51:40+00:00

If it's any consolation, the dude who recommended you bang the girl he banged originally saw you as equal value to him. I don't think you even saw that. He completely thought it would be normal for you to bang that girl too, and wanted to be eskimo brothers with you.

The idea that she wouldn't be into you came completely from you, and you alone. I think that's worth pointing out.

So yeah, your negative self-esteem is all in your head. Maybe you have childhood experiences that caused or something, but it doesn't seem like any of the stuff you're basing it on is true anymore.

So here's what to do. Your self-esteem is based on what you've been focusing on.

If all you focus on is how no woman will ever want you, how you're a downgrade from other men, etc then that will be the outward reflection you project to other people.

Take some time and write out the things that are cool about you. Not the things anyone else thinks are cool about you. The things that YOU think are cool about you, fuck other people for a second. Nobody else matters. Just write out the shit that makes you a dope person. Experiences, hobbies, interests, accomplishments, things that make you unique.

Writing it out is important because it activates a different part of your brain than if you just "thought" about it.

Then read it over daily to remind yourself. Dwell on that stuff. You don't even need to tell other people about that stuff. But you can if you want. You'll probably end up seeing that other people think that stuff about you is cool too. And you'll begin to get positive reactions from other people about it.

Do it for the next 30 days at least. Those are the things that serve as proof that a woman would want to be with you.

Dandys3107 · 2026-03-18T05:27:07+00:00

Man, work on improving your sexual attractiveness, get into reading pickup theory and test it in real life circumstances to process feedback and forge necessary skills from it. It may take some time for you to get into proper mindset and rise over attraction bar level, but you need to just take it step by step and you will arrive at your destination at some point. If your colleagues are making you uncomfortable and lower your value, they are not your friends and you should not treat them as such.

HomelessMilkman · 2026-03-18T12:10:03+00:00

It's conditioning; you reactively tense up in certain situations based on experience, 'bracing for impact', that's all 'being uncomfortable' is.

You can decondition that through conscious effort; by noticing the tension and relaxing in these situations until you don't have to do it consciously any more, that's it. That's the 'workout'.

All of those responses are reactive; literally all you have to say is "No thanks". No lying, no qualifying yourself, no explanation, not being dismissive, not being spiteful, just a relaxed, neutral response. Though, it's all well and good for me to say when there's that underlying tension, anxiety, avoidant tendencies, you have to address the cause by being relaxed, at ease, comfortable in the first place to not feel the need to overcompensate.

You ARE uncomfortable. It's objectively true. You are functionally limited because of the effort, mental distraction, the stifling that is caused through physical tension. The good news is that the solution isn't sophisticated, as I said you have to see this...

I just stood there uncomfortably.

...and relax. You have to acclimate to being relaxed under stimulus until it's not a problem. That's it. You have to tangibly move the needle forward through this practice because anything less makes no difference.

Honest_Bruh · 2026-03-18T20:33:29+00:00

Why exactly do you think you are so low value? Is it looks, personality, lack of success in career, etc.? Be as specific as you can as to why you think you have these negative thoughts about yourself? Then you can start to address each one. Some of them may be limiting beliefs completely. Some of them may be things you can improve.

Terrible_Assist_1345 · 2026-03-18T08:40:24+00:00

I understand what you're dealing with. You're afraid to open yourself and show your intent because and you don't really know why. It feels uncomfortable. But why?

No one has zero self-esteem. Maybe it's low but there are things in your life you believe you're good at. That feeling of confidence has to be there somewhere.

I was there. One of the things that really helped me was change my posture. It subcontiously tells your mind: Hey, you're confident remember? Just wal chin up, chest up front, back straight, take your space.

Build on that feeling of confidence in smaal things, change posture and you'll feel the confidence grow.

themajinhercule · 2026-03-18T16:52:59+00:00

Bro. Looking at your history really quick.....get into a gym. Work out. Start building something you feel proud of. Then you start gaining confidence. I know because this time last year I was over 270 and now I'm in my 150s with a six pack. And THAT is a major boost to confidence.

It's not that hard. It just takes discipline.

Fit_Locksmith_7795 · 2026-03-18T19:30:34+00:00

Try affirmations at first. Just tell yourself you re good enough, even if you dont feel it in the beggining. All these negative thoughs you have been having for all these years definitely didnt help. It can be hard to tell yourself that you are fine and deserve women and good things in life but approach it as an exercise. You Just need to push it.

Ballislife1313 · 2026-03-19T16:53:04+00:00

GYM. Right now, get off Reddit, search the closest gym to your place and go TODAY.

MyUsername0_0 · 2026-03-20T08:58:27+00:00

If you don’t like yourself then girls won’t like you either. You need to work on inner game and dive deep on why you don’t like yourself. It’s not easy and takes time.

Title	I have zero self-esteem. Like nothing
Author	TheDarkKnight2001
Upvotes	35
Comments	50
Date	March 17, 2026 11:22 PM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1rwn3za/i_have_zero_selfesteem_like_nothing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-have-zero-self-esteem-like-nothing.1575756 https://theredarchive.com/post/1575756

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