Relationship with Ex after Divorce

AdequatelyfunBoi2 · 2026-04-28T22:47:05+00:00

You need to limit your communication with her or you will never be able to truly move on. It sounds as if she initiated the divorce, and I’m so sorry that she was the only one who wanted it. My story is largely the same but I’ve luckily been able to see who my ex truly is and she’s a repugnant, repulsive, greedy, narcissistic, lying, sex pest and a winter pig. Seriously, she has not a single redeeming quality about her. I hope you find something about your ex that is simply detestable so that you may have an easier time finding the closure you so desperately need. Continue to be cordial (I am) and remember that everything is about your tiny human now, not your relationship with your daughter’s mother.

darmitage55 · 2026-04-28T16:30:57+00:00

That daily messenger thread will keep you stuck longer than almost anything else. You're getting just enough to feel connected and not enough to heal. Been there.

For your daughter's sake you need that co-parent relationship. But right now you can't separate the two. Maybe keep messages strictly kid-focused for a while, even if it feels cold. It's not cold. It's survival.

soupsandwich00 · 2026-04-28T13:41:16+00:00

I was in your shoes after my first divorce. I couldn't completely cut her off because we had a kid together. We did not end on good terms and so there was bad blood between us for many years. Coparenting with that mindset was a challenge. As the years went by and I realized how much better off I was without her, I started to realize that holding on to those old feelings was wasting my energy. Eventually (and recently) we got to the point where we finally just talked it out. We still arent friends or anything, but we are being nice to each other now. We live in different states and when I travel up to her place to go pick our kid up I usually hang out for a bit too. She has a new dude now and they are getting married and I've met him and he seems nice. My point here is that things just take time and its different for everyone.

Candidate_Worldly · 2026-04-28T10:45:43+00:00

I tried to keep things going for a year after she left. Mainly because she gave clear signs of possible reconciliation. Wewere meeting for coffee, and everytime I tried to talk about our marriage she just shut down and got angry.

I tried and tried and it got me nowhere apart from prolonging my heartbreak. Then I just broke all contact apart from 100% kid related stuff. Seems like she realised she lost control of me and the messaging starts, I just ignore completely.

I still miss her, but nothing like it was, and my main emotions towards her now is anger and a profound lack of respect for her, for what she did to our family. I'd rather that than sitting pining for her. Haven't seen her since July 2025, and dread the day i bump into her.

You have to realise that the person that left has to be the one to initiate reconciliaition. Chasing does nothing but push them away even further. It's brutally hard to not try and fix things though.

Ok_Industry3016 · 2026-04-28T10:27:15+00:00

Perfect thread for me, great advice. Was trying for friendship but nope.

MonkeyBranchBuster · 2026-04-28T09:54:00+00:00

You can't be friends. Friends are honest and wish the other party well. You need to detach to polite acquaintances, as she did a long time ago.

dpatron · 2026-04-28T00:07:11+00:00

She knows what she's doing to you and loves the control. And as the others said you are torturing yourself. Break that attachment!

whoopyboy69 · 2026-04-27T22:44:49+00:00

Dude you’ll never heal like this. Stop texting her period unless about kids. I felt the same way in the beginning. She’s using your energy for comfort and still choosing to leave. She’s stringing you along in a way. On top of that, giving her attention right now is making the divorce easier for her. And if you want to keep her around: it’s better to not make it easy to leave. Cut that shit and move on.

KingJon85 · 2026-04-27T22:39:04+00:00

You need to set boundaries. If you know your custody agreements, there isn't much to talk about. You're torturing yourself.

Ask her to email you once per week with schedule updates, unless it's an emergency.

It hurts to let go but you need to, in order to heal.

I dont wish to see my ex ever again after what she did to my family. Unfortunately I'll likely have to from time to time.

Ok-Cause1108 · 2026-04-27T22:07:52+00:00

First you need to accept that the relationship is over. Chatting and exchanging jokes on Facebook is extremely unhealthy for you and a waste of your time and energy. Go no contact with her except for texts regarding logistics for your child, nothing more.

Parallel parent for the first few years while you detach from your ex and heal. Once you have moved on to a new life and a new woman you can decide if you want to co-parent or not (spoiler alert you won't).

Best practice choose one day per week that you respond to her texts from the prior week. Answer them if they need a response and are about logistics for your child, if not don't respond.

Instead of daydreaming about reconciling with your ex start planning your future life without here in it. Hit the gym, get a dog, when you have your daughter have fun with her.

Ok-Anything-3605 · 2026-04-27T22:05:12+00:00

Cut all communication except for child related. It’s sucks for a few months but better in the long run. I haven’t seen my wife in 6 months, only spoke twice over the phone with mediator. And we have three young kids 50/50. I’m finally over the hump. Good luck

Immediate-Story2562 · 2026-04-27T21:50:01+00:00

It hurts when someone that you still love does not love you back but you can't move forward without accepting your current situation. You would do better to work and focus on yourself and your daughter and let her go.
She is not the same person anymore that you married.
The more you want her back and try to do things to 'win' her love back, the more you will drive her away.
Best you can do is rebuild your life with your daughter into a better life than before without her.

elganmas · 2026-04-27T21:43:23+00:00

In my opinion "being friends" is for years down the line if one person wants the divorce and one doesn't. Being friends comes when you feel as indifferent as she does currently.

You need to step back from anything other than logistics because you're torturing yourself.

Evanisnotmyname · 2026-04-27T21:40:29+00:00

Cut any semblance of hope for a relationship out.

If it happens, it happens. But the longer you do that the worse it gets

Title	Relationship with Ex after Divorce
Author	vervii
Upvotes	6
Comments	43
Date	April 27, 2026 9:37 PM UTC (3 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1sxhlol/relationship_with_ex_after_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/relationship-with-ex-after-divorce.1579040 https://theredarchive.com/post/1579040

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