I notice so many men complaining about being "friendzoned," but nobody talks about how painful it is for women to be cornered into doing the friendzoning. For me, it feels like the ultimate betrayal. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve genuinely valued a male friend, only to be blindsided when they reveal they had ulterior motives all along.

Call me naive, but when a guy does me favors, gives me rides, or listens to me vent, I genuinely believe he’s doing it because he values my soul and treasures our friendship. One year, my former guy friend even dressed up as Winnie the Pooh on Halloween just to cheer me up after a devastating breakup. He hated seeing me crying. I thought it was the most selfless, sincere act of pure friendship, but it turned out he had ulterior motives, too.

When these guys finally reveal their true intentions, they often get angry, accusing me of "using" them just because I accepted their kindness. But isn't that exactly what friends are supposed to do for each other? It’s completely ruined my trust. Now, I find myself keeping male friends at an arm's length. I'll let them buy a round of drinks or treat me to dinner, but I won't accept more than that or let them get any closer, because I’ve learned the hard way that their generosity usually comes with an expiration date and an expectation. I love having male friends, they’re funny, protective, and always know how to make me laugh. But it’s heartbreaking to realize that so much of that warmth was just a means to an end.