What do you as women feel you offer a relationship?

jimmyhandle · 2017-05-18T12:58:36+00:00

I am the planner and the detail oriented one. I know what's going on with everyone for the month. I have the most flexible work schedule so I can be many places at the drop of a hat. I'm a sounding board for my husband's ideas. I think of creative solutions to help him manage his ADD in his daily life (before he would just wing it and deal with the fall out later).

batting4fireflies · 2017-05-17T23:38:53+00:00

Good question. I don't know if the other things I offer in my relationship are necessarily because I am a woman, but I definitely have certain qualities unrelated to housework/cooking/sex my SO adores.

One example is my ability to make fast friends with pretty much anyone (my SO describes me as charming). My SO is an electrician apprentice, which is a male dominated field. Not surprisingly, his supervisors rarely give him feedback on his work or go out of their way to compliment him (because guys don't tend to do that). The only time a supervisor would comment on someone's work is if they are screwing up (which has never happened to my SO). Since we have been together, we have attended two work social events with the two contractors he has worked for. At both events, I quickly made friends with the CEOs of that company and their wives. Both times those men gushed to me about how great my SO is at his job and how much they value him while he was sitting there. It's almost like it was easier for them to compliment him to me rather than to him directly.

I also help maintain the small talk type conversation that my SO hates when we are in social situations. I guess what I'm saying is I help facilitate networking. My SO has told me that he feels like his superiors respect him even more because I "make him look good." I do this with his family as well.

I also act as his sounding board when he is dealing with emotional issues. For example, his mom was really upset when he didn't call her for Mother's Day (he forgot because to him, it's just not a big deal). He talked to me about how to best handle the situation because he knew she was very emotional and he doesn't speak that language. He likes my input on how to better communicate with the women in his family.

ThatStepfordGal · 2017-05-18T01:07:24+00:00

I'm very good with children (having been a babysitter and teacher), I'm happy to take care of all household (except handy) work since I enjoy it, I love cooking and I can sew, knit and stitch some clothes and works for the home. I'm also learning even more when it comes to needlework, so I can even make children's clothes. I'm good and very careful with budgeting also. I'm also sociable in a way that I work well with community groups and making social connections that are needed.

Basically I can take care of everything so that if my husband gets home from work, he can kick back and completely relax right after having some homemade dinner. Even if there are kids, though of course I would encourage him to spend plenty of time with them too.

Shaela90 · 2017-05-18T10:27:19+00:00

For an individual who has their life together and is a functional adult, relationships do not really bring any 'utilitarian' value in the way you put it (not social/emotional value). As a woman, I can pretty easily pay for or do myself all of the 'manly' things my bf does for me. As a man, he can easily pay for or do himself all the 'womanly' things I do for him. Being able to easily pull my own weight in a relationship has been my main goal these past years. I have my own place and can easily afford my lifestyle. This is also a deal breaker for me in a relationship, I will not date a guy who cannot pull his own weight.

The most value a partner can bring in these circumstances is exactly social/emotional, on both sides really. My bf loves that I am always the one with the know-how on any events, restaurants, trips we might be interested in. He is also always keen on me talking about the last book I`ve read or movie I've seen and my recommendations. He is in awe of my determination to follow a strict workout routine while juggling a pretty demanding career, hobbies and a social life. He likes it that we're both into fine, healthy living and we motivate each other to look good, be interesting and driven. He likes it when I cook for him, but not because he cannot do it himself or he can't afford to eat out, but because I am willing to do something for him. Same, I like it when he does manly stuff for me, not because I wouldn't be able to get it done any other way, but because he is willing to do something for me.

This exchange is somewhat emotional as the utilitarian part of it can easily be outsourced on both sides, but each one of us's willingness to help make the other's life easier is which matters the most in feeling like we're partners.

I do not 'need' him and my bf does not 'need' me either, we`re together because we share a connection, interests, passions and a way of living; that goes way deeper than just what each of us can do for the other.

batting4fireflies · 2017-05-18T00:44:27+00:00

OP, I'm confused by your edit because utility is defined as "the state of being useful, profitable, or beneficial." How is providing social/emotional value NOT useful, profitable, or beneficial? I think the examples given to you demonstrate exactly how useful, profitable, and beneficial social/emotional value can be.

vanBeethovenLudwig · 2017-05-18T07:09:01+00:00

My boyfriend says I stimulate him because I'm pretty curious - I have interests and want to explore and try to learn new things. I'm artistic so he appreciates that about me.

anothergoodbook · 2017-05-18T00:24:12+00:00

Can't social/emotional value in turn become a tangible benefit? Like I said in my response, I give my husband a purpose which in turns affects his self confidence, decisiveness, and increases his productivity at work. I'm not doing a tangible thing, but there is a usefulness to me being there.

I did ask my husband this and he said grocery shopping (which funny enough he does that), raising the kids (which includes homeschooling), making meals, laundry, cleaning the house, etc.

akanachan · 2017-05-18T06:30:28+00:00

this question is about utility, NOT social/emotional value.

I fix stuff (mostly electrical devices and computers, and anything around the house that you can fix with supplies bought from a hardware store).
I'm a fast learner for any required skills that I don't already have.
I easily adapt to new/unexpected situations (part of why being a digital nomad suits me), and I'm results-oriented. I get shit done because I'm resourceful with finding solutions.

Has reddit always showed how many times a post has been viewed?

No, and I'm curious! Where are you seeing this? Are you using RES or on beta-test mode? I'm not seeing it on my mobile interface.

mabeol · 2017-05-18T13:43:01+00:00

I’ll preface this by saying I don’t live with my SO, so this list isn’t a full picture of what a wife would offer.

I cook for my SO all the time. He can cook a few things but tends to be a pretty basic chef. When I’m cooking, he gets really delicious food (and some variety), along with companionship, a listening ear, and the knowledge that the meal he’s eating was made with love just for him. It’s not just about the food; it’s emotional support! I also help him with recipes that he makes himself. He was having a hard time putting on muscle as quickly as he wanted, and I did some research and found a recipe for fat bombs for us to make together for him to try. Verdict? He LOVES them and now makes them weekly and is happy with his gym results.
I plan specific things when we travel together. He takes on the big stuff, but on camping trips, I’m handling the food planning, purchasing, and prep, as one example, along with other little things. We each contribute crucial components. In a similar vein, I handle the selection of wedding, birthday, and holiday gifts and cards that are “from both of us.”
I’m a sounding board for his business at times. I work in marketing, and we’ve brainstormed ideas for how he can market his product together. I know he finds a lot of value in that, since marketing isn’t his forte.
I provide “artistic direction.” My SO was living like a monk when we started dating and regularly mentioned that his apartment didn’t feel very cozy. After getting a feel for what he liked, I helped him pick out a plant, print and put together some stretched canvases featuring images he likes, and surprised him with a coffee table book he’d been lusting after but I knew he’d never buy for himself. He regularly tells me how much he likes these things in his home (and often pulls me over to check out how quickly his plant is growing!).
Blowjobs. Accuse me of simplicity all you want but I know he didn’t get them in his last relationship so I’d bet a pretty penny he finds quite a bit of value in my enthusiasm ;)

I think it paints an unclear picture to leave social and emotional value out of it. My SO is a textbook Sigma, very introverted and independent, not super social. When he’s had a bad day or he’s feeling defeated or weary or just needs some cuddle time, he knows he can come to me and get all the support he needs. He can be vulnerable and open with me, and I will do all that I can to make him feel better and keep the things he shares with me private. I love, respect, and support him, no matter what. I think that’s a huge value-add.

anothergoodbook · 2017-05-17T23:29:38+00:00

My husband has said that having a wife and children drives him in his work. He would have settled and not asked for a raise, except for needing to take care of his family he said we give purpose to his work.

I also like to think that I soften out the rough edges of masculinity. I tend to understand the emotional nuances that he doesn't see. I help make the house a home so he has a soft place to land at the end of his day. Cooking, being feminine, and being available aren't simplistic. It's what round out his masculinity.

Willow-girl · 2017-05-18T11:57:52+00:00

I offer my man the opportunity to join me in shoveling about 17 tons of cow manure every year! (Hey, it beats lifting.)

CoolWaldorfMama · 2017-05-18T13:09:44+00:00

Time. We free up Time for our SO´s. Be it by providing extra income, doing a lot of fetching things or logistics. Time is the most valuable commodity we humans have so I think this is something we should hold in high regard.

ModMom14 · 2017-05-18T00:58:03+00:00

Household budgeting, couponing, maximizing savings, meal planning and storing foods to stretch the dollar.

Child care, in or out of the home, instincts and detexting red flags, oversight of child health and organizing caregivers.

Often working full.time and contibuting equally if not more to the bottom line.

Never running out of anything, anticipating needs before the need arises. Hosting social events, organizing, staying calm and resourceful when things go haywire.

Many women go beyond cleaning to maintenance. Fixing clogged drains, disposals, buying and changing air filters and much more light handiwork we dont want to bother our.men about.

Creating a pleasant and relaxing environment. Little touches go a long way.

Self care is a utility all its own. Not juat staying atteactive and finding new.things to keep him interested, but making it look effortless.

Energy is also a utility. At.the end of the day, if she hasnt saved any for him, the rest is a farce.

bowie747 · 2017-05-18T09:19:09+00:00

You want your lady to change your tires and assemble your IKEA bed? You're doing it wrong.

[deleted] · 2017-05-18T10:03:50+00:00

I am not a woman but I feel a little sick right now and I will offer you what's left of my Pocky.

[deleted] · 2017-05-18T15:43:43+00:00

I work in medicine and my husband is appreciative to have someone close by who can make recommendations for a healthier lifestyle in general, or to get him functioning again when he falls ill. In my career, I have a very flexible schedule while also bringing in a salary and additional benefits for us. My flexible schedule allows for me to handle all of the home stuff, not limited to just cooking or taking care of the house. His job demands a lot of mandatory overtime, so he appreciates having someone to run his errands for him or do some handiwork around the house so that he can actually relax when he gets home. I work far less hours so I'm happy to do it.

This might be unpopular, but in my marriage, something important we offer each other (to answer your fourth paragraph) is that we lost our virginities to each other and have been each other's only sexual partners, in all aspects. I have no worries of being exposed to STDs that could potentially damage my fertility, and getting to say that I have only had sex with the one man I have ever fallen in love with brings me so much happiness, and I can see how much he appreciates that as well. In this vein, I think the utility of being constantly sexually available to each other is important to offer, especially in a culture that views the notion of having one sexual partner in a lifetime as boring or unfulfilling.

*EDIT: To expand on the "home stuff" a little more. While my husband enjoys and is better at setting up our accounts and handling the bill-paying of our financials, I enjoy budgeting and doing our taxes. I do the food shopping and respective meal planning, I have more time and patience for couponing and finding the best sales so that we're getting value for the money we spend. I also have more time/interest to sit down with a cookbook or two and find new recipes to prepare, my husband appreciates this because it just isn't something he would do even with free time, and it allows him to eat well without having to spend a lot of money going to different restaurants all of the time in pursuit of variety. My husband loves a nice living space but isn't too savvy on decorating or adding the little "touches" that make a home more cozy, organized, etc. I spend the time to organize our home and his items in a way that makes sense to him and his needs, rather than forcing him to adjust to strict methods of my own design and essentially becoming a dictator over it (I've seen women, including my own stepmother, take homemaking to this extreme).

littlebit_ · 2017-05-18T15:44:17+00:00

Honestly, just love & acceptance. I'm nothing special, hahahaha. Seriously tho, I do all the things women are supposed to do for their man, but I think anyone can do that if you pay a person enough (cooking, housekeeping, budgeting, etc). I just think that's the special part of me in a relationship.

the_baumer · 2017-05-18T16:36:58+00:00

I manage our shared expenses and make sure bills are paid and so is rent. I coordinate all logistics for our travels and keep ourselves on a budget. I'm also the bread winner in terms of salary and often pay upfront for large purchases because I can (although this will change since I will be a part time student soon).

I drive more for us because he drives a lot for work and we don't want his car mileage to go over his lease terms. I will fix things if I can but I often just replace things if they are low on supply and find ways to de clutter and make use of what we have.

Waterboo2 · 2017-05-18T00:37:52+00:00

Being feminine and having fun with your guy may be simplistic but they're still extremely important to a man's satisfaction with his life. Sometimes men dump a woman who was committed and loyal, feminine, fun, and had good sex with, simply because they're getting "bored" or think they should play the field. Sometimes they end up regretting it because not all women in this modern era possess all those qualities. This happened to me when I was young actually, this guy thought he wanted to play the field so he broke up with me. He came back to me a few months later practically begging me to take him back. I said no. Then he came back a few years later too! Dude messed up! Oh well. He even told me he loved me a few months after we broke up, LOL why dump me then! So I figured if he had any sense he would have held on to me, I never gave him a second chance.

The best things in life aren't complicated things, they're simple pleasures :)

Gardrothard · 2017-05-18T01:08:01+00:00

I'm assuming this is a question about pure utility that one can bring, so I'll answer in that manner.

-Inheritance - can afford to be SAHM even if the guy doesn't earn much. Can afford to stay with a man and financially support the family even if he loses his job.

-Worthy degree - about to get a degree in electrical engineering, so even if something shitty happens I am skilled enough to be able to earn money. Also, it makes it easy for me to move anywhere if needed since it's a demanded profession anywhere.

Fairly good listener - people say they feel like they can tell me anything without feeling judged and criticized. I think I'm fairly good when it comes to differentiating between person asking for actual solution and just needing someone to bounce their ideas off.

Seeing the good in people - what many people tell me is that when they talk to me they have an urge to be better and to improve themselves. I think it's because I try to see the potential in them, rather than things that are wrong. I think this is a good skill for dealing with kids in the future.

Not sure if the above two should be under utility though..

Can deal with pressure - I am very resilient and it's very easy for me to stay calm and clear-headed in stressful situations. It also means that when a person comes to me with a problem, I tend not to critique them, instead offer solution.

Good education - knowledge is always useful. I was lucky to have very broad education in natural sciences and humanities and languages (Latin, French, English) and arts.

crownoffeathers · 2017-05-18T02:56:11+00:00

The same as men offer women: true partnership. If one person is sick, the other takes care of them. If one is unable to work, the other will pay the bills. If one dies, the other will take care of the kids, if there are any. All the work in life and all the knowledge needed to navigate life successfully can be split between two people. Their strengths make up for your weaknesses, and vice versa.

tempintheeastbay · 2017-05-18T16:29:51+00:00

As everyone else had made clear... There's no clear line between social/emotional and utility.

I help my BF network and socialize. That's "social" but is also critical to our careers, and therefore utilitarian. Like many other women have said, I feel I "make him look good." A GF provides social lubricant, her adoration and respect serves as testimony of your virtues, and in my case, I have more classically impressive educational and professional credentials, so that further creates the impression, "wow this guy must be great, she thinks so highly of him."

I also make and save a lot of money, own properties, etc. I bring more financial stability to our relationship.

I provide very high quality career, investing, and business advice.

I go with my BF to all the things he would otherwise have to do alone.

Overall.... I make the fun parts even more fun, and I'm a safety net for the bad parts. When he's lonely, he always has me. When he's broke, I can take care of us. When he's discouraged, I believe in him.

I'm a confrontational person so I'm super curious what TRP would think of these claims :)

Landry86 · 2017-05-18T13:14:52+00:00

Haha. Add kids to the equation and suddenly it's not very simplistic!

Rivkariver · 2017-05-18T14:27:19+00:00

Marriage minded men like women who are loving to kids and animals. Also, you should find a balance between expecting him to take care of you to an extent, (open doors is an example but it's little things like that,) and being down to earth. Don't give yourself away for free, but too high maintainence is bad.

These tips are all good, but you are worth more than what you can do (in any context) so do your best.

Title	What do you as women feel you offer a relationship?
Author	testmypatience
Upvotes	24
Comments	81
Date	May 17, 2017 11:13 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/6bsdew/what_do_you_as_women_feel_you_offer_a_relationship/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/what-do-you-as-women-feel-you-offer-a-relationship.167292 https://theredarchive.com/post/167292

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