Assuming you'll never be caught, why shouldn't you cheat?

akthero · 2014-09-12T12:15:04+00:00

Do you value honesty? Do you value truth? Do you value loyalty?

I'm not being condescending, I'm just asking, because if you don't then yes, you have no reason not to cheat.

But I do value these things, very much so and I believe if people held these values higher, the world would be much better off. It would be very hypocritical of me to expect/demand honesty from others, when I am not honest/truthful myself.

“Be the change you wish to see in the world.” – Mahatma Gandhi

[deleted] · 2014-09-12T13:20:18+00:00

[permanently deleted]

DevilishRogue · 2014-09-12T13:16:30+00:00

It's beta behavior. Far better to maintain a frame where a plate knows she's one of many than to elevate her to girlfriends status and then have to fool around behind her back. Why are you elevating her to girlfriend if she isn't worth forgoing others for in the first place?

CryptoManbeard · 2014-09-12T12:00:43+00:00

Being a man of my word is important to me. If I don't believe in myself and the value of the things I say then other areas of my life will be affected. A man who cheats on his wife will also not be trustworthy with his business partners, friends, etc.

HiddenPools · 2014-09-12T13:09:20+00:00

If you're actually a sociopath there really isn't.

If you're not a sociopath, it's going to eat at your nerves slowly over time. Not at first when you're getting your big rush, but over time when either you or she wants more. You'll have to spend double the money to cover it up, your extra time that could be going toward improving yourself is instead being spent making up stories about where you were.

If you've been following the (good) advice here, your girlfriend should be matched up with you sexually anyway. If she's not, you picked the wrong one or you aren't demonstrating enough value to her for her to want to please you.

Overall, it's a waste of time, nobody feels good looking back on it.

zyk0s · 2014-09-12T17:48:51+00:00

The problem I see with all these answers is the concept of cheating itself. The dating/ltr/marriage paradigm that we have today is often logically inconsistent and it is designed to go in line with the female reproductive strategy.

It used to be simple: the rule was sex was exclusive between two people, the pairing had to be made official in front of witnesses, it lasted for life and was unbreakable. The sin/crime was that of adultery, which was simply "having sex with someone other than your spouse". Not married? Adultery. Married and fucking someone else's wife? Adultery. Married and having sex with someone who isn't married? Both are guilty of adultery.

Now, the concept of cheating is tied to the relationship status, which is itself often informal. If you are sleeping with two people at a time, it isn't cheating, unless you are in a "committed" relationship with one, which is defined as them having an expectation of exclusivity. How that expectation is supposed to be confirmed is not given, so it all becomes a circular argument of "it's expected you don't do it if the other person expects you don't do it". What's more, this expectation exclusivity can be broken by either party at any time, and the ways this is communicated can also be ambiguous. For example, let's say you are "seeing" a girl, one night you're at a bar, notice a hot chick, you both want to fuck, so you send that "exclusive" girl a text saying "we're taking a break", fuck the new girl, then get back to the "exclusive" girl by saying the break is over and you're exclusive again. This can be seen as a dick move, but it's categorically identical to a chick having the "I need a break" talk with a guy, going on vacation and "having her fun", then getting back together with the guy. The arbiter of what is ok and what isn't are, again, a woman's feelings.

The word "cheating" makes one think of breaking the established rules of a game everyone is playing, except the rules are themselves not well defined, and completely skewed towards one side. Consider a game where players are divided in two groups, group A can score points more easily early in the game while group B can score points more easily later in the game. Each group can at any point decide that the game ends and you tally up the score. If you knew you were being placed in group B, would you play the game? If forced to play the game, would you play by the rules?

HisDarkSide123 · 2014-09-12T11:59:04+00:00

[deleted]

LifterofThings · 2014-09-12T13:18:59+00:00

Depends how strong a sense of honor you have. I personally would never cheat on a partner because it'd be such a massive blow to my self-respect, whether or not I ever got caught. Other people come and go, but you're stuck with you... So it's best imo not to feel like you're a piece of shit.

That being said, honor and morality are a subjective, personal thing. If it doesn't bother you to cheat, and you're willing to risk getting caught (and there is no such thing as zero-risk cheating), I can't see any objective reason not to.

Archwinger · 2014-09-12T12:14:58+00:00

Humans are animals. Fear of consequences keeps us in check.

If we lived in a magical universe where I could never be caught or suffer any consequence for anything, I'd do way more than cheat.

Other humans and the consequences they can inflict on us keep us honest. Those same consequences keep others in line. Take away consequences and you get stuff like cheating divorcing women being encouraged for their bravery.

If men got paid for that, we'd do the same.

dreckmal · 2014-09-12T13:46:14+00:00

Your actions define who you are. I am not saying cheating is bad, but the dishonesty, like many other guys here have posted, is something that will affect you (unless you have no compunctions about dishonesty).

If getting strange, or recruiting new talent is something that is important for you, you really need to structure your life around that goal, and structure your relationships based on that expectation. This should include not promising exclusivity, ever.

DrakeSaint · 2014-09-12T15:15:02+00:00

There's a line between having options in case disasters happen and actual cheating.

What most people who presumably swallowed red believe is that absolute loyalty is trust. If you put all your eggs in one basket, what is going to happen if you trip? Shit happens, you know.

You don't have to cheat to keep things at a minimum hibernation mode for when you need to go single again. And although it brings a lot of bad blood between you and your LTR, it's not cheating, and no, you're not being disloyal.

The top comment makes a great analogy with business partners. EVERY FUCKING business partner WILL have a plan B, or plan C ready, in case things go sour between you and him. If he doesn't, than he's an incompetent businessman. This doesn't mean he is going to cancel contracts if he's loyal and keeps his words. It means he cares about his own ass when stuff beyond his control spiral downwards.

massthetics · 2014-09-12T16:42:00+00:00

Because if you're in an exclusive relationship, you agreed to be in an exclusive relationship, and not adhering to that is a breach of trust. Would you tell your woman to cheat if she knew she wouldn't get caught?

liftedhabits · 2014-09-12T17:23:49+00:00

I could cheat on my SO easily. But just because you can do something doesn't mean you should. Our relationship is built upon trust and without it, it isn't a relationship at all. I trust her with my life and I know she would never cheat on me. And she trusts me with hers and that is why I would never cheat on her. It all goes back to the golden rule, "treat others the way you want to be treated". Of course some people do cheat but to each their own. Although my girlfriend has been lacking in the sack lately and we have a lot of issues, I would break up with her before ever hook of up with someone else. And even if we broke up I just can't imagine myself with any girl but her. In the end my commitment is the most important asset of the relationship. If she meets my needs and keeps me satisfied then she deserves my commitment. However once she starts to lack is when I would consider leaving her. After all, it's important to have an abundance mentality. Why fret over one girl when you could get 5 more? Lol

halfnerf · 2014-09-12T17:46:49+00:00

A man is in control of his emotions\feelz. If you give into that short term temptation\desire, you are just a boy, succumbing to your emotions. Stand by your convictions\statements.

snowclimber · 2014-09-12T18:10:00+00:00

Integrity. It's doing the right thing when no one is looking. Do what you think is right and your conscience will be clear.

rockmasterflex · 2014-09-12T18:14:07+00:00

Assuming you'll never be caught is a poor assumption. thats why. But hey, maybe you are the absolute greatest fucking fuck ninja in the world. You cover your tracks and don't even ever act suspicious or anything.

Too bad that the person you're fucking is not.

So unless you kill every woman you cheat on with, its not a good idea. But cheating in general is not a good idea because cheating implies you are "comitted" to someone when you want to fuck somebody else. Why would you stay in such an arrangement?

IF its because you're married, and you don't want to get divorce raped, its not worth the risk. Period.

Cyralea · 2014-09-12T18:34:47+00:00

Pragmatically you're not likely to cover your tracks as well as you'd like. Just the fact that there's another party involved can end up ruining everything. What if the other party starts demanding your commitment by leaving your current girlfriend, on threat of revealing the truth?

Non-sociopaths have a need to reconcile their actions with the idea that they're a good person. Most people who cheat would have some issues fighting that cognitive dissonance.

BluepillProfessor · 2014-09-12T18:40:05+00:00

A wrathful God and your personal honor.

BluepillProfessor · 2014-09-12T18:45:16+00:00

However, DEFINE "cheating." Does the different State rule apply? What if you aren't getting it at home and you get it elsewhere? You are not 'cheating' your SO out of sex so what is the problem?

A_Cake_Called_Irony · 2014-09-12T18:45:27+00:00

Nothing is true, everything is permitted.

Or some bullshit like that, "the beginning of wisdom." The logical reason is that if you get caught, infidelity is cause for a fault divorce in all 50 states, and then there goes your shit and your kids. You can hypothetical all you want about not getting caught, the odds are against you. But hey, if you're a betting man and willing to let it all ride, cheat away. It will make it that much easier for me to convince her to go home with me and share all her divorce rape gains as she "proves" she was "too good" for your cheating ways over and over again.

Now as far as personal opinion goes, there are four "deadly sins" as I refer to them, four things I will not tolerate in anyone, man or woman, that I associate with. Those are lying, cheating, stealing, and unnecessary physical violence. One instance of any of those is reason enough for me to next a woman or cut a friend or family member out of my life for good. There are no second chances.

TL;DR Logically, cheating in marriage is betting half (or more) of your shit you won't get caught, in an LTR it's betting all your shit that she won't go crazy and cut your throat or burn your house down. Personally, I just don't do or tolerate that shit because I have my own morality.

alisonstone · 2014-09-12T18:52:16+00:00

Why agree to a monogamous relationship if you want multiple partners?

StasisNation · 2014-09-12T20:58:47+00:00

Well, it's not exactly a reason not to, but men and women are basically the same.

Cheaters ruin the relationship, plain and simple. If you're not out exploring certain options, she certainly will be. Cheating is always in favour of the person in power.

If you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you shouldn't cheat, because it devalues your partner in your mind. Your partner is easily replaceable if you can fuck other women. Yes, this is exactly the same process women go through when cheating. It's a two way street.

If you want the girl you're with for life, don't cheat. If you don't plan on spending the rest of your life with her, by all means fuck everything that moves. But both parties need a certain amount of integrity to keep their relationship healthy, stable, and long term.

Implying any girl is worth spending the rest of your life with.

Implying you won't find "the one".

Implying "the one" exists.

Implying "the one" exists for you.

Honestly, I wish humans were just a little bit more honest with themselves. If you're going to cheat, the relationship isn't worth it. Just be fuck buddies and move on with your lives.

[deleted] · 2014-09-12T11:43:17+00:00

Possible STDs are my first thought. Other than that all the reasons I can think of are rooted in social upbringing and own values.

wickedwildewolf · 2014-09-12T14:23:12+00:00

Basically, it's your own choice. If you can live with it, and willing to deal with possible fallout, why not?

Some people have personal morals that prevent them from doing so without impunity. They would feel guilty about not being honourable.

But for others its part of our male nature to want to spread our seed, and they can do it without affecting their primary relationship.

I think ideally we want to be honest. Personally I have an understanding with my wife that I can have other girls on the side, as long as it's discreet and doesn't affect our marriage. I have the best of both worlds.

sniperhiding · 2014-09-12T14:46:19+00:00

Well one side reason for me is that I can't bitch about women who cheat on their man, and then turn around and cheat on my woman.

If a woman cheats, she is in the wrong. She has a right to lose attraction for her man, but she should then just leave him, and not play games. So that's why I think women who cheat on loser betas are still wrong even though the betas deserve women losing attraction for them.

Plus, cheating on women makes more annoying as fuck feminists who hate men. Those women raise boys. I for one like to see the male gender make a comeback from being 1 big collective pussy.

alreadyredschool · 2014-09-12T19:07:40+00:00

Yes. Most men don't feel good cheating, it destroys them emotionally. If it is no problem for you, feel free to do it.

HisDarkSide123 · 2014-09-12T12:07:37+00:00

That's a great question. Most reasons are total bullshit:

Don't do what you don't want others to do to you: I think you're less likely to be cheated on when you cheat. I found that there's usually one victim in a relationship. Don't be that one.
Morality: that's just something made up by other people. Do what you think is right, not what others told you.
Hurting the other: if she doesn't know, she won't be hurt. Putting your dick in another girl has nothing to do with her.
...

However there are a few reasons not to do so. And as I've cheated a couple of times, I found that they are quite important:

Having to live with a secret costs energy. You will think of it from time. As you have to hide a part of yourself, it can prevent you from enjoying who you are. Also it's quite risky, because when you're arguing, you may be tempted to hurt your partner by telling her.
Commitment: when you say you're going to do something, you should do it. For your own good. It's about having your words aligned with your behavior. That's like when you say you'll go to the gym, you do it.
Self-control : if you're just cheating to have sex (as opposed to testing a potential new partner), that's a bit like watching porn. Why would you do that? Validation => Fuck that. Satisfying your basic needs => Learn to control yourself. You're drunk => Be a human, get sober. A great sex opportunity => Is it really worth it? Yes? Ok, do it... Life is short.

raceAround126 · 2014-09-12T18:47:35+00:00

Ignoring your dumbass poster which, really, I'm not going to waste my evening reading, it depends on your definition of "cheat"

I was in a dead bedroom for 8 years. I didn't cheat. I had a couple of times where I could have quite easily (call it blind dumb luck). But I didn't.

I agreed to be in a monogamous relationship with someone... who refused to have sex with me... And yes, I know how it sounds! Grade-A stupid, yes, I'm fully aware! Rather than "You should have just done it, dude", I prefer, "You should have just fucking left, dude!".

OK, so let's take each one of your demands in turn:

Logical reasoning: You will get found out. No matter how good you are at hiding your tracks, most men will fail at the deep regression hypnosis that is female hamstering. Aside from that, if it's considered cheating, then that means you're in some form of relationship. Thus if you cheat, you're deceiving someone and how can you base any sort of relationship on that?
Rational: Simply, what happens if you catch something? What happens if your mistress gets pregnant? What happens if you're about town and everyone runs into each other.
Non-male hamstering: You are yourself, do what you want. If you want to "cheat", then nothing I or anybody says will dissuade you. And nor should it. You do what you want to do. But, like all of your decisions, there are consequences. They could be bad as well as perfectly good! But ultimately, you should do what you will!

netarangi · 2014-09-12T22:55:24+00:00

You're no better than these cheating whores if you think it's okay to cheat.

Title	Assuming you'll never be caught, why shouldn't you cheat?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	11
Comments	78
Date	September 12, 2014 11:23 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2g6wzr/assuming_youll_never_be_caught_why_shouldnt_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/assuming-youll-never-be-caught-why-shouldnt-you.194245 https://theredarchive.com/post/194245

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