Since I been clean I been trying to clean up the shit storm I created that I woke up to.
The relationship had turned to shit. I had too much of a past. I had been cheating and didn’t see me stopping. I opened up the idea to an open relationship. She didn’t say no but wasn’t what she wanted. So I did the opposite of what I would have in the past. I would have manipulated her. Things wouldn’t have got better and we would be in the same shit storm a month later.
I came home 2 days ago. I sat her down and told her it’s best to split. I couldn’t be faithful. She was going one way with her life. I was going another. She was well established as I was picking up the pieces of a fucked up dude and putting them back to together. I knew she would never leave. So it was up to me to respect her enough to end this to let her and me both, move on. I’m in no place to be a good captain at the moment. Esp with my past and everything she knows about me just makes it all harder. It’s better to start fresh. For myself.
She moves out today. 5 years go poof. But I ain’t really that upset yet. Probably hasn’t really set in. But then she messages me saying she wants to take the dog. My first thought was no fucking way. It’s the only thing I love in this life. But then I had to stop being a selfish prick for once in my life and realize. I work longer hours. I’m home a lot less I travel around more. I now will be paying more in rent (dk how I’m going to swing this) and vet bills will set me back. And honestly she can give the dog a better life. And everything can be gone thats I cherish tomorrow anyway. So I had to make a choice. I let her take it.
So as I sit hear crying like a little bitch writing this over the loss of my dog. I can be happy that I can start fresh and better myself so if I ever get a new girl or dog. This time I will be ready for the job. I don’t really have much else to say, maybe just looking for some advice moving forward from this. But I do want to thank you to all who have been helping me this far