I get called out on leaving

InChargeMan · 2018-04-17T07:53:55+00:00

Yep, this is a very common issue. MRP says don't get butthurt, but remove attention. The reality is that it is extremely difficult for a noob to thread that needle. You are butthurt, you know, she knows, everybody knows. You just tried for sex and got shot down. You'll get things like "I can't just be turned on right away." and "How about trying to cuddle or talk or massage or etc. etc. first". It is all a shit-test to see where you really stand. The "list" of shit you need to do to unlock the pussy is her way of seeing how thirsty you are and how high she can make you jump. You aren't going to win that game, so don't play it. Separate sex from everything else. She isn't the gatekeeper of sex, she is the gatekeeper of sex WITH HER. Make sure she understands that, and that you have a high enough SMV where that means something.

Until your SMV is high enough you need to develop as much OI as possible, and stay away from covert contracts and DEERing. I think the best way to navigate this in the interim is to use OVERT communication but not butthurt. For example: "Oh, so you don't get sex and now you are all mad and don't want to spend time with me?" You:"I'm not mad, but yeah, I need good frequent sex to keep me happy. I like sitting and cuddling with you, but not when I'm unhappy, it isn't genuine. I'm off to the gym."

man_in_the_world · 2018-04-17T07:53:35+00:00

Before you initiate, plan what you would do if you decided not to initiate at all. Perhaps you would take the kids to the playground, or paint a room, or mow the lawn, or go to the hardware store to get material for a home improvement project. Whatever you would have done, if she rejects you, do that.

Leaving the house to do something you wouldn't have done otherwise is retarded, and the opposite of OI.

Alphaphux · 2018-04-17T07:29:18+00:00

Stop giving a shit what she thinks

EDIT: This came out like I have tourettes, I mean stop giving a shit about her feelz if they are being used to try and manipulate the situation

Persaeus · 2018-04-17T10:35:54+00:00

LTR wont' fuck?

Glennus626 · 2018-04-17T11:46:27+00:00

I had the same excuse used on me for some time by the wife. I admittedly lost frame the last time and laid it out as "don't you find it concerning that you are not keeping your hygiene up to the point where several days in a row you're too dirty to have sex? Kind of gross..." then, in the evening when the bath or shower had happened and she asked me for sex, I politely turned her down, saying I was tired (Something I previously never did). I have not gotten that excuse since.

JDRoedell · 2018-04-17T11:53:10+00:00

Own your fucking decisions. She calls you out on it just say yep, “my first choice was to fuck... you’re not interested so I’m going to do X, Y or Z now.” Not being butthurt doesn’t mean not being honest about your desires

EDIT: put another way, stop giving a fuck about what she thinks when you leave

DanG3 · 2018-04-17T11:54:00+00:00

If she knew, or sensed, that you had other options - and had what it takes to fuck them - she would WANT to fuck you dirty - or however you wanted. She’d give you unsolicited blow jobs to get and keep your attention. AWALT. Women use their sexual powers to get and keep what they see as desirable.

Rian_Stone · 2018-04-17T14:44:33+00:00

But I almost always get called upon it.

So? You're not trying to sneak one past the goalie here. Be honest. We aren't fucking, so I'm going to [x].

She knows full well you want to fuck and she rejected you. She wants you to act butthurt so she doesn't feel bad. Her feelings are hers just as how you spend your time is yours

RedPillCoach · 2018-04-17T15:21:03+00:00

Build a life apart from the LTR so that when you leave it is not butthurt but leaving because you legitimately have better things to do than spend time with her.

She will get that message quickly.

When called on your butthurt, it is a shit test and needs to be treated as such. Don't take it seriously etc.

matrixtospartanatLV · 2018-04-21T02:34:33+00:00

Have you ever heard the expression, “Men are like microwaves, and women are like ovens”?

If you want instant, transactional sex; hire a hooker. FFS.

Do you kino throughout the day?

Do you engage her emotions?

Do you game your wife?

Does she feel any competition anxiety?

Does she find you attractive?

Do you give her tingles, when you’re NOT around?

Married sex is way harder than single sex.

If you want to put it in the pussy, you’ll have to put something in the kitty, first.

She’s not a fuckdoll.

If you want her to act like a woman, treat her like one.

Not that Disney Princess shit.

Game her, engage all of her emotions, kino.

SteelSharpensSteel · 2018-04-17T08:14:03+00:00

There's a J10 post about not being butthurt. You should read it - I've linked to it several times now.

screechhater · 2018-04-17T10:50:47+00:00

LTR or wife.

Leave the fucking house for the gym. Its a must. So- initiate before the gym. But first, get a gym pass and go regularly - then - you got your leaving real reason, and that is how its done for the newbie

Hobbies, bros, shopping all of it. Got it ?

SMV, abundance. Your smv must be higher / have fun - Get to know other women. How many if them could you honestly fuck ? I got 7 on my list

I'm working out 2x day right now. Let me tell you, if I get a no, and she tries to hamster, the soreness honesty just mskes me laugh at hef

DeplorableRay · 2018-04-17T12:33:21+00:00

Be attractive.

the_grizzlebee · 2018-04-17T16:37:04+00:00

You need some frame built up to pull this off correctly IME. Just peacing out early on is going to come off as butthurt, because it is.

Stay fun and sexy without being a little bitch about it. "Guess my little slut doesn't want to have fun tonight...guess I'll go see what else is fun." Smile. Hold her down and give her a kiss.

YMMV, I like to tell her I'm going to punish her (with some kink) next time. Sometimes subtle sometimes overt. Instead of her remembering the butthurt - you've given her a little excitement to chew on.

Caveat...this is more for if you are already getting good sex and you just need to abort without sounding autistic. If you can't fathom talking to your wife like this it's not going to go well out of the blue. If it's deadbedrooms style I'm out of my element.

CaptJohnLukeDiscard · 2018-04-17T16:41:14+00:00

Read this post by Jack10 which should be required reading in the sidebar about managing the appearance of butthurt.

Now, read it again. Got it? Good, read it again. The keys to managing your wife's observations of "you are butthurt" are three things: 1) time, 2) having a legitimate alternate activity, and 3) frame. You can come up with the second on the spot but #1 and #3 will take a while, as in at least a few months.

You need time because even if you execute perfectly on frame and an alternate activity the next time your wife does this, she will still be in the pattern of "when I say no, he acts like a bitch." It will take many iterations of you succeeding at this before her neural framework starts to notice and adjust. She won't believe it at first because she will assume certain responses are based on what she believes to be true... you are, in fact, her bitch.

An alternate activity is easy. Work on your car. Go lift weights. Read some self improvement books. Practice meditation. Play with the kids. Tinker with the budget. Read some stock price info. Brush up on your resume. Finalize a work project. Don't be an autistic imbecile every time and do the same thing. I guarantee that your wife is smart enough to pick up on you swapping butthurt for going to the gym as being the same damn thing. That's not OI... that's just swapping one thing for another and it's dumb.

Regarding frame. Frame is learned and internalized over time in leaps and bounds. You will have plateaus and revelations and that is ok. It seems like many guys reach frame through different methods. For me, it was watching guys like Patrice O'Neal deal with situations and comment on how they view things.

Got all that? Good. Read Jack10's post again.

Taipanshimshon · 2018-04-17T17:25:31+00:00

the idea is to be busy with things.

initiate before you need to go somewhere. Or do something . like a half hour or what ever. Don't just get up and go as soon as she says no. Its difficult to break that desire. But just chill.

As you get more and more attractive it will get easier. Finish watching the movie/ show/ reading the book.

Initiate while you cook dinner together. Lightly.

Any kino at all or are you just "wanna smash"?

BobbyPeru · 2018-04-17T20:53:08+00:00

Put some time between the rejection and leaving so it’s not so obvious you’re butt-hurt

Why do you care if she calls you out? Just STFU in change the subject

JoATMoN9 · 2018-04-17T23:22:17+00:00

"You're just butthurt."

"K"

(Leave)

Big_Daddy_PDX · 2018-04-18T05:30:37+00:00

Oh shit! She’s calling you on something? I guess you better make some changes, right?

Sepean · 2018-04-18T06:37:49+00:00

Don't be bothered by what she says.

Calling you butthurt for leaving is trying to get you into her frame. The frame she is trying to set is that you want to spend non-sex time with her, and the only reason you're not is that you're butthurt.

Is that the case? If you're not fucking, is the next best thing for you to do to talk with her or watch netflix or whatever? Or would you rather do something else entirely?

What would you normally do if there hadn't been any initiation and rejection? If you're not doing what you want every day, or if you're doing something out of character after rejection, then you are in fact either butthurt or not living in your own frame 24/7

redpillrobert · 2018-04-19T16:14:46+00:00

your first problem was that you initiated

that's her job

DanG3 · 2018-04-20T14:07:28+00:00

Men need to be continually mindful of the flow of “currency” in their relationships: YOU control her access to the benefits of a relationship with a Man. SHE controls your access to sex (with her). It’s easier for her if she can contort/propagandize/condition/guilt your mind to think that you should continue to provide “relationship” when she (like a delinquent renter) isn’t making her “payments.” Worse, she ultimately disrespects you if she can pull this off!

https://www.google.com/amp/s/therationalmale.com/2011/08/19/the-cardinal-rule-of-relationships/amp/

https://www.google.com/amp/s/therationalmale.com/2011/09/13/rewriting-the-rules/amp/

Title	I get called out on leaving
Author	1d2f3g
Upvotes	4
Comments	53
Date	April 17, 2018 7:27 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/8curb8/i_get_called_out_on_leaving/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/i-get-called-out-on-leaving.204609 https://theredarchive.com/post/204609

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