PI Update: I've hired a PI...

SteelToeShitKicker · 2018-02-16T18:40:17+00:00

My friend sent me a message telling me my wife was acting different and on the phone most of the time. He mentioned he was getting a weird vibe.

You don't need a PI, you have your answer right there. I'm sorry bro.

hypergamous · 2018-02-16T19:23:20+00:00

I don't understand why men who are married can not insist on a no password policy. Goes both ways, for both of you.

Why would you be in a relationship with another person, who lives in your home, raises your children, sleeps in your bed... But asking for no passwords ( or all shared passwords ) - is "too much"?

When I removed the puppy during my marriage - no Private Investigator was needed. She changed her password & Facebook access. Found a "new" phone she had been using.

Guess what - that was all the proof I needed. The truth trickled after papers where filed and accounts were closed.

You already know the answers - you just may not want to ask the question.

johneyapocalypse · 2018-02-16T18:43:24+00:00

You don't sound BP to me you sound both (1) right and (2) smart. Buddies have a nose for that, yours is on to something. Then again, the rest of it sounds bad, too. Stay strong wherever you are - probably much more on the line for you than her - so keep your head firmly on your shoulders.

jshtx2117 · 2018-02-16T19:44:02+00:00

Idealize, Devalue, Discard;
She is in the Devalue stage,

amalgamator · 2018-02-16T23:30:21+00:00

I want to hear from the dude that found the phone! Where is he?

Two_kids_in_a_coat · 2018-02-16T21:18:51+00:00

It’s over. She already cheated, so for her to do it again is much easier. Focus on you right now. Assume it’s over.

Big_Daddy_PDX · 2018-02-16T19:09:20+00:00

I think getting a PI is just you on hamster drive. Otherwise you’d be able to make a clear decision. What are you going to do when the PI provides similar partial corroboration? What about when he confirms she’s on the CC? If you don’t have a plan now, you need to get engaged. But I don’t think it matters if she is or isn’t doing something behind your back; you aren’t in a mental frame of mind to do anything about it. That needs to change.

ReddJive · 2018-02-16T23:29:04+00:00

If you have that feeling in your gut odds are you going to get kicked in the nuts.

Iv'e been there with a girl in college. You are never usually wrong ALTHOUGH i have had that feeling and it was false. The PI is prudent.

Your challenge is the main event this will cause. The path is still the same only you are shorting out all the dread levels in-between. Decide now how you want it to happen. Think through the options. You are a solider you know how to build a battle plan. This no different.

Be ready for her to plead, cry, do everything she can. Here's some advice, Deploy Ahoy, on prepping for divorce. Sadly you are deployed but maybe you have a buddy that can help state side.

broneilbro · 2018-02-16T20:08:41+00:00

I know. It fucking sucks, but we will see. If the PI finds anything then it's IDGAF hardcore, if they don't I'm still framing and working on myself to kill that BP traits.

It sucks, because as an officer I have seen and carried the impact when it happened to my men. Add the "red flags" from them it could be making me go Rambo but we will see.

As for the kids, I think she would do every other week as her parents were divorced and she stated she would have preferred that.

We will see gents and I'll make a COA upon what we find.

JudgeDoom69 · 2018-02-16T20:54:33+00:00

You did the right thing. Knowledge is power and know you will know for sure one way or the other.

lifted 4 days out of the week; rode 12 miles today, and starting to train for a triathlon as I always wanted to do one.

Lifting and riding are good healthy outlets for your anxiety.

Reject444 · 2018-02-16T22:25:28+00:00

I agree that you're doing the right thing with hiring the PI. I can see the need to know for sure one way or the other; just make sure that whatever decision you make as to what to do about your marriage is what YOU want to do based on the information you have, not just because you think it's the "right" thing that society expects you to do based on what SHE is or isn't doing. I'm interested to hear further updates about what you decide.

BobbyPeru · 2018-02-16T22:54:28+00:00

Idk, depends on the cost. I think you already know the answer, but if you need closure, how much does this PI estimate? What is he going to do exactly?

broneilbro · 2018-02-17T03:35:50+00:00

That is true. The plan is the same until that very main event, which hopefully doesn't come but fuck my intuition when it comes to shitty things.

Building the frame sucks when you got this on the mind. The main thing on my mind is my daughter.

druganswer · 2018-02-17T10:07:35+00:00

is she someone you want to be with? her actions - not your romanticized version of "who she is."

we already know the answer to this. save yourself the $1500. go spend it on something cool as fuck to get over the divorce. buy your kids some nice school clothes. whatever. you might not even get anything out of this PI and you already know. the fact that you're here tells me that.

the best course of action for 90%+ of guys who show up here is leave. they're usually just not strong enough to do it right away. hamster does its thing until they actually get their shit together. sometimes the getting their shit together fixes everything and sometimes it only shows them their wife is not worthy of them and they leave. but seriously, most of the time leaving right off the bat would not have been a bad decision.

this PI shit is a surefire way to put yourself through a few more months of hell, possibly get fucked out of the inheritance you're going to receive, and waste more time focusing on your shit wife; time you could be using to improve yourself.

are you going to suddenly trust her 100% if 20 hours of PI work comes back clean? you'll be out $1500 and be in the exact same spot you are now. the only way you're going to get any certainty out of this is if the PI sends you pictures of your wife taking chad's dick. odds of that are low. anything less incriminating than that and you are setting yourself up for huge anxiety and a confrontation where you get lied to and guilt tripped for not trusting her. so where do you draw the line? if she does anything other than what she told you she was doing at that time? or is that forgivable? trickle truth... moving goal posts... unnecessary pain and suffering.

waste of time and money.

dontbedenied · 2018-02-18T18:58:34+00:00

Keep us posted, man.

stacysmomlovesme · 2018-02-18T18:56:40+00:00

No need for PI. You aren't being treated properly so that should be enough to get stuff inline as you said

broneilbro · 2018-02-19T16:10:23+00:00

Lol, hopefully that isn't what is found. I've been thinking hard about it and just can't explain it. Like I'm Jekyll and Hydying this stupid shit.

Title	PI Update: I've hired a PI...
Author	broneilbro
Upvotes	9
Comments	57
Date	February 16, 2018 6:37 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/7y0urx/pi_update_ive_hired_a_pi/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/pi-update-ive-hired-a-pi.204807 https://theredarchive.com/post/204807

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