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June 9, 2017

Enough victim puke. Lets ask some real questions.

Men who know; what are some good things to do for yourself when you start the MRP journey? I know lift, and can figure out the how. I want to know stuff like diet, sleep, schedule. Give me a tip, a recipe, or little known secret.

Thanks in advance.

Post Information
Title Self-Care
Upvotes 9
Comments 32
Date 09 June 2017 04:34 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
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[–]redsprinklersystem8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Honestly, just keep busy.

One of the biggest changes for me was to catch myself when I was just sitting around surfing or watching bullshit TV etc. At first I made a list for myself of projects, repair jobs etc and every time I found myself sitting on my ass I'd pick something from it to do.

There is no end of productive little tasks and preparations to be done, just get on it. If you're really on top of everything and struggling to find a task, bust out the dumbbells and crank out a few extra sets of accessories.

The beauty of this for me is that the wife sees I'm busy and feels bad if sitting on her ass, so she'll get up and get ahead on chores that would otherwise fall to me. Double win!

[–]resolutions3165 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

The most important thing I did was take time to reconnect with male friends.

  1. Set me up as the social connector, bringing people together.

  2. Got me out of the house.

  3. Renewed valuable friendships that showed me I wasn't alone, and gave me a place to vent that WASNT to my wife.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I can't understate how important this is.

I can take a week long vacation on the Greek Islands, or a quick 2 day trip to the East Coast to see some of the old sailors for a weekend.

I will always come back more refreshed, happy, and content after the latter.

It's the OG way guys swapped notes

[–]Garblix7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

A lot of good tips in here. In regards to eating right and lifting, if you weren't already aware of it, you want to make sure you're getting enough protein every day to make gains in the gym. I didn't know this when I started lifting heavier and was getting discouraged that I was not getting larger gains. I simply can't eat enough meat in one day to meet my protein needs, (around 200 grams) so I supplement with 2-3 protein shakes a day from the tub of whey protein I buy once a month.

Also, I'll second the mention about getting a hobby. Something you truly like doing. I play in a band with 3 other guys. We meet one night every week for 3 hours and playing music is just a great, cathartic release for me. Not to mention just hanging with a few friends, enjoying a few beers, and sharing some laughs and gripe sessions with your friends does wonders. It's something I look forward to every week.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I think I'm gonna pick up some protein shake. Thanks man

[–]anythingincRed Beret7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

  • Two-ply toilet paper - You are worth it
  • Two seat convertible - Every time you drive it is a mini-vacation. It is so choice. If you have the means, I highly recommend picking one up.
  • Teeth whitening - Easy SMV/Self-esteem upgrade. You could be a hobo, but if your teeth are white everyone assumes you are a middle-class guy just slumming it for the day.
  • A clean bill of health - Go to the fucking doctor! Get a physical. Get that [whatever] checked out. Good for your well-being, good for your life.
  • New LED bulbs for the house - high Kelvin (blue/white color) for waking up and being alert, low Kelvin (yellow color) for going to bed.
  • Dryer with a steam function - throw shirts in, come out fresh
  • Nice underwear - you like your lady to wear $20 VS panties all the time for you and you here in this ratty 5 for $10 shit?

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'm surprised no one has mentioned it yet? Get a hobby. A real one, not something like "Coaching little league" or "Line dancing with my wife..." Especially anything that ends with "With my wife"

Too many men fail to invest in a purely selfish pursuit. We are mostly knowledge workers where a bad electrical surge can wipe out a days work from us. At the end of the day there's nothing tangible to show for our effort. Work with your hands, paint, play an instrument, something.

One of my favorite books Shopcraft is Soulcraft highlights this.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I need to get back into carpentry. I used to do it with my dad.

[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret5 points6 points  (6 children) | Copy

  • When you shower in the morning, at the end of the shower, turn the water ice cold for as long as you can take it.
  • Wake up an hour earlier than you normally do for an hour of peace and quiet. Drink coffee and listen to the birds chirping. Read MRP or sidebar material during this time.
  • Schedule haircuts every 2-4 weeks
  • Get teeth whitening gel and toothpaste​
  • Yell at the top of your lungs and get your anger out. Call yourself names, scream, then talk out loud about what you are going to do to fix it. On a similar note, talk to yourself in the mirror (affirmations). Give yourself credit.
  • Keto diet
  • Black coffee
  • PPL

I'm big on morning routine.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

I would not advise keto diet for beginners. Ive made tremendous progress with carbs. When you are just trying to get your life together a keto diet can be a bit of an undertaking.

Besides research continues to show it doesn't have any particular metabolic advantage for weight loss or muscle growth (though it has other benefits)

Just my humble opine

[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's a very solid point. Yeah, I do it for mental clarity, less lethargy, and really I just like the food a whole lot better. I was never big on potatoes and rice so eating bacon everyday instead was an easy sell. I would definitely not argue that my gains have improved from it.

[–]resolutions3162 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy


[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Push, Pull, Leg

[–]resolutions3162 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

oh wow - had no idea. Checking it out now.

[–]RedishPill4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Respect yourself. Don't put yourself down, in your head, with other people, and on here.

I cringe whenever I see someone post for the first time and open with "for too long I've been a blue pill beta dick sucking faggot who happily bends over for my wife's strap-on bla bla bla". This statement serves no value, and only lowers your value in other peoples eyes. STOP IT. It feeds the victim mentality, and if you keep calling yourself a pussy, 1)everyone is going to think you're a pussy and 2)eventually you'll start believing you're just a giant pussy. And pussy's don't make progress or change their lives; they get fucked.

It's like that guy that takes self-depricating humour too far and puts himself down too's impossible to respect someone who doesn't respect themselves. Don't be that guy.

Try instead: "Fuck, been reading on here for awhile, and I can see I need to make some changes. I'm not happy with the person I used to be, but starting today, shit's going to change".

[–]AustralianArm3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Here's some tips that work for me.

Diet: Don't eat shit. Make all your food from fresh produce.

Sleep: Have a sleep routine. Make sure you get 6-8 solid hours of sleep per night. Don't have the TV on in the bedroom when trying to sleep.

[–]number1233562 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

Learn how to shave with a straight razor or if you don't want to do all the maintenance use a Shavette.

Shavettes are more easy to clean and you can change the blade. Use regular razor blades and break them in half, no need to buy half blades.

Take your time and shave after a shower. Use shaving foam and after shave.

This is some old school cool shit and it saves you a bunch of money you would spend for this fancy quadruple bladed blades that are more expensive than printers ink. (100 blades are $10, you break them in half and you have 200 blades)

Also get a safety razor for quick and dirty shaves.

So now you say, but isn't a straight razor dangerous? What if I cut myself?

Typically cuts don't happen. Well they happen if you cut off a pimple or if you really slice with the razor. If you shave like this you won't cut yourself. Again if you don't like the maintenance part get a shavette.

Grooming is important, do it, and do it like a man.

[–]2gunsgetsome1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

This is some Art of Manliness style stuff. How long did it take you to learn the switch?

[–]number1233561 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I started with the safety razor. You can just switch without any learning.

Straight Razor took me a week or two till I wasn't afraid anymore. It is relatively easy though, I was just a pussy

[–]thewholefnshow5473 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Prepare yourself for anger. You will find that on some level, you have been bamboozled. Whether it has been by your mom, wife, church, community. You will want to lash out at the people who fooled you. Exact some kind of revenge. But you can't, people won't understand your anger, to them everything is exactly how it should be. Let your anger motivate you to become better. Let your anger kill your beta.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Anger kills beta. Got it.

[–]rocknrollchuck3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

  • Read all of the sidebar and the recommended books, as well as the top posts in MRP.

  • Establish a routine for yourself to get stuff done - don't schedule EVERY detail of every day, but put a framework in place to keep you on track and productive.

  • Make a to-do list every night before you go to sleep so you know what needs to be done the next day. This has the added benefit of helping your mind shut down for sleep.

  • Get as much of your food as you can from whole foods, avoid packaged food, soda, sweets and artificially sweetened stuff.

  • If you are overweight, you will lose weight successfully by Intermittent Fasting, which consists of eating all your food for the day within an 8 hour window of time and fasting with only water and coffee for the other 16. I lost 68 lbs in 2-1/2 years this way, without exercise. Of course, I changed my diet by cutting out soda and sweets as well. YES, I LIFT 3X A WEEK NOW.

  • Start counting your calories and tracking your macros. MyFitnessPal is a great app for doing this.

  • Get your teeth fixed if they need attention, and whiten them. Make sure your breath is fresh all the time.

  • Upgrade your wardrobe a little at a time. Buy stuff at Goodwill if you're losing weight, until you reach your target, so you aren't spending tons of money on clothes you will only wear a few months.

  • Groom yourself daily. Trim ear hair, nose hair, the hair on the back of your neck, unibrow, etc. For chapped lips, use Burt's Bees lip balm several times a day, it's all natural. If you have acne, get some good soap, exfoliant and astringent to clear it up.

  • Try out some colognes and find a couple that you really like, and use daily. Thanks to u/GargantuaBlarg29 and this post for driving home the importance of this. I had been wearing one cologne for a while, but after reading this I did the research as well and found a few more that make me smell AMAZING every day.

  • Step away from the TV and get busy doing other things. There's nothing wrong with watching the occasional show, but you shouldn't be spending hours in front of the tube every day. This is even more important on weekends - get outside and get busy.

  • Start taking care of projects around the house, specifically "men's" responsibilities. Things like cutting the lawn, yard work, car repairs, home repairs, home improvement projects, anything that requires tools.

  • Get out of the house more and do some things without your spouse.

  • Take responsibility for your family's finances if you're not already doing so. If your wife is doing this now, don't just yank it away from her. Get involved gradually and learn what she's doing, and slowly assume the duties associated with it.

  • Take a day and go somewhere quiet, and jot down some notes and ideas of where you want your path to go. Consider especially troublesome areas of your life, and brainstorm some ways to slowly bring those under control.

[–]BirdManBrrrr0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Get your teeth fixed if they need attention

Invisalign is totally worth it; IMO people notice the straight teeth before whiteness. Made a huge difference with me.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Tip: Plotting a path for yourself and then walking that path is the most satisfying thing you can do in life.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Get off the sugar and all processed foods

Whole 30 Diet learn to cook on Sunday for all week for @least lunches watch a fog lift

Literally everyting you own and touch, organized and in its place. Get rid of all junk, books, material possessions, clothes, etc that may way you down, or just drag on you Seriously, got a garage ? Clean it up and get parked in there organize your shed, closets, etc Was raised to take ocare of everyting I own or touch, neighbors freak when they when I waxed the mowers, clipping rinse off

Turn off the electronics with dinner, kids and or spouse or both. Here and now

Read this completely

[–]TaistoKarhu2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'll just add my personal most important thing that I still neglect in cycles: sleep enough. Having been constantly sleep deprived for 2 years after my daughter came to be, I started sleeping more when I began my RP journey. I arranged my shit so that it's not a huge draw between other things. Well, gaming my wife with a 2 year old is kinda hard when I go to sleep immediately after we get her to sleep, but thats just how it is now. Now that I think about it, I need make it a point to early her bedtime.

In few weeks I noticed a lot of changes, improved self confidence, positive enegy through out the day & better mood overall, improved gains at gym, morning boners came back occasionally (sign of having a low t from sleep dep) Especially if your lifting hard, that.1 hour of sleep more can make a huge difference.

It's so easy to neglect and these days i go with cycles, but fuck me if it aint important. For me anyway.

[–]Aswad441 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The best recipe: you know what you have to do. DO IT

[–]BirdManBrrrr1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

My health has been a challenge recently, the paleo-ish/Robb Wolf template of sleep(huge), nutrition, exercise, sun exposure, stress management, and community has worked reasonably well for me.

Sleep seems to be the lynchpin for everything else. Sleep "hygiene" is big: dark & cool room, no electronics before bed, comfortable bed/sheets/pillow, white noise if you need it, etc. I take a few hundred mg of magnesium asporoate or glycinate at night daily which seems to help me stay asleep. Citrate is decent too. Oxide is garbage.

I'm gluten free and cut back significantly on the dairy more so for gut health/autoimmune management than anything else. Still a lot more carb than a normal Paleo approach (rice, sweet potato, some corn) since my body works better with more. YMMV, you gotta play around with the carbs/fat/gluten/dairy to find what your body works best on. Sugar in anything except whole fruit is the diabeetus.

Get outside as much as possible: Hike, do workouts outside, whatever. No shirt and shorter shorts if i can get away with it for max skin exposure. I tan nicely, others may not...YMMV on that but this is HUGE for me. Vitamin D deficiency is definitely more widespread than people realize.

Still working on stress management but the sidebar and MRP principles have helped tremendously with mindset. The concept of Frame meaning "not letting someone else affect your emotional state" and "you are the only person who defines the problems in your life" was huge once it finally set in and clicked.

"Owning your shit" makes you proactive as opposed to reactive; starting to see some mindset gainz from internalizing that I am in control of my environment and in control of my outcomes. Self reinforcing and more powerful than most realize.

Others talk about hobbies and doing things you enjoy and I agree- huge for mindset and mental health. Also deliberately doing things that are difficult in whatever form (and with friends) is good; physical activity seems to be common and approachable: marathon, triathlon, obstacle race, climbing a mountain, that type of shit. Builds durability and doing it with friends builds some nice bonds and camaraderie.

As for supps: Mg noted above, valerian root concoctions for sleep, maca root works very well for me when I need some vigor. I've tried a lot and those three actually work. Do need to buy higher end stuff, however.

And sex. Bang your wife.

Edit: verbosity

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is exactly what I was looking for. So many things to think about and play with. But first... my wife..

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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