What is this about?

she was having an emotional affair and said "I love you but I'm not in love with you anymore."

That happened to me a couple years ago. We both wanted a divorce but I still spent a week googling and reading and found The Divorce Busters 180, and then Rational Male, and then MRP. Fastest, easiest divorce in state history probably.

You are in good company OP.

It kills me knowing that my wife has no interest in me sexually, it makes me depressed and I've told her she just says sorry and then she gets depressed and it turns into a mess. Honestly I feel bad but I just want to feel wanted sexually, I want to feel that passion we shared.

The Red Pill sucks. It sucks to look in the mirror and realize nobody you would be attracted to would genuinely desire to fuck you. It sucks to look around at your life and realize ONLY YOU have the power to change it. It sucks to realize that it is YOUR responsibility to be happy and valuable and surround yourself with people that are good for you and ad value to your life.

For the majority of our relationship I was pretty controlling, things pretty much had to be my way. I was selfish but she never voiced any disproval so we kept trucking. I learned how to relax over the years and things were pretty good. I was also severely depressed and had very low self esteem. I could barely function, it took all that I had to maintain a job. I didn't help cook, or clean or do laundry. She didn't really either and we lived like pigs for a long time but neither of us complained we just loved each other.

You are lucky because you have a frame of reference for a RP relationship. You remember what she wants.

For the majority of our relationship I was pretty controlling, things pretty much had to be my way. I was selfish but she never voiced any disproval so we kept trucking.

That is not selfishness. It is knowing what you wanted, and letting other people work to be in your life. It is attractive.

I learned how to relax over the years and things were pretty good. I was also severely depressed and had very low self esteem. I could barely function, it took all that I had to maintain a job. I didn't help cook, or clean or do laundry. She didn't really either and we lived like pigs for a long time but neither of us complained we just loved each other... We both grew up but she became the responsible one...

Now, this shit is NOT attractive. You started slipping bro. But imagine if you had the best parts of being in control, combined with happiness, combined with self-esteem, combined with owning your shit, combined with your spouse working to please you as much as you worked to please them and having genuine desire.

You let go of the reins, you gave up control, you stopped trying, your life started circling the drain, and you wife got ready to jump ship. Turns out she isn't jumping yet, but she also isn't helping you bail out the water. The Red Pill sucks, because bailing, and floating, and sailing is your job. It is intimidating, but ultimately freeing. Knowing that it gets better, and you have the power to make it happen.

She does say she is still attracted to me and everything she just doesn't want to.

• Step 1: Do not talk about the lack of sex anymore. Talking about it dries up her panties.
• Step 1B: Lift, read the sidebar.

Nofap

You feel ashamed about your sexuality bro? Or is it just an addiction to easy gratification? Did you make it 90 days or did you quit? Jacking it occasionally is fine...being addicted to easy gratification is weak. Multiple times a day reeks of depression and validation/gratification dysfunction. Get busy improving yourself.