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MamiG13
[–]Kitty015FDS Newbie162 points163 points164 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Don’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm.
[–]enemy0frealityFDS Newbie23 points24 points25 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
One of my all time favorite quotes.
[–]StrainingMyNeuronsFDS Newbie77 points78 points79 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You know what, I am always the one rescuing all people and animals around me, and I’ve come to a conclusion that I do that because I don’t believe that others can be trusted to have empathy and to come to help. And I am fully aware that this is what it was like when I was growing up. I had a very good experience a couple of weeks back, when there was a lost dog wandering in my street, that tried to come to my house with me. While the dog was very cute and friendly, I also found a dead cat in my front yard, and it was a fighting kind of dog, and I also have a dog that would not have taken it kindly. I was agonising, thinking how I can keep my dog in the house while the other one in the garage overnight, then where to call to look for the owner, whether my dog would go nuts barking, whether this dog would turn on me, etc., etc. I went across the road to the neighbour, who also said that she was in a similar predicament, but maybe the other set of neighbours will let him sleep on their porch and see if his chip can be scanned. Lo and behold, I woke up in the morning to find a lovely post on our neighbourhood Facebook group, where the owner was found and picked up the dog.
And that was the evidence for me that I don’t always need to swoop in to save the day.
[–]smokeandfirefliesFDS Newbie62 points63 points64 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
People used to tell me “you’re such a good listener!” Which I thought was high praise. I finally grasped that being Such A Good Listener was a dog whistle that brought all of the energy vampires and drama-mongers out of the woodwork and into my lap. Now, I no longer give ear to others’ drama unless I genuinely want to or feel really led to be there for them, which is a lot less often than I’d have predicted it would be. Feels great.
[–]PinkFurLookinLikeCamFDS Newbie14 points15 points16 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Omg are you me?? I used to be sUcH a gOoD LisTeNeR- to the point of being dragged through the mud picking up the scars and stress of handing out free emotional labor. I even had my listening queues down to a science, because I was so concerned with others feeling heard and my degree in psychology made me feel like I needed to be that person but moreso my attachment disorder and lifetime of wanting the love that I never got in my childhood. People benefited from my trauma.
What did I get for all this? Used. Friends and husband’s family would trash me with all their problems and then pretend not to know me out in the streets. So I’d feel kinda the same like when a male fucked and ghosted me. Also no one, not one single living person that I ever lent my ear to, asked me about any of my problems (except for husband). They knew the scam they were pulling. Unearned emotional labor? Shoot why mess that up. But once they’re blocked and deleted they suddenly started crying about how they need me etc etc. really have a longer story about one of these assholes actually but you get the gist.
[–]yfunk3FDS Newbie33 points34 points35 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This hits home. I had to move 5,000 miles away to learn this lesson.
[–]fairpearFDS Newbie25 points26 points27 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
story time?
[–]dntbfllikeididPickmeisha™️30 points31 points32 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
OMG, this is the post I didn’t know I needed today. THANK YOU, Queen! 🙌🏻🌹
[–]Diane9779FDS Newbie31 points32 points33 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I used to be the friend who always gave and never received. Not anymore. Now as soon as I sense that someone is becoming a “therapy patient” I shut them down. Friendship should be a two way street.
[–]VillanellohFDS Newbie20 points21 points22 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
There's no point breaking your back trying to help someone who doesn't want to get help. Just walk away.
[–]honeyhealingFDS Newbie22 points23 points24 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
One of my professors who used to work in Child protection would always make a point of saying, you cannot care for others if you’re not caring for yourself! It’s so true and self care is extremely important to avoid burn out.
[–]ishQbazFDS Newbie14 points15 points16 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
yes yes yes fucking yes.
[–]kaoutanuFDS Apprentice11 points12 points13 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"You can't pour from an empty cup".
[–][deleted] 11 points12 points13 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
So true. I almost drained myself completely dry due to a narcisstic friend thinking if I gave and gave and tried then I could fix him and have a decent friendship with him. I was there for him constantly. He kept me awake, I didn’t sleep some nights due to him ghosting next, he was verbally abusive and made me feel bad about so many things I was and am still a bit of a wreck but I’m working on healing. Never sacrifice yourself for others until you’re empty. Make yourself a priority. You’re not just an option
[–]PollyannaPennyFDS Newbie17 points18 points19 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I wish I had learned this in my 20s
[–]Unlikely-MarzipanRuthless Strategist9 points10 points11 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Holy moly. I needed this today.
[–]ms_monquisFDS Disciple5 points6 points7 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It’s the first thing they teach you as a lifeguard too: you have to save yourself first. Can’t save anyone else if you’re drowned.
It’s another “controversial opinion” of mine, which I’ve gone round and round with family members about. “Children should be absolute first priority.” Well, no, not exactly. Children need their parents to be healthy and alive. Obviously, we aren’t talking about getting your nails done while your children starve, but we are talking about maintaining your health before indulging anyone else. Don’t lose yourself thinking it’s heroic. The age of martyrs is long past.
(And pssst that won’t “keep him” either.)
[–]sassylittlespoonFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
This is my biggest issue. Does anyone have any resources on how to overcome this? It’s caused it so much harm in all my relationships. I don’t even know where to start.
TIA!
[–]Orphanedpinkpetals2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Check out the codependency sub
[–]sassylittlespoonFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you!
[–]scorpio11055FDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
I’ve always done this because I felt the only value I could provide to anyone—friend, fling, boyf—was to be their emotional dumpster, but that has never made anyone stay.
I’ve been working on this issue with others by straight up saying, “I don’t want to listen to you talk about this right now” or something along those lines. If it’s someone I’m not that close to, I’ll just sorta tune them out and give a generic response. This has become easier as I practice truly seeing the value I have that is not in relation to how others view me or what they can use me for.
In Silver Lining’s Playbook, when Tiffany (JLaw) said, “I do all this shit for other people! And then I wake up and I’m empty! I have nothing!” - I really felt that lol
[–]Pudding5050FDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Plus, people usually manage to do just fine without your help. The constant rescuing and helping people is a pattern of codependency. You're rescuing everybody because of your own reasons, they don't actually need your help. They'll figure out how to make it on their own.
[–]MACMUAFDS Apprentice0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Everyone loses in this situation. The person who is gaining all the support will be shocked when the female ghosts. A female mental bandwidth can only take so much. It’s not good that when someone is an emotional vampire and drains your.
[–]Stankypanky1FDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I have this problem. I feel like I have nothing else to offer. I legitimately don’t know what friend/relationships are outside of me equating my worth with how useful I am.
[–]AnnaliseRuth0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
So much value in this saying Thanks 😊🤗
[–]Killer_BhreeFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This exactly. I was miserable for years until I figured this out
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I needed this rn
[–]oasisreverieFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This happened to me before.
I worked two jobs, paid my own bills, and helped take care of my niece and my parents, who were all on disability at the time.
My ex, K would ask me for money constantly. I'd stupidly give it to him, and then I was going broke.
I hardly ever had money to buy myself clothes or do things for myself.
I worked so much that I didn't have time for any hobbies either.
I ended up feeling extremely drained and suicidal after months of this.
I've been single ever since. And, I've learned that men are usually very parasitic, so I prefer being alone now.
But, I have enough agency to admit that it is my responsibility not to drain myself by making those choices again.
Remember: A vampire can only enter your house with your permission.
[–]level_up_alwaysFDS Disciple-1 points0 points1 point 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
always 💯 it's the only way men truly respect you bc that is sure as fuck what they're doing.
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[–]Kitty015FDS Newbie162 points163 points164 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]enemy0frealityFDS Newbie23 points24 points25 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]StrainingMyNeuronsFDS Newbie77 points78 points79 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]smokeandfirefliesFDS Newbie62 points63 points64 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]PinkFurLookinLikeCamFDS Newbie14 points15 points16 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]yfunk3FDS Newbie33 points34 points35 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]fairpearFDS Newbie25 points26 points27 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]dntbfllikeididPickmeisha™️30 points31 points32 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Diane9779FDS Newbie31 points32 points33 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]VillanellohFDS Newbie20 points21 points22 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]honeyhealingFDS Newbie22 points23 points24 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ishQbazFDS Newbie14 points15 points16 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]kaoutanuFDS Apprentice11 points12 points13 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 11 points12 points13 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]PollyannaPennyFDS Newbie17 points18 points19 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Unlikely-MarzipanRuthless Strategist9 points10 points11 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ms_monquisFDS Disciple5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]sassylittlespoonFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Orphanedpinkpetals2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]sassylittlespoonFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]scorpio11055FDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Pudding5050FDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]MACMUAFDS Apprentice0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Stankypanky1FDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AnnaliseRuth0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Killer_BhreeFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]oasisreverieFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]level_up_alwaysFDS Disciple-1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link