When a woman say she was/is in an abusive relationship or marriage, Abusive is a Code word for women.

Protocol_Apollo · 2020-09-15T07:17:54+00:00

Those who were genuinely abused/raped/sexually assaulted will mention it last.

Those who weren’t mention it first.

Lostfate09 · 2020-09-15T07:48:27+00:00

It's either just some bullshit excuse to monkey branch or it's projection and they were actually the abusive one in the relationship.

Vynxe-Vainglory · 2020-09-15T13:36:16+00:00

Yep. I remember when I was abusive for saying it was disrespectful / taking me for granted that she took a phone call while we were at lunch, walked outside and disappeared for 20 minutes.

Food came, I waited. Started to get annoyed...the food was going to get cold, so I ate it. When she came back, I asked if the call was an emergency. It wasn't, and so I, in a normal, if not whisper-level voice explained to her that it was disrespectful and told her not to do that again.

This was domestic abuse.

THEMIDLANDMAN · 2020-09-15T11:19:09+00:00

I wanted to tame a bad boy but failed and now I'm playing the victim.

Xercister · 2020-09-15T13:41:58+00:00

I'm afraid to hear what my ex had to say about me.

We were in therapy, right before I left, and she called me a financial Nazi. Even the therapist looked at her with the WTF expression. "He controls the finances..." She was asked if she wanted to and she said "HELL NO!"

The funny thing about narcissists, is that they will say they are the ones abused but will actually be the one abusing. My ex was crazy like that. Always hitting me and thinking she could get away with things. Being blue pilled SUCKED!

2020-09-15T13:58:32+00:00

[deleted]

TeddyMGTOW · 2020-09-15T11:55:01+00:00

NPD's always have a story and its a long one...RUN!

Spets87 · 2020-09-15T08:29:12+00:00

OP did you chat to my ex LTR? That's basically her to the core, and she posted that I was emotionally abusing her as a result on her insta, 2 years after we broke up...

arakouzo · 2020-09-15T14:00:10+00:00

"Controlling" and "insecure" are more common code words than "abusive". Claiming abuse will get other women asking "OMG! He hit you? Did you call the police?"

But saying he's controlling or insecure is a good code word.

BlondeHornyElf · 2020-09-15T12:47:54+00:00

what would you guys consider abuse besides hitting?

like what crosses the line btw a couple having a fight and it being "abuse"?

i feel like in the past it was kinda expected that men and women would fight and argue over shit. now it's like having any reasonable expectations of your girl is the worst thing that ever happened.

mugatucrazypills · 2020-09-15T14:46:41+00:00

Yep you're right.

"Abused" is used to victimize themselves and distance themselves away from being held responsible for their actions.

Another one is "controlling". Theyll say you're too controlling to throw you off.

That's what a plate of mine said when I told her she was getting fat and I was getting less attracted to her.

I guess that worked with previous relationships because I nexted her and she wouldn't stop calling back.

trollreign · 2020-09-15T15:27:47+00:00

I think your analysis is correct in many cases. I see four major scenarios when women use this expression:

She dated a man who didn't let her do whatever she wanted whenever she wanted.
(He probably just told her that if she does X or Y, then he is going to leave her. That was enough for her to register this as "emotional abuse" or whatever.)
She cheated and needs some way to justify her actions.
She's projecting: she was the one who emotionally abused the man and and this is her way to deflect.
She was genuinely abused.

If you hear this early in your relationship then the fourth one is the least likely.

guynpdx · 2020-09-15T15:07:06+00:00

Before I understood women I was accused of being abusive.
It's a modern woman's trump card.

EidolonMan · 2020-09-15T16:46:48+00:00

They've cheapened the term, by using if so often. There are genuine wife beaters, r*pists and violent dudes out there, but by saying "microaggressions" and "symbolic violence" are as bad as a kicking (like saying catcalling is almost r*pe) they have made many skeptical of actual cases of abuse.

LotBuilder · 2020-09-16T00:48:53+00:00

I know several women that were legit married to abusive shitbags with a long legal and medical record to prove it... and they never say they were abused right away. They do not trust people and keep it under wraps until you have proven to be solid.

Women who were not abused will blabber it around to anyone that asks and several that didn’t. They seek attention while real abuse victims seek privacy.

kushtheroyalking31 · 2020-09-15T07:50:55+00:00

Sometimes it’s actual abuse,keep both ideas in mind, her actions will slowly show which one was it

Smurflicious2 · 2020-09-15T16:22:45+00:00

Sorry but I think you are a bit off, it is not a "code word" persay. Women that were really abused talk about it and get sympathy, so the evil wamen in the world latch on to this and try to use it to keep people on their sides and play victim.

So when dealing with an evil wamen yes it is code for "it's his fault not mine" though really all her fault. But there are nice lovely women who do not lie and avoid responsibility, and who were abused. Do not let yourself become so jaded you think all women are liars, there are plenty of men that abuse women.

Case by case basis it has to be.

mgtowthroww · 2020-09-16T00:27:53+00:00

WOW - SPOT ON! My ex after 9 years claimed I was abusive and I was LIKE WTF R U TALKING ABOUT? This explains everything. Great work!

northerncalifdude · 2020-09-15T14:46:07+00:00

Once the light switch effect takes place every discussion you've had suddenly becomes signs of an abusive relationship.

Shieldless_One · 2020-09-15T15:17:27+00:00

Bottom line is most women know they can garner sympathy/victimn status by playing the poor weak woman card that just gets taken advantage of. But then they also turn around and say I’m a strong independent woman that needs no man. Goofy bitches lol

SpawnOfSatan786 · 2020-09-15T16:07:17+00:00

Dated a girl a year ago and claimed she's dated 20+ guys and all of them turned out to be controlling/abusive, turns out she's a real whoe and fucked all of the guys

largepaycheckaddict · 2020-09-15T14:58:24+00:00

“I was in an abusive relationship” = “I tolerate low value men using me as their main cum dumpster”

Any true red pill man who has balls and believes in living a virtuous above average lifestyle isn’t abusive. He doesn’t need to be abusive. He can responsibly end a relationship that he isn’t happy in and be happier while single. He knows his worth and that many women desire him, so he doesn’t settle for behaviors he deems intolerable in women.. So there is no need to engage in abusive/controlling behavior to keep a woman with him.

The men who do this stuff are usually coming from a position of desperation, lack of abundance and thirst. They also need to learn to curb their ego and not be so effeminate and emotional. The “Kyle” archetype comes to mind here. Any woman who sticks with such a man long term- isn’t someone you want to be having sex with.

People like this- men or women, are loose cannons and will eventually pull some shady backstabbing behavior if you keep them close.

nofears · 2020-09-15T21:48:42+00:00

Especially true when she says she was in an "emotionally abusive" relationship.

I've heard so many girls say this. What the hell does that even mean I ask... Did he injure you? Well no she says, but he made me feel bad.

GatorSK1N · 2020-09-15T23:37:41+00:00

I was abusive for getting mad at her for going out getting wasted on a weekday and doing cocaine at some random guys house who was having a party with a bunch of crack heads and kids sleeping in the room down the hall... at 2 am... on a school night... you bet I called child services!

strainer123 · 2020-09-15T15:58:56+00:00

Women like to manipulate men, when guys hear a woman was abused they go into protective mode, most women lie about this because its a great way to make guys do what they want, pay for stuff, be kind to them and what not. 90% of the time its just a lie, as you said, to conceal how they're actually abusive and like to gaslight and cheat.

asdf333aza · 2020-09-15T14:33:39+00:00

The phrase "abusive relationship" gets thrown around so much it stopped meaning anything.

8/10 girls will tell you "I was in an abusive relationship" within the first week of talking to you. They even post it in their dating profiles for EVERYONE to see. As if they expect sympathy points.

They will tell you everything bad about their ex and fail to mention that they were right along with that ex doing the same damn thing FOR YEARS. They fail to mention that the ran into their exes arms every chance they got. They fail to mention that THEY CHOOSE to put themselves in these situations.

I know a girl who claimed to be in an abusive relationship.

So she broke up with the guy cause he was beating on her and being a shitty dude. Like no real job, lives with mom, smokes and does drugs all day, multiple baby mommas. The usual low life stuff that girls go for. Anyways 3 months later after they broke up, she drove 2 hours in a fucking storm to his house to have sex. After hooking up, somehow they got in an argument and he beat the shit out of her. Wasn't his first time either. She went to the hospital and everything. She posted pictures of her black eyes and bruises and everything else. And even now those pictures are still on her Facebook. They went to court for it. He was arrested and charged. And after the court proceedings, he got like 1 month in jail and 90 days of community service. Mainly cause she refused to show up to court. The day after his sentencing they somehow ended up hooking up AGAIN. Yes, they hooked up within the same week after going to court for him beating her ass. It gets worst. Somehow, after court, after him posting her nudes online, posting a video of them fucking on pornhub (his dick ain't even big), after him beating the shit out of her, after him going to jail, and everything else, they somehow got back together. They are in a official relationship. On her Facebook it says they are together. And she is posting stuff like "yes he lives with me and were happy. mind ya business". And on that same fb page if I scroll down enough I can see the pictures that she posted after he beat her up. So after getting back together, she let's this guy move in with her... She's a total piece of work herself. She has a kid with another guy, but the dad (who also lives with his mom) got custody, so that tells you how bad she is.

But this is the "abusive relationship" that these girls are talking about. These girls literally keep going back into these relationships and expect sympathy from the world when shit hits the fan. It's like wondering why you a tiger bit your finger off when you stuck the finger in it's mouth. These guys aren't holding them down and forcing these girls to stay with them. These girls are choosing to be with these guys. She drove through a thunderstorms to sleep with a guy who beat her up before and surprise surprise, she got beat up, again. Who would of thought?

DKN3 · 2020-09-15T13:39:21+00:00

Analysis is Correct, “Law of Code” approved

TypicalGuido · 2020-09-15T19:19:00+00:00

The earlier on in the relationship they tell you, the more likely its this

no_regret20 · 2020-09-15T20:05:46+00:00

Yet she keeps meeting with the guy who fucked/raped her 1243 times and treated like a piece of shit while you’re paying her dinner.

BumblingBeta · 2020-09-16T01:17:04+00:00

I always used to wonder why every woman I heard who broke up with her boyfriend, it was always the boyfriend's fault. He was either abusive, cheated, lazy, or some other reason. I never ever heard a reason that it was the woman's fault.

yomo86 · 2020-09-20T08:08:24+00:00

When a woman mentions abuse it is a hard red flag. Those who were abused aren't running around screaming abuse. When she is uttering this nonsense right at the beginning she will claim you abused he, too. Which can lead to the death of your reputation and social standing.

2020-09-15T17:04:43+00:00

Don’t get too caught up in the specifics. If a girl was abused, she’s not LTR material. If a girl wasn’t abused but claims to have been, she’s not LTR material.

Use your time and energy wisely.

cglehosit · 2020-09-15T14:39:04+00:00

I’ve experienced this as well, though many woman don’t know how to describe or realize their past sexual or physical abuse accurately. This leads to them assuming that any relationship that creates any sort of tension or hardship (“omg he said he doesn’t like me doing xyz”) is equivalent of sexual or physical abuse. Specially when all their girlfriends are constantly sharing how traumatized they were, they have to one-up them with their worse hardships.

BiggusDickus- · 2020-09-15T17:38:08+00:00

People have come to "self diagnose" all sorts of crap, which makes the conditions meaningless.

People no claim every single headache is a "migraine." No, it fucking isn't. Migraines are horribly debilitating. You just have a fucking headache.

People who feel bad and are stressed are all now claiming to have PTSD. Bullshit. PTSD is a serious fucking disorder and if you have not been diagnosed by a qualified doctor, with clear evidence of serious shit that caused it, then you do not have "PTSD."

People who feel bad because their life sucks claim to be "suffering from depression." Again, most of the time this is bullshit. They are just unhappy because they make stupid choices. That's not clinically defined depression.

Claiming that "I was in an abusive relationship" is just another example of this nonsense.

exit_sandman · 2020-09-15T10:36:27+00:00

It's even easier: even if she actually was abused, she dated and/or married the guy in the first place.

bigapples87 · 2020-09-15T15:52:26+00:00

Stuff like this makes it very clear who's a true TRP alpha type and who is a TRP beta in costume. This is a massive massive generalization and holds pretty much no grounds. You just sound hurt and bitter.

sadomasochrist · 2020-09-15T16:51:48+00:00

It's more simple.

Male is dominant in any way shape or form.

Prove me wrong.

tuckermalc · 2020-09-15T16:42:57+00:00

As someone in an abusive relationship I think this is highly relevant

_Ulan_ · 2020-09-15T18:14:49+00:00

I though it was a code for being alpha widow

throwlaca · 2020-09-15T20:09:34+00:00

Abusive, just like rape, has lost the real meaning.

Abuse now means anything that make a women upset.

Rape now means that you had sex or just kissed but now she's not popular enough and need attention.

TheRedPike · 2020-09-15T20:11:41+00:00

[removed]

Sword_Artist_ · 2020-09-15T20:59:58+00:00

It's just a pity grab usually

astra5544 · 2020-09-16T01:11:13+00:00

I have been with a abusive woman for years, i was beaten by her many many time, every time we had an argument she physically assaulted me. She had trait of cluster B personality disorder but never expected, but to her family she played the victim and told i was abusive to her. it's woman nature to play the victim and never except her fault. And society give her right.

astra5544 · 2020-09-16T04:34:17+00:00

This video is directly related to what stated

[If She Can't Answer This Question DUMP HER!

](https://youtu.be/lCHQDo-vPbI)

fitnesspm · 2020-09-17T16:35:16+00:00

If you watched Red Pill the movie it proves that women that are abused by men are usually more abusive than the man.

Most of us here know women like feel that muscular energy they desire from men where they get that when their man hits them. This is why women stay with men that put them in line by hitting them.

3HardWay · 2020-09-17T21:04:03+00:00

You might want to improve your grammar. I find all of the errors really detracts from wanting to bother with the message.

Also, think != thing. Learn the difference.

he wants to put every think the good way

This just makes my brain hurt.

Emmy_C484 · 2020-09-18T07:45:33+00:00

The fact that almost everything you listed is controlling behaviour... which is a form of abuse.

We don’t lie about this shit. It’s more like 90% of the time we ARE in an abusive relationship.

Jesus you hate us women on this sub don’t you.

MentORPHEUS · 2020-09-18T17:19:46+00:00

A story I've told before.

Was dating a woman about 8 months. Pleasant times, every Sunday I'd make a big brunch and we'd eat together with her grown son. One morning she kept insisting something was true that obviously wasn't, so after several tries at explaining it I told her, "You know, if you try to look up gullible in the dictionary... it's not there!" After a perfect pause she says wide-eyed, "Really?" I started chuckling, her son started chuckling, then she got the joke and started chuckling; the subject was changed and the moment forgotten.

Many months later her junkie sister died, her shithead nephew moved in, and she stopped taking her prescription meds and started doing crystal meth with him. This quickly led to me dumping her, she came to my business off her nut and broke a bunch of expensive things and was carted off to jail and her car impounded. A few days later she tries to make up with me as if none of this happened and I told her not to even call cause of the domestic violence. She laugh-scoffed and said men can't be victims of domestic violence only women, and that in fact I was an abusive boyfriend the whole time we were dating.

Of course I was taken aback by this ludicrous claim so I demanded she tell me when I was ever abusive to her. The ONE example she could come up with was, "Remember when you told me to look up gullible in the dictionary? THAT WAS ABUSE!" ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

roxroxane · 2020-09-22T20:01:00+00:00

All my ex girlfriends said that about our relationships, the only abuse that house was taking advantage of my beta phase

astra5544 · 2020-09-15T22:52:53+00:00

[deleted]

2020-09-15T07:54:46+00:00

[removed]

Title	When a woman say she was/is in an abusive relationship or marriage, Abusive is a Code word for women.
Author	sibas05
Upvotes	480
Comments	107
Date	September 15, 2020 6:49 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/it3lru/when_a_woman_say_she_wasis_in_an_abusive/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/when-a-woman-say-she-wasis-in-an-abusive.213626 https://theredarchive.com/post/213626

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