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LTR ending due to relocation?

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February 6, 2019
10 upvotes

Gents,

Thanks in advance for your time and unbiased advice.

I recently learned with very mixed emotions that my LTR of 5 years was accepted for entry to a prestigious medical school program on the other side of the country. I am elated for her in the sense that I've shared her struggle throughout our time together in overcoming the many obstacles to get to this point. At the same time I am remorse at the prospect of the relationship ending due the necessary relocation she will have to make. This is a career she has wanted her entire life and I decided to be with her despite knowing the potential consequences.

Several times she has asked to consider (1) a long-distance relationship or (2) me moving with her. LDRs are fake and do not work. I am also opposed to moving as my career, house, family, and childhood friends are all located here in the DC/VA area. The school's location is in the middle of no-where-USA and has very little to show for itself besides cheap real-estate. My moving would introduce limited career opportunity as high-tech jobs and potential grad schools are few in this area.

As further background about us and the relationship:

  • I am 32, male, successful at my career and with finances, own my home and other luxuries with very little debt. My income is very healthy and I am tall with an attractive athletic build and appearance. There is an abundance of other dating/relationship options in my current area and I have no doubt in my ability to meet new people.

  • She is 24, female, successful with her young career and works hard. She is very physically attractive (I'd rate 8/10) with a personality and lifestyle that checks 90% of my boxes in a potential mate. She comes from a foreign Eastern European country with a feminine yet independently-minded upbringing.

Our relationship has very much been one of dominance-submissiveness to the extent that her maturity and personal growth has allowed. Sex life has been great and she lets me do whatever I want at any time. Our families know each other and while hers has remained toxic towards me due to the age difference, she moved out from them 3 years ago against their wishes to live with me at my request. She has enjoyed seeing and bonding with my parents and family weekly. She paid reasonable rent the entire time we lived together and agreed to contribute fairly (50:50, mostly) for ongoing expenses such as meals, supplies, shared activities, etc. She had no objections when I made her sign a co-habitation agreement before moving in (the house is solely under my name).

We also work in the same field. If we stay together, I am concerned that her mindset will change from a point of submissiveness/feminine to dominant/alpha as she surpasses me in higher education and income potential (albeit this will take 10+ years to catch up).

If the relationship were to end after moving with her, this will leave me fucked and in the middle of nowhere. I am fully aware of the oneitis at play, although she objectively deserves praise as by far the highest overall quality woman I have been with. Prior to meeting her, I had been through several low quality LTRs followed by a period of plate-spinning multiple younger attractive women over a period of 6 years.

We both very much wanted a family and marriage in the future although I was holding out due the potential of her professional goals bringing an end to the relationship.

What would you do, MRP? The way I see this there are two options:

(1) Remember the happy times. Move on. Enjoy being single in a young active metropolitan area again (ugh).

(2) Move with her. Accept the double-or-nothing risks. Likely get married (with a aggressive pre-nub).

This situation is very fresh and emotionally raw for me, so please do call bullshit where needed.

Warmly, TomBlitz


Post Information
Title LTR ending due to relocation?
Author tomblitz73
Upvotes 10
Comments 70
Date 06 February 2019 04:24 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/217629
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/anmybs/ltr_ending_due_to_relocation/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
alphaabundancelong term relationshipLDRplatedominance
Comments

[–][deleted] 24 points25 points  (1 child) | Copy

Be sad if you want and wish her well.

Let you know you'll keep in touch (don't) , and if she's back in town for any reason to let you know (booty call opportunity).

She's worked hard and doesn't have oneitis.

Neither should you.

[–]CaliEd2568 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Best comment.

The woman is making decisions in her life that are best for HER.

OP needs to do the same.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine16 points17 points  (1 child) | Copy

She’s not one in a million. She’s one of a million.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

More specifically, one of 40,000,000 single women in this country.

39,999,999.. to go.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (4 children) | Copy

Choose door No. 1. Every time.

You're not married. You have your life in DC/NoVa.

Consider this: for her, med school is more important than staying with you. And going cross-country to med school is more important than staying with you. If her relationship with you were THAT important to her, she'd forego med school. Or, at least, go to one of the fine med schools around DC/NoVa.

Consider that she's asking you to do something for her that, well, she's not willing to do for you. And that makes continuing with her a nonstarter, even without all the rest of it.

[–]tomblitz73[S,🍰] -1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy

Consider that she's asking you to do something for her that, well, she's not willing to do for you. And that makes continuing with her a nonstarter, even without all the rest of it.

This is what bothers me the most. At many points she told me she wished she were rejected everywhere, if not accepted locally, so that she could stay with me and we could plan next steps together.

I have encouraged her to prioritize her career as we are like-minded and I would have done the same if the roles were reversed. The self-defeating effect of this does not escape me.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Was she accepted anywhere locally? If her choice is move away or nothing then it is completely understandable for her to continue on her journey. Becoming a physician is a long and difficult path, and at times you have to take what you can get in order to stay the course.

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

The self-defeating effect of this does not escape me.

You really don't have a choice but to be encouraging. I'd personally not like to be on the receiving end of "but I gave up med school for you."

[–]tomblitz73[S,🍰] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Agreed - and this would mean instant loss of respect for both of us.

Another commentor pointed out and I agree, that the better way to have handled this would have been to take a "let's focus on the relationship and agree to compliment eachother wherever possible" approach rather than the "take it or leave it career vs. relationship" mentality. This is my fault for not setting a more cohesive foundation and direction earlier in the relationship. She simply followed my lead.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dont move.

Demote to FWB when she/you are in town.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

It is going to be a long road ahead for her career and a struggle for both of you if you move and stay with her. Probably lots of stress, lack of time together, etc. The fact that you are asking the internet what to do makes it clear that you aren't ready for that.

[–]mrgrizzlor5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

Sounds like she might be the one who needs a pre-nup. Book of Pook impressed upon me the idea that a man creates his world around him, makes it interesting and fun for himself. Then he interviews the parade of girls available to him and invites one or a few into his world.

If your world is in DC / VA and that's what is interesting and fun for you then that's your world.

[–]tomblitz73[S,🍰] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Thank you for your thoughts.

My understanding with divorce law is pre-nubs generally only protect assets/property before the marraige (in which case, I have the upper hand) while wealth acquired after marriage is open-season (likely more equitable resolution, although she will be a debt-free student living off a very modest stipend for 8+ years).

Regarding your second point, though, if I relocate from a mindset of following her frame then I will get the punishment rightly coming to me.

[–]mrgrizzlor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You'll figure this out one way or another, just don't move out of a mindset of scarcity. If you got a great girl once before you can do it again and again and again. You can always have her visit you and see what things look like after she's got more experience under her belt and can make more career choices back in DC. You can do whatever you want so long as you are having a good time for you.

[–]Redpillbrigade176 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

You sound like you know what the right decision is and you just need some encouragement. You have your head screwed on right and recognize your own value. You also feel the inertia and memories with this fine woman that you’ve accumulated.

What makes the decision harder for you is that you are not clear on what your mission is and what what you want in life. This is how you should evaluate big life decisions: does it align with your mission?

If you want to settle down with a professional woman (nice age difference, by the way) and start a family with her, then go do it. Keep in mind though you will have no to limited support system out there, you will have limited career options, friends, and overall it may eat you inside that you moved for her while she’s busy with her med school and career as a physician. What will your life look like out there?

If you want to settle down with a professional woman because it fits with your mission, on your own terms, you may decide to keep looking. Or you may find that this move aligns well. But you must clarify that first.

You’re only 32. Have lots of time to keep figuring out what you want. Otherwise you’ll be like Alice in Wonderland who meets the Cheshire Cat at the cross road: “if you don’t know where you’re going, it doesn’t matter which way you take: any road will take you there”.

To bring it back to Red pill: It will just be someone else’s frame, and you’re along for the ride.

[–]tomblitz73[S,🍰] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you the balanced and grounded feedback.

Judging from your post and related, it is apparent my problem is more so a lack of clear cognitive direction more so than a relationship one.

[–]Kpwn884 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Well, this likely not to work, either because you will let your oneitis get the better of you, or you will move on because she won't be around enough.

My advice: Wish her the best, and tell her that you support her dreams and goals. Let her know you still value her and she's still welcome in your life if she wants to visit or you to visit her. Make no expectation, tell no lies. Let her know you are going to miss her, but don't be a simpering bitch about it.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret3 points4 points  (5 children) | Copy

If we stay together, I am concerned that her mindset will change from a point of submissiveness/feminine to dominant/alpha as she surpasses me in higher education and income potential (albeit this will take 10+ years to catch up).

Change this pussy mindset

So, do you want a bunch of Internet strangers to make this decision for you? The answer is so obvious, but I am going to let you figure it out because you have to put on your big boy pants and make a decision.

[–]tomblitz73[S,🍰] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I understand maintaining frame will be critical and not impossible.

It's interesting because there appears conflicting advice from the community favoring both outcomes as the obvious choice.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

The conflict is only guys who get it and those who don't. Pay attention to the advice about your process, not about your outcomes.

[–]SuperCrazy071 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I don’t see any conflicting advice. Everyone on the outside looking in knows what you need to do.

[–]NMMNG_10 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Bingo.

[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Change this pussy mindset

So, do you want a bunch of Internet strangers to make this decision for you?

+1. This is the only right answer.

[–]DonaldBaelish7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

The One doesn’t exist.

-Me and everyone who has actually read the sidebar

[–]tomblitz73[S,🍰] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Thanks for your thoughts. Agree everyone is replaceable.

At this stage, I see it more as a matter of quality vs quantity.

[–]hack3geRed Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your turn is over - happens sometimes. That being said look at it this way - things were good and you picked well which says that you have good vetting skills so just trust yourself to do the same thing again.

[–]weakandsensitive2 points3 points  (9 children) | Copy

It speaks volumes that you've decided to quit without putting in effort.

It speaks even greater volumes that you're asking a bunch of retards on the internet to validate your decision.

OP made his bed, now he's pouting that he has to lie in it.

I have encouraged her to prioritize her career as we are like-minded and I would have done the same if the roles were reversed.

Like - what'd you expect would happen?

"J/K! I was just kidding. Plz drop med school now."

All she is doing is following your leadership. If you wanted her to prioritize the relationship, you could've tried "Let's prioritize our relationship - whether that's me following you to med school, or you staying here."

[–]tomblitz73[S,🍰] 0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy

Thank you. As mentioned, the self-defeating nature of this does not escape me in hindsight.

I have strong friendships and parents that have been happily married 45 years but they are very much not red pulled and are disconnected from modern dating and relationship dynamics.

What is your definition of "putting in work" here?

[–]weakandsensitive2 points3 points  (7 children) | Copy

What is your definition of "putting in work" here?

You are asking this subreddit how to run your life instead of weighing the costs and benefits to the various decisions.

red pulled and are disconnected from modern dating and relationship dynamics.

For all the huff and puff of TRP on modern dating, the facts are seriously exaggerated. If 50% of marriages end in divorce, then 50% of marriages don't. The thing about statistics is that statistics don't dictate the outcome of individual cases. I can guarantee you that every lottery pool will eventually have a winner - it's just that the chances of that lottery winner being you are slim to none.

This is all to say, what are you actually afraid of? You think if you go out there and support her, she'll lose respect for you? If so - why do you think so? Is it because you've lived it? Is it because some retards on the internet told you so? "All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."

Are you actually happy to have this relationship end in this manner? Doesn't seem like it.

Are you actually worried about getting divorce raped? Seems premature tbh. Alternatively, might just be the cost of doing business.

Seriously - if my wife and I end up growing apart, and we split amicably, half of the marital assets in exchange for 10, 15, 20, 50 great years and a wonderful daughter seems more than reasonable. And if I have to burn it all down, so be it - but I know which option I'd prefer.

Do you know why I think most TRP posters are a joke? It's because they operate out of a fear mindset rather than a success mindset. Limit your losses instead of maximizing your gains. Want to be rich? Stop thinking about how you can save more money, start thinking about how you can make more money.

You ever watch the movie Good Will Hunting? Knowing lots of things in theory, very little in practice. The pretentiousness is transparent and the external validation seeking is blatant.

So it begs the question - what do you actually want? And why do you actually want it? And what are you willing to do to get there? I'm pretty sure these three questions are things you don't have answers to.

The whole point of OYS is to make decisions, own those decisions, and live with the consequences. Doesn't seem like you're doing any of that. Doesn't seem like you're putting in the work.

LDRs are fake and do not work.

How do you know this applies to you?

I'm not saying whether you should do one thing or another, but I am saying that your defeatist mindset, your victim complex, and your deference to the "inevitable" are the type that I see from many, many weak men who post. If you want to see this shit in action en masse by a bunch of fucking losers - just check out r/asianmasculinity.

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Tolstoy in an AskMRP reply?

You must be bored.

[–]weakandsensitive2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's my favorite line.

Alternatively, apply Bayesian inference.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

just check out r/asianmasculinity

Ouch. That place sears my eyeballs.

[–]tomblitz73[S,🍰] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Cheers to you for the very thoughtful and well-articulated response.

I do agree on your point of confirmation bias and negativity coming from many members in TRP community. There are interesting statistics to counter that 50% divorce rate figure... and academic studies of census data have shown if you control for (1) both partners having an education of at least a Bachelor's level, (2) combined income of >~$60K, (3) no kids before or from prior marriages, and (4) congruent religiosity or lack thereof, the long-term divorce rate of marriage (at 10-15 years) is actually less than %10. That being said most members of this community stumbled upon it following important/painful life lessons and I greatly value their wisdom and foresight from those experiences.

Your feedback emphasizes the underlying theme of the community's advice and my greater problem- that is, better defining my mission and building a life that compliments it, rather than focusing on disconnected binary outcomes. I was rejected from several graduate school opportunities 4 years ago that were my focus ever since leaving college. Since then, my life seems to have been on a disorganized, albeit intensely busy, auto-pilot trajectory.

You are also correct in that it’s time for me to own my shit, unapologetically, and be confident with the decision regardless what it is.

And great movie reference. Motivates me to go back and rewatch this classic.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

You've stated that you want kids (which of course is a main reason to get married). News flash, having a pregnant wife who is doing 80 hours a week for 3 years for residency is going to be unbelievably hectic. Who do you think is going to take care of the kids? Her family? Your family. They're quite far away. So you'd have to get big into daycare, and you'll be doing the bulk of the work, the dropoffs, the pickups, etc.

I'm not saying that's wrong, just laying out the facts. You ready for that?

Plus, if she has medical school for 4 years and I assume a residency for 3 (standard internal medicine residency is 3 years, not including specializations), you're looking at 7 years of craziness. So then she'll be 31, and you'll be 39 if you have a kid right before she starts working. How many kids you want? 2? 3? How that work on your life plan. When women hit 35 that's "advanced maternal age", do a google search on that. Risk of miscarriages goes up. Other problems start occuring.

Overall though, basically you need to unfuck yourself. Which you are alluding to in this comment.

Now granted, I've done some blue pill shit back before I was unplugged, but I knew what I was getting myself into at the time and I said yes, I'm ok with this. At the end of the day, we all make our own decisions and what we can handle and can't. I have a career, and I also married someone with a career, and life is pretty good after a lot of hard work. But I made it that way, busted my butt, and so did my wife.

All I'm saying is it's up to you. But you better unfuck yourself either way. And don't let random guys on the internet make the decision for you - you're the one who has to live with it.

[–]tomblitz73[S,🍰] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

The conflicting time interests are apparent to me also. This is something we'd have to lay out on the table far in advance and plan accordingly.

Both of us have very busy lives as-is and I'm sure it would only get more intense.

I will not be a stay-at-home dad under any circumstance.

Thanks again for your wisdom.

[–]Maximus_Valerius1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I can vouch for u/SteelSharpensSteel's comment. I went through it twenty years ago. Got married just as my wife started her residency and she was pregnant (planned) six months later. She worked her rotations up until the day our son was born.

I can remember her coming home from a 48-hour shift one afternoon. She worked the entire shift (no sleep) while six months pregnant. She sat down on the bed and fell asleep with her eyes open. That was some crazy shit. I almost called 911.

Before my son was born, I had a lot of spare time to do whatever I wanted. Hunting, fishing, climbing, diving, lifting, etc. During his first year, my "spare" time was spent taking him to and from daycare, doctor visits, feeding, etc. I also had a demanding career. I did what needed to be done and enjoyed it, but my life was very hectic.

I concur with Triple S's comments about unfucking yourself and letting random guys on the internet make this decision for you. Decide what you want and do that.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Answer this question please - did she pursue medical schools in the DC area and not make it before exploring options 1000 miles away?

[–]tomblitz73[S,🍰] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

She applied thought-out the country with emphasis on staying in the area with me. Unfortunately, this was the only school that accepted her.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

well then it's a tough break for both of you. [https://www.reddit.com/user/Countpudyoola] advice above is the best.

move on with your life but keep the door open.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill0 points1 point  (19 children) | Copy

Everything else is moot. You haven't stated what your mission is. What do you want out of life?

[–]tomblitz73[S,🍰] 1 point2 points  (18 children) | Copy

After a period of casual dating in my early and late twenties, I do not feel as though I am missing out on anything sexually. After working 2-3 jobs and developing my career and income substantially during the same time, I am also very confident a life solely dedicated to my career will not satisfy me.

At the this time in my life, I am increasingly valuing the importance of close friends, family, and long-term stability. Independent hobbies and a sense of career purpose are still musts, however.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red0 points1 point  (12 children) | Copy

You consider you career developed after 3 jobs and at the age of 32?

M’kay

[–]tomblitz73[S,🍰] 0 points1 point  (11 children) | Copy

To clarify- that is worked 2-3 different jobs (full time salaried, contracts, and consulting) simultaneously at 60-70hrs/wk.

I have supervised MDs and PhDs with my lowly Bachelor's degree and know for a fact my income is higher than several of them.

Not the end all, obviously, but this has been my life's pursuit for the past 10 years.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red0 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy

Cool. I much prefer working my 25ish hours a week.

Have fun with that 60-70 hour a week shit.

Let me know when you get to the point of working smarter not harder.

[–]tomblitz73[S,🍰] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Not gloating, stating facts. And yes, it's obviously not fun.

My goal has been to pay off all debt and establish an investment basis by which I can retire early, have a much healthier work-life balance, giving myself the free time to go back to school and spend more time in personal hobbies.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

So your plan is to work your ass off, retire and THEN go back to school?

I mean, look man - I get it, you are confused and in love.

But the order in which you are working on your life is wrong.

[–]CaliEd2560 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

What’s OP income? That’s all it comes down to. If he wants to work 70 hours/week to make $150k have at it. Or if there’s an ultimate goal in mind (opening own business whatever), so be it.

But if he’s running 70 hours a week to make $60k, then chump.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy

No its not.

The more you make the leas you should be working.

Its this little thing called: Leverage.

[–]CaliEd2561 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

Retarded to fault the guy for hustling and working his ass off to get what he wants out of life. If that’s how he wants to live his life, have at it.

I’m with you though, I max out at 30 hours.

[–]tomblitz73[S,🍰] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks guys. Income is about $135K with essentially no debt.

Short term plan is to bust my ass for a long term foundation, financial freedom, and early semi-retirement (read: part time work similar to as the group is describing).

[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

The guy is measuring his worth by his lowest tier income. His entire sense of self worth is external.

At 135k/yr, he's still flying commercial, probably economy.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

That's not terrible at 32. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Household_income_in_the_United_States

Though it's not going to match the 250k+ that a doc in practice is going to make.

[–]SubjectiveCompass0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You write like an intelligent guy with a nagging case of oneitis. I read the reasons why you don't want to move to this new part of the country and now I've read what you think you want out of life. Have you?

Don't try and convince yourself that what you want can still happen in this new place. The only reason you're considering moving is because your favorite girl is moving there.

You've convinced me that you shouldn't follow a woman to a place with less prospects for you and your goals. She's doing what she wants to do, you should too.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I am increasingly valuing the importance of close friends, family, and long-term stability.

This should answer your question then. From the original post:

my career, house, family, and childhood friends are all located here in the DC/VA area.

Put oneitis aside and this becomes a no brainer.

[–]askmeanything20 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

We both very much wanted a family and marriage in the future

The program is 8+ years in duration. Likely to be followed with further moves for residency and fellowship.

A family is how far in the future? How much of her time will she allocate to being a mother?

Don’t get married unless planning children in the immediate future. Marriage does not lock down a woman and going 10+ years without children will have her biology blaming you for her barrenness even though its the birth control.

If we stay together, I am concerned that her mindset will change from a point of submissiveness/feminine to dominant/alpha as she surpasses me in higher education and income potential

This only occurs if your frame is dependent on earning more and having a better education. It will also occur if you follow her like a puppy.

[–]gameoflibidos0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Moving with her is clearly not an option. That is a total beta move where you are in the middle of nowhere with nothing to do while she studies and is in class and you try to find some work remotely job you can cling to.

That leaves LTR... we already know how you feel about that and how most everyone here feels about that.

That leaves, end it on best terms possible and demote to FWB when she visits.

The other 2 really aren't even options. Just a list of ways to fuck up.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You cannot move with her and be less. It won’t work. Eastern Europeans need seriously egotistical mo fo’s for men.

Next.

You will be a supplicating bitch if she stays.

The end

[–]FereallyRedHard Core Red0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She chose her career ahead of you.

Act accordingly.

[–]Bedtimeshine0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Let her make her choices. Wish her luck and tell her maybe one day you’ll find each other again if she comes back. If she doesn’t think “settling” for Georgetown is worth keeping her relationship then I wouldn’t waste my time.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

"If the relationship were to end, this would leave me fucked and in the middle of nowhere" tells me everything I need to know. Ciao, Baby!

[–]CopyAndPaste20150 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Wow, look at your hamster going at hyperspace speed. The oneitis in you is strong too, hence your frame is week/non-existent. You knew this will happen but postpone your decision therefore creating the mess you are in now.

I am not going to tell you what to do, you should know if you were not living in her pants. Decide what you want and if you are happy with the sacrifices made and then take your decision.

[–]innominating-1 points0 points  (5 children) | Copy

Tell her that she is going to move and focus on school. You’ll be there to support her and visit from time to time.

Tell her that while she’s gone it will be impossible for you to be monotonous, but you’ll always wear protection, you’ll be discrete about it, and you won’t fall in love with the other women.

Tell her when she is available to you, on trips to her or when she visits, as long as she continues to deserve your time and attention you’ll give it all to her.

If she asks if she can get dick on the side, say that’s a decision for her but if you hear about it or if it changes her behavior, you’ll have better things to do then try and maintain an LTR.

Most likely she won’t fall on a dick, she sounds devoted. As if she does, your in the same place anyway.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sooooooo manyyyyyyyy words. Fuck.

[–]tomblitz73[S,🍰] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

The program is 8+ years in duration. Likely to be followed with further moves for residency and fellowship.

My emotional interest will decay far sooner for me without sexual reinforcement and there are many other plates to be had without the baggage and flight ticket bills.

Or were you suggesting I tell her this as a matter of dread / something else?

[–]innominating1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

No. I was telling you to try that tact for a year or two and see where you are then. 8 years is a long time for an LDR without a doubt.

[–]tomblitz73[S,🍰] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for your thoughts. This is a feasible solution for the short-term.

If she seeks other dick, however, I would end it no questions asked.

[–]SuperCrazy070 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This just is not happening.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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