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There's definitely a bigger issue but making sure I'm going about this correctly

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February 15, 2019
19 upvotes

I broke a bone in my hand during jiu jitsu training last week.

So of course this has been met with some shit tests. Seemed fine at first until I now have to see a hand surgeon for treatment plan.

This has lead to talks about the yearly cost of training, maybe $20 bucks per class and less than 2k per year. Bills are paid, vacation planned, etc. Not having to post my family outside walmart begging for money. She mentioned, "You can do what you want with your money. Just know that your wife is unhappy and your son is going to miss out on things if we can't afford them. I still don't want to go on Monday. "

I tried to STFU and maybe I should have but hit me with a "Something different is going to have to be done or this is going to be something that will cause us to separate. Is this sport really worth it."

Lost frame and told her if $1800 was worth separating our family.

Of course after the fact I should have just laughed it off and had fun with it. "Guess I can spend it on a new motorcycle" or something.

Definitely lost frame. Should have STFU more or had fun with it. It's an inconvenient hobby at times but something that I have done for 9 years. Since we've been dating so it'snot something new.

Plan is to just STFU about it and keep pressing forward.


Post Information
Title There's definitely a bigger issue but making sure I'm going about this correctly
Author ParaXilo
Upvotes 19
Comments 142
Date 15 February 2019 04:35 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/218526
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/aqyd0t/theres_definitely_a_bigger_issue_but_making_sure/
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Comments

[–]helaughsinhidden29 points30 points  (20 children) | Copy

Women rarely speak the truth. I guarantee that she is unhappy with you about something, but it isn't your training. If you were owning all the other areas of your relationship she would be showing up to your matches, giving post-workout massages, and bragging what a bad ass you are on social media.

Tell the class what a faggot you are in all the other areas you failed to mention. Kind of keeps like this is the only "alpha" thing you do.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

Bingo.

[–]ParaXilo[S] 0 points1 point  (18 children) | Copy

Tell the class what a faggot you are in all the other areas you failed to mention.

House is handled.

Finances need improvement on eating out. Planning out meals so we can eat at home.

BF/weight too high. Let that slip again. Gonna dial the diet and figure out what workout I can do one handed.

Can't think of anything else off the top of my head. I game her. We've been laughing and having fun more recently.

[–]helaughsinhidden21 points22 points  (15 children) | Copy

Really? This and all of your replies are so vague. I'm busting your balls because your words sound like the shit I used to say. Shit we've all said in here at one point. We all start out kidding ourselves and think we've got it figured out.

You seem like the guy who got axed and said "Why they fire me? I didn't do nuthin!".

Expand on these some more.

House is handled

What's this mean? Is she asking you to do chores and you are doing them? Lawn is mowed? All repairs and remodeling projects completed?

Finances need improvement on eating out. Planning out meals so we can eat at home.

Are you spending money on other bullshit? Is she? Are you earning the top in your chosen profession? Are you passing up chances for promotions or advancing your education? Are you in debt? If so, are you paying it off feverishly?

BF/weight too high. Let that slip again. Gonna dial the diet and figure out what workout I can do one handed.

The way you say "let that slip again" reminds me of my oldest kid when I call and ask how things are going and he had been living off of Ramen noodles and Little Debbie's snacks for 2 months. There no GONNA, it never happens. If you aren't tracking your macros & calories, you can't improve. Do you lift? Not just going BJJ, do you do deadlifts, squats, benchpress, military press, barbell rows as a minimum program 3 times a week. If so, what are your numbers? How is your drinking?

I game her.

What's that mean to you? Texting, flirting, teasing, kino, dates, quiet time alone, do you both see each other much, do you kiss daily, weekly, monthly? How often do you initiate and what's your success rate? Does she initiate? Are you tracking it on a Men's Calendar on your phone? When you are home, how engaged are you? Do you play with your mobile phone around her or your kids? How much are you spending on youtube, video games, netflix, porn when you could be working on something productive. Red pill isn't a hack you can "sprinkle" on your wife that will enable you to be a lazy fuck that gets everything you want.

Do you really take your life seriously? If not, she'll know your a faggot faster than any of us.

[–]redwall929 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

Talking to the oldest kid. That is an endless source of "that reminds me of" fodder.

My boy's going to do such-and-such someday. My pat reply is "Someday, huh? That day right between Thursday and Friday, right?"

Of course ... he learned from the best.

[–]RStonePT1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

deleted What is this?

[–]helaughsinhidden2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Assorted mix. Doing what she asks: beta Taking care of YOUR home: owning your shit.

Just asking a mix of questions to see who he is and what he's actually doing

[–]ParaXilo[S] 0 points1 point  (11 children) | Copy

You seem like the guy who got axed and said "Why they fire me? I didn't do nuthin!".

You're wrong there but believe what you want. I could DEER with you about the vague responses but it doesn't matter.

What's this mean? Is she asking you to do chores and you are doing them? Lawn is mowed? All repairs and remodeling projects completed?

Maintaining the house with basic needs. A faucet just stopped working so fixing that this weekend.

Are you spending money on other bullshit? Is she? Are you earning the top in your chosen profession? Are you passing up chances for promotions or advancing your education? Are you in debt? If so, are you paying it off feverishly?

We eat out too much. I looked over the last 5 weeks. It was bad. Told her we are stopping. Just need to stick to that. At the moment yes because I've only been in the field for a little under 2 years. I just took a new position that will lead to my goal of becoming a nurse practitioner. More education-> mo money. Just 1k from credit card but that's paid monthly.

The way you say "let that slip again" reminds me of my oldest kid when I call and ask how things are going and he had been living off of Ramen noodles and Little Debbie's snacks for 2 months. There no GONNA, it never happens. If you aren't tracking your macros & calories, you can't improve. Do you lift? Not just going BJJ, do you do deadlifts, squats, benchpress, military press, barbell rows as a minimum program 3 times a week. If so, what are your numbers? How is your drinking?

Diet has been shit. My fault. I haven't been tracking. I'm at that again today. I bnb was lifting. Till I broke my hand. Figuring out what I can and cannot do. My numbers are shit but in my comment history. I don't drink but need to get back to 90% h20 also switching to that today from Satan's drink. Coke.

What's that mean to you? Texting, flirting, teasing, kino, dates, quiet time alone, do you both see each other much, do you kiss daily, weekly, monthly? How often do you initiate and what's your success rate? Does she initiate? Are you tracking it on a Men's Calendar on your phone? When you are home, how engaged are you? Do you play with your mobile phone around her or your kids? How much are you spending on youtube, video games, netflix, porn when you could be working on something productive. Red pill isn't a hack you can "sprinkle" on your wife that will enable you to be a lazy fuck that gets everything you want.

Texting, flirting, need to get better at teasing, kino, no dates recently. Someone dies in the family and a lot of stuff gets put on hold. Life happens but was there for support. My current rate is maybe 1:4 of success to initiating. She never initiates. By tracking you mean tracking how often I get laid? Mental note because actually tracking seemed weak. If you mean cycle I track her cycle in clue. Thought she might be PMSing but she's a week out from that

Mobile phone I've cut out of playing games. She used to complain that I was always on my phone. Stopped doing that so much.

Being engaged I feel like I'm engaging with her but maybe I'm not doing it as much as I need to.

I did recently play some video games but have stopped again. We played some mario party together a few times because it's her favorite game. I don't watch tv anymore. No porn.

Red pill isn't a hack you can "sprinkle" on your wife that will enable you to be a lazy fuck that gets everything you want.

Absolutely agree.

[–]helaughsinhidden2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Post in OYS and keep it up. Sounds like you have a way to go but your being honest with yourself. In MRP, it takes 1 month of doing everything right to erase each year you were fucking up. So for example if you were being beat for 5 years, once you "right the ship" expect 5 months of absolutely killing it without much payoff. Dread, respect, better sex, her improving, balance to the force, peace on earth, etc will then kick in.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Diet has been shit. My fault.

This goes with eating out too much. This is your main problem. She’s tired of fucking a fatass. You are a fat fuck, and you should have been lifting instead of jitz... or both.

[–]ParaXilo[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'll just do both.

And eat less.

[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

Maintaining the house with basic needs. A faucet just stopped working so fixing that this weekend.

Congratulations. You can do basic adulting.

You need to figure out root cause. She might be insecure about your focus on self improvement.

I've written about when to STFU and when not to STFU. There's some weird gap.

Maybe she liked fat useless you better.

[–]ParaXilo[S] 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

Maybe she liked fat useless you better.

She absolutely did because I did everything she asked. Canceled plans with people. Always put her before anything. You name it I probably did it.

Making the slow changes with fuck ups but slowly changing. My focus right now is to stop being as fat as I am and see what happens then.

Just curious any suggestions on lifting one handed?

[–]weakandsensitive1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Uh.. death grip masturbation?

Remember though - you're here to fix you. If you want to bring her along in the future, it's still her choice is she wants to take the ride.

Might be a case where she doesn't want to have to put in effort and work for her man. Can't help that.

But, and this is an important but, but until you are confident that you are happy with who you are, don't make reactive choices in response to her actions/feelings/responses, etc. You need effective ownership over the decisions, even if you have to consult with stakeholders to understand their opinions.

[–]ParaXilo[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Uh.. death grip masturbation?

Sweet.

Fair point on the last section. Need to constantly work because no one else can do it for me.

[–]NMMNG_10 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You need to learn how to STFU.

[–]ParaXilo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I mean I could have but mini nuking it seems to have helped.

[–]Cam_Winston210 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Broke my right hand in 2017. Boxer's break. Missed one workout. Wrapped a towel around my hand, slid the brace over it (absorb sweat) and used machines. It was a full break, not a fracture so I did this for six weeks. Missed only that first workout (was getting the x Ray), otherwise 4x per week. Weights were about 60% of the norm due to avoiding too much stress on my hand so I did 12-15 rep sets. Leg routine did not change because natch and I'm not a pussy.

Fast, cook and lift.

[–]ParaXilo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah that was my plan. I'm seeing a surgeon soon. No machines cause I have a home gym/squat rack but been researching and looking up ways I could still lift.

[–]RStonePT1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

deleted What is this?

[–]ParaXilo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Doubtful.

Plus we just hit the 24 hour mark of this event. Just moving past it since I've gotten sleep. Work on my shit.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (3 children) | Copy

"Your opinion has been duly noted" is my go to if I find I absolutely positively cant keep my mouth shut. But far better to as you said AA. You have to make time for you, so long as your family isn't slipping into the welfare line spend your money as you see fit. I personally dont take ultimatums well at all, about 8 months ago my wife started talking about divorce, I pulled out a printed off list of lawyers in town told her to pick one and we would go the next day... I couldn't have throat punched her and had a bigger impact. "The person with the most power is the one who has the least to lose" She changed her tune in a heart beat.

[–]ParaXilo[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

"The person with the most power is the one who has the least to lose" She changed her tune in a heart beat.

Very true. It may be why she changed from asking me if I wanted her to pack her bags to the it's fine do whatever you want. Of course that may be because she would have to return to working full time from part time.

[–]Kpwn880 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

she changed from asking me if I wanted her to pack her bags to the it's fine do whatever you want

Sounds to me like she tried to bluff a flush when you were already holding a straight. Good thing you didn't fold.

[–]ParaXilo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I wasn't gonna break on that. It's an excuse.

[–]freshona10 points11 points  (5 children) | Copy

Where the fuck do you people find these women?

And more importantly, who the fuck wants to be with the kind of people who'd give you shit for being hurt?

[–]ParaXilo[S] 8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy

Being a beta fag.

[–]j_arbuckle20120 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

At least you recognize it

[–]ParaXilo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I mean no point in sulking and becoming an incel. Working on things is better than giving up.

[–]mrpthrowa6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

kind of people who'd give you shit for being hurt?

Evolution.. you're hurt, you're sick, you have a cold, whatever... you are getting biologically useless, nature favours the strong, the powerful...

It's a bitter pill to swallow... as a man you're expendable

It's why I don't expect anything from anybody...

Last month I had the flu... three nights of 40+ degree temperatures... the woman was so doting around trying to be helpful but by the third night I couldn't bear with that shit or accept any more pity so at some point I just told her to leave me alone...

surprise surprise, tried her best at concern trolling me, but she loved me for it.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think most men just get sucked into it, just like a frog in water that is slowly boiling. Most just accept the disrespect as being a normal part of being with a woman. Most think it would be way too much effort trying to find another woman. Etc...etc...etc...

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

"Something different is going to have to be done or this is going to be something that will cause us to separate. Is this sport really worth it."

You need to control the narrative here. Move this question into your frame: "Sweetheart, I understand you're concerned at the cost of the training, but being able to protect my wife and son in a physical altercation is important to me, and it's my duty as the protector of the household."

It's an inconvenient hobby at times but something that I have done for 9 years. Since we've been dating so it'snot something new.

You view it as a hobby, so optional, and therefore so does she. BJJ is not a hobby, it's a lifestyle and you're preparing for a fight to the death to protect your family.

I broke a bone in my hand during jiu jitsu training last week.

Guess you get to forego grips and work on a strong closed guard until your hand heals. Remember, a good closed guard is coming from your hips anyway.

[–]ParaXilo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I like the way you put it. Thanks.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

"Something different is going to have to be done or this is going to be something that will cause us to separate. Is this sport really worth it."

She doesn't respect you or your interests. It's not about the money, she's thinking if you stop training you'll spend more time with her - she can reel you in more.

AA or just repeating that you are not going to give it up would have acceptable responses. If she's willing to separate over jiu jitsu, she's not worth keeping around.

[–]ParaXilo[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

If she's willing to separate over jiu jitsu, she's not worth keeping around.

Yeah definitely right there. It's a stupid reason.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (17 children) | Copy

I've seen a lot of expensive martial art classes, but never 160 dollars a month membership. Are you training with UFC fighters or something. Do they not have a cheaper yearly membership?

[–]Redpillbrigade174 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Depends on metro area. $160 monthly is market for a coast city metro with good coaches.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

For Gracie accredited that's about Par.

[–]ParaXilo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yup. I should be able to get it down a few bucks but I had a better savings to allow me to do thai. Plus they just added judo class...

[–]ParaXilo[S] 2 points3 points  (13 children) | Copy

Comes out to $147/month. Gracie Barra gyms usually run that and there's not many as close as this one with a similar/wider schedule.

I'm gonna find out a out lowering the cost some since I haven't been going to muay thai. Especially not now with a fractured hand.

[–]mrpthrowa2 points3 points  (9 children) | Copy

Almost everywhere I've been there is always a bro back of the warehouses place with a lot of iron and level headed guys to mingle with. Find it.

[–]ParaXilo[S] 0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy

Those are a bit further away and the cost/time difference isn't worth it to me. Which is why I've stayed where I have.

[–]mrpthrowa4 points5 points  (7 children) | Copy

Also consider buying a squat rack at that price...

In fact with your salary why do you not have one already???

[–]ParaXilo[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Have one and 69k last year. Increasing to 75k this year. Working my way to 100k in my profession. 2 years ago I was at 45k as a paramedic. Nursing opened more doors.

[–]Imaginary_Historian0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Chicks usually dig guys who can fight. I wonder if your job affected her feelz. Hey I'm not judging you, more money is great but I got to say that paramedic sounds a lot manlier than a male nurse

[–]ParaXilo[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

I mean you're not wrong but we had issues then too. I just made less.

Does Shock Trauma ICU nurse make it sound more dick-waveable?

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Does Shock Trauma ICU nurse make it sound more dick-waveable?

Not really. Give fewer fucks about your job title and more about your earnings. Own your male nurse identity, Focker.

[–]ParaXilo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Fair point.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Best thing I ever bought was my power rack and weights. Was about $800 when all was said and done.

[–]ParaXilo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That's what I spent. Just can't lift the barbell till I get more info on my hand.

[–]redwall920 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Do you pay cash? Do you pre-pay?

I was able to get a 10% discount for paying cash along with another close to 10% discount for prepaying 4 months at a time.

[–]ParaXilo[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Monthly. I was gonna see if prepaying would get me a discount.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It should def. get you some type of discount

[–]Redpillbrigade172 points3 points  (24 children) | Copy

Keep in mind jiu jitsu WILL take its toll on your body. Look at most black belts and you’ll see the scars of years on the mat. Cauliflower ear, ribs, teeth/ jaw, fingers - you name it.

That said if you love the art and it’s part of your mission and who you are you should absolutely not give it up.

Just fuck her extra hard to remind her she should be licking your wounds of battle and making ou warm compresses, instead of bitching and picking at you when you’re down. Remind yourself you need to fuck the bitch out of her, reset her feels, leave her a mush of body funds next time around. After that she should be a lot more loving and submissive. That’s the kind of feminine energy you want.

[–]Reach180Red Beret6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

Keep in mind jiu jitsu WILL take its toll on your body. Look at most black belts and you’ll see the scars of years on the mat. Cauliflower ear, ribs, teeth/ jaw, fingers - you name it.

I don't have any experience with combat sports, but I gave up on shit like pickup basketball and other contact sports after I dropped several grand on surgery & pt on a pinkie finger that I wrecked in a flag football game.

I found a way to scratch the competitive itch with less potentially catastrophic activities. Maybe not an option for everyone, but I decided I'd rather get to middle age with functioning knees and achilles tendons than to see how many buckets I can get against guys 15 years younger than me.

As we age, it becomes less "If" you get hurt, but "how bad"...especially with some of these more high incidence activities.

[–]ParaXilo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The thing is jiujitsu at a higher level and experience leads to Training differently. This was a slip accident that I magically punched something or simulated punching something and broke a bone in my hand. Complete accident. Just as much as going on green and getting t-boned. Wasn't an intentional injury and no one was going crazy.

[–]ParaXilo[S] 2 points3 points  (21 children) | Copy

Sex is a whole other issue.

Recently had sex and she revealed that it's hurt frequently so it's turned her off of the idea of sex.

Maybe it's the birth control was one idea I had and she is stopping after this pack.

I told her it was doctor time but she doesn't want to bring it up to her doctor. Guess I can just mention it in the room since I'm there. Just wasn't sure if that was a line to be crossed or not.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret13 points14 points  (2 children) | Copy

This is completely normal. Having sex when your pussy is dry is very painful.

[–]ParaXilo[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah true. The more I comment the more I'm seeing how I'm fucking up quite a bit.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

By the way, stopping the pill is a good idea, in addition to all of the other shit that is your fault. Be careful not to make that the scapegoat, because it defiantly isn't, but it tends to clamp the emotional highs and lows. For some men that may be a negative, but for a RP man who sees a woman's emotion like you view the tide, you realize that more emotion is better.

[–]Redpillbrigade175 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ugh. Not sure what to tell you - if you’re doing your reading, you work hard enough over many months (maybe a whole year) to implement MAP etc, and are confident you’re being be best you can and she still acts crappy then you decide if it’s crossroads time. Basically escalate dread till you move on. Divorce sucks but living with a harpy in a slowly deteriorating /stagnant situation also sucks. Take your pick.

[–]RPeed5 points6 points  (14 children) | Copy

This was my wife’s line.

I told her to get her ass to the doc who said nothing was physically wrong.

Then I thought I’d get my own house in order before pulling the pin on a divorce and:

A) addressed some “minor” gaps in dread and
B) read and applied sex god method.

No pain now and dtf. Guess I wasn’t as shit hot as I thought 🤷‍♂️

You admitted you are fat and poor and have some issue with meals so try fixing those first. Shooting from the hip: anyone would resent some fat fuck spending $2k a year on exercise.

[–]ParaXilo[S] 0 points1 point  (12 children) | Copy

Not poor and just working on the last 15lbs

[–]RPeed4 points5 points  (11 children) | Copy

If your wife is calling you out on your finances, something is wrong.

How much of the parenting do you own?

If the answer isn’t “100% of it” something is wrong.

Is she really a single mom claiming child support within a shared home?

If you have 15lbs to lose you are fat by any measure. And that’s if you’re the 1 in 10 who has a realistic view of how much they need to lose.

Kill your ego man.

Something is wrong.

[–]ParaXilo[S] 1 point2 points  (10 children) | Copy

Finances need work. I'll keep an eye on it.

She's definitely not a single mom. I play with our 9 month old, and do all the parenting with and without her when I'm home. 15lbs will take me out of overweight. 165lbs and I'm 5'5'' about 20% bf. I will get to 12% But you're right. I need to kill my ego and handle my shit more.

[–]RPeed2 points3 points  (9 children) | Copy

Real talk bro: if 75k is your only income, you might well be poor. If you don’t have significant equity aside from that: you will likely remain poor. If you don’t have a cash buffer for bills: you are in fact dangerously poor and shouldn’t be spending 2k on a gym.

I earn $250k and struggled to pay bills last month.

We can all do better.

15% bf is fat. 20% is nauseating. Do not expect to get fucked. Check my post history for more fat shaming and rapid fat loss advice.

I put in the time playing with kids but “ownership” is more than taking a shift. It took me a while here to accept I was a shit father. How hard to you think that was to swallow?

Get on OYS and look for more evidence of faggotry. The more you find, the better.

[–]Redpillbrigade172 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

You earn $250k and struggle to pay bills. Interesting and reminder managing money is a whole different skill set vs earning it. Check out the Collaborative Fund - a small shop out of NYC , had a good newsletter a few weeks ago on this: gist was a high paid corporate fat cat guy in his fifties barely had any money for retirement, despite 1% -er income. Meanwhile some old lady who had a basic number crunching job (I forget the details) had a $7mm pile saved.

[–]RPeed2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I know it man. I was on about $200k at 28 I think. About $50k in the bank. Took a haircut to $150k salary but had $500k by 35.

Now I’m broke again.

Cash is king fuckers.

[–]ParaXilo[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Together we make about 110k per year. We have 10k in saving and 5k typically sitting in the checking. So no paycheck to paycheck. I could work extra but that was a double blind that was brought up. Being off 4 days out of the week and home was better vs making a little extra. By a little I mean an additional 1500-2000/ month. So even at 100k/yr it's a 2% investment in myself. I have a squat rack so don't need a commercial gym.

Not rich but definitely comfortable.

Not sure how much more I can do with a 9 month old. I don't see it as taking a shift. He's my son. I take a shift at the hospital.

You're right on the bf. If I was at the lower bf it probably would be an issue.

[–]RPeed3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

I could have done so much more at 9 months old. Leaving it to mom was the biggest mistake I made. Everything else I’ve cleaned up pales in comparison but maybe you’re not making the same one.

You don’t make 110k bro. Gross income is vanity, net cash is sanity. Flawed logic like that is exactly my point.

But sounds like you’re relatively ok. As someone who’s been unemployed 3 times as an adult, I like a year’s expenses in my go bag. Something to watch - its an area your leadership gets judged on.

[–]ParaXilo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

We definitely are ok. My goal is to continue to increase my solo income and add to savings for the future.

However, bills are paid and there's never a worry that they won't get paid.

There's clearly a stress tied with my injury because I need my hands to work. So at the moment until I know more next week I'm off of work. That's where light duty may come in but I still will bring home a paycheck.

Then again I'll find a way to work and continue to provide. If it ever came down to paying bills or training of course bills would come first. I may have my flaws and beta traits but I'm not completely autistic.

[–]hack3geRed Beret1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Haha I used to think 15% was not fat but after dipping to 9% and then bulking and being back at 15% I can say with certainty that 15% is fat.

[–]RPeed0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Plus everyone thinks they’re 15% already.

5’9”, 250lbs, 200lb bench, 135lb squat (knee issues), prolly about 15% bf now.

Said just about every OYS ever.

[–]hack3geRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I got DEXA scanned so I was 9.2% for sure.

I was 5’8” 150lbs - 200BP, 300SQ, 375DL so decent numbers.

But you are right most people say 15% but are really 20%

[–]ParaXilo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No pain now and dtf. Guess I wasn’t as shit hot as I thought

But I'm definitely not at my absolute best. I'll just keep working.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Brother, sex hurts when you are not into it. If it was an actual real problem, she would have addressed it with a doc, but sex is not important enough for her. I call bs.

Wife was the same. It hurts etc. Funny how it unhurts when they are aroused and into it. Vags are funny like that.

Her testing on the Jui jitsu finances, she is trying to get her beta soy boy back. He is manning up and she is pissed because she thought it was only a phase that wouldn't last.

Rethink her attitude towards you. She should be supporting , not sabotaging. She wants all your attention on her and the baby.

Best is not to engage her on this, your gut feel is right, it is not about the actual money.

[–]Tbonesupreme1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

And you believe her?

I don't.

[–]helaughsinhidden2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

Tracking sex is smart. Telling her you do or whining about the stats is weak.

I use the paid version because I can customize the types of sex, rejections, excuses, when she initiates, etc.

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.wheel.menscalendar

Get your shit dialed in and she will be initiating soon.

[–]ParaXilo[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Doesn't seem to exist anymore.

[–]helaughsinhidden0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Too bad, looks like this is pretty close though

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=centertable.advancedscalendar

Actually, that one looks much better if I am honest

[–]hack3geRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Tracking sex is an awful idea - tell me why?

[–]helaughsinhidden0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Ok, seems obvious but I'll bite.

Check the OYS posts and you see stats. Lifting, weight, body fat, trips to the gym, number of books read, etc. Why track any of it? Why count championships, games played, points scored, touchdowns, three point percentages, income, debt, age, IQ?

It is all the same, you track it to measure success brotha. The reason we are all here is to improve our sexual strategy with our wives. That is the only reason for tracking any progress, to plow more frequently to a hornier, submissive, enthusiastic, dirty wife. I see from your old OYS you were hitting 1-2 times per month (ouch). How many times did you have to initiate to get that trickle? How many times did she come for you? You probably have no clue anymore what February of 2018 was like, so how could you REALLY know if any of this is actually getting more pussy? I used to think I was getting it consistently 3 times a week, but it turned out it was 1 to 2 times per week with a single week of getting it 3 to 4 times in a week every other month. I over estimated by nearly double. Then I changed shit and it got where I wanted to be with her. When I see those numbers slipping I reset, find the issue, fix it, and I'm good again for a while.

I understand if you are only having sex 16 times per year, tracking probably makes you feel like a faggot. I do when I see only 1 day in a week. However, at least im living in the truth. I take that pain and accept it as a self inflicted consequence of my lack and allow it to fuel me to more productive behaviors. Feel me?

I track all kinds of shit.

Initiation method, failures, who started it, if she said no, why she said no, her ovulation and period times, each kind of sex act done, toys, location, alcohol, birth control method, and I rate the experience. I even keep myself in line making sure about 25% is captain caveman style selfish pounding.

TL/DR: To measure my success!

[–]mrpthrowa3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Jesus the audacity that a woman would have to even question this sort of thing from her man.

That is an outright threat, indicative of much deeper problems in your relationship. That sort of threat is to be met with a complete assumption that you're there already:

"Give this up or we separate"

"Go on then"

No matter the issue, 100% of the time this is the correct response. She could be talking about me taking random dumps everywhere in the house for all I care (but don't do that...). It starts here, and it snowballs, once she has you by the balls, she won't let go.

And buddy, you better start getting much better. I'd have been so annoyed I wouldn't even respond, I'd give her my most annoyed "The fuck you dare say that?" stare and I'd just hit up the bar and get another girl.

[–]Redpillbrigade171 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Solid. Get those de la riva, single leg x and sweeps in while your hand is taking a break.

[–]ParaXilo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Oh for sure.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

So the issue is you two don't have enough money coming in?

What things is he going to miss out on? Has he missed out on things already?

She's unhappy NOW or has been unhappy for a long time?

Are you the breadwinner?

[–]ParaXilo[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

So the issue is you two don't have enough money coming in?

We have money. But me injured does have me taking this week off of work until I see my ortho surgeon Monday.

What things is he going to miss out on? Has he missed out on things already?

Not a fucking clue. He's 9 months old and going to Disney land for his 1st birthday because we're visiting her brother and his family. Like what?

She's unhappy NOW or has been unhappy for a long time?

On and off unhappy.

Are you the breadwinner?

Yeah. She used to be the bw before I changed careers.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ahhh well sounds like she's not adjusting well to the power shift.

Well he's not going to miss out on anything, yah when she says something like that just pretend she didn't.

Really she just needs to transition into the new lifestyle, you keep working and I'm sure you will get her feeling right as rain about it.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Personally I would have nuked her. Not in an angry way, but in a way that makes clear that you don't negotiate with terrorists. If she wants to threaten your marriage over that, make sure she knows that she should be careful what she wishes for. Principle of Least Interest. Be less interested than she is.

[–]ParaXilo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I did give her the "there's the door" her response was "do you want me to pack my bags?". Wasn't gonna kick her out but I left it at, "I'll let you decide."

Haven't had any issues over it today. Just gonna keep working on everything I've been lacking.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red1 point2 points  (23 children) | Copy

This reminds me of what Shelly said to her husband a month or so ago when he called and she was out with me.

Only way different now that I think about it.

[–]ParaXilo[S] 0 points1 point  (22 children) | Copy

I mean she's free to leave. Just seems like a stupid reason.

Plus I know there's no red-sfpplus fucking her. So not even worried there.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red2 points3 points  (21 children) | Copy

The point my autist friend is:

Women make threats. You can either ignore or engage.

[–]ParaXilo[S] 1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy

Ah and as an austist I engaged when I shouldn't have.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

“Your money”

How accurate is this statement?

Did those words actually leave her mouth?

The most common place men rambo is in regards to money.

It is also the most high conflict area in regards to women and their providership status.

[–]ParaXilo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

How accurate is this statement?

She texted. I didn't respond.

[–]ParaXilo[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I'm the majority breadwinner. She's part time. I'm full time and typically make 75% of the total income.

I haven't taken complete control of the finances but I pay all our bills and we've still spent things for the baby. She has always asked for permission to purchase something. I get her input or I do it if I think it's the best option. Ex. Our fence blew down so I paid to have it repaired. Just asked if she had any input she said no and I took care of it.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Joint or separate accounts?

[–]ParaXilo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Joint.

[–]BostonBrakeJob0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

IME, "your money" hasbeen a shitty comfort test. Does she know her place in your vision? Or are you floundering atm?

[–]hack3geRed Beret0 points1 point  (13 children) | Copy

I’m dealing with this shit right now - I was chugging and her rope was getting taut and bam wife takes a 180.

We had amazing weekend away and even did some things we hadn’t ever done sexually and she stayed for her work conference and she comes home and starts getting on about how I don’t respect her and I treat her like meat and don’t love her and she isn’t like that (I push boundaries a little and make sure I’m sexualizing when possible). I handled all the shit tests near perfectly and now out of the blue 3 days ago she hits me with the we aren’t having sex until you treat me with respect. I’ve been making terrorist jokes for 3 days and really paying it no mind. She dropped the we won’t be having sex ever again until you.... and I was like maybe you won’t be but I will be and I removed myself.

No clue wtf these threats are all about but I’m not engaging. My take even though it doesn’t matter is she either got white knighted, I failed a comfort tests somewhere (I’ve tried adding back comfort but it just becomes shit tests) or she got strange / found a branch in a coworker.

At some point ignoring isn’t going to work so not sure where I go from there but I have to figure that out.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

At some point ignoring isn’t going to work

AA

"You are so cute when you threaten me" coupled with:

A pat on the head like you would give an ashamed dog who did something wrong.

A pinch on the cheek like your grandma used to give you when you were a kid.

In both instances, this should be done in a very demeaning way to drive the point home.

If it is a playful threat then:

A firm slap on the ass.

If I am fed up with your shit, since I am Italian, I will do:

The neck flick and/or the ma che vuoi when I am fucking done listening to your whore mouth. Coupled with me simply walking away.

[–]hack3geRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah I’ve been AAing hard and have gotten her to laugh but it hasn’t turned playful like in the past.

I sent her a picture of an ISIS thong after I told her I don’t negotiate with pussy terrorists.

I’ve been very demeaning and she’s even commenting on how do I think I can talk to her that way or treat her like that.

I’ll keep at it.

[–]weakandsensitive1 point2 points  (8 children) | Copy

I was like maybe you won’t be but I will be and I removed myself.

You should've stayed.

At some point ignoring isn’t going to work

That's because disengaging isn't winning. Frame dominance is an interesting advanced topic. Google it. While you're at it, google reality destroyers too.

[–]hack3geRed Beret0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

Why stay? I’ll google the other stuff - thanks for the info.

[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

So you can 1) demonstrate congruence and 2) gauge her response.

You can leave after. Because unless you ooze that congruence of what that sentence implies, it may as well be a bluff.

[–]hack3geRed Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Was strange she started unloading on me yesterday - I’m a different person the last 12 months and I’m an asshole and selfish all I do is do things to make her upset. She then switched to stuff about her how she can’t be the woman I need and it’s hard for her and it doesn’t feel normal and it’s not who she is or how she has ever been with me.

I basically told her my intention was never to make her cry or be upset and that I like seeing her happy because I do care about her. Yes I am different and I finally am being myself but no I am not going to change who I am or what I expect from the woman by my side and that I still want it to be her and I know she is capable of being that woman. I did a little more vision stuff too about life, travel, exciting adventures,etc. I left it basically as you need to decide if you want to be a part of my life and if so you need to determine how you will earn and keep that spot (I know giving her the choice was a little weak but she’s always said I am forcing her to act a certain way because of DL4). She cried I gave her a kiss and a hug and then had to go.

I came back a few hours later and she’s sweet and flirty and basically in the last day I’ve gotten 2 BJs and had sex 3 times including twice when my kids were in the other room which has always been a no go. Hysterical bonding, maybe? Not sure if that was a main event or not but she didn’t seem upset enough for it to be.

[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I know giving her the choice was a little weak

I always give choice and respect an individual's agency. I like painting binary pictures so that it forces choice too.

if that was a main event

I've never been sold on the main event concept, but I've also never lived it.

[–]RStonePT0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

deleted What is this?

[–]hack3geRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Ah makes sense.

It’s funny as I’ve progressed she’s gone from joking about how I need to get a gf to satisfy my needs and leave her alone to now hating when I even AA or AM about cheating or having options. She no longer thinks it’s funny at all and gets pissed when it’s implied so I’m pretty sure she knows I’m right on the edge of just going and getting my needs met myself.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Depends on what your definition of winning is.

My ex would gaslight and manipulate me like a boss. Now that she cant me disengaging sends her into orbit. That is winning in my book.

I see very little value in staying around a negative person. My obese ass just leaves.

I believe those with the strongest frames just simply ignore bullshit like this. If that means I walk away, whatever.

I dont view walking away and disengaging as loosing or being weak.

[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Now that she cant me disengaging sends her into orbit. That is winning in my book.

True. Great point.

[–]RPeed0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Ever read this one?

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/7vp39q/an_anatomy_of_butthurt_and_the_impact_on_frame/?st=JS79OY0L&sh=78dac730

I only saw it yesterday but recognised a lot.

I started off mainly in the “neutral emotion” category. But moving my comfort zone to the “positive emotion” end was a game changer. You probably do it in other contexts. I just make far fewer exceptions now. Tbh I enjoy the conflict now.

[–]binrobinro1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

How dare you do something that you enjoy, when you have a family!

[–]ParaXilo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I know I hate it.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

A smart funny comeback is better, and if you can’t think of anything witty - STFU

[–]RPeed0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Dude reread the comments from your “withdrawing attention...” post.

It is all there.

Stop hiding behind the breastmilk and take control of the parenting.

And stop being so fat.

[–]ParaXilo[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I'm still trying to figure out what you mean of take control of parenting. He's 9 months old. He's on formula so way easy to make a bottle when we're out.

Daily routine is usually I'll get up at 6 or 7 when he wakes up. Wife stays in bed. I feed him. Change him. Then play. Things a 9 month old can do. He has baby food for breakfast and wife wakes up around that time [this routine is repeated even on nights that I work unless I worked the night before]. He plays some more has a bottle then naps for an hour or two. Kind of a repeat routine till dinner time. We run errands or go see family or I'll go train at 11am. Or we swap so one of us can get some things done. Kind of tough when the kiddo is now a danger to himself and hasn't figured out walking but wants to hit himself on things.

I'm not saying I'm the best dad in the world but I do what I'm supposed to. Nor do I expect praise for it. It's what I'm supposed to do.

And stop being so fat.

This I will do.

[–]RPeed3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I might be off man but your attitude is just like mine was. So let me just recap my own experience:

My kid slept poorly, so I took him at 5am and let her sleep.

Everyday.

I took him most of the weekend.

I rushed home from work to take him.

It wasn’t enough so I stopped working to be a SAHD and we moved back home to a big house near family.

That’s when things really went downhill.

I ended up doing way more than 50% of the work and getting more and more shit for it. We were both fucking miserable. Actually I started thinking one or both of us was mentally ill.

Maybe we were by the end.

Fortunately most people don’t have the money to go as far down the rabbit hole as I did.

Anyway.

I had the same attitude as you do now. I was doing the WORK, I was part of the CREW but I was not LEADING.

Unfortunately, it is not optional.

Looking back it was sliding day by day from about 12 weeks. I was executing her strategy I.e. living my life in her frame. And her strategy was obviously, clearly wrong. I knew this. But it took a group of like minded problem to give me permission to do something about it. Because like you, I am also a faggot.

I packed a bag and took him on an international trip for 5 days. First time he had left his mommy overnight.

He was two.

Over the next year:

I decided to sleep train him (again).

I decided how to discipline him.

I decided what was ok and not ok for her to discipline him with.

I arranged suitable childcare.

I decided where he will go to school.

I decided she will go back to work.

I packed our shit up and moved us all to where I decided we will live.

I decide when I will sleep late and when I will take out early.

I decide what is ok for discipline, diet, sleep, shitting, socialising, setting an example. Whatever. And I tell my wife is she is up to the standard or not. I was already a physical specimen but I quit drinking and did other shit to earn that high ground. You will know when you get there.

Do not wait three years to start making decisions like this. Pack a bag of nappies and formula and take the kid away for a few days to reset. Come back and make some decisions about feeding, sleep, childcare, the future etc. 9 months should be on solids anyway, start there.

She is literally telling you she is in charge of your kid’s life right now.

But I am not the best writer on this sub or father for that matter. Fly a flag in OYS each week and people will start opening your eyes to how to parent.

And read NMMNG - I despised my own father and made a conscious decision not to be like him. Nice Guy 101. And perhaps the root of my hands off parenting.

[–]RPeed0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I spilled more than enough in my previous comment but one thing that was a game changer: my wife was always like “baby is so hard”, “parenting is so hard”. “Isn’t it? Isn’t it?”.

But actually I kinda thought, maybe it wasn’t? Or shouldn’t be?

So I started saying “no”. “He’s fine when I have him”. “I like parenting”. “I enjoy our time together”. “Feels good to do x, y, z”. “I believe a, b, c about parenting”. “It would be better parenting to do this” (danger zone!).

Clear and unambiguous statements about other examples of kids or parenting from real life, tv shows etc.

Broadcasting my thinking like this was a game changer and probably what /u/man_in_the_world would call drawing someone into your frame emotionally.

[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

"Something different is going to have to be done or this is going to be something that will cause us to separate. Is this sport really worth it."

"Yes. My personal self worth and happiness is always worth it. Now if that upsets you, and you want to make that choice, that's on you."

Also - I doubt it was abut the training or broken hand cost.

"But let's cut the crap. What's actually bothering you."

[–]ParaXilo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I thought maybe it was the fear of me not being able to work since I'm the majority breadwinner.

Since the little conflict and not engaging about it she's been more pleasant. Or I'm gonna die from poison at some point.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Womanese

"How do you expect to finger me with a broken hand ?......."

"Something different is going to have to be done or this is going to be something that will cause us to separate. Is this sport really worth it."

Ya, umh definitely lacking in your reading - there's the door

[–]Dialerstring0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Bro handle your shit and own everything you do. I doubt she’s complaining about Jits. Are you owning your shit? At 9 years in Jits you’re probably a bad ass on the mat. My wife did the same shit to me when I was in Jits and as a matter of fact I quit Jits like a pussy so she would stop complaining. Get this.. She was still complaining!!!!!!

Shit changed when I elevated my shit in 2017 (NMMNG = Game Changer) and started being the masculine person in my marriage and in all areas. I’m changing my wife’s oil in her SUV (with my Son) right now and when I’m done I’ll start sanding down furniture for my wife’s office; with my Son. When I’m done I’ll head to Kyokushin Karate, return home, drink a Miller Light and in my man cave. I was at the gym at 6am this morning too.

If you have the finances to support an expensive hobby like BJJ, then your wife is complaining about some other shit and more than likely it’s you in general. If you haven’t, hit the side bar and STFU, but don’t STFU literally and be a pussy. However if what you wanna’ say isn’t attractive then really STFU. Best of luck Bro!

[–]ParaXilo[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Jokes on her. I won't stop training. It was a big bluff for sure.

I've been at this 9 months have had a lot of 2 steps forward and 1-2 steps back.

No one else to blame but myself.

Don't think I'm a bad ass but fresh new people are fun to roll with because it's a reminder from where I started. Same with getting steamrolled by a higher belt. It's frustrating but, humbling to see the gap in skill.

[–]Dialerstring1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

You can be a bad ass and white belts are food. I’m a purple and hit that side bar. Good luck!

[–]ParaXilo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'll hit the sidebar for sure.

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Take note all you unicorn riders certain that your woman is not like that and won't shit test.

Get injured. Get sick. Have a parent die. Then get back to us.

This behavior you have described is ubiquitous in women. It is 100% of the time that the Shit Testing increases when you show any weakness. If you are made weak by an injury, the woman's every instinct screaming in each of her Billion or so odd X Chromosomes is telling her to TEST THIS MAN who is injured. Can he still protect me? Is he still a rock?

They test at the worst possible moments when you are weakest. That's the truth.

Most of them don't even know when they are doing it. Most don't care.

Read David Dieda, The Way of the Superior Man for more.

[–]ParaXilo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Most of them don't even know when they are doing it. Most don't care.

Absolutely. About one of the few things I've been able to understand and see.

Need to sit down and go through TWOTSM but slow and truly grasp it.

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

this is going to be something that will cause us to separate.

wife is unhappy

your son is going to miss out on things if we can't afford them.

There are subcoms and there is this.

WTF is going on? Why is this talk going on in your family at all? What is your son going to miss out on?

[–]ParaXilo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Honestly Coach I think it was more of a power shift test. She's always hated me training. My fault for allowing it to escalate where it did.

Looking too far ahead and worrying about things that haven't happened.

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

No details about your relationship (ages, length of marriage, age of kids, etc) ? You think we’re mindreaders on where you’re at in your journey?

Sounds like you are inside your wife’s frame if you can’t handle this type of test. It also sounds like there’s more going on w/ your relationship than you getting injured. Work on acting like a leader. Work on cleaning up your ship.

[–]ParaXilo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Guess I should have linked my last OYS. Marriage length, kids, etc don't make a difference in answering a simple question. 5 or 15 years it's the same fuck up. I was an autistic fuck. I agree I fell into her frame on this one.

It was a test and an excuse to try to get me to quit something and reel beta boy back from being out of the house. Took a couple days but I got the picture finally.

Righting the ship.



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