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Frame....Frame.....Frame

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August 27, 2019
22 upvotes

5"11 42 208lbs 17% I do not drink and have not in three years. Very good career with solid finances Big fucking house I built myself.

Gym 1 rep max: Bench 315 Squat 405 No deads due to back Thick back Decent arms. I am in damn good shape and the gym is my temple....habit for 20 years

Readings: NMMNG Rational Male all three Way of the Superior Man Book of Pook Shit Test Mastery MMSL MAP

Found RP three years back.

Reading through the sidebar. Reading NMMNG again.

Made a mistake and posted on Marriedredpill and the responses FINALLY made me see how I never stopped living in my wife's frame.

Sex is bad and I always initiate....when I cannot hold out.

I have made progress on myself. I am starting to understand that I need to put myself first. I dress better, I get deep tissues regularly, I go for long bike rides, and starting to do more with the guys.

There is so much in chaos though, but my post is about my two young sons; 5 and 8.

Me, no ipad during dinner, no ipad when we are out on the weekends, brush teeth every night, clean up every night, I do not reward with toys, eat a solid breakfast, and so on.

Her, ipads ALL THE TIME, not consistent with hygiene, cleaning up toys not a priority, constantly buying toys, junk food for breakfast, and so on....she shares the same habits herself.

Me, I am organized, do my own laundry, clean my own dishes, etc.

Her, clothes and dirty underwear everywhere, sink full of dishes, clean laundry piles everywhere, trash in bathroom full of bloody maxi pads, etc.

I have stopped helping her with her shit a long time ago and only focus on my things.

My boys constantly whine around her. They behave but do have fun around me when she is not around.

She goes to bed with them EVERY night.

My sons are now showing signs of entitlement. Why should I clean, I don't want to clean the toilet, I can't throw the trash because I can't walk 30 feet because my legs hurt but I can run around and throw my toys around.

Just today, we went to Dave and Busters for my 8 year olds birthday. My parents were there as well. His face was stuck to the ipad. I told him his grandparents are here to spend time with him and he needs to put the ipad down and spend time with them. He was reluctant but he knew I meant business. As soon as the wife came back from the bathroom, he whines and she gave it back to him. I held firm and said no. My son was caught in the middle, but she eventually took the ipad away because she knew how she looked with my parents there. She loves them. She squacked and made comments, but I was solid here......not always the case....I am 50% on this.

All of this is part of a bigger picture but wanted some candid and serious medicine from all of you please....so please lay it on me.....


Post Information
Title Frame....Frame.....Frame
Author 1kdawg1
Upvotes 22
Comments 34
Date 27 August 2019 01:15 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/251234
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/cvx9lq/frameframeframe/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
entitlementMAPframeshit testMMSLNMMNG
Comments

[–]simbarlionRed Beret30 points31 points  (1 child) | Copy

It's ok to ROAR at the pack once in a while y'know.

I have two boys 6 and 8 too. Be the kind of man you want them to be.

And stop being so scared of your wife, she's harmless.

[–]redwall926 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

That ROAR only means something if you're not using it for spilled milk. A guy like OP is probably using a whiny ROAR all day long every time his wife is around. If that's the case, then the squeak everybody is hearing when he's disappointed with something ... well that squeak is just an annoyance to everybody in the room (even himself).

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy

“His face was stuck to the ipad.”

You fucked up by letting him bring it to the party in the first place. Failed leadership right there by not setting the ground rules.

I have 3 young boys myself, I stopped that iPod zombie shit long ago. It’s basically like a pacifier or a crutch, it will fuck them up when they get older. Time and place for games.

I can sense the anger. That’s good. All the answers are here.

So you improved, increased your SMV, she still isn’t responding?

[–]RickTickTickyshaw2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I agree with removing the possibilities here. They are not going to be able to whine if it's physically not there. Sounds like you need to take a hard line here if you want change, maybe take them away at night totally for a week. See if they lose it, good...then they will learn appreciation. Wife will follow your lead if it means enough to you. Be strong.

[–]JCX_Pulse22 points23 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like you don’t own the house. Your first mate is burning down the ship but you’re only concerned with making sure your responsibilities are taken care of.

You’re the captain. The ship and everyone on board are your responsibility. Dump the trash. Put her shit in a hamper.

The next step is to let her know your expectations for how the house will be kept and how the kids will be parented.

You have a long way to go. You’re giving yourself too many props for your lifts. Cool, you do the bare minimum, get your other shit in order. That’s the issue. Do keep lifting. Don’t think that makes you better or worthy of something special. Your wife doesn’t respect you and your kids manipulate you. That would piss me off. Sidebar. Sidebar. Sidebar.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando16 points17 points  (1 child) | Copy

So you lift well and you look good. Congratufuckinglations... well done on not being a fat cunt. Have a fucking medal.

Apart from that, your life sucks. Your wife doesn't respect you. Your kids don't respect you. Your wife doesn't desire you - in fact she'd rather sleep in a different fucking bed than sleep with you.

Why is this? Why can't you sit down and honestly reflect on how your life has become such a shit show? Why do you feel the need to come to MRP to ask us to "Lay it on (you)"?

The sidebar is literally full of answers. The forum is literally full of answers. Why can't you take the time to read them and understand them?

You can't even lead yourself, so why the fuck is that you are surprised that nobody is following you? If you aren't going anywhere, if your ship has no direction, if your life has no destination, then can you really blame your crew for sitting idly by in their own shit, twiddling their thumbs on their iPads?

You're a shitty captain on an aimless ship and your crew are bored to tears. Either get your shit together or expect a mutiny.

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I know we cultivate a IDGAF attitude around here, but in glad your back.

[–]RPWolfAlpha_as_Wolf_2.05 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Do you actually like your wife?

What I am reading is someone sorta got HIS shit together but said fuck it all or at the least is putting in half-hearted effort into anything else in his household.

Keep your house clean because you like a clean fucking house not because it's her job or you are trying to get pussy. Discipline your kids and set boundaries with them because you want them to grow up to be decent humans and not entitled fuckwads. This list goes on. If you do these things CONSISTENTLY your wife will start to see you really mean business and will jump on board or she won't. I can tell you she definitely won't if you are only doing it 50% of the time.

[–]hack3geRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I fucking hate you when you ask this question because I don’t know the answer and it’s the one remaining thing I need to figure out before I decide what I’m going to do.

[–]becoming_alpha6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

You've got your career and lifting dialed in, good job. But you've forgotten to lead your family and you're a poor captain. At 50% consistency you get an F.

Leading is your job. You set the tone, you set the agenda, you set the expectations, you plan, you instruct, you lead, you enforce. In the absence of you being the captain, your wife is stepping in with the kids and her maternal instincts say give comfort (ipads and toys) at all times. It's up to you and you can see the results of your failure to lead, your boys are turning into entitled, whiny, ipad zombie, little shits.

You said you do your own laundry, clean your own dishes while her clothes and dishes pile up. You're on your own boat going in your own direction but you left the boat of your family behind with nobody steering the ship. I'll give you 2 tips for leading:

First, take control of electronics. I bought tablets for my kids to use. They are mine, and I allow my kids to use them mainly for roadtrips. They don't get used at home. My kids earn TV time after they've owned their shit (finished their chores) for the day.

Second, lead your family to get family work done (laundry, dishes, other projects). You have an 8 and 4 year old. They should be able to handle most of the laundry themselves if you lead them. When I've got a mission I need to lead the family on, I play the a-team theme song and summon my a-team. I give everyone assignments and we all go at the task full speed until we're done. You need to lead your a-team. Now go lead your crew and teach your FO by example how it's done.

Edit: typo.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

I am reading a lot of ego here.

A clear case of the Captain not training his First Officer.

You do realize the women don’t know how to do this right? They have maternal instincts and they know how to be a mom (to one degree or the other) but they don’t know how to be your FO.

as /u/SBIII said it’s all here.

[–]DeepReindeer0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Sounds like this women is fucking up the mom part. Giving kids iPads without limits is stupid. Rewarding whiny behavior is self-defeating. She sounds lazy AF, she doesn't want to actually parent the children, that would take effort. For most of the women I know, the maternal instincts only go as far as keeping the child alive and somewhat fed. They'll also comply with the social norms of her social group. However; in order to be a better mother than that, she needs a captain.

You hit the nail on the head, Captain hasn't trained the FO. He isn't enforcing standards on his boat. He thinks that because he's up at 4 A.M. and looks sharp in his uniform everyone should fall in line.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Read closer.

OP does HIS dishes. Not THE dishes.

Ignore the choreplay aspect. He's just taking of HIS mess not THE mess then telling her it needs to be done.

She knows how to do it he's not setting the standard. He's just bitching about it after the fact.

Once he has set the standard and the metrics for which that is going to be judged. And she fails to then do that. He then can decide whether he wants to keep her or not

As it is OP is just living a parallel life

[–]Imaginary_Historian6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy

Stop letting the wife sleep with the kids. That is fucking up the kids. 5 and 8 is way too old for that. STOP THAT SHIT NOW while they still have a chance to grow up not all fucked up by that. For fuck's sake, even in my blue pill parenting when my kids were young, even I had the balls to stop that shit.

[–]rentrepreuner0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

How did you stop it? My wife's kid is 6 and past midnight he crawls into her bed. I don't even know how to bring this up because all she has done is whine and moan saying she has tried everything.

Also she sleeps in her panties only so I don't even know how it's fucking up the kid cuz he's a karate champ in his sleep and tosses and turns that no one can get any sleep.

[–]Imaginary_Historian0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

She hasn't tried everything, clearly. She's full of shit. Taking the easy road to parenting and not enforcing discipline.

Enforce a hard limit TONIGHT. Tell her, don't ask her. Say he's not sleeping with us anymore, end of story, no compromise. He's not a baby and this is fucking him up and this stops NOW.

Warn the kid if you want. If the kid asks why then tell him that sleeping with mom is for babies, because it is, and it's time to be a big boy. When my kids did immature shit that babies do, I would sometimes tell them that other kids are going to make fun of them in school if they don't stop. It was shocking how effective that was.

There will be sleepless nights while you enforce the rule and the kid will probably cry about it, but that shit is only temporary.

[–]rentrepreuner0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Ok I will try this. Thank you

[–]JameisBong6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Develop a routine and stick to it. Tell your wife you expect her to follow your lead when it comes to parenting,be firm with your boundaries. Train your boys to be responsible men, explain once and maybe one more time what is expected of them. If your wife continues to defy you,i only know one option, withdraw your time and affection that's all you have. Also that sleeping with the kids thing is a no no with me. I used to tell my bpd wife that made me uncomfortable and eventually she stopped...then started back up,bdp is a whole other nightmare.

[–]FereallyRedHard Core Red4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're a captain neglecting his ship and crew. Those are your responsibilities. Wife not performing? Then you need to take over her duties. Wife sabotaging you? You need to take away her rank and run the place solo. Kids pitting you against each other is a sign of a fractured leadership...cut that the fuck out. Wife not fucking you... where are you on the dread steps?

[–]primordialawe6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

I squat a fraction of what you do and have none of those problems. So maybe quit sucking your own dick and actually be the guy that earns respect in his own house. Re-read all the books you said you’ve read. And, do you even like your wife?

[–]1kdawg1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You hot something here.....I feel I like, love the idea of who I want my wife to be.....a supportive, sexual, wife.....shit....

[–]BluetoGreentoRed9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

Forget the kids and iPads right now and focus on the bigger issue: your wife does not operate in your frame and she has no idea what she’s doing with her children. First step is to admit this is YOUR problem. She might have hardware problems but I’m thinking there’s more to your story than “I have decent lift numbers and a fun relationship with my kids but my wife sucks.”

You might be a good example for how to handle those small organizational things but women go along with leadership. Read the sidebar for more info and understand that as you better yourself as a man, your wife will better herself as a woman. Laundry and handling the kids are merely side symptoms for the bigger problem and as she improves as a whole based on your leadership, those smaller nagging issues will get better.

[–]FoxShitNasty835 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sometimes you have to tell her what she's doing wrong and yes her hamster will try and eat you.. "if you give a fuck" but you might see that things change for the better.

As an example, my wife made herself a sandwich and left a mess all over the worktop. I called out whilst laughing... "you filthy pig look at the mess you have made (whilst I cleaned it up)"... she just deered well I was x, y and z. I stfu, but it hasn't happened again.

The thing is you are only asking for something reasonable. And you own it, you will find a little overt push back goes a long way.

[–]Cam_Winston21[🍰] 11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

17% BF...you are not in good shape, fatty. Thumbs up on the drinking, huge props.

[–]IRunYourRiver2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm just going to come out and thank OP for posting this. I'm having a similar set of issues. The comments here are great, as always. And this really gets to the issue that MRP is about changing yourself and that's it. The changes to your marriage, family, LTR, etc are a byproduct. And yet many of the problems that arise - as varied as they are, stem from a similar set of your own fuckups or half-assery.

[–]scarmine345 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you can’t get your wife to follow your example you’re fucked.

Planes taking off- sorry for the short comment.

[–]iamdexter121 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're a beta and you must increase your SMV to get your wife to be sexually attracted to you.

Children and women are alike. They need someone(an alpha) to look up to, provide and protect them.

However, Children are not proficient in language/ emotion and hence they only learn by IMITATION. If the person who spends the most time with them have an habit, they mirrors them. I.e using iPad. So, You need to first change the behaviour of your wife in order to change that of your children.

Make your children watch/ assist you in house chores( i.e while making your bed, cleaning the yard, etc). You must also spend the most time with them( while eating, watching tv etc) for them to follow your examples.

[–]1kdawg1[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I appreciate all the insights, hard truths, and just plain old reality checks. One step at a time, but taking first step to lead the boys.
Set round rules for them for playing video games. Put away their things, eat dinner, finish homework first.

Break rules once, lose privileges for one day. Break rules twice, lose for two days. Third time a week.

Wife is challenging the rules and only wants to deduct time rather than the entire day. I explained that it will not teach them appreciation and good values in general.

She responded long winded which basically amounts to her feeling I am putting her down. I am going to STFU and hold to the rules because the boys need rules.

Sad part is, such a basic and simple thing feels like a herculean task.....

Going back to the sidebar....

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Besides the petty tit for tat arguing with one another stealing and replacing iPads, how have you set expectations for your family?

I had the whole sleeping in another room issue for years (plural). “I expect my wife to sleep in the same bed as me”. (thanks to red-sfpplus). If she respects you enough she will follow. And she did... and this was around 8 months ago when I fucking sucked. At least there was a shred of respect left.

You’ve done great shit physically and reading. How are you leading? I’ve recently come to the conclusion for me of “pretty poorly”. It’s on my MAP and I’m working to flush out what that looks like.

You may want to consider doing the same.

[–]Perfectinmyeyes1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Great posts here.

[–]lancer746470 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Impressive lifts but at 17% bf they are pointless numbers

[–]1kdawg1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

All, I want to thank all of you men for your candid comments. They helped reinforced what I MUST do and was too much of a pussy to.
Focus on me. Detach expectations. Take control. Lead the family. Outcome independence is the toughest part though.....

Cheers....

[–]1kdawg1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

UPDATE....

I have been consistent with the boys in the following:

Not eating in the room. No electronics during dinner amd I actually sit with them and we have conversations. Helping my older son with homework. Limiting time on the Nintendo Switch. Throwing trash. Emptying laundry. Etc.

Then a few days ago I was helping my older son with spelling words. Wife, as usual, butts in and says my random way of bringing up words for him to spell is all wrong and does so in her usual demeaning tone in front of the kids. I ignore her and continue with my son. Later that day, he was struggling with a certain word....and responded by saying he wants to give up. I immediately told him that is not an option and just try his best. He responded again saying the same thing, I looked him straight in the eye and told him we do not quit and we always do our best and learn. "WE ARE NOT QUITTERS!" was my last response.

Wife starts criticizing me in front of the kids and I ignore staying focused on my son. And he gets the spelling correctly.

The next alone with him, I spoke to him about my tone and my pushing him. The result of that conversation was that he is glad I pushed him because he was very happy that he got the word right. Even today, he is spelling ORCHARD with no problem with a witty smirk on his face.

Later that night, wife hands me the phone with her father on. He wanted some advice about something.....but as usual...when it is to late and with little information. Do note that my wife and her sisters have ran that family and their father doesn't make a move without their consent.

I get off the phone and I tell my wife that that she is setting him up for failure and if she wants me to assist she must get me involved well ahead of time and not last minute. I am the same way with my side of the family. I am most honest with those I care about.

Well my wife blew up and this ended with me breaking frame calling her a CUNT, and her calling me something lovely in response. I fucked up here badly.

Fast forward to today, she has been sleeping with the boys. Not speaking to me. Trying to find ways to piss me off. One way was intentionally having my older son eat in his room. I responded to that by telling her he should not be doing so....and her response was her telling me "I am his mother and I will do what I want him." I STFU and left the room as I did not want the exchange I knew would occur in front of my son.

I am still working with the boys, holding firm on my schedule, and enjoying the solitude for now.

The books and sidebar, from what I understand, say to hold this frame, and keep on my course.....

Am I interpreting this incorrectly or not?

[–]Thorondor_Rising-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Keep letting the internet raise your boys. Dont ve surprised when they jump on the faggot/trans fad since youd rather allow the internet raise your kids instead of raising them yourself.



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