CMV: men don't have the same desire to have children and/or get married that some women do

RockinSocksII · 2017-09-04T02:39:39+00:00

Guys don't really have a countdown where being a father isn't an option anymore, so I think that's why they don't really plan it.

DashneDK2 · 2017-09-04T04:31:04+00:00

Marriage is meh. Wedding is definitely a female fantasy - and marriage is heavily geared towards female benefit. So fuck that. It's dead.

With regard to children, many men do have the desire to have children. Maybe not to the same extend or depth as women, I don't know. Hard to measure. Also the difference is that biology allows men to be a lot more laid back about the whole matter. Wanna do something else in your 20s - sure thing, kids can wait. Kids didn't happen in your 30s - whatever, the 40s are fine too. You want another set in your 50s - sure, that's doable.

exit_sandman · 2017-09-04T12:39:38+00:00

women are on a clock, while men have far more leeway (ultimately, a far greater problem for aging men than their own fertility is their ability to attract a still-fertile woman) - hence more pressure for them to make up their mind about it early on
due to male humans having a different MO when it comes to their propagation of genes, fathering children (and the act that leads there) is more important than actually having them (if you father 100 kids, take care of none of them, and 90 of them die, you're still more successful from an evolutionary PoV than a guy who had 5 kids he brought to adulthood)
marriage limits a man's option and impedes his polygamous urges, it's different for women.

That said, the man I described here is the alpha male who has an easier time fucking around, winning over fertile women even when older, is able to purse an r-strategy (a lot of low-investment offspring) and loses out a lot by committing to a single woman.

An archetypical beta male would be better off with an inverse strategy basically all the time.

cattermelon34 · 2017-09-04T04:12:27+00:00

I think women may want to because their whole lives are surrounded by examples of why being a wife and a mother are the epitome of womanhood. From Dolls to weddings being bride-centric to doctors not taking women seriously when they want to be sterilized we live in a society that reinforces those ideals.

As a man I don't feel those pressures near as much as I see them being put on women.

itsyourlittlesister · 2017-09-04T05:17:30+00:00

I dunno. For me, I have no desire to marry/have kids.

I watched my Father go through two divorces, and lost everything to spiteful women. From my Mom, to step mom, I experienced mental and physical abuse. And my moms shitty boyfriends. I stay away from females simply because My experiences with them (and most people) have been negative/awkward.

Actually, I just stay away from most people.

My Sargent, while we were in Iraq, found out he was getting divorced and she ransacked his apartment, including his dogs, and handed the kids off to the grandparents and she did it all in like a month.

My buddy, on the same deployment, had his wife leave him and found video footage of her railing out the neighbor.

These are just a few that come to mind, but I've seen a lot of shit happen. I'm good. I think 80% of people (not just women) are vindictive, cold hearted, and lost. Including myself.

Nothing hurts me more then looking at my father in his old age, having watched him bust his ass day and night just to have everything taken from him. The crazy thing is, he's always trying to hook me up with some girl in my hometown. Or gets really excited at the idea of it. No, no thanks.

You just never really know what someone is capable of until they're hurt.

darksoldierk · 2017-09-04T13:05:06+00:00

Well, it's not so much that it's the sideshow, more like, it's the mountain. For women, all you have to do is exist. You just have to be there, and you can get a family. Men can't do that, they can't focus on just existing. They need to focus on doing whatever to attract. We need to climb that mountain. So yeah, as a man, I always had the image of me ending up with a wife, a couple kids, maybe a dog in my head. Birthdays, anniversaries, thanksgivings, Christmases etc. I had images of having arguments and disagreements with the wife or going out to fancy dinners with her. I had images of diapers, kids running around screaming, playing lego with the kids, watching barney or whatever. I had images of coming home from work after a 10 hour shift mentally and physically exhausted, putting on a smile and spending time with the kids.

I mean, every guy I know has thought about it. Hell, I remember having a talk with my group of guy friends when we were 17 about how many kids we eventually wanted.

You just have to keep in mind that men in this generation don't feel like they are fathers. They don't feel like they are allowed to be fathers. The law has basically created this feeling by giving more rights to the mothers than the father. How can a man feel like a father when he knows that, in the case of a divorce, the law will only allow him to see his kids two weekends a month? I mean, that, in and of itself, acts as a barrier from forming a bond with your children. That bond can be taken away from you at the whim of the mother, so why bother.

Women know that the children are theirs. Men know that they aren't allowed to have children in the same capacity as women. A man's fatherhood is determined by the mother and the law, and the law has shown that fatherhood is more of a paycheque, so why bother making it the primary goal? Why bother climbing that mountain in the first place?

Littleknownfacts · 2017-09-04T02:33:12+00:00

I agree for the get married part, but disagree for the have children part. What do you think the male sex drive is for? That's just the masculine way of wanting kids...

Temperfuelmma · 2017-09-04T05:08:45+00:00

For men, marriage is voluntary slavery. For women, it's a source of validation, "I'm such an amazing person that he gave up all his freedom just to be with me awww"

_Ryo_Hazuki · 2017-09-04T03:08:12+00:00

I agree about the having kids part but strongly disagree with the wanting to get married part.

There is a massive amount of evidence men want marriage far more than women do. Men are the ones who spend thousands of dollars and get on one knee. Men are the ones who propose. Men are generally the ones who take on massive financial risks by getting married.

Women on the other hand, are the ones initiating the vast majority of divorces.

JezebeltheQueen5656 · 2017-09-04T17:35:08+00:00

Yes, because women destroyed marriage through their right to vote.

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EsauTheRed · 2017-09-04T15:58:14+00:00

It's very important to me and I've been working toward it my entire life

EliteSpartanRanger · 2017-09-04T16:15:59+00:00

Are there men out there that really want to get married and have kids too?

Yes. Most men want kids. They may push it back for a while because male biology is different, but in the end they usually want a family. Not wanting kids is a dealbreaker for many men, not just women.

It's that most people want marriage and kids in their 30s not in their 20s. Many 20 somethings really just want freedom. Women in the past didn't have that choice since they either had no job or a very low paying job since women weren't hired for a lot of high paying jobs. Now they have a choice, so they're becoming like men always were. Redpillers think that's "a decline" or "decadence" in marriageable women quality whereas its just women having a choice and no longer needing to get married to survive.

women are told to aspire to marriage but men aren't.

This is mostly true of the past and less so of the millennial generation, but it's still present to some extent.

[deleted] · 2017-09-04T21:04:35+00:00

I think men want it but the problem is that as a man you can't just plan about marriage itself, you first have to be something that suitably attractive women want.

Deciding what you're going to be takes up way more mental energy

Women are born with value of being something men want

methylotroph · 2017-09-05T15:29:47+00:00

Just we men, on average, have a higher sex drive then women, women, on average, have a higher aaah "baby drive" then men. It just makes evolutionary biological sense that men are more preoccupied with inseminating and women more preoccupied with actually raising children.

gopher_glitz · 2017-09-16T03:41:22+00:00

Why would men? We don't get the benefit of marriage and even if I wanted kids, a women can take them from me at any time while draining me of funds to live.

I am surrounded by absolutely miserable divorced men paying child support and being without their children.

I am also surrounded by divorced women collecting child support payments while having an seemingly endless supply of men paying for their dinners and trips while complaining they can't get anyone to watch their kids.

EliteSpartanRanger · 2017-09-04T05:19:39+00:00

Men definitely aren't raised to focus on marriage like women are. I think that explains the difference in planning for marriage/kids. From my experience, women are right now catching up with men in not really wanting/planning for kids and marriage. Among my peers the ratio of people wanting marriage and kids versus not being sure/not wanting it is about the same for men and women.

Personally, fatherhood has always been an important part of what I wanted out of life.

Shesieona · 2017-09-04T13:28:30+00:00

It is certainly not biological, but societal. Women are given baby toys since they were kids to be brainwashed into believeing they need to marry and pop out kids. The vary fact that most women resisted that brainwashing and refused to breed / marry proves that.

SirNemesis · 2017-09-04T22:28:18+00:00

Not true. It's just that the guys who prioritize and prepare for becoming husbands and fathers are betas that women find unattractive in the open SMP.

Just cause you don't notice them when you're staring at alphas doesn't mean they don't exist.

PostNationalism · 2017-09-04T05:01:02+00:00

OP instead of shitting out 2 paragraphs on 'hypergamy' why not do some actual research?

Title	CMV: men don't have the same desire to have children and/or get married that some women do
Author	SpockOdoData
Upvotes	6
Comments	167
Date	September 4, 2017 2:28 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/6xxjer/cmv_men_dont_have_the_same_desire_to_have/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/cmv-men-dont-have-the-same-desire-to-have-children.266203 https://theredarchive.com/post/266203

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