Q4Men: How would you feel if your long-term girlfriend/wife didn't want to have children?

99_Problem · 2016-08-16T02:35:43+00:00

1: At this point in my life, I would not enter into a LTR without knowing her attitude regarding having children. There's no way we wouldn't talk about it first.

2: Probably a dealbreaker. I want kids, and if she changes her mind then that's going to be a problem. It's non-negotiable for both people.

3: Different scenario. Does she actually want children? There are other options: adoption, surrogate, fertility treatment, etc. If she's infertile and actually doesn't want children, then see 2.

DrunkGirl69 · 2016-08-16T19:41:11+00:00

Divorce.

Be really sad but stand by her.

[deleted] · 2016-08-16T01:39:39+00:00

Scenario 1: i dont plan on ever getting married so i have no real answer to this question..

Scenario 2: id find her change of heart to be a great thing since i dont want children.

Scenario 3: i could care less since i dont want children. If anything it might be a plus since now we dont have to worry about birth control at all.

MagicGainbow · 2016-08-16T01:50:30+00:00

Break ups for all three.

Noxin__Nixon · 2016-08-16T18:04:04+00:00

If one partner definitely wants kids and the other definitely does not, its a recipe for a doomed relationship.

SirNemesis · 2016-08-16T03:18:42+00:00

Scenario 1: You'd never discussed the issue in-depth or imminently prior to making your relationship serious/getting married, and she mentions it to you later on in the relationship.

I'd go to a psychologist and ask him why I did such a boneheaded thing as planning on a lasting relationship with a girl without finding out her views on children...

Scenario 2: She changed her mind from originally wanting children at the beginning of the relationship to wanting to remain childless.

Dump her.

Scenario 3: She discovers she is infertile.

Egg-donor and/or surrogate mother. Alternatively, polygamy.

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648262 · 2016-08-16T03:14:37+00:00

I don't want kids, so it's good.

I wouldn't be in a relationship without discussing it first.
I wouldn't be in a relationship if she wanted kids.
She might be emotionally ruined and that worries me.

Entropy-7 · 2016-08-16T03:35:24+00:00

Focusing on the question at hand and not the elaboration in the OP, I am personally in the market for a woman 33 or under to make babies with. If that doesn't pan out in the next year then kids are off the table, barring exceptional circumstances.

Moolg86 · 2016-08-16T06:51:03+00:00

I'd be overjoyed. In my experience what you've described is pretty rare.

Shazoa · 2016-08-16T11:04:30+00:00

I've never wanted children so it wouldn't bother me any way. i suspect a lot of people don't want children these days.

exit_sandman · 2016-08-16T11:31:29+00:00

Breakup, sorry (though that scenario is rather unlikely because I wouldn't enter such a relationship in the first place)
Breakup, not sorry
Let's see what we can do with artificial insemination and, if necessary, a surrogate mother.

[deleted] · 2016-08-16T13:52:45+00:00

Scenario 1 wouldn't happen, I'd bring it up myself especially if we're talking about marriage fucking hell.

Scenario 2 would make me fucking ecstatic, it means I don't have to end the relationship over her wanting kids.

Scenario 3 would be god-tier. Would not even have to worry about accidents.

Hairbrainer · 2016-08-16T14:00:31+00:00

Scenario 1 I don't see happening. This is something I make a point to discuss before things get to marriage.

Scenario 2: Disappointed, maybe, but not angry. Minds change. Maybe mine would too.

Scenario 3: Completely understandable. If things are great otherwise, I wouldn't break up with a woman for infertility, unless the relationship is shorter than, say, a year or so.

MindTheFuture · 2016-08-16T21:12:07+00:00

Relationship would likely end. I aim is to raise own biological children, preferably with their mother. All of these scenarios would conflict with this long term target, it would be just be fair to end relationship as the shared future would be incompatible by a major factor.

despisedlove2 · 2016-08-17T02:29:37+00:00

I was scenario 2, after about 8 years of being fed a lie, and used. She divorced me soon after. Then I became RP.

A woman who does that has already planned her life without you. Maybe she was genuine when she started, or maybe the whole thing was planned from the get go, to pay off student loans.

No woman can be stupid enough to think that a man she ruined in that manner is going to stick around, though to my everlasting shame, I offered to, at least initially.

adrixshadow · 2016-08-17T03:28:22+00:00

The first two are clear cut betrayal.

The third is also an immediate goodbye.

CrazyTom54 · 2016-08-16T01:07:58+00:00

Scenario 1: I'd respect her decision and I would be neutral. I mean, I would be a little dissapointed but it's her choice to make and she can make it whenever she wants. Whether she wants to have a kid or not is not really up to me. I'll support her final decision whole-heartedly.

Scenario 2: Again, neutral. I would respect her decision. It's her choice to make.

Scenario 3: I would support her and comfort her if she was distressed about this discovery. If she wasn't distressed, I would still support her. Nothing would change in any scenario m8.

(Of course in scenarios one and two, we would communicate with each other as to why she wanted to make this decision. That way I can understand why she wanted to make the decision and I can support her more as best I can. Also, I'd do this because I would talk over any important choices I had to make with her and hope that she'd support me in whatever choice I make as well.)

stats135 · 2016-08-16T02:27:10+00:00

Call me old fashioned, but I have always viewed the issue of children very much a women's responsibility. So I would be completely indifferent.

SkentyDooBabble · 2016-08-16T03:53:37+00:00

My philosophy is that it's in gods* hands. I hope to find someone else with the same approach. If we are meant to have kids, great, if one of us is infertile, that's too bad but we're still gonna have a great life.

Scenario 1 would never happen bc I always ask, Scenario 2 I'd be pissed, Scenario 3 Id be sad, but ultimately okay

cxj · 2016-08-16T05:25:03+00:00

1 wouldnt happen because I'd discuss having children early on with a srs ltr.

2 would make me fairly angry and knowing me, I'd probably react poorly.

3 would make me really sad for both of us. I'd feel really bad but if we were planning on having kids I'd probably end it with deep regret.

youcantdenythat · 2016-08-16T01:30:23+00:00

How I feel depends on if I want more kids or not. Seems that two people should have certain things in common to stay together. That would be one that's pretty high up there.

darksoldierk · 2016-08-17T05:07:47+00:00

I'd be happy with #1 and #3. I'd break up with her for #2, not because she doesn't want kids, but if she "changed her mind" about having children for no reason at all, maybe one day she'll "change her mind" about wanting to be married for no reason at all, or maybe she'll "change her mind" about wanting to work full time until retirement without a reason. In other words, I'll think she lied initially to keep me interested and would not want to wonder what other games she's playing.

The other two situations, we'd talk about it. I'd be down to adopt for #3 if she wants a child.

DaphneDK · 2016-08-16T02:05:08+00:00

*1 Breakup

*2 Breakup

*3 Surrogate mother or polygamy.

Why get married / ltr if not for the purpose of having children? It's the only upside worth it.

Title	Q4Men: How would you feel if your long-term girlfriend/wife didn't want to have children?
Author	impossibleworlds
Upvotes	1
Comments	83
Date	August 16, 2016 1:04 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/4xww8f/q4men_how_would_you_feel_if_your_longterm/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4men-how-would-you-feel-if-your-long-term.273562 https://theredarchive.com/post/273562

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