STFU and Couple Therapy?

turbospeedsc · 2020-09-30T18:40:06+00:00

Wife hated weed when i was fucking up in every possible way, at a point i had to recognize it wasn't helping, and making me be ok with just coasting thru life. Quit for about 6 months, and started getting my shit together, sold my failing business, started a new one that is growing, got a good paying job, started going to therapy/psychiatrist (i know antidepressants are hated here but really helped me), lifting, lost weight etc.

Got back on the weed wagon, but with my shit handled, use it almost daily, but no longer i become a couch potato that eats metric tons of shit, we talk, watch movies, listen to music, get a couple of drinks on the porch etc. you knbw use weed as a activity enchanter instead of a escape.

Now wifes smokes from time to time, and wants me to fuck her like the little slut she is while high.

kngbainz · 2020-09-30T22:26:23+00:00

[deleted]

SiegreicherMarsch · 2020-09-30T18:04:11+00:00

Do you really smoke to "help with some back pain?" Come on. You probably fed this line to your wife and she can smell the truth just like the weed. You're smoking down the block from your house and changing clothes like a teenager. You are signed up for couples therapy. The smell coming from you is that of an ineffective man. Your wife hates that smell. You need to rewind the tape pronto and figure out where you went wrong, and you need to do it with 100% honesty and willingness to point the finger at yourself. Highly suspect it's because you've been avoiding your problems for your whole life.

Tyred_Biggums · 2020-09-30T17:33:50+00:00

Put the pot away, deal with anxiety. Stop running away from your issues

Lift, OYS, and sidebar. Superior man is way too advanced for you.

Oh and therapy is worthless. Don’t go if you don’t want to.

ice_walker · 2020-09-30T17:18:43+00:00

Skip the session and go lift instead

JCX_Pulse · 2020-09-30T18:28:48+00:00

Try cbd oil for anxiety. A high quality full spectrum one.

tax_evading_apple · 2020-09-30T17:43:51+00:00

Quit weed only if YOU want to. Don't quit for anyone else because it won't work.

The way I see it, if you're doing everything you need to (bills paid, everyone fed, taking care of your own physical/mental well being, handling all responsibilities, etc.) - then she needs to make peace with your weed use (as long it's not being combined with harder drugs that do affect health/productivity).

If she can't, then you have to choose what you want to happen next.

Cloudy_Pirate · 2020-09-30T18:14:51+00:00

Sneaking weed because you can't deal with life is the real issue here.

But I'll copy/paste what told someone else about going to couples therapy. Don't do it.

My wife and I went to marriage counseling about 3 years ago. I think we went to 3 or 4 sessions. Our counselor was a Christian male who specialized in marital counseling and sex addiction (for men). The first session, he told us that divorce was a real possibility and we should be prepared for it. The second session, he referred my wife to a counselor for some of her own issues (separate from marriage counseling). My wife found this referral quite helpful. The third session, I stood my ground and called out my wife on her attitude and actions. She stormed out of the session leaving both me and the counselor somewhat stunned. I can't remember if we went back for a fourth. My wife has requested every 6 months or so that we meet with another female counselor to "optimize" our marriage. I have steadfastly declined.

I have many couple friends that go to marital counseling and many more that are "considering it". I have told every one of them what I am going to tell you.

Marriage Counseling is not good for your marriage.

Women absolutely hate being called out on their shit. They will do almost anything so that every problem is your problem. And the thing is - it really is all your fault. So what can you possibly gain from marriage counseling? You either get another person to agree with your wife that you need to fix your shit (not helpful) or you get another person to agree with you that your wife needs to change (she will not accept this and will insist in changing counselors - and she will be resentful on top of it).

If you think you need counseling, go individually. If there is stuff you need to work on with a counselor, do it. If your wife would benefit from it, support her it getting it for herself.

I will never recommend marriage counseling to any red pill man under any circumstances.

For the blue pill man, marriage counseling will delay the divorce and give him a chance to be a better blue pill husband. I don't wish that on anybody, but many men just cannot unplug from the matrix.

justpickanyusername · 2020-10-01T03:36:59+00:00

Be honest, the marijuana does affect you. You are dependent on it for coping with life. It is hard to lift heavy shit when you need a crutch to stand on. You can't ever be your best self on it. It affects more of your life than you know.

You can try to convince me otherwise and justify with who knows what excuse. Just like all the other fuckers on here that are convinced that their video game addiction or whatever doesn't affect them either.

If you were to not bullshit yourself and be honest you would realize that it is impacting your life, performance, everything.

business---travel · 2020-09-30T18:43:39+00:00

No one here will advocate for you to go to marriage or couples counselling. It's a great way to waste your time, money, and energy on knowing that your wife is preparing to jump back on the carousel. The first thing here, as many others have mentioned, put the weed down. That isn't helping. You are using weed to cope with the fact you hate your wife? Jesus... Get lifting and hit the sidebar.

mr4kino · 2020-09-30T18:52:02+00:00

Fix your issues first mate. I'm not your wife and just reading this smelly post made me shake my head. You are addicted and you are acting like a teenager complaining about his mom.

ArgentinaMRP · 2020-09-30T19:23:19+00:00

You remind me of a friend I knew from my early twenties who was in a relationship with a woman for around eight years... He went from a hot prospect footballer in his late teens/early twenties, who could pull women he was interested in, all the way to a man who found his unicorn and got comfortable and lost his purpose in life. In the later years of his relationship, his drinking and outings increased a lot to get away from the shitty life and relationship he built. He hated his girlfriend, but didn't want to leave her. He hated his life, but he didn't want to do anything to change. It wasn't until he hit rock bottom in his personal life where he nuked the relationship and the life he was living to become higher value man. You are on the way to hitting rock bottom, sir.

My point from long story is that no one or on thing can help save your relationship. The mrp subs are all about saving and building up the man, not girlfriend, wife, plates, or sidepiece you bang. The sidebar is there for reason. Make sure you read the books and links attached and take your time. Forget counseling as everyone has mentioned. Where I live, counseling makes things worse for people since the counsellors want to make as much money as possible and will try and make you sign 1 or 2 year agreements. Fuck that. My ex tried to pull that on me a couple years back, but I told her she could go alone since I wouldn't be joining. Your counseling session will be lifting weights, reading through sidebar, and making a MAP to better your life. You have to do work, though...

Elmaars · 2020-10-07T14:00:36+00:00

Speaking from my experience: It was a huuge victim puke for the bitch, the rapist supported her whole heartedly and I was left deering while being ganged up on. No value was gained and a while later we split.

Big_Daddy_PDX · 2020-10-08T00:48:03+00:00

You have no self control. Pot is a dead end and yes it stinks and you talk and smell like a loser. Stop making excuses.

Title	STFU and Couple Therapy?
Author	kngbainz
Upvotes	5
Comments	71
Date	September 30, 2020 5:00 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/j2q24m/stfu_and_couple_therapy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/stfu-and-couple-therapy.275064 https://theredarchive.com/post/275064

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