I'm an ugly woman. Im trying my best to look my best as possible but I don't see much difference even when it try. Its making me very depressed and now just wondering how I can cope with my fate as being an unattractive female?

nereprezentativ · 2018-05-19T22:41:32+00:00

You'll find out at 50 that there are no ugly 23 year old women.
Hit the gym. The ugliest chick will get male attention if she has a nice posterior.To be a princess you must squat my dear.
Find your niche. Preferably one where there is a deficit of women (ex: sports). You can be a below average duckling at the local coffee shop or the cutie pie at the climbing gym/fishing area/race track/metal workshop.
Find a style. Regular basic-biatch dress code gets you compared to all the others and you say you don't come on top of the pecking order. Then go otaku, go hipsterish etc. Something just a bit different but FEMININE. Always have nice socks. Dresses whenever possible.
Learn to cook. Learn to sew. Be decent at feminine things.
Be pleasant to be around. Not a pushover, but pleasant.
As for hairstyles, try more of them. How can a hairstyle be disgusting ?! It's all in your head.
Give men multiple chances. A man with a similar mindset as yours will be just as (if not more) reluctant to put himself on the spot and try to get your attention.
Women will be mean to you whatever your looks. Is how females are, yourself included.
Get dancing lessons to get used to being handled by men if you find yourself not at ease with it.

edited for clarity

NewMindRedPill · 2018-05-19T18:50:27+00:00

For some encouragment you should google, "no one is ugly, just broke."

It often isn't about what youre born with but what you do with it. I used to be pretty ugly as a kid and I look a lot better now and get loads of attention from men but I had to put a lot of work into it.

George_Rockwell · 2018-05-19T17:39:38+00:00

I am 23 years old and slim but I look young for my age, maybe about 16

If your body is good, it shouldn't matter how bad your face is fucked (which I doubt it is that bad). You're putting effort into it and that kind of stuff shows.

If all of the above is true, the rest of your post is all in your head

chief-w · 2018-05-19T22:39:37+00:00

idk if you are compliment fishing or looking for validation, or relationship advice. I, as a man, am going to give you some advice about what we will look for in a serious relationship that you seem to be lacking in spades.

I'll start with what I think you need and then go into why a little.

You need a purpose in life that is bigger and more important than your eyebrows. You need a passion that gets you up, motivates you to manage your image and keep trying to do what you can but ignore what you can't do anything about because you have things to do people to meet and relationships to invest in. You need to pursue the completion of the purpose of your life. I don't know or care if it's music, art, humanitarian work, administrative work, public relations, teaching, fixing things, fixing people, you need something that gets you exited about every day so that you aren't hiding in your room from yourself.

stop asking your girlfriends if you are ugly
stop asking guys if you are ugly

3.no asking the internet if you are ugly without pictures (both raw/natural and done up)

focus on what you have. A "butt'erface" (short for everything is pretty "but 'er face") can still get a guy if she knows how to not be "in your face about it" (pun intended, sry I love puns) but also not catfish it either.

Now to why... You seem to be a relatively healthy person. You describe yourself as young, thin, and very youthful in appearance. Congratulations you are the envy of half the women on this board for one or more of those traits. You also describe yourself as having bushy eye brows that are "the wrong shape." But also talk about how you are managing it, getting it done regularly, and allude to having hair and face professionally done on a recurring basis. So unless you are a candidate for major reconstructive plastic surgery, I guarantee you aren't as physically ugly as you say you are.

That leaves your stinking attitude as the potential culprit for your relationship problems. Your attitude about yourself is toxic and needs to be rooted out with extreme prejudice. You are insecure about your looks. No typical man will expect a 10 in looks from a woman. The only men who do work at their looks and have actually who have been told they are perfect 10's by other women and expect reciprocity from their partners.

Captainsgirl · 2018-05-19T20:26:18+00:00

Firsf of all (but not most importantly) your looks. So I would recommend you go to a dermatologist. I was lucky in my teens; my mom was a secretary for a dermatologist and got me in to see him for free. I am NOT saying this is true for anyone but me, but he taught me to use a very mild cleanser (Cetaphil) and just be very....eh....not use a lot of stuff on my skin other than an extremely mild moisturiser/sun screen. I'm in my late 30's now and haven't had any problem with my skin since I was about 14. People have different needs, so my recommendation would be to see a determitologist to see what might work for you.

I would also recommend going to a hair stylist for your hair. I have the EXACT opposite hair as you (mine is baby thin, which is also no picnic; my hair will NOT keep a curl and almost always looks flat) but a real hair stylist may be able to help you.

Finally, hey babe, your face is your face. A lot of people may tell you how to "contour" it or whatever. Cool. I mean, do it if you want. My feeling was always more "I'd rather you know what I basically look like now, sooo"

I have super high cheekbones and a pointy chin. I also have big eyes and full lips. I'm still not "traditionally pretty" Oh well. I laugh a lot and smile at everyone I encounter. I make dumb jokes that sometimes fail. I treat people like they are significant. I recommend this.

Amonette2012 · 2018-05-19T20:20:00+00:00

The ugliest woman I ever met was 6 ft 4, had a full beard and was shaped like a sofa. She was one of the sweetest and most beautiful souls I've ever known and was also happily married. If it can happen for her it can happen for anyone, as long as they're sweet, kind and patient.

Learn to love yourself. Not your face, but your you. Looks fade anyway, so work on your personality and keep your figure. People telling you that you're ugly are just being assholes - true beauty has nothing to do with looks.

Maschalismos · 2018-05-20T01:40:57+00:00

Hey. MRA dude here. My little sister is close to your age, and Ill tell you what I told her.

1). Most men actually know that looks aren't everything. If you strive to be a good partner, you'll attract a good partner.

2). Almost no-one is as ugly as they think they are. I'd bet, based on your description, that your face might just be a little quirky, and not NEARLY as bad as you think!

3). You may have to look for a non-chad person. This is not a bad thing. There are plenty of bottom-80% men who would likely adore you if you paid them some attention.

pearlsandstilettos · 2018-05-20T05:23:04+00:00

No one should be asking the OP for a picture. This would be doxxing herself and is not allowed.

fistloopy · 2018-05-19T21:36:54+00:00

Confidence changes the game. Some perfect girls lack confidence and instead of being perceived as 9s they are perceived as 8s. Confidence comes largely with body-consciousness which is obtained through sports, dancing, yoga and meditation.

yamfood · 2018-05-19T23:09:38+00:00

Put an add on a dating website and see how many messages you get. There are plenty of men out there who would date you, but if you want to win at that game you need to get your self-esteem right.

2018-05-20T00:13:11+00:00

Confidence is key. However, it seems like you're a little down about your physical so here's a little help:

A keratin treatment can help with your hair.The acne/dark circles can be fixed with a better diet (i.e less sugar, more water) and skin products. Vitamin C is really helpful for dark circles, if you need more advice go to r/SkincareAddiction it's like the gold mine of skincare advice.Get tanning lotion, I know many girls who use it. However, DON'T tan with tanning beds/the sun, it's really bad for your skin and can age you drastically.

Also, if people are calling you pretty and cute, even if it's a small amount, then you're not a lost cause. Keep pushing forward because giving up isn't going to bring you where you want to be.

LateralThinker13 · 2018-05-21T14:30:15+00:00

I still encounter people who look at me weird and still rude to me. I still have guys out on the street give me dirty looks and act hostile to me.

This is what is odd in your post. People - especially men - aren't generally cruel to unattractive people. They save that for fat women (because fat is something you can control). Plain and ugly women tend to fall off the radar, unless the ugly is so bad you're deformed Like, carnival-ugly. So this makes me wonder how much of their attitude/actions is real, and how much is your perception.

Every bad look and treatment I get chips at my self esteem

Bad looks and bad treatment can be real or they can be perceived. Was that cashier rude because you're ugly, or because she's having a bad day? Was that driver glaring at your ugliness, or was he mad because you cut him off? I've known people (ex-wife for one) who could see anger/hostility/disrespect in others towards her where it obviously wasn't there - she expected to see it, so it was there. It was pretty much all her perception.

I hate being an undesirable female to my very core and there is not much I can do. I just feel like a laughing stock when I go outside.

I get that you've taken this ugly duckling appearance into your core and it's now a big part of your identity. I highly recommend therapy.

Do you have any tips on how to stay strong and cope as an unattractive female?

Well, mainly STOP CALLING YOURSELF UNATTRACTIVE. Unattractive is as unattractive does. The word itself means "I don't attract others" - but attraction (as opposed to being pretty) is a matter of attitude as much as it is of pleasing features. I can name plenty of utter bitches who are also hot - they're pretty but they aren't attractive, they're repulsive to be around.

Similarly, I've had women in my life (dated a few) who were on the low-end of the scale looks-wise but sweet as could be. That made them attractive to me, even if they weren't pretty.

Now the hard truth. If you think you're unattractive, people will see you that way. If you think you're worth being spat upon, people will spit on you. YOU TRAIN OTHERS ON HOW TO TREAT YOU. You have a big load of hate on for yourself and your looks, and that's encouraging folks to do the same.

Your feelings about yourself come out in your posture, stance, and actions. If you act like someone unworthy to speak to the attractive normals, they will treat you as unworthy. Fake it until you make it.

Stop hating on yourself. Get therapy, get your head screwed back on straight. Plenty of men find petite, young-looking ladies attractive. You've had men call you pretty and cute. So talk to THEM. Ignore the haters. Find out what they like about you and emphasize those points. Get advice from friends on how to minimize your plysical flaws.

And (it bears repeating) get therapy.

Rivkariver · 2018-05-19T18:04:48+00:00

It kind of sounds like you have body dysphoria. Have you ever thought about talking to a counselor or a therapist about your issues?

I am sure you are not actually ugly. 80% of what you wrote is just you focusing on the negative, physical aspects of yourself. It’s 2018 there are plenty of ways to enhance your looks and you don’t need surgery.. look up MUA’s (makeup artists) on Youtube and practice applying makeup to your face in your spare time. Do you work? You can put away extra money for decent makeup to use. I know there are cheaper makeup brands out there, but I prefer heading to Sephora and spending my money there. The employees at Sephora will help you find a foundation and concealer that matches your skin tone, but there are so many “try me!” things you could just experiment and test things out on your own.

I have acne and how I deal with it is by scrubbing the crap out of my skin (this is called exfoliating) every other day, applying a toner afterwards (but be warned this BURNS), and then adding a moisturizer. This reduces it for me but it doesn’t completely get rid of it (I think it is just my skin type). Sometimes acne cannot be helped if you have lots of stress affecting you. I still have some but I do not let it hold me back, I go out and look pretty, smile, you can do the same. If your hair is frizzy, I suggest using sulfate free shampoo and conditioner. I use ion anti-frizz (brown bottle) shampoo and ion moisture locking conditioner. Get a deep conditioning mask for your hair, also. Towel dry your hair, apply to your ends liberally, wait 5-10 minutes if your hair is very dry, then rinse. It’ll help your hair immensely. Brush your hair while you are in the shower when the conditioner is in it, as the conditioner should help with untangling.

Really all you have to do is make sure you are maintaining yourself at home. If you want to work on your body, up the protein in your diet and start lifting weights and doing squats. Go running, running is very good for your tummy. You said you are slim, you may not have to work on much but it is up to you. Looking good takes a bit of work. Beauty is pain, pain is beauty. Instead of coping with your fate (a bit dramatic don’t you think?) just take care of yourself and try harder at makeup, skincare, and hair care. There are even vitamins and supplements you can take to boost your skin, hair/fingernail, and overall health.

brewmastermonk · 2018-05-19T18:53:25+00:00

If you really are ugly, then you should do other things to make up for it. Attractiveness is just one way to get attention. You can also do things like volunteer or climb the corporate ladder, so people see another side of who you are. Maybe if a guy is on the fence being in a situation that took work to get to will be enough to push him over the edge.

Kiddingyoself · 2018-05-19T21:17:28+00:00

Your perspective is skewed. It makes me question the judgement of women, and quality of men, in your life until now.

"There is no such thing as an ugly woman. Only lazy women."

Don't be lazy. Cultivate the discipline to constantly challenge yourself to grow, and be better than you are.

"No one owes you anything."

Edit: On the topic of your skin, I'd recommend really focusing on diet (Imho, Primal Blueprint, or "NSNG"). In my experience, people who really clean up their diet are often surprised at how many things improve as a result. Another way of saying it is, focus on what you can control, and if you can improve something today (like diet, exercise, sleep), do that before potentially unnecessary, and unhealthy, things like skin burning, or medications.

ChiNadesler · 2018-05-19T21:27:23+00:00

I am not typically gentle and if you sound like a ugly woman id tell you, but you dont sound like a complete ugly girl at least from what I can tell, I think it's mostly your issues

NudeTayne893 · 2018-05-20T04:18:53+00:00

Here is what you do: you start hitting the weights, getting a giant fit squat booty, eating your proteins, and then wear spanks everywhere. You can look basically goofy and have a nice butt and still be revered as an 8/10 hottie. Most porno girls look total bland or even somewhat unappealing but you dont notice because they are naked. XD Do you have any sort of conditions?

ReddJive · 2018-05-25T14:51:14+00:00

a perspective from an older man.

Accept what cannot be changed
Everything is temporary
Do not wish for the ideal situation
Focus on positive emotions and minimize negtive emotions

Understand that men seek value. In all things.

Be of value. Sexually, socially, and unconditionally.

As years go on we will remember this above all else.

Beauty fades, but when we have grown old we will look at you and remember these things. Remember that above all else you were there.

pearlsandstilettos · 2018-05-19T19:24:47+00:00

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dagnepop · 2018-05-19T19:19:21+00:00

Intelligence, talent/charisma, looks. You need only one. Some lucky people have two. A rare handful of people have all three.

Bummer you don't have looks. Focus on developing which of the other two you do have and go live your fucking life, take no shit from anyone, and never apologize for who you are.

shannie24 · 2018-05-19T19:40:16+00:00

Sounds like you are doing your best and oh my gosh do not give up on yourself!!! I think every girl goes through a hit of a phase when they are coming into their own where they aren’t happy with their look! Depression can suck but remember you have more control then you think. Some tips I can think of off hand are to Try microblading for your eyebrows if you can save up to do it, helps the face shape and everyone I know who has gotten it done looks dramatically better after. Also, you could try a sunless tanner (I love jergens). Force yourself into some feminine colors or patterns. Feminity comes from the inside let that radiate outward :) Pinterest can be your friend. You could try a new hair color or extensions too. Trust me - you seem very kind and caring - you will be totally fine :) just thought I’d share some ideas!

adele9829 · 2018-05-19T21:46:50+00:00

I think you should go at the gym, try to get your body in perfect shape that will give you confidence when you walk around. When you confidence increases than you will start to see yourself with a different eye, different prospective. You can also try different make up styles, doesn’t mean that what looks good on me will defiantly will look good on you too. To have curly hair is amazing, try to show them off more. There are a lot of tutorials you can follow of how to make them look more beautiful. Is just about confidence, if you confident the others will have nothing else to do but just respect you for who you are. Wish you all the best!

ayvyns · 2018-05-20T23:40:41+00:00

I'm sorry this has been your experience and I will not demean it by saying it's all in your head. Clearly it's not.

Others have given you tips about appearance, so you I won't go there. But this is where I would recommend going to TRP and reading their stuff about maintaining frame in your interactions with others. Speaking from personal experience, you and many, many other women experiencing this kind of disrespect - you cannot passively accept your circumstances. This is something that won't change unless you fight against it.

Lilly_Kane · 2018-05-21T21:29:26+00:00

Have you heard of the curly girl method of hair care? I think you'd benefit from it. I did. Facebook has a few big groups that spell everything out about the process. Also, I'm 34 and suffered with adult acne all my life. I had better skin at 16 than I did at 26. I managed to get it under control by drinking lots of water. Like lots and I hardly break out anymore, only occasionally around my cycle.

2018-05-20T00:21:09+00:00

I'm not going to sugar coat like everyone else on here. I know a girl who is ugly. She works out and has a tight body, but if anyone doubts a woman can be ugly, it's her. I would say she's probably the worst, big nose, ears, unibrow... she got hit with strong central European features and looks like her father... as in, she actually has a man's face. Be very, very thankful you're not her.

But anyway...

That said, regularly getting your eyebrows threaded and then straightening your hair with a ceramic straightener (it will take 4 minutes tops) will do wonders. Build up your top lashes with a ton of mascara (not the bottom) and you will greatly improve.

pearlsandstilettos · 2018-05-19T21:05:00+00:00

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theresma · 2018-05-19T21:33:05+00:00

Don't fight your hair, it will always misbehave if you try to force it. Get on the phone and find a salon that has a stylist who knows how to cut and style curly hair. I found a lady at Great Clips that did a dream of a job for my daughter. We went to her for ten years.

Ari3n3tt3 · 2018-05-20T07:29:23+00:00

beauty is incredibly subjective. Every individual person is born with no concept of ugly or beautiful, then as they grow up they meet lots of different people who act in different ways and that shapes their idea of ugly or beautiful. Just because you look at yourself and see ugly doesn't mean that everyone else will, you're just not your own type is all

likeaprometheancurse · 2018-05-20T08:55:50+00:00

- Find the shape you want your eyebrows to be and have them done that way! Don't be afraid to change them drastically. I'm Middle Eastern and pluck my facial hair probably every two days. If you think their darkness makes it worse, don't be afraid to dye them!! Sometimes making your eyebrows a tad bit lighter changes a LOT.

- Get medication for acne.

- Find a good treatment for dark circles. Personally I don't mind mine and think they can be easily covered up with concealer, but there are lots of ways to reduce them! Do you sleep enough/well?

- I think we have a lot of similarities. My hair is jet black, incredibly dry, frizzy, and HUGE. I've gotten it thinned out about 30 times in my life and it only subsided after I bleached it a few times (which I now regret). I use a quality conditioner and only wash it once or twice a week. If I were you, I would have a stylist thin it - it's a pain to deal with uncontrollable hair especially in the summer. For me, straightening or treating it every day gets old - learn some updos! I bet your hair is beautiful, big curly hair is awesome :)

You sound pretty sensitive. I can relate to that too. I won't tell you that people aren't being rude to you or giving you nasty looks... but that happens to EVERYONE! I know it's strange, but people are just rude and uncouth sometimes no matter how you look. Don't fret it too much, it's not your fault.

I think if you're in decent shape, dress nicely and have your own style, and are an interesting, kind person, you're already leagues ahead of the average person.

LookingForEquanimity · 2018-05-21T01:07:08+00:00

check out r/curlyhair and r/skincareaddiction

the hair and acne are fixable as are possibly the dark circles.

if you don't like your eyebrow shape maybe try somewhere else? but do research first.

regardless of whether you're skinny or not you should go to the gym. not only will you look better but going to the gym will boost your confidence and make you feel better about yourself and build up self esteem.

this might sound stupid and hippy but honestly - every morning - put your hand over your heart and tell yourself good morning and that you love yourself.

some other very good points from other posters.

DependentStrawberry · 2018-05-23T00:01:23+00:00

my face is disfigured from birth. it's droopy and paralyzed on one side but i'm pretty fit from working out 6x a week. it makes a difference. guys don't care about my face when they see my body, although they do avoid kissing me.

PatriarchysConcubine · 2018-05-23T03:19:38+00:00

There are LOADS of men who are ALSO generally considered unattractive, who so deeply yearn for a connection with a woman. Just imagine, society is far harsher to undesirable men than undesirable women.

You'll have to come to terms with yourself though. Become comfortable with who you are.

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