Is there anything morally wrong with letting a partner's romantic history influence your decisions on romantic interactions with them?

roe_ · 2014-03-20T02:48:01+00:00

Not only is it not morally wrong, it's prudent. From wikipedia on sociosexual orientation:

Individuals who are sociosexually unrestricted tend to score higher on openness to experience, and be more extraverted, less agreeable, lower on honesty-humility, more erotophilic, more impulsive, more likely to take risks and more likely to have an avoidant attachment style.

IOW, excessive promiscuity is a pretty big red flag (cerberus pateris) on a person's suitability as a long-term mate.

Besides which, people have a basic right to associate with others based on shared values.

It might not be a deal-breaker on it's own though - promiscuity is sometimes a reaction to a traumatic childhood and that can be overcome with therapy.

rulenumber303 · 2014-03-20T03:07:18+00:00

Nothing at all wrong with it. Women who find partners via their social circle even tend do this more than men. He's been stalkerish to another girl in the past? Badmouthed a previous girlfriend? Stuck his dick in someone who makes your skin crawl? You're perfectly right to feel less attracted, or even if you still feel attracted to decide not to act on that attraction.

GaiusScaevolus · 2014-03-20T02:33:56+00:00

If you believe in an individual's sexual autonomy, then you must agree that an individual has the right to reject any partner for any or no reason.

historyhill · 2014-03-20T01:36:02+00:00

I think a person can use whatever criteria they want to determine with whom they will/won't interact romantically. If a catastrophe happened and I ended up back in the dating scene, I don't think I would be able to date a man who was into casual hook-ups or a high partner count because we would be too different. I wouldn't shame someone for it though; I just wouldn't date him. (On the plus side, a guy like that probably wouldn't want to date me either!) At that point it's not a question of morality--the only way it might intersect with morality is if you believe that sexuality is an indicator of morals.

nerak33 · 2014-03-20T14:58:40+00:00

If she's been a quitter in the past, don't give her your heart right away.

If he's been a womanizer in the past, don't blindly believe his faithfulness (if that matters for you).

Which doesn't mean she'll necessarily quit, or that he'll necessarily cheat. It's moral to expect things from people based on their past. But it's delusional to be certain that they'll necessarily have a behavior. That's not how people work. They always change for better or worst.

RobotPartsCorp · 2014-03-20T14:48:30+00:00

Knowing history is important to figuring out who they are. If a guy I am dating talks about how every single ex he had was a psycho bitch...I find that to be a red flag. Could every single one of his exes been a psycho bitch? Possibly, but I would be concerned about the women he goes for, or how dramatic he is, or if he was the jerk. It is important to know if your partner has cheated in past relationships, if they have had bad break-ups, things like that.

Kareem_Jordan · 2014-03-20T13:26:15+00:00

I think it's immoral to tell others who they have to consider romantically. We feel the way we feel and that's not something you can just change.

It's better to be upfront with these feelings than engaging in a relationship and letting them fester.

MissPearl · 2014-03-20T21:50:18+00:00

When it comes to sex or partnering up, basically it's up to you who you consent to shtoink, date or marry.

When it comes to general cultural policy, it's possible to be unreasonable or hypocritical. For example if you have sex with a large number of people but demand to marry a virgin, the problem is that it's not a very sensible or consistent desire. However if you're holding onto your virginity or technical virginity and expect your partner to do the same, that's fairly consistent.

Aerobus · 2014-03-21T00:22:15+00:00

No. People are allowed to judge others and hold them to a set of standards. If the person you are interested in does meet your standards (in this case a partner's romantic history not being good enough for you), then you absolutely have a right to let that influence your interactions with them.

GuildedCasket · 2014-03-22T19:19:26+00:00

I think it's pretty hard to have a morally wrong personal stance on who you'll date and who you won't, as there are rarely situations where refusing to date someone is a morally wrong act. However, depending on what the specific history is that's bothering you, I might think you're being silly or irrational (or potentially hypocritical, if you've slept with scores of women but then refuse to date the girl who slept with five guys the past three months).

spongegloss00 · 2014-03-23T02:15:16+00:00

Nothing morally wrong about it- it's never morally wrong to not date someone for any reason. You have the right to make that choice.

However it could be unwise. If you meet someone who's slept with 20 people in the past several months, I could see not trusting them and assuming you're just going to be another lay...that's what I would do. But it might be a little silly to have some ridiculous standard like "Only virgins" or "Only girls who have slept with less than 3 guys". Considering most women lie anyway, and there's no huge difference between a woman who's slept with 3 and woman who's slept with 8 (especially if she's an adult woman who has been sexually active for years) it could just rule out some potentially great people.

Just so you know, I was initially put off by how many women my SO had been with because I was concerned he wasn't the settling down type, but I eventually realized it was better to judge him by his current actions.

MagicGainbow · 2014-03-19T23:26:38+00:00

Of course not, it would be unrealistic to expect otherwise, guys don't like girls with slutty pasts and it's fair for the guy too have those standards, it's the same for girls who don't like virgins being someones first is a big thing and honestly I can't blame any girl for saying no.

OmegaChick · 2014-03-20T03:09:14+00:00

No. I'm a slut. Don't like it? A lot of other people would/will.

masterrod · 2014-03-20T05:17:39+00:00

It really depends on if you think they will repeat the behavior with you, good of bad.

People grow but if you aren't wise enough to make a determination on whether they've learned or not, then I'd have to say it's immoral to continue going out with them. Because you clearly are more concerned with their past life than whom they are in the present. And thus you aren't able to have a meaningful relationship with them.

[deleted] · 2014-03-20T05:48:25+00:00

No, you're free to decide who you will or won't date

[deleted] · 2014-03-22T03:55:14+00:00

AptCasaNova · 2014-03-28T18:02:01+00:00

No, I think it can give you insights into their character. It's not a firm predictor of the future, but it can give you hints.

I think ignoring that completely is just being naive, though you have to assess in the present and let them start fresh.

[deleted] · 2014-03-24T15:43:30+00:00

Is it morally wrong to think a man who's murdered four people is a man you don't want in your life, or maybe a man with a track record of beating and raping women?

It's all fine and dandy to say don't judge me because of my past blah blah blah, but if you were the town bicycle, I'm to believe you've miraculously changed for me?

Hardly.

fizolof · 2014-03-20T02:53:09+00:00

I'll ask you then: where do you draw the line? You've listed an extreme: a former prostitute. I personally don't think that's your business either, but you do. What else is your business? Whether she's participated in orgies? Had a threesome once? Been with someone of the same sex? Whether her last boyfriend had a bigger dick than you? How many times she's taken it in the ass?

How much of her past do you really need to know, and how much of it is just prying for the sake of being judgmental, to make yourself feel superior, or just to torture yourself? Where do you draw the line, and do you really think you get to declare that line appropriate for everyone?

You are entitled to information that relates to your own health. Beyond that, let the past lie.

Title	Is there anything morally wrong with letting a partner's romantic history influence your decisions on romantic interactions with them?
Author	autoNFA
Upvotes	5
Comments	77
Date	March 19, 2014 10:28 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/20uop6/is_there_anything_morally_wrong_with_letting_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/is-there-anything-morally-wrong-with-letting-a.286055 https://theredarchive.com/post/286055

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