The sub’s rules contain the instruction: ‘do not bad mouth your SO’. As far as I know, this goes back to the creation of RPW. Take that as an indication that it’s really important.

 

Focusing on your partners flaws will only make them loom larger in your mind. It is also a way that we shift responsibility from ourselves (something we can fix) to him (something about which we can only wring our hands and clutch our pearls). Problems can only be fixed if you acknowledge your own role. The more negative things you have to say about your man, the more you will teach yourself to dislike him.

 

It goes further too. While I firmly believe that every woman should have a likeminded friend to confide in, if you spend too much of your time speaking ill of your partner, your friends and family will think ill of your partner. Your loved ones would be remiss to allow you to stay in a bad relationship with a bad man – so you see where this can cause problems to the long term stability of said relationship.

 

But hey, you love him, so that’s not too hard. We might need a reminder from time to time, but all in all, a completely reasonable rule of life.

 

My challenge to you this week is to not bad mouth men.

 

Now there are plenty of lurkers out there who will want to burn me in effigy for this. RPW serves the male imperative they will say. I only follow my husband others will say. Have you BEEN to TRP will get thrown in there.

 

So I will elaborate.

 

I do not believe that men are the ideal specimens of humanity, so far above women that we must bow before them. I’m also not advising you to defer to any man in the room simply for being male. The male imperative is often in opposition to ours, a fact that is evident if you visit the male subs. It’s not a secret to women over the age of 16 that men will say whatever they must to get in our pants, commitment is optional (my husband once swore to me that mosquitos do not like still water in an attempt to con my pants off). So why do we not discuss these things more on RPW? you may wonder.

 

You are the sum of your thoughts and your actions. If you spend all day thinking how terrible men are, it will be difficult to turn off and engage lightheartedly with your partner. If you are always waiting to mistrust men, men will pick up on that and they won’t pick you up. If you spend your time discussing how all men are fuckboys and players then you are more likely to self sabotage by finding fuckboys and players. And if you come to RPW and talk about how you are surrounded by betas, then all you are going ever find are negative beta traits (an aside: beta traits - not a bad thing. I’m so tired of hearing ‘beta’ as a pejorative. Leave that insult to the men. Ladies, we require beta traits if we want commitment and/or family). Cognitive behavior therapy has been built and prospered around the idea of controlling your thoughts to your own benefit.

 

We do not need to be bitter and angry. You cannot be a soft place to land if you have a permanent scowl on your face or if you are always on edge waiting for a man to do you wrong.

 

What I am not suggesting is a wide eyed naivete. Life is full of risks that we must do our best to mitigate. Use your brain. If you feel too emotional to make a good decision, move away from the situation. Vet your men well, do not believe what you are told if it’s not followed by action and don’t believe what you are told if it defies logic (lest you end up covered in mosquito bites).

 

But don’t badmouth men. It conditions your brain to be negative and keeps you anxious in your interactions. Even if you don’t give a flip about men in general, that’s not a healthy way for you to go through life.

 

Besides, you’d be so much prettier if you smiled.

 

Happy talk, keep talking happy talk. Talk about things you like to do. You've got to have a dream if you don't have a dream, how you gonna have a dream come true