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Having issues dealing with anger.

Reddit View
November 8, 2019
11 upvotes

27 yrs old, 5’ 7”, 145lbs, BF% 17.25, BMI 22.7, Married 4 years, No kids

Lifts:

Squat - 155lb
BP - 85lb
BBR - 95lb
OHP - 65lb
Deadlift - 115lb

Reading: NMMNG, working through sidebar.

OYS: Currently on week #3.

Sexlife - acceptable

Last year I had some bad anger issues that were causing me quite a bit of trouble. I was regularly, almost routinely, getting into fits of road rage with people on a weekly basis. I had many opportunities where I could have got hurt, hurt someone else, and could have got my wife hurt as she was with me during some of my freak outs. I tried seeking out a psychologist and I did not like it. She put me on medication that made me feel different and unable to feel anything at all. I decided that I would just "lift" and get through this and it worked for a while.

Fast forward another year and I'm back here, still up to my old tricks. Today, a truck with a trailer decided to cut me off and I almost wrecked my car. While I was talking to my wife on the phone, I immediately sped up to the driver of the truck, rolled down my window, and completely threw my frame out the fucking window. My ego was out of control and I just wanted to hurt this guy, which is quite a joke if you look at my stats. I thought that lifting, having lots of sex and going through all of this was going to help me lose that side of me. However, I realize that I have a serious problem and it is completely ego driven. I am just a very angry fucking dude and my fuse is a stub. I am currently going through therapy right now for depression. I am embarrassed that I am going to have to admit that I behaved this way to my therapist the next time I see them. Afterward I knew what I did was wrong and I feel guilty and ashamed that I allowed myself to stoop so low.

I know most of you are not quite in the same situation as I am, but I am sure that some of you must get mad or angry for whatever reason. I don't know what to do about my behavior and I am mentally exhausted. I suppose I am at that point where I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Does anyone have any advice on anger management?


Post Information
Title Having issues dealing with anger.
Author fannyfire
Upvotes 11
Comments 104
Date 08 November 2019 12:27 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/294408
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/dt763d/having_issues_dealing_with_anger/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
frameliftNMMNG
Comments

[–]BobbyPeru 11 points12 points  (3 children) | Copy

Hi If you are raging, it’s usually because you normally push your feelings down. Push anger down enough, and it surfaces as rage. Learn how to feel your feelings... as the meme says... let the hate flow through you. But, don’t act on it. Take some anger management classes before you’re forced to take them.

I suspect you are Mr Nice Guy when you’re not raging. Finish the sidebar and take your anger out on the iron... which you obviously haven’t been doing

[–]fannyfire[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Yeah, I have a lot of nice guy traits in me. I read the book in my late teenage years almost a decade ago and I was much worse. Thought I got over most of it but I’m still hanging onto the past. I’m going to talk to my therapist and see if she can recommend someone for anger management.

[–]tightsleeves 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Read it again.. slowly.. while focusing on every word. Dont read it while thinking about something else.

[–]fannyfire[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I’m taking notes on each chapter this time and reviewing. It’s helping but I need to keep reading.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando 10 points11 points  (2 children) | Copy

Does anyone have any advice on anger management?

About a month ago, I gave you this advice.. you even quoted it in one of your OYS..

“Quit being a fucking pussy. You have a chance to turn this shit around. You have a chance not to be weak. Don't waste it.”

Yet, you're still fucking around. From your last OYS:

I have not read anymore chapters in NMMNG so far. My goal was another three chapters, might should have scaled that down to a more manageable number. I just outright chose not to read. I got caught up in a classic anime series on netflix I used to watch.

We had a fight the other morning because I made her sleep in the other room lmao.

Last Wednesday night I was feeling high and mighty so I decided to suck my dick at the dinner table. We were talking about my mother who has a difficult time keeping men. My wife said that something was wrong with her, which I have been saying for many years. (She’s been single for 20 years). I told her that the reason why she is such a mess is because she doesn’t have a strong husband at home like she (my wife) does. In a ‘polite’ but forward way, she said that God gets her through life and I am just a compliment.

Haven’t been working on my exercises. Supposed to be doing my feelings, which seems useless to me. My emotions fluctuate from being really happy to feeling depressed.

Did not cry so that was a win.

Your main problem is that you are a gigantic fucking pussy. A small, weak, angry little fucker who isn't doing the work, blames his family for his current woes and - guess what.. thinks he has ADHD. That shit must be contagious coz it's spreading like wildfire in here of late.

Here's an exercise for you - picture a man. A mature, masculine man. He is well groomed, well dressed and in top physical condition.

His life is stuctured - structured by him and nobody else. He does what he chooses to do with his time and he chooses it wisely. He works hard and plays hard. And on Sundays, he chills like no fucker can chill.

He makes money - enough to afford a comfortable lifestyle, enough to have a savings fund for when he no longer feels the need to work. He likes to have nice things, but is not consumed by the trappings of stuff that he doesn't need.

He surrounds himself with people that he trusts and whose company he enjoys. In return, he rewards them with his time & presence.

He is a sociable guy, well liked and admired.

He has a vision for his life, a mission and a personal code that he lives by. These are pillars that guide him in times of doubt and constantly drive him forward.

He is calm, balanced and wise.

He does not get angry at motorists.

He does not sit in his room and cry.

He does not blame his woes on others.

He focuses, prioritises, works hard and gets shit done.

This man was not born this way.

No man is.

All men are born as boys.

Some learn to become men, others don't. Most men who don't simply never had the tools - they lacked a mentor, a strong father or anyone to guide them.

You've found MRP. It gives you the tools. It gives you the playbook. You have a chance to turn this shit around. You have a chance not to be weak. Don't waste it. Quit being a fucking pussy.

[–]i-am-the-prize 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

All men are born as boys.

Some learn to become men, others don't. Most men who don't simply never had the tools - they lacked a mentor, a strong father or anyone to guide them.

You've found MRP. It gives you the tools. It gives you the playbook. You have a chance to turn this shit around. You have a chance not to be weak. Don't waste it. Quit being a fucking pussy.

+1

[–]gvntr 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This

Great summary of MRP.

[–]JonnyLJones 10 points11 points  (11 children) | Copy

Yoga (or some fucking meaningful stretching) and mediatation (any fucking kind for any amount of time) after lifting. It really should be mandatory. Won’t directly fix the anger, but holy shit does it ground you.

I’d recommend going to a beginner yoga class (heated or no) and either working towards advanced classes or learning enough to keep teaching yourself with online resources. Reddit is a good place to start.

There are unlimited books and apps about meditation. Reddit is a good place to start.

Brazilian Ju Jitsu. Incredibly humbling and good for connecting with other people, namely men who are strangers who are putting you in high risk situations that YOU NEED TO CALM THE FUCK DOWN for so that you can get out of the situation. Super friendly people here, but incredibly humbling. Also, doing bjj makes lifting and yoga and meditation hold more meaning because they can easily elevate your capacity to do well.

The things these all have in common is that you need to slow down, breathe, and not take things personally, amongst many others. But, for me, they’ve all helped with my anger issues.

[–]fannyfire[S] 1 point2 points  (10 children) | Copy

My gym has a free yoga class so I think I’ll take a look into it. Thankfully I got this watch that has an app on it for mindfulness breathing. I had to stop at the grocery store and I was breathing deeply while walking down the aisles. Helped chill me out but I was still clenching my fists and full of rage.

[–]pirisca 4 points5 points  (9 children) | Copy

Check the headspace app for guided meditations. Try to do at least 10-20 minutes of daily meditation. The meditation subreddit may also be usefull.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I like Oak. It’s simple and it’s called fucking Oak - how appropriate.

[–]pirisca 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Will check it out, tks.

[–]JonnyLJones 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Even just 2 minutes a day to get the ball rolling! The Kaizen approach!

[–]fannyfire[S] -1 points0 points  (5 children) | Copy

I just downloaded the app. Looks great! I’ll try it tonight with the wife. She got in a car accident this evening so it delayed a lot of my responses.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

You don’t need your wife for this...

[–]pirisca 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Damn, sorry to hear, I hope your wife is ok.

I agree with RedRanger below, you don't need your wife for this. I do meditation solo, i think most people do it alone.

I suggest starting by doing the "Basics" courses. Hope it helps you, best of luck.

[–]fannyfire[S] -1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

Probably shouldn’t have inserted that into the mix. She was shaken up so I wanted to calm her down and that’s why I mentioned doing it with her.

The accident was low speed but her reaction was like the one you’d expect from someone who just had their car totaled. That’s women for you though.

[–]arm_candy 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

That’s women for you though.

Uh, glass houses. How are you judging someone for their emotional response when you can’t control your emotions? You were walking up and down the aisles of a grocery store in a rage for an accident that didn’t even happen.

I’m amazed by the ego protection here. All these guys with their lives falling apart around them being like “Women are all children, an I right?” Maybe have some modicum of self awareness.

[–]fannyfire[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Fair enough.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret 4 points5 points  (6 children) | Copy

When you feel the road rage coming on, just remind yourself that you're 5'7" 145 and most any trucker will beat the shit out of you if it ever comes down to it. Focus that energy on lifting and adding muscle mass instead.

[–]fannyfire[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

Lmao, you’re not wrong. It really would benefit me to realize that I am not perceived as a threat.

[–]i-am-the-prize 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

I'm not trying to pick on you, but I saw your lifting stats and saw your anger and frankly thought of a Chihuahua (all bark no bite)

getting stronger and knowing you could (defend yourself, kick someones ass, lift that heavy ass thing) provides a sense of calm in its own ways. keep hitting the gym (and try the meditation apps). also, do you drink/smoke/drugs/meds that could be affecting your mood?

[–]fannyfire[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I agree.

I don’t do any drugs or take any medication. I probably should though haha.

[–]i-am-the-prize 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

:)

seriously, it is good that you're not on anything negative. but do consider trying some "adds"

a buddy of mine can be rage-y at times. he swears by DHEA supplementing in the AM and green tea in the afternoons to help keep him stable. ymmv

[–]fannyfire[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah, it is a good thing but I’m a friendly drunk or stoner. Haha. I quit those though because they gave me depression but it has been well over five years since I heavily drank or smoked anything.

What are “adds?”

I drink green tea just about every day. Coffee wires me up.

[–]i-am-the-prize 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

adds = additions to your diet/life (vs. dropping things)

[–]ChossWrestler 2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy

That which you are unconscious of you will find in your neighbor.

Were on the phone when the guy cut you off or did you call your wife after to complain about it?

[–]Hugenstein41 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dang that's insightful good food for thought.

[–]fannyfire[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

I was on the phone with my wife and I was already upset. She has some problems going on at work and I lack frame so I get worked up about it. That likely sparked the problem but this guy almost wrecked me too so I may have exploded either way. Regardless, it was a very bad experience for me and I can’t believe I got that worked up.

[–]ChossWrestler 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

So you're on the phone, getting upset with your wife, when this guy “decided“ to cut you off. You were on the fucking phone, getting emotional, and not being aware of your surrounding. Drop your fucking ego, you're not some perfect driver that never does anything wrong, take some fucking responsibility for your own role in this.

One day you may realize that there is no difference in what you do and what happens to you.

[–]fannyfire[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I don’t understand your last sentence. Can you phrase it a different way?

[–]NeoTheJuanDJ 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Let me simplify it: the last sentence will not and can not be rephrased in a way for you to “better understand it” (which really means rephrased into something you would rather hear that makes you less uncomfortable with realizing). You understand the last sentence, however, similar to a woman, you are digging and pretending you don’t speak the English to avoid the truth and avoid accountability/ the need to put in work to change your lot in life. Women do that. Don’t do that. I would say you have a lot of work to do, but you might pretend you don’t understand English again and avoid that too.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

One day you may realize that there is no difference in what you do and what happens to you.

Outstanding. And no surprise he doesn't understand it.

[–]hack3geRed Beret 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’m guessing you are angry because you are a skinny fat faggot who’s lifts are the equivalent to that of a 90lb woman.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yep. Go Fucking talk about it to a counselor.

My father was special forces Vietnam and beat the fuck out of me regularly. I would put bullies at school in the hospital

It all came to an end in Texas when I throat punched a real pos, and almost killed him in front of an off duty FBI agent that defended me to the arresting officers. He was HRT, he commented that I was so fucking violent in my response, that I should seek help. He was right, every mother fuvker in my path was my drunken father.

Akido and JuJitsu taught me to respect myself and my opponent. The anger is still in me, but my mind controls me. Not my ego

I spent two years in counseling every week. No pills. Just words.

EDIT. You can get through this. But I will caution you, with BJJ and mma you have No idea who your opponent will might be when your ego overlords your ass

[–]fannyfire[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Noted

[–]newphonewhodis4 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

This is the first time I’ve posted in this sub, but as someone who dealt with anger, and tried therapists with the VA, there was one thing that helped me the most and still say it to this day.

I had a team leader who has been into some shit, and I looked up to him because I saw how he led his life.

I began to notice some small and seemingly trivial things he would do, but apparently worked for him. ANYTIME he got worked up, then immediately upon realizing he was getting too worked up, would out loud say the words...

“Fuck it, I’m over it”. One day I asked about it and he just explained how it helps him.

It’s almost like telling yourself a lie at first, but I started doing it. For some weird reason, it works a majority of the time. By that I mean, for small shit that you know just doesn’t matter. I used that, on top of other methods, where years later, I really don’t get worked up anymore.

Guy cuts you off: “God damn mother fu....fuck it I’m over it”

Say it out loud, I still do to this day. In public.

Just a “fuck it, I’m over it” and then move on. Eventually, you’ll believe yourself, then further on, it’ll be true.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

It’s because he’s seeing it as an outside observer viewing his actions - it’s reengaging is prefrontal cortex which begins calming down the amygdala. Restarting rational thinking is what is needed. Same as anyone with an anxiety response - same ancient systems flooding your body with chemicals. Rational thinking allows you to start overriding that.

[–]fannyfire[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That’s actually really smart.

I turned on a video to watch when I left the grocery store and that was one of the techniques. I think it had to do with trying to disassociate yourself with the situation.

[–]escapethesolarsystem 4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy

Wow, interesting question, made me think about this a lot, as I used to road rage when I lived in the US, and I don't do it anymore, and generally don't get angry nearly as much anymore. The reason for this is a weirdly specific situation, but I think some of the principles may be helpful to you.

Generally, I think anger management is actually pretty tough, because ego is involved and that's hard to control. That being said, what made the biggest change for me was emigrating to a new country, not any but a specific one (Georgia) that caused me to re-evaluate life in general and really killed off my anger. I'll explain how that changed my perspective on anger, and then how you might apply that without actually moving anywhere (though, that's also an option, of course). Here's the first how:

  • I moved to a place that didn't have all the small stressors and annoyances that used to piss me off about living in the United States - for example: high cost of living, lots of bureaucracy, corruption, stupid rules, a female centered culture that disdained masculinity and treated it like a disease, fake politeness, etc.
  • I moved to a place that, unlike the United States, is very pro-social and not individualistic. People are very group orientated and show genuine care and respect for each other, even strangers. People are not polite, or fake nice, but when you get to know them, they are genuinely welcoming and warm.
  • I moved to a place where it's culturally acceptable to yell at people and honk all the time while driving. This had a really profound effect on my anger and road rage, as the American cultural expectation to "control your anger" (i.e., bottle it up and fume) actually would make me much more angry in general, and more prone to destructive outbursts. Here, you can yell at people any time you feel wronged, loudly, and in public. In fact, it's such an important part of the culture Georgians have a saying (badly paraphrased) "the best way to make a friend is to fight with someone".
  • I moved to a country where driving is a barely coordinated free-for-all that paradoxically has a slightly lower accident rate as the US and involves zero road rage.

So, since I moved, what has happened over time is this. When I first realized that yelling and honking was a thing, I did it all the time. I took out my anger on everyone. But over time, the unrestricted opportunity to be angry reduced my need and desire to be angry. These days, if someone does something really stupid, I just kind of loudly say "I fuck your mother" ("sheni deda movtqan" - Georgian insults are weird) and the anger is gone. Even when I'm angry, I don't feel angry. It's like the hate and viciousness has been completely gutted from my anger.

Further, I noticed that despite this culture's liberal attitude towards showing anger, most people aren't angry most of the time. In fact, they are pretty nice to each other. When someone is really angry, instead of judging the person like he's "crazy" (as in the US) people take him more seriously. Like, if he's so angry, it must be important. So anger becomes a strategy that I control to get what I want, not an emotion that controls me. Anger is a tool, and it does my bidding. With that in mind, I am also able to step back and think "do I really need to get angry?" a most of the time, it's "no". So I'm angry less, and the anger is almost always working for me, instead of the other way around.

Specifically related to driving, I realized that all the things I thought were "dangerous" were not. "OMG NO BLINKER!! FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!" turned into "huh, he's literally driving on the line dividing two lanes while yelling a conversation to his friend three cars over, I guess I'll just go around." When people back in the states tell me about their "dangerous" driving situations (OMG! I WAS CUT OFF!) it's hard not to laugh at how ridiculous it sounds. I'm thinking, did you really get angry about that? Are you really scared of that? Wow.

Finally, as far as the culture here in general, Georgians have a saying that they take very seriously, as they consider it part of their Christian heritage: "Guests come from God". So that's how they treat guests. They pour out every little thing they have (often, it's not a lot, the villages are very poor) on strangers they've just met. The way Georgians treat people - if you're barely friends, they will drop everything and drive six hours to pick you up on the other side of the country because your car broke down. They open their door at 4 am to a random stranger because that stranger (me) is stuck in their village for the night. This kind of culture has caused me to develop a deep sense of gratefulness and appreciation for the nation and it's people - and develop a sense of sympathy and value for other humans. In the face of that, being angry with someone over something just seems petty and petulant in all but the most extreme cases.

So how could you possibly apply this without moving anywhere?

  • Cut out the small stressors in your life that might not seem like much but constantly rub you the wrong way. Is there something that always low-key irritates you? Cut it out of your life. This will reduce your overall anger baseline. If you live in an environment where you are rarely irritated, a new irritant won't bother you much. However, if you're always low-key mad about a bunch of stuff, one extra thing and you're going to blow up. The fact that you're depressed strongly suggests that there are a number of low-key stressors that are making your like a lot more miserable that you need to identify and address. If you can figure out what those are and handle / remove them, you might fix your anger and your depression at the same time - two birds, one stone.
  • Release your anger non-destructively as soon as it comes up and as often as possible. The great thing about yelling is nobody is harmed. I get that it's not culturally acceptable in many places, but if you're in your car alone, why not? Instead of thinking about attacking the "cause" of your anger, just focus on releasing it. Get it out then move right on past it. If you get angry, you shouldn't even remember it 5 minutes later, it should be a non-event.
  • Use anger strategically. Step back from yourself when you get angry and treat the anger as a tool. Do you need it right now, or is it just getting in the way?
  • Find reasons to like and sympathize with people generally. If your grandma cut you off, or your best friend, would you drive up next to them, scream at them and flip them off? Probably you'd just grumble a little bit, right? Learn to think of strangers like that. They aren't "others", they are just like the people you actually care about, and probably not much worse in character. Don't assume they are the worse person than everyone else just because they pissed you off in that moment. Assume they are normal and average, probably good at times, and if they are a man (in America) probably a miserable, blue-pill cuck that's got a pretty shitty life that deserves nothing but sympathy.
  • Specific to road rage, stop caring about what other people do. If they don't physically crash into you, just let them do whatever. You're still unharmed and alive, right? If they are going to be stupid, they are going to be stupid. Are you the police? Don't waste your effort on it. Adopt that IDGAF attitude when it comes to other people's driving.

Anyhow, that's it. It's something that takes a lot of time to change, but it's possible, for sure. Best of luck.

[–]fannyfire[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Appreciate the long post.

[–]mrpalt1Chief of the Towel Police 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Check the negativity in your life. Shit goes in then shit is going to come out.

I like to "know" what's going on politically but I had to stop watching political shows and talk radio. Made me hate everyone and only consider how stupid people are.

I stopped listening and watching and now I'm a lot happier and calmer.

Like others have mentioned you've got some sort of small repetitive negativity you aren't resolving. Maybe you're raging because you're always late. Start getting your ass out the door earlier and become more responsible instead of being pissed off at traffic on a highway.

[–]fannyfire[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I had to stop politics too. Kept getting in the frame of the news and now they wanted me to feel. I am much better and do my best to avoid anything about politics now.

My outbursts only happen in the evening on my way home from work. I’m going to take some of the advice another guy gave about letting it go. I had a great opportunity to stop and not get shitty when the guy almost ran me off the road but I didn’t.

[–]mrpalt1Chief of the Towel Police 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Something is going on with you at work or home then too. You got figure out where you're doing too much and expecting in return. NICE GUY style.

Once you can internalize that it doesn't fucking matter and you're not going to change the dickhead that cut you off it helps.

I've wanted to crack skulls before too because of people being so inept but it isn't going to help them, just hurts you. Negative energy coursing through your body keeping you from doing better things with your time.

Dig deep and find out what the fuck covert contract you've got strung out there and then kill it. Maybe you keep working an extra 30 minutes at work to be the nice guy and help someone out who isn't going to help you back. Either help because you want to and have no expectations or don't fucking help. You get the idea

[–]tspitsatgp 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I used to get very angry and it would often manifest itself in the car. Either raging at other drivers, or, and I deeply regret this now, yelling at my kids for doing kid stuff. Screaming at them actually.

I don’t do that anymore (2 years thankfully) and have reflected on this quite a bit. Did I rage like that at work? No. Did I rage like that at home? Rarely and never to the same extent. Did I rage like that in any other environment? No.

There was something about being in a car that some part of me felt it was an acceptable place to release. It’s a confined, somewhat protective, and isolated space.

What I found through making changes in my life and a lot of reflection is that the raging was a symptom of not owning my shit, allowing work pressure to rule my life, lack of self awareness and cowardice.

Maybe other drivers are shit, maybe they did cut you off. In the scheme of things it doesn’t matter and raging at them won’t change a thing, other than elevate your blood pressure and put you in a bad mood.

In short I suspect you are letting the stresses of your life overwhelm you and for some reason your subconscious thinks that when you are in the car it’s an acceptable place to release the pressure.

Start owning your shit, identifying your stressors and dealing with them.

For me I started prioritising my personal well-being over my work and it helped hugely to reduce the stress in my day to day life.

[–]fannyfire[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, I rarely get shitty outside of the car. A few years ago I used to get into it with supervisors and team leads at my old job. We’d get in screaming matches and it was causing some friction. Now my outbursts just seem to happen in the car. My attitude comes in a cycle though. Seems to be the second year in a row I’ve noticed it around this time of year. Last time I wasn’t lifting but now I am so now I don’t know what my deal is.

[–]mrbadassmotherfucker 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I used to have road rage. Not quite as extreme as you describe, but I'd get pissed at all the shitty drivers who didn't follow the road rules properly and cut me up or tail gated me.

Now I tjust laugh at them. They can do what they want. Hopefully some cops will catch them in the act at some point before they actually kill anyone.

Once you put your ego aside, just let jerks be jerks and get on with your own driving.

1) don't think of them as people driving cars, think of it as a video game where you have to avoid/dodge obsticles that the game generates to test you. This way, there's no point at being angry becuase it's just part of the game, there's always going to be these obsticles thrown at you to test your skills. Just work on being amazing at dodging these things.

2) throw your ego out of the door. It's not about being a better or faster driver than Joe dickhead who's driving up your ass trying to get a rise out of you so you'll race him. Fuck Joe Dickhead and his fucking stupid race. Your car's faster anyway, (or maybe not), it doesn't matter. You don't need to prove shit to some cunt trying to take risks so he can increase his dick size.

3) read more and more, as much as you can. Get audio books for when you're in the car and can't physically read. Learn about frame and what it is to have frame. Once you have this, you won't feel angry anymore. You will be able to tune any anger that you start to develop into something practical, like smashing it in the gym. Use anger as a fuel, don't let it burst out of you like a femanine explosive ocean of emotion. That's what the chicks do. Masculine men control that shit. Get control. Get frame.

[–]mrpmonk 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I've been through your shoes, in fact, my anger had me lose some friends in the past. Meditation, man! There it is.

Blewing off some steam on the iron is always good, which you do, but not finding your balance point is what trips you off. I do a breathing exercise coupled with meditation. Once I'm about to hit my threshold to get out of my frame into being a mean and rude asshole, I do my breathing and get going with conference frame. In fact, it is like beta blockers on demand, it also helped on podium presentations and being under the spot, when anxiety would hit the roof.

[–]fannyfire[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Someone recommended headspace and yoga. Guess I’ll start checking out the milfs at my gym.

[–]rollston1000 1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy

Anger is caused by unmet needs.

Be honest with yourself. What is that you want? What is that you desire most in that particular situation?

And what makes you think you deserve it?

[–]fannyfire[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

I agree.

At the moment, I am really missing my family. I don’t have a strong bond with my family and it just kills me. I think everyone deserves some kind of good relationship with their family. I deserve a lot better than what I’ve had for the last 20 years.

[–]ChossWrestler 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

You don't deserve shit. Actually you deserve exactly what you're getting because you take no responsibility in your life.

[–]fannyfire[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I practically raised myself dude. Nobody deserves to be emotionally and physically neglected. I know my life is fucked up. I’m pretty damn aware of that. I’m not going to pretend that having a shit childhood didn’t affect it but I’m aware that I’m too old to blame my parents. I should have had at least one parent who cared about me and I didn’t. I’m salty as fuck and I’m angry at the world because I didn’t get mine. I take no responsibility because I’m exhausted. I don’t see a point to keep on living most of the time. I am just waiting to die most days and I hate it. I lost my ambition a long time ago and I’m just riding out the rest of my life. I’m a sorry fuck and I know it.

[–]rollston1000 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

what /u/ChossWrestler really meant is that you deserve only what you can get.

Which means that you have to identify your needs, and I trust that you don’t need a bond with the family that much as a grown up, you want to be important to someone.

And this is certainly something you can get.

Good luck!

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Alright cowboy, I read your saga.

First off, get off the goddamn phone. You know why you get all worked about your wife's shit? Because you allow yourself to be an emotional tampon. Christ, get a grip.

Second, GET OFF THE GODDAMN PHONE. Especially when driving, but just in general.

Third, with anger like that you either have a medical problem (like fucked up hormones like someone else said), you have deep deep psychological problems (probably related to your size?), or you literally just have brain damage. If you can eliminate organic brain damage and hormonal problems, then go get some cognitive behavioral therapy from a PhD psychologist, not an MD psychiatrist. MD will toss you pills 10/10 times. You need to retrain your behavioral responses as well as figure out who rained on your parade so much that you now want to fight the clouds.

Also, as guys are trying to tell you: nothing just "happens" to you; own your shit.

[–]fannyfire[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You’re right, I’m gonna own my shit.

[–]gameoflibidos 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

A) Are you on gear? cause it'll do that.

B) I went through a period like this.. I think it was because I spent so many years being "nice", my wife used to berate me for things like not complaining about bad restaurant service or being overcharged for something.. things like that. When I finally broke out of that state to standing up for myself and family.. lots of years of anger surfaced I think. It did eventually subside though and now is mostly gone as I have fully adopted the IDGAF attitude. Someone tailgating me.. i'll brake check them once and laugh.. but I don't get mad. Someone cuts me off.. whatever.. as long as my life wasn't in danger.. i move on. DGAF really has just become not just a way of dealing with the wifes emotional outbursts but also just in dealing with life in generally. A lot less anger and a lot more laughing.. which is nice.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Id be fucking angry to with that squat.

I am angry all the time.

Who fucking cares.

Up the Tren faggot and fuck a tranny.

And fuck off. Deadlifts start at 135.

Unless you have a vagina.

Which. You do.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Up the Tren faggot and fuck a tranny.

Wow. How's that working out for you?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Talking through this with your therapist would help. You’re angry at things you can’t control - this guy who cut you off. Who knows why - he’s a shitty driver, he’s a jerk, his wife just called and their kid just was rushed to the ER. Who knows. Who cares.

You need to learn to acknowledge you’re angry, realize you can’t control the situation and be ok with that. To know that your body just went into Fight mode, shutdown your rational brain, and launched a shitload of adrenaline into you. Mentally you need to say “oh shit, my body is doing this”. Take some deep breaths, focus on your breathing and reengage your logical mind. Read up on mindfulness and meditation.

What did speeding up and raging get you? How did it change the situation? Did you feel better or worse after? What can you do different next time?

Read up on stoicism and Marcus Aurelius and Meditations.

Don’t focus on the fact this was an embarrassment. Focus on how to learn from it. Own it - you fucked up because you’re human. Be a man and learn from it so you stop doing shit like this in the future.

[–]Smuggler-Tuek 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Keep reading. I struggled with anger a lot. Honestly all emotions had a hold of me. I was at the whim of whatever happened or what anyone said or did.

Every time that someone does something that influences you then you are submitting to them. You aren’t in control, you aren’t the alpha, you are, as someone else called me once, a paper tiger. A reactionary. If the world around you is a tribe someone else out ranks you in that tribe. Be the chief. The leader. The person who isn’t phased by others actions. You are the “oak” who doesn’t give a shit. People can’t make you sad, angry, happy, or otherwise. You do. Laugh that shit off and get back to your life, goals, and mission.

Life isn’t that serious dude. Enjoy it and stop giving this much of a shit.

[–]fannyfire[S] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

I take life too seriously, it’s probably one of my biggest weaknesses. Next to my deadlift apparently lmao.

[–]Smuggler-Tuek 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

My therapist says that about me all the time. It’s better now but it takes work to stay like this. Just keep at it. Life’s way more fun when you are in control and chill.

[–]beta_game 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Get your hormones checked

[–]fannyfire[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I feel like I got plenty of T. My dick doesn’t stop and I want to rage haha.

What other hormones would I check for?

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What other hormones would I check for?

The ones that replaced your balls with a pussy.

[–]beta_game 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I’m suggesting because I was having anger outbursts myself and my testosterone/estrogen ratio was way off. Dr John gray explains the hormone relationship in one of his books but lower test to estrogen causes mood swings and anger in men. You could get your total T, free T and estradiol tested to at least rule out hormonal issues. Total T below 500 puts you at risk for many health issues, but free T is what you want to look at being between 20-30 optimally. Most doctors will use a lower reference range and tell you you’re fine at levels of a 70 year old man so you may need to find a TRT clinic. Men can be low and still get boners too. If your hormones look good then weight lifting, meditation and therapy a long with cutting out alcohol may be what you need.

[–]fannyfire[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I don’t hardly drink. I’ll schedule an appointment and see. I remember when I used to take soy protein and that gave me wilder mood swings.

[–]Hugenstein41 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

Err has anyone just beaten you up? Have you had consequences like that?

[–]fannyfire[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Yes, I took almost a daily beating from my psychopath brother while growing up. Had bullies almost my entire life until sophomore year of high school. Got tired of getting my ass kicked and started fighting back. Won a time or two and most other bullies backed down.

[–]Hugenstein41 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

I'm just saying man you're a hundred and forty five pounds....

[–]fannyfire[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Yeah, well if you fight dirty you can win almost any fight. Not honorable but when you’re being picked on by someone twice your size there’s really no honor to be had. Regardless, I get your point. Even if I was twice my size I still shouldn’t be itching for a fight. The problem is my ego.

[–]arm_candy 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Just a heads up, fights in the real world aren’t like high school fights. Everyone “fights dirty”. Getting in a fight in high school tends to mean that someone gets a black eye. Getting in a fight in the real world might send someone to the hospital. Don’t believe that your experience in high school translates.

[–]Hugenstein41 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This right here. Chicks think they can win by"fighting dirty" too

[–]fannyfire[S] 0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

My rage comes from people cutting me off. I don’t really race people or try to speed around. I usually stick to one lane and have people try to cut me off or steal my lane. I think one of my triggers is being on the phone with my wife lmao. I don’t know why but it seems like that the more I think about my issues, they have almost all occurred while being on the phone with her.

[–]ChossWrestler 1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy

Yeah, you're a fucking marionette getting his strings pulled, no responsibility for yourself.

[–]fannyfire[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

I never said that it’s her fault.

I said that they happen on the phone while I’m speaking to her.

[–]ChossWrestler 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

In another comment you said you're always getting shit on by someone. So which is it?

[–]fannyfire[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I should have known better to use that word. Pretty sure NMMNG even days not to use definitive words like that.

Guess I don’t believe what I think or else I wouldn’t have said that.

Edit:

Point is, I am allowing myself to be triggered while I am on the phone with her. Maybe I am too distracted and I can’t handle talking to her and driving at the same time.

[–]ChossWrestler 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

No, keep using those words, they expose your faggotry. Not just to us, but most importantly to yourself. You gotta be honest with yourself that you don't take responsibility and you blame others.

From my point of view, in this situation, you were being dangerous on the road by not being aware of your surroundings, putting other drivers at risk. Since you can't admit this to yourself, you take the self reflection and anger that should be directed inward and put it on another driver, who apparently cut you off on purpose just to be an asshole. The reality is he was probably just like not, not being aware of his surroundings.

Until you start to tease this shit out, with honest self reflection, you will continue being a rager that puts his issues onto others. Take some fucking responsibility.

[–]fannyfire[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I know I don’t take responsibility for a lot of things but I won’t take responsibility for this.

The only thing I’m taking responsibility for during that was my attitude and the actions thereafter. I can’t help that people drive like shit where I live but I can help how I act.

[–]ChossWrestler 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

May not have been your fault, but it's certainly your responsibility.

[–]miscerator668 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Lol you will get in serious trouble with your stats, almost everyone is stronger physically so.. Work on your anger management skills, meditate lift and read Marcus Aurelius stuff

[–]fannyfire[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Missed your post.

Haha, yeah dude, I know. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me. Three days later and I can clearly see how wildly out of control I was with my emotions. I’m going to work through my problems and continue with NMMNG.

[–]redwall92 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Get a motorcycle; less change of collateral damage.

[–]fannyfire[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Already went through that hell in a small town.

[–]tightsleeves 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Seek a professional AND don't be embarrassed about it. The % of people in the world actively working on their weakness is very low and the fact that you are working on it shows something. But if you dont take the effort to improve and then your just like the rest of the people.

I'm going to make the assumption that your also an aggressive driver and blame everyone else for shit you probably are doing to other drives ALL THE FUCKING TIME. I see it. I have yet to see a 'road rage' idiot drive normally... they are like the worst people on the road and yet blame everyone else for near misses. You are the problem my friend.

I would also recommend taking up a martial art. While lifting should provide you an outlet you might need something a little more drastic. Muay Thai or Boxing. Maybe BJJ but someone is going to snap your arm if you cant control your anger and you try something on someone while rolling.

And stop being a dick. One day you will step out of your car on someone like me with years of martial arts training and I will fuck your shit up. I would actually be smiling if i saw someone with your lifting numbers step out of their car on me...

[–]fannyfire[S] 0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy

I can honestly say I am not an aggressive driver. I think I just live in a bad area where people drive poorly. I do my best to let people over, use turn signal, only go 10mph is which is keeping up with flow in my area and I don’t run red lights or stop signs. I think I’m just unlucky in the sense that I am always getting shit on by someone. I just don’t have a good way to manage it.

The BJJ sounds like a good idea but I don’t think I realistically have that much time. I’d have to find a place that can do weekend classes.

[–]RPeed 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

I think I just live in a bad area where people drive poorly.

I think I’m just unlucky

I am always getting shit on by someone.

😢Unicorns don’t belong in the wild.😭

Are these bad drivers on their phones too? Who else is out to get you?

Wake up dumbass.

If you think like a victim, you act like a victim and people are going to treat you like one.

Nobody gives a shit about you. Or me for that matter. It’s great.

[–]fannyfire[S] -1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

Some of them are on their phones. I got rear ended in the spring by a person who was texting and driving. Had some minor nerve damage for a few months. Could be why I’m such a salty fuck.

[–]ChossWrestler 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You still don't get it.

You work really hard at being blind to your own faults.

[–]RPeed 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

All this anger, shame afterwards. Fear about what the therapist is going to think...

Nobody spends any time thinking about you when you’re not around.

[–]arm_candy 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Everyone sucks at driving. Including you. I get a lot less frustrated driving now that I’ve acknowledged that virtually everyone is just kind of shitty at driving. There are a select few assholes who are constantly causing problems but most of the time it’s otherwise decent drivers making mistakes. Oops, I didn’t see you there. Oops, I thought I was at the 4-way first. It’s just how it is. People fuck up.

Also, this bit:

Afterward I knew what I did was wrong and I feel guilty and ashamed that I allowed myself to stoop so low.

Don’t turn a defect into toxic shame. Flying into a rage isn’t “wrong”. It’s stupid and pointless and you should fix it, but it’s not a moral failing and carrying guilt about it isn’t going to do anything useful either.

[–]fannyfire[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Most of the shame was felt because my damn wife heard me go off the rails. I have done this dozens of times. I think I get pissed while talking to her and driving at the same time. 9/10 times this stuff happens and I am on the phone with my wife. 3/5 times it’s a normal conversation. 2/5 times it’s her dumping on me because she just got off work and I’m in my car driving home from work while trying to relax.

[–]arm_candy 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

So stop talking on the phone while you’re driving. Problem solved.

The more you say, the more it sounds like you really are one of the problematic drivers. You’re nearly getting into collisions because you are distracted. Your attention is compromised and instead of recognizing that and dealing with it, you lash out at others.

I have noticed that whenever a driver screams at me, flips me off, etc, they’re the ones who fucked up. I almost never get people raging at me when I actually messed up. I’m sure it annoys drivers when I screw up, but it’s annoyance, not rage. The rage is always them, but they’re blaming me for their fuckup. This is sounding like you right now. Fix your shit and you’ll probably fix your rage.

[–]RPeed 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I have noticed that whenever a driver screams at me, flips me off, etc, they’re the ones who fucked up.

100% this. I never, ever get pissed off driving. But I drive like an elderly, Asian woman. Always have done.

I get cut off from time to time and watch the person weaving away, phone in one hand, red faced, flirting with mortal danger so they can be first one to the next set of traffic lights.

I just “tsk” and peer over my (imaginary) horned rimmed spectacles to check I’m still a good 10% below the speed limit.

[–]SteveMuskles 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You need to change your mindset while driving for starters while you're working on defucking everything else in your life.

Here's why you are getting road rage.

When you're in a night club and someone knocks over your drink, before they even open their mouth you can tell from their body language, facial expression and other visual cues whether they did it accidentally or whether they did it on purpose in order to pick a fight with you.

When you're driving, you are essentially sitting in a metal box looking at other metal boxes. You have no visual cues to work with to guage-their intentions.

You are projecting onto them what you think their intentions are.

Because you have a scarcity mindset even in this aspect of your life, you're protecting your tiny bit of road that you "own" in case someone takes it away from or walks all over you. Everyone else is a vindictive bastard and out to get you. They all have a problem

This is weak as fuck and I've seen this end up with cars written off, cops getting involved, going to court, a wife that won't get in the car with you again. I would bet money that when you saw each situation coming you accelerated into it so you would get cut up and you could prove that you were in the right and they were in the wrong.

Now let me flip your mindset...

People do their best but sometimes they fuck up. They are human. As a leader of men I know they are going to fuck up and I'm prepared for it.

The truck with a trailer that cut you up. He probably was driving with that trailer for the first time and can't judge the length of it. I see it coming and give him space.

The car that pulls out in front of you. It's a mom taking her kid to school. She was running late and didn't have time to scrape the ice off her car. She doesn't see me but I see her coming and give her space.

You see the difference? None of them have the power over me to make me angry.

You don't need drugs. You just need to fix your mindset.

Read the damn sidebar.

[–]gvntr 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

After NMMNG read The Chimp Paradox.

You're giving the Chimp in you free reign when he should be in a cage in the back.

Feelz.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AjqWPUd0mtc

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Hi. You sound like someone else I know. If you'd like to see the results of unchecked anger and ego over a long period of time, read what happens.

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/drwc5r/comment/f6lq4xl

[–]fannyfire[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Lmao, I read this the other day. Yeah, that guy is wildin’ out.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I hope he doesn’t read this and get excited about the prospect of fucking a lesbian...

[–]Over60_FireTempered3Red Beret -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don't know what to do about my behavior

You need to read and reflect more. It's on you and no one else. And you know it.

and I am mentally exhausted.

Dah - of course you are.

I suppose I am at that point where I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.

No you're not. When you get there you will do something instead of asking everyone else. You are pissing here like a little girl having a fit. You are enjoying your rage or you would stop it. Stop lying to yourself and us and do the work. Hard fucking manly work that only you can do. Quit your whining.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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