Is there any point dating if you're a shitty provider?

Anathema711 · 2019-11-12T16:04:29+00:00

Hello, 27 year old female here. I just wanted to let you know that when I first met my guy he was living in the basement of his mother's house , very isolated, with no job and no life goals. We started dating and after three months he moved 1,400 miles to live with me in an apartment. fastforward two years and he is now a computer engineer working on contract and on his way to being bought out of it . We are also looking to buy a home together. when in a meaningful and wholesome relationship it doesn't matter what point you are in in your life. The point is you support eachother and soon you will find that you naturally want to "better" yourself for you and your relationship. The women you have been encountering seem shallow to me.

Nodoxxintoxin · 2019-11-12T17:22:10+00:00

The top comment here by u/Anathema711 is accurate with some caveats. She bet on POTENTIAL. I did too. My husband had been an alcoholic for many years and was still relatively directionless and unfocused when I met him. But I had been friends with him for years and had witnessed alot of positive change. He never made as much money as I did, in fact he made only half of what I did , and I was completely fine with that. Would I have been fine if he wanted to sit around all day, watch tv and play video games? 😂 HELL NO. I’m not lazy or boring and have no interest in spending time with someone who is.

He got a job doing electrical work a month after we started dating, I think it was his first real grown up job that wasn’t tending bar or selling weed. He went on to get an electrical license and then an aa in programable logic controls.

I think its not just lack of providership that turns women off, it’s the general lack of ambition. Some women will be glad to be the primary earner, provided her so is following a passion.

corey_trevorson · 2019-11-12T17:36:50+00:00

I was in a dating rut and tempted to give up and go MGTOW. At the end of the day, I miss having a lady in my life, so instead of waiting around for one to show up I've just been living healthier, building up my life so that if I meet someone special I'll already be established/healthy/etc.

So the point is, the choice is yours. If you want to live on your own for the rest of your life, then yeah, go MGTOW. If you want a woman in your life, you may have to make changes and sacrifice now in order to improve. The improvements you make will benefit YOU, and women will eventually take notice.

Anything can be done with enough determination. I took 7 years in undergrad, I only did Algebra in highschool and I've worked my way up to having everything up to calc 4 and linear algebra under my belt, I'm in a Computer Science career, and I have a bachelors from the best college in my state. One of my good buddies has worked a factory job for 10 years and for 8 of those years he's been taking two classes a semester, working his way up to a bachelor's in engineering. It'll take him another 6 years or so, but he's not giving up on it.

My point is that being comfortable is okay, but pushing yourself to improve your life is worth it! I feel like women definitely notice guys with a lot of drive and determination, so you really can't go wrong, especially if you have an interest in a subject with good career prospects

boomcheese44 · 2019-11-12T15:43:42+00:00

Wouldnt be easier to get a better job, then date instead of going MGTOW?

backyardmoonshine · 2019-11-12T17:43:23+00:00

If you can't contribute to a household financially in the same way as your partner you're expected to help the household in other ways, cleaning, cooking, yard work and taking care of children and pets more than the other partner to even out the overall contribution to the household. It's likely that any high earning partner you have would be frustrated if they found themselves doing more chores despite their high earnings and hard work in the financial side of things, and that might lead them to have less interest in you as a partner.

Nodoxxintoxin · 2019-11-12T17:07:47+00:00

You're going to have to date ugly women. Not plain janes, not average, UGLY. Or women with some glaring flaw. Not even being mean, it's the truth. If you're not bringing something significant to the table, expect the other person not to bring much of anything. There's gonna be one slice of white bread and a half empty bottle of ketchup on that table, basically.

HeartofDestiny · 2019-11-12T15:50:50+00:00

[deleted]

goatismycopilot · 2019-11-12T16:12:16+00:00

How on earth does anybody live in a decent sized city on close to minimum wage? Are you happy with the lifestyle you have now?

HeartofDestiny · 2019-11-12T19:06:26+00:00

What you need is validation. Do you have a close group of real friends who understand and support you emotionally?

LifterofThings · 2019-11-12T20:32:06+00:00

There are women out there who are content to live the lifestyle that comes with a minimum wage paycheque... but they're probably not that common, not that attractive, and similarly unambitious.

Nevertheless, if you do want to try to meet some of these women, it'll help if you put in some work toward being more attractive and/or interesting. Whether it's "worth" the investment of time and energy isn't something I can say without knowing where your values sit -- you'll have to answer that one for yourself.

praisethesun799 · 2019-11-12T22:07:37+00:00

First question, how are you still at minimum wage at 31 and second question, if you're still at minimum wage at 31 you're not really in a position to be picky with women imo

Foxxellot · 2019-11-12T16:35:23+00:00

For me, it doesn't matter how much my bf earns. More often I've been in a situation where men have a problem if women earn more than they do.

If you are insecure about it, maybe date within your economic level? I don't think that it's necessary though.

I don't date to be financially supported but because I enjoy his company and he makes me happy.

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2019-11-12T18:21:29+00:00

I used to fuck around w a dude who works for UPS or FedEx, nightshift. Can't recall what he does but he's really stupid so it can't be anything too difficult. I did lose interest after about 6 times but he got laid. Try that?

rhyth7 · 2019-11-12T19:52:33+00:00

OP are you somewhat satisfied with your job? If you want a new or better one, you just need to be able to sell yourself, find ways to make your skills and job history sound more impressive and become better at interviewing. Leverage constantly, progress from min wage to 10 dollars, to 12, 15 and so on. The best time to find a new job is while you're employed. There are subs about this kind of stuff and also how to maximise the money you are making, and how to jobhop sucessfully. Are you also considering avenues like trades?

That said, becoming better at interviews will also help you socially, since dating is kinda the same thing, you need to sell your best traits.

Most people make less than 40000 a yr, the bulk of jobs available are low pay and women should be understanding of that. If they're not then they're not living in reality. You don't want a girl like that either, however you will need to date the women making about the same as you.

Very rarely will a girl take on somebody who doesn't not make the same as them. So if her wage is 12 dollars an hour, she wants you to at least make that too. If she has a degree but is stuck in a low paying job and still has a lot of debt, do not date her, her degree will make her feel like she's worth more and plenty of people with degrees are still stuck doing factory work, so their degrees didn't help them at all and it just causes employers to ask for more without paying more, college for everyone is a huge scam.

Plenty of poor people have ok family lives even though they make shit. Don't let mental hangups about your job be a barrier, you have to live within your means and you want a woman that can do the same. Try to find somebody who started from the bottom too, they'll be more understanding.

fluffybabypigz · 2019-11-12T21:17:06+00:00

I earn twice what my boyfriend does. When we started dating he was earning more than me. Then I got a raise and then a new job. Circumstances in life change rapidly. People ( both men and women) who assign their relationship dynamic based on income are not going to have a good time in the long run. You can lose your job, get sick, get promoted etc. When I met my boyfriend I wasn’t looking for a provider and I never will because a man is not a life plan. A degree, education, career, networking are. As long as you are a decent person, masculine and have the drive to better yourself and show ambition most normal educated women wouldn’t care if you would be a provider or not. Most smart women look at long term relationship strategy when choosing a mate. I’d rather have someone that I can rely on emotionally difficult times in life than some rich wuss.

2019-11-13T00:07:13+00:00

I’m sure there are some fattys who’d be into you. I mean let’s be honest, you’re probably no prize yourself anyway.

kittiphile · 2019-11-13T01:49:55+00:00

Yes, there is. Some women will place high value on the amount of zeros in a man's paycheque. Others won't. Some men will place high value on the amount of zeros in a man's paycheque. Others won't. There are more pertinent questions:

1) are you happy?

Now you've said you aren't, and that is a potential stumbling block. You seem to have plans to address this, and thats great. Work on being ok with who you are and it will give you more confidence to date

2) are you kind?

This is a major one, kindness is a desirable trait for anyone to have

3) do you have interests/hobbies?

These make for far more interesting conversations, and longer term sustainability, than show-offy money based anecdotes. Common interests are brilliant, so maybe pursue a social aspect to your interests/hobbies. It will increase the likelihood of finding a SO who is into some of the same things you are.

4) are you interested in her, or just the things her body brings to the table?

Cause there's nothing a woman likes more than being reduced to a set of holes /s

Talk to women, get to know them as people and go from there. Longevity is based on compatibility not on physical traits that will diminish over time.

5) is there chemistry between you?

Chemistry can happen between pretty much any one, yes it's largely within your "dating pool" (plus or minus 2 on an attractiveness scale), but not neccesarily. Without chemistry, its never gonna work.

6) do you even want kids etc that would call on a more old school "provider" role?

7) do you even want to have someone in your life who will reduce your worth to the zeros in your bank balance?

If having a lot of money isn't your driving force, and you're happy to be content and settle in the middle, that's fine. There are people of all genders, creeds etc who feel this way.

Love yourself OP, if you can't love your self, you'll struggle to respect anyone else who loves you. Every woman I know values their SO (Or potential SO) as a partner not as a provider. Added to that, a lot of people are stuck in dead end jobs or low income situations. Some of them are in relationships and are happy, others are single and are happy just casually dating or working on themselves for themselves and some are miserable cause they let the alpha beta bs get in their heads and they just give up on finding love. This is something all genders experience.

You also mention youre not very masculine, well who defines that? Traditional masculinity is important to some women, not to others. Strip away the toxic window dressing, and focus on the important things. Does it matter to most women if you can deadlift 300kg, run 5 miles and play all the sportsball games? Not so much. Does it matter to most women that you listen to us, that You're compassionate and do your share around the house? You betcha.

"Real men" care about their partner and being as supportive to her as she is to him far more than they care about how many plates they can put on a bar and still lift it above their heads. Don't let society boil manliness down to just physicality and compare your self to that. If all you do is compare yourself to others that you perceive as "better" than you, you're gonna end up depressed. Besides there's someone comparing themselves to you and they're coming up short. Nobody is perfect, and that's just as well cause perfection is boring.

Willow-girl · 2019-11-13T04:07:41+00:00

Women want a man who will serve their imperatives. A majority want children, so they're looking for a man who can at least help foot the bill for that. But there are women out there who don't want kids or already have as many kids as they want and have already figured out how to take care of them financially. As a result, their imperatives may be different.

I've always had my own money (I work my ass off!) and I never wanted kids, so I've looked for life partners, not a man to bankroll my existence. So yeah, we do exist! (I found one, BTW.) So the question is: Are you a good partner? Are you fun to be around? Are you a good conversationalist; do you have interesting hobbies? If you're "not interested in a career," what are you interested in? A partner who shares your passion will probably see that as a major asset.

jackandjill22 · 2019-11-13T05:00:47+00:00

2019-11-13T08:50:10+00:00

Most women are money-grubbing THOTs in one way or another. You're playing on hard mode, go into it expecting no results.

AlexanderTheGreat08 · 2019-11-12T16:15:14+00:00

It’s over

Orange_Paisley · 2019-11-12T16:40:51+00:00

Date women with jobs.

BellyHunter · 2019-11-12T17:34:55+00:00

[deleted]

Title	Is there any point dating if you're a shitty provider?
Author	Jheronymus
Upvotes	12
Comments	124
Date	November 12, 2019 3:22 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/dvbels/is_there_any_point_dating_if_youre_a_shitty/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/is-there-any-point-dating-if-youre-a-shitty.294945 https://theredarchive.com/post/294945

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