Not looking butt hurt when ignoring wife?

SBIII · 2019-11-22T09:57:43+00:00

The only way not to look butthurt is not to be butthurt.

If your wife is causing problems, you deal with it and you don't do that by STFU and ignoring her. If your kids were acting up, would you ignore them and go sulk in the garden for the afternoon?

You've been at this too long to be still doing autistic STFU. Time to step it up.

UEMcGill · 2019-11-22T09:43:23+00:00

You shouldn’t ignore shitty behavior.

If it’s negative emotion (crying, hurting etc) you should show you care, give her a big hug, hold her tight. Let her storm pass. For bonus, train her that should come after a good orgasm or two and you railing her to really change her mood.

If it’s negative emotion directed at you, you must nip it in the bud right away. Talk calmly and tell her you’re not going to be talked to that way, and when she’s ready to be nice you’ll stick around. Tell her you care about what she’s going through but it’s not your damn fault that X or Y happened. Therefore she should not direct negativity at you. Otherwise you (and kids?) have better things to do.

Don’t put up with shit guys. They’ll see it as a sign of weakness and it will get worse. In a few months of years you’ll be her door mat, she’ll walk all over you.

File that under LTR or marriage game basics and how to act once the initial love vibes and chemistry starts to wear off.

tap0988534 · 2019-11-22T23:15:55+00:00

When you get worked up over her emotions it fills her with shame for her shitty behavior, but she also hates you because it makes her feel like she must shut down her emotions for your sake, which she knows is impossible. This makes her feel like you are too weak to handle her femininity.

If you respond aggressively or withdraw, she hates that you are shutting her down, but if you placate her she hates you even more, because you are a spineless milquetoast, and you don't even know what the hell you're apologizing for, you still don't understand her, and you're still just shutting her down but in a more cringey way.

Instead of getting worked up, the answer is stoic calm assurance. Instead of judging her feelings, project strong boundaries, but also empathy: "take a minute, start over, whatever you're trying to communicate isn't working."

What she wants is a real man, someone who won't judge her feelings or feel terrified of them, but who won't tolerate the bullshit that she's trying to project onto them.

Experience emotions with your wife, let them roll over you like water over a duck's feathers. An emotional connection is established when you experience a woman's emotions with her. Her emotions don't go inside you or flood you with anxiety, but you are there for them to wash over you.

Guarding yourself against your wife's emotions pushes her away and severs the connection. Calm assuredness while immersing yourself in her emotions allows her to feel safe and secure, but if you are flooded or exasperated by her emotions, then she will feel unsafe, anxious, and fearful.

How can you feel upset when your provocateur is just a woman? She is a little girl that needs a calm daddy to feel safe, and a fun leader who can lead her to good feelings with the excitement of a little boy.

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/8l3fno/establishing_an_emotional_connection_with_a_woman/

"You're wife does not like getting worked up and then seeing you get worked up"

https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/4clb60/had_a_fight_last_night_help_me_parse_it/d1jdorp/

mrbadassmotherfucker · 2019-11-22T10:23:30+00:00

She thinks you're an asshole... GREAT! Agree. You are an asshole!

Rock_Granite · 2019-11-23T01:27:52+00:00

You probably didn't look butthurt. From what you have written, you STFU and just left to cut the grass. (you have shit to do after all). Your wife is the one who framed you as looking butthurt. This is a common female tactic to try to frame your behavior.

However, you could have addressed her tone at that time. Best to keep it short and simple. " I don't appreciate you speaking to me that way".

escapethesolarsystem · 2019-11-22T15:47:39+00:00

I'm confused, why didn't you just tell her that you didn't like how she was acting up front? If my LTR gets really bitchy, I say: "you're being mean, stop" (tone is important too, not in a whiny tone, but in a serious, authoritative, matter-of-fact tone). Interestingly enough, what happens most of the time is, she stops and apologies. I don't let my dissatisfaction simmer. I address a problem as soon as it starts.

Don't be like a women, expecting her to read your mind. Tell her what's wrong with her behavior. The punishment (of ignoring her) only happens AFTER you told her what your expectations are, AND she refused to do anything to adjust her behavior.

I notice that there's a lot of passive-aggressive men these days. Even taking red-pill tools (such as withholding attention) and using them to be a blue-pill passive-aggressive. The most masculine thing you can do, that commands the most respect, is to clearly communicate your expectations, and what you will do if they are not met. Then, react appropriately based on whether the women makes an effort to meet your exceptions or not. Simple, straightforward. This is a trait of a good leader.

RisingUpAgain · 2019-11-22T09:36:43+00:00

How close of a friend are we talking about here?

redwall92 · 2019-11-22T16:36:33+00:00

The best way to not look butthurt is to have something better to do that look butthurt.

lololasaurus · 2019-11-22T15:34:19+00:00

You need to go read way of the superior man and use the knowledge therein.

kendallb183 · 2019-11-22T23:05:48+00:00

Also, a woman would never tell you to go find options if your a man she knows has options better than her.

Doesnt help you DEERd, and said you were "pissed off" due to her attitude. You didnt FOG. You gave her something solid to argue with and she hit you with that line to remind you shes the one with the balls in the relationship.

turbospeedsc · 2019-11-23T22:57:51+00:00

Same thing happened to me, wife got rejected to a position she applied to, and I got accepted into one the same week.

They tried calling to notify her, but her phone was discharged, so they called the second number she put on file, I told them to call her again but I'll relay the message.

After I notified her she went into bitch mode, I fucked up and engaged and told her it wasn't my fault she was rejected, all hell broke loose after that, bitch mode for 2 days, I STFU and dngf, besides I been feeling pretty good lately, wife tried to push my buttons but I was in such a good mood, that she couldn't avoid getting into my frame, she even tried pushing my buttons going to drink some wine with our next door neighbor (35, 7hb, single mom), so I just put the kids to sleep, and catched up with some friends from high school and played COD for a while, she came home kinda drunk, saw me happy as hell and initiated, full session oral rimming anal you name it.

fannyfire · 2019-11-22T13:57:50+00:00

Others are saying to call out shitty behavior and I agree. This morning I didn’t call my wife to talk on the way to work. She called me 15 minutes into my drive and asked why I didn’t call. I told her that I didn’t want to listen to her complain about traffic. I explained that I enjoy my drive to work and that I do not want it to be ruined by her bad attitude.

Guess what?

She didn’t bitch about traffic.

Why?

She knew that I wasn’t going to be her morning tampon.

Your wife said go find other options. You should take her up on that option this weekend and see how her hamster handles it. I doubt she will say those words again but that’s assuming you’re not a faggot.

hack3ge · 2019-11-22T12:55:35+00:00

Usually when my wife says I’m an asshole she’s gagging on my cock a few hours later - it seems you are doing something wrong...

Oh yeah you are a butthurt faggot nice guy not the oak she needs - my guess is her friends cancer triggered her to analyze her life and she was question investing her life in someone like you. I see chad in your future good luck!

Smuggler-Tuek · 2019-11-22T13:28:41+00:00

“Wife asks why I’m all pissed off. I told her...”

Yeah you got butt hurt and then tried to defend that you were justified in being butt hurt. Get to a point where you don’t care. Legitimately. Your wife trying to nag you is equivalent to a toddler trying to nag you.

I’ve gotten to a point now where she has practically zero control over my emotions. The rare times now that she starts being shitty or taking her frustrations out on me I just walk away from her and go do something more interesting. It’s incredibly boring to listen to someone bitch at you. And yeah sometimes you have to put a line in the sand and stop bad behavior but most of the time it comes down to keeping your emotions your own and not reacting to hers.

Read WISNIFG

kendallb183 · 2019-11-22T23:03:21+00:00

Part of it is your mission. When your in STFU mode, you keep doing your mission. Butt hurt is equivalent to sulking. Imagine sulking. That looks much different than a man being to himself getting shit done. Working his hobbies, his housework, or his life.

screechhater · 2019-11-23T12:13:33+00:00

Sidebar. Lift.

You aren’t getting it.

You absolutely need to demand self respect for you. And, demand others respect you.

First book.

Dealing with the oldest teen in the house.

Do not escalate diffuse. Try AA/AM.

This is a typical church lady shit. Cunt at home especially to you then a goddess in public .... call her out fast. Mimic her answers, orders, demands, comments and throw that shit right back in face. With AA AM.

Whatever the fuck you do, STFU fir the time it takes to formulate the comeback in that situation.

whammyface · 2019-11-23T21:05:10+00:00

You should address her shitty behavior the minute it starts with a combination of compassion, empathy, and some stern “this shit ends now.”

And if my wife ever Said some shit like that to me I would have Said “bet” and had grabbed my coat and headed to the door before she even finished her sentence...

captainbourbon50 · 2019-11-22T19:19:20+00:00

Many times when my wife is applying the shit test I forget that it is actually a comfort test. I STFU and go autistic and get they "why are you mad at me". If I pull her into my arms, kiss her forehead and tell her daddy is going to keep her safe things quickly resolve. I used to react with about a 80%/20% shit to comfort ratio and since reversing that her hamster wheel stops much quicker. Wife has a lot of anxiety and depression. (my job is to lead her through that)

tightsleeves · 2019-11-22T14:28:07+00:00

Men have the ability to come to a conclusion and STICK to it a lot more than a female.

A female will decide that she wants X (after much deliberation) and then start questioning if she should have picked Y like 10 minutes later.

Her going to bed 'fine' on day one means nothing.. you should know already that her hamster will start to spin on this again shortly. She will wonder how much time SHE has.... How she would feel if she got the news... "Oh shit, i'm stuck with sash_northpoint the rest of me life?"

Be there to help her when she starts going down the rabbit hole of thought. When she starts bitching about you or the kids you can stop it.. stand up to her.. say "stop talking like that" but then go hug her or kiss her. Tell her everything is alright... Even better if you can pick her off the ground and squeeze her.

2ndal · 2019-11-22T15:30:14+00:00

Motherfucker, ignoring your wife is being butthurt.

hystericalbonding · 2019-11-22T19:00:16+00:00

Ignore/STFU waves a big red flag of social ineptitude in this situation, but it's better than saying something stupid.

Better responses depend on your objectives.

If she's a good girl, then reframe her shitty behavior, giving her a golden bridge to retreat across. "It's understandable to be upset about (insert friend's name here), but it's spilling over into your interaction with me and with the kids." Either send her away to decompress, or provide her with a potent distraction to help her blow off steam.

The subtext is that I am the oak, but I'm not going to take your shit. Come back when you have calmed down.

If she's not a good girl, then she doesn't matter, and your job is to protect the kids from her shittiness without either extreme of highlighting or rationalizing it to them.

There were a few other comments like how i looked like an asshole in front of her friend, etc.

Based on your post history, this is a true statement. Were you always socially clueless? Or just since your kid's brain tumor? Have you had any successful therapy since then?

The MRP rhetoric about NGAF and asserting dominance doesn't mean that being socially unaware is a good strategy. Like /u/jacktenofhearts said, you should give one single fuck - just enough to recognize the implications of not giving a fuck, and taking deliberate action with full accountability to yourself for the decision and its consequences.

Title	Not looking butt hurt when ignoring wife?
Author	sash_northpointe
Upvotes	23
Comments	64
Date	November 22, 2019 9:34 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/dzyqnj/not_looking_butt_hurt_when_ignoring_wife/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/not-looking-butt-hurt-when-ignoring-wife.296226 https://theredarchive.com/post/296226

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