How do you stop oneitis?

SherbertBacon · 2020-01-07T01:29:05+00:00

She is one of the most beautiful women I have ever had sex with.I'm pretty sure I'm building feelings for her already.

So what? Feelings are good, it means she's someone of value to you. That's not oneitis. Oneitis is the deeply held belief that she's the only one for you and failing to be with her will be the end of your love life forever.

The thing is I dont want to develop feelings too soon because I dont want to get hurt

Pep talk time: Tough shit. The people who mean the most to us will evoke the strongest feelings and desire in us. It means we'll be taking the biggest risk by caring about them. Rather than thinking "strong feelings = risk for being hurt = bad because it will go wrong" you need to reframe it as "strong feelings = risk for being hurt = thrilling and novel and exciting = good." It's good to feel something strongly about someone, just like it's good to work out hard enough at the gym to break a sweat and wake up sore the next day. That's better than a half-ass interaction with someone just so the downside is also low.

Rather than avoiding developing feelings, just feel them and identify them (this is a tactic in CBT). Identifying feelings takes their power away. Use the attraction you have to her to pursue her without apology, and be ready to accept the outcome either way. If it hurts because it doesn't work out, it was worth the risk. If it succeeds, you know it was because she was worth it and you fought tooth and nail for it.

MrHerbSherman · 2020-01-07T00:37:39+00:00

Get other girls

pngmafia97 · 2020-01-07T00:36:33+00:00

Be more detached. Think like a sociopath. Turn your softness off. Juggle other options. Make yourself repulsed by commitment.

diffdedbed · 2020-01-07T03:36:35+00:00

Never wanting to be hurt over the chance of being happy.

Well good luck turteling up your emotions to hide from the possibility of failure.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2020-01-07T00:36:19+00:00

go out and fuck 10 other women

AutoModerator · 2020-01-07T00:31:53+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

decoy88 · 2020-01-07T13:25:20+00:00

Fuck other women

saladfingers4141 · 2020-01-07T01:00:07+00:00

Worse than developing feelings is letting her know that you have developed feelings.

PapaPinyun · 2020-01-07T01:33:56+00:00

Where the soles of her feet like a muzzle when you are hard and take a proper hit before you make any decision or fuck it up

wtknight · 2020-01-07T02:06:28+00:00

Communicate with several women at once. It's still possible that your favorite might ghost you, but if there are other women that are still interested in you then it's not going to hurt so badly.

Pontifex_Lucious-II · 2020-01-07T03:29:33+00:00

It might not be a useful answer, but it will just happen if you keep dating/fucking women. Eventually your brain will realize women aren’t fairytale princesses and the spell will be broken. It took me until my mid-20s before I started to figure it out.

Orange_Paisley · 2020-01-07T10:48:23+00:00

Why would you stop yourself from falling in love? It’s the best drug there is.

akaean · 2020-01-07T14:22:10+00:00

Some odd advice in this thread, anyway...

There is no reason to be afraid of commitment as long as you are careful about what you are getting yourself into. Sometimes people just want to be monogamous. For all TRP mouthing off about spinning plates, etc there is a certain possessiveness built into people about their sexual partners, men and women both want exclusivity on some level. If one person can make you happy, then that is good enough in my book.

With that in mind, communication is helpful. Reading her body language and queues and don't go all in at once. Don't be afraid to develop feelings, but be careful to keep them in check if she isn't reading the same levels of emotion. When people get hurt is when one person develops mismatched feelings. So, just keep your wits about you. If the water is warm, wade in. If the water is cold, hold yourself back. You shouldn't be afraid of a relationship just because TRP says its a bad strategy.

It doesn't sound like you have oneitis. As in, you don't appear to believe that she is the only person in this world that is meant for you. That is good. Just don't get into anything too fast, get to know her a bit better, see if she is actually a type of person that you want to date after you've started seeing her for a few dates.

2020-01-07T14:38:13+00:00

Find other women. This is not rocket science. Or better read the sidebar of trp

Emervila · 2020-01-07T15:51:17+00:00

TRP in a nutshell: date other girls. You don't need to have sex with them (it's good idea thou) just chat, hang out, text with other girls, as many as possible. Problem solved.

blackedoutfast · 2020-01-07T21:48:46+00:00

only 3 ways to "cure" it:

consummation - she reciprocates and the relationship evolves into something more stable and balanced

starvation - you minimize contact for and extended period of time until the feelings fade

transformation - you catch oneitis for someone else

dmoneycrowgod · 2020-01-07T00:34:14+00:00

Awalt

XtoDoubt · 2020-01-07T00:34:19+00:00

Spin plates. Having options reduces your chances of developing oneitis.

wekacuck · 2020-01-07T00:47:14+00:00

[removed]

Workaholiconew · 2020-01-07T00:57:00+00:00

Have something fun to do (Distraction)
Cut all contact with such a woman. (Disengagement)
Try your luck with multiple women. (Desensitization)

LeJacquelope · 2020-01-07T02:32:04+00:00

Watch The Last American Virgin, that's how you cure oneitis.

2020-01-07T07:18:42+00:00

[removed]

Queasy_Tear · 2020-01-07T00:40:13+00:00

Just restrain yourself and dont show it off until she develops similiar feelings for you.

If she doesnt and eventually breaks your poor, pure heart - then you are already halfway there. A broken heart loves less everytime. I should know.

mnaushaf · 2020-01-07T01:01:42+00:00

Bro don't denigrate yourself by having sex before marriage. Subconsciously a woman will know you're stealing the milk without having to buy the cow. They knows this. That milk will turn sour in your stomach eventually. But wait - getting married is problematic as well unless you find a God-fearing woman. I think your chances of developing oneitis are strong. As a matter of fact, you have it already but it hasn't spread completely. You have been warned.

Me2Brah · 2020-01-07T02:52:03+00:00

Subscribe to mgtow and realise women ain’t shit.

Read mgtow everyday until this sinks in and you wonder what the point of women in this day and age truly is.

That way, if she messages you, you aren’t bothered and if you have sex again, at least your dick got wet

extrachromozomes · 2020-01-07T02:57:31+00:00

Try and distance yourself from someone like that, they just end up hurting you

Title	How do you stop oneitis?
Author	knowledgeseeker999
Upvotes	1
Comments	56
Date	January 7, 2020 12:31 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/el384j/how_do_you_stop_oneitis/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-do-you-stop-oneitis.304481 https://theredarchive.com/post/304481

Comments