Seeing Nice Guys Frustrates Me [Vent]

ikissedatoaster · 2015-07-28T18:56:37+00:00

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_dissonance

'I should be more of an asshole' vs 'I should be a nice guy'

Many nice guys are not nice purely to get laid, it's not their sexual strategy. It is for some people, and for them it's easy to simply change their strategy and stop being a nice guy but for some it takes reprogramming a lifetime of brainwashed ideas.

I would guess most 'nice guys' have been taught to do the right thing at every opportunity. Being a nice guy isn't just a sexual strategy, it's a philosophy, a moral code, a way of life.

This paired with a little too much femininity when it comes to how one would express their attraction is a recipe for despair.

While I believe it's possible to both do the right thing, and not fall into this category of 'nice guy' it takes a lot to reprogram your mind to take risks and do things that might not please everyone, to value yourself first and to embrace your masculinity. To look at what works, rather than what you've been taught works or what you've been taught to think should work based off your own programed moral compass.

It can take a lot to learn to think for yourself.

Diabolical_Nuke · 2015-07-28T19:30:52+00:00

As a currently reforming NICEguy^TM I can tell you that it's a hard frame of mind to get out of. I've always known girls like assholes more than nice guys. I think I've narrowed down my own difficulty of reforming myself to the following:

It's not logical to like assholes. Why would anyone get turned on by someone being a complete dick to them?
Even though I recognized that women prefer assholes, it's constantly beat into your head that you need to be nice to girls.
The constant shaming of a reforming NICEguy^TM trying to put him back in the little box he's lived in.
I personally don't like to be an asshole, and am not one who can simply flip a switch and change my personality.
Projection. If a girl came up to me and told me I'm handsome and wanted to buy me dinner, it would be a HUGE ego boost for the NICEguy^TM in me and make me think more highly of the girl, so surely that would be a way to make her think more highly of me, right?

I think a lot of guys come to the realization that they need to quit being so nice, but change is tough when you've been raised a certain way. When I was young my dad was gone for a few years in the army, so I only got the feminine side of how relationships work for a long time. The first time I heard my dad say I need to get a girl to do the 5 F's with (Find 'em, French 'em, Finger 'em, Fuck 'em, Forget 'em) I was floored. That's rude and seeing women as sexual objects was wrong!!

Just my two cents on the struggle, hope it sheds some light. If not, I'll cry incessantly and demand an apology via the TRP Network /S

EDIT: Spelling, grammar

MattyAnon · 2015-07-28T19:39:54+00:00

Why isn't the next rational thought, "hmm maybe I should be more of an asshole."

It goes like this:

Hi, I'm an asshole
No, you're not
Yes I am. Fuck you.
OMG I can't believe you said that to me! How dare you, you patriarchal shitlord! Hey everyone, this low status ugly fuck was rude to me! (crocodile tears flowing, white knights flexing)
I am so so so so sorry, let me buy you lunch. I didn't really mean it. I just wanted you to like me. I'm sorry. Can we be friends?

WilliamHastings · 2015-07-28T20:24:17+00:00

Thinking "maybe I should be more of an asshole" can be a first step to being more successful with women. But, it's ultimately kind of misguided.

I'd say, being unapologetic about getting what you want, acting like you do deserve what you want and believing you can put in the effort & achieve what you want is the key.

Be the guy that can protect the woman from having to deal with the harsh realities of the outside world. Be the provider who can deal with the corporate culture that might fuck him over, etc.

Ultimately, being a man is about bearing the brunt of a world that wants to screw you over really hard and fighting against that while keeping your cool. And then going home to your woman and acting like everything is cool and you have it under control.

You don't need to be an asshole. In fact, being an asshole in the true sense, will fuck you over.

You need to be more of a psychopath, to be honest. Always keep a cool head and keep your emotions/reactions in check. But, always be scheming about how you will be what you want for you and for your woman. It's more like chivalry.

Metalaggeddon · 2015-07-28T22:03:31+00:00

How to put this...

You live in a world without salt. "pussy".

The people selling salt in abundance are looking for water. "tingles and or genetics"

You recognize the people with something to trade get all the salt. But you have spent your life mining coal.

The opportunity cost of switching Enterprises is too great, "read as too hard" for you to switch. Though you're fully aware water is in demand. It's not that you're incapable, it's that you're unwilling to take the risk. Besides, most every single salt marketer tells you "after I have all the water covered I'll need to heat my house! Just wait a bit."

So you wait. And wait. And wait. And oddly enough, it happens. The salt mongers start to approach you, but they carry much shittier deals and its obvious they can't move the same freight as they could in their hustling career "read 17 to 25". You get pissed, but thanks to the fact that they're actually not wrong, and the threat of risk, you figure, "I'll get a hustler some day" and you continue bitching to friends and family.

One day you look back and realize, YOU'RE not hustling anymore. It's too late to make the change. Well Damn! If only someone had told you it wouldn't work out.

See what I mean? They don't switch because changing lifestyles is a massive risk. Ignoring social mores is a risk. Ignoring what is promised to you by everyone is a risk.

Why take a risk?

Hope that helps op. I'll admit, not the best metaphor, but I wanted to help and am low on time.

abdada · 2015-07-28T18:47:20+00:00

Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with these people?

Consumers need to be part of a "team". Producers create their own teams that they control.

Most people today are consumers. Instead of getting mad about them, why aren't you profiting from them?

You know what pisses me off? Guys on here who actually want to change society so that guys like me make less money off of their idiocy.

euneaux · 2015-07-28T19:34:57+00:00

"I just can't understand how someone can have some understanding of how women work without acting on it."

The rabbit will also complain that the snake preys on his kind; it doesn't make it any easier for the rabbit to become a snake.

I think I understand the world in a red-pill way. That doesn't make it any easier to shed my nice-guy nature.

So what are my choices? Put on the bastard mask? Or go my own way and become a hermit seeking tranquility of solitude?

vandaalen · 2015-07-28T20:42:09+00:00

The Nice Guys' main problem is that becoming "an asshole" would require to move out of the comfort zone, where they feel safe to act.

Deep down they would like to, but they fear that they might even loose the last little bit they have: Validation of society for being what they are. "Hey. You are such a nice person. Stay the way you are." So they clinge to that and because they are constantly enforced in their behaviour with the nebulous promise of a happy end "You'll find the person which deserves you.", they aren't able to kill what keeps them from changing: The glimmer of hope for a better and happier life for them, by just "manning up (read: shut up and don't annoy us with your problems) and going through with it".

That's why I personally think that "No More Mr. Nice Guy" is such a great book. It teaches step by step to get rid of the need for validation and learn how to not give a fuck, with pretty simple tasks.

A further problem is that by acknowledging that they were wrong in behaving the way they are, they would have to question everything they built their morals on and ultimately even their whole perception of the world. Not everybody is strong enough to confront themselves with that.

johnchapel · 2015-07-28T19:54:04+00:00

Nice guys anger me too. Can't help it anymore. They bring out the bully in me.

However, consider this: Seeing a nice guy is like seeing green in the desert. There's an oasis near. Every Nice guy hangs around with some 8 or 9 that is going to be easy as shit to fuck because he's already done half the work for you by being the constant reminder of what she doesn't want, and after you meet her, is going to do the rest of the work for you by being passively aggressively "concerned" about us.

Upvote_To_The_Left · 2015-07-28T20:56:16+00:00

You dont need to be an asshole to have women like you. You just need to stop being a nice guy.

danigr · 2015-07-28T20:35:32+00:00

I was a nice guy because it was imprinted on my brain by my mother, since young age. My father was very absent and never gave me ANY advice on how to pick up woman, the selfish bastard. Maybe that's how betas are borne? Today I'm not a nice guy anymore, because I realised that.

[deleted] · 2015-07-29T19:02:29+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Derbi50 · 2015-07-29T00:51:08+00:00

I remember a Tupac Shakur interview where he basically says what OP said.

Tupac said when he was young girls would shoot him down because, "you are too nice".

So he started rapping about bitches and hoes, treating women like shit, and got rich and laid at will.

FACEisEVERYTHING · 2015-07-30T03:14:03+00:00

because women can see right through the "nice guy" who try to play the asshole card thikning it will get them laid. they will be percieved as rude, annoying, immature, any other host of negative adjectives. women want the 'hot' guy who is successful by default with other women to be nice to them. you think brad pitt or david beckham need to worry about being "nice" or being "assholes" to get girls? lol no of coarse they dont. high value men dont worry about having to play the "asshole" card to get laid. they are valued high enough where they can JUST BE THEMSELVES without putting on an act to impress women. UGLY guys and betas have to compensate because if they are "nice" they know that women will perceive them as weak so they try to play the asshole card to compensate but that rarely works for them either either. you think girls would take a Micheal Cera look-alike seriously if he tried to play the asshole card. LOL NO of coarse not.

women want a high status male to be nice to them and be an asshole to the rest of the world. women love nice guys, "HOT" NICE GUYS.. not UGLY NICE GUYS.

the guys who think they need to be assholes to get girls are low value to begin with

FACEisEVERYTHING · 2015-07-28T22:57:07+00:00

"player", "asshole", etc these words are preconceived notions women fabricate to describe the type of guy they cant lock down. A girl wants to take the relationship to the next level and the guy isn't down so she labels him a "player". A Girl hits on guy out of her league all night who fucks her that same night, just as anyone would have suspected, and he becomes an "asshole" 3 days later when he doesnt return her calls.

Its goes both ways, Girls label you as a jerk, douche, player, asshole because that is a defensive mechanism for them and there's no way they can determine what person you are within 5 minutes of talking to you. These are all words reserved for high status men. when a woman calls you a "Creep", "loser", "weird", "nice" etc these are words reserved exclusively for beta males.

As a man you wanna put yourself in that position to have that kind of power over girls(girls are obviously gonna tell you "NO! Don't be an asshole! I hate assholes and "jerks"! But we both know this is type of behavior they crave emotionally, (NEVER listen to a women)

bea5tly · 2015-07-28T19:34:20+00:00

I have a friend like this. He some how pulled a young HB8 and blew it trying to start a relationship with her, being overly desperate and putting pussy on a pedestal because it was his first lay in months.

I will never understand guys like this who won't take advice. Or the guys who post on facebook about "Check your friendzone ladies" and I want to spoil a good girl.. lol what suckers.

X0QS3B2X6cui · 2015-07-28T19:49:18+00:00

Because they don't accept the world as it is but only as it should be.

nomad-oz · 2015-07-29T14:31:24+00:00

Most Nice Guys try to please the girl. Doing this is seen as lacking confidence. If you lack a backbone you cannot control or protect her. = You are weak. = No Tingles.

You can be a good guy but must have self confidence. Don't try to impress women. Be respected by other men. Do you own thing, have interests. Have principles and stick to them. Don't take her shit. = Confident. Interesting Challenging Strong. = Tingles

lmea14 · 2015-07-29T21:18:19+00:00

Ex nice guy here, quite far along in the transition phase.

The trouble is that I used to derive pleasure from treating my girlfriend/fuck partner the way I would like to be treated. To men this makes rational sense. The idea of doing something that at the time did not come naturally to me removed a lot of enjoyment, or so I thought, from things.

Now IDGAF. I moved to a new city where hot women are in plentiful supply and now have the mindset of, "what are they going to do to impress me?"

But back then it was like job satisfaction. I equated treating women the way I would want to be treated from my male point of view as doing a good job. I can see why people resist it.

The1WhoCsAll · 2015-07-29T18:35:39+00:00

Why isn't the next rational thought, "hmm maybe I should be more of an asshole."

That is the next rational thought. In order to suppress that thought you have blue pill conditioning....a lifetime of Hollywood/Disney fantasy coming at us from every pore of this overly feminized shit society. As soon that thought occurs in every beta, the beta himself squashes it unknowingly based on this conditioning. "That's just not who I am," he says to himself because that's what he's been programmed to think his whole life.

EmperorAurelius · 2015-07-30T02:02:34+00:00

Trust me, as a life long beta making a slow change, it isn't easy. It's very hard in fact. I often catch myself behaving in my old ways. And in a lot of situations there is conflict within me when it comes to how I should behave. Cognitive dissonance as they say.

bleed_red_white_blue · 2015-07-30T13:40:16+00:00

Because while some of us feel like being called 'asshole' is a compliment, betas use it as an excuse not to improve. It's really not being an asshole that wins women over, it's just deciding who you're gonna be and not compromising that. Having that strong sense of self and coupling it with learning the game will get you the results. But of course, it's way easier to wallow in self pity and blame the world for acting like a loser.

Cum_on_doorknob · 2015-07-28T22:34:01+00:00

No one had said this, so here is why I remained a nice guy despite knowing: woman like assholes. In my mind I thought, well, why would I want a chick that doesn't like nice guys? The douchebags can have the douchebaguettes. So, I didn't have sex for a long, long time. Then, when I finally did, I felt vindicated; until I got into a horrible relationship and finally realized where I went wrong.

johnnywahd · 2015-07-28T23:58:39+00:00

Those nice guys refusing to act are still living under the BP worldview and do not want to become what they hate. "I'm better than those jerks...that's not me...I treat women with respect...one day they'll come around." Unfortunately for the still-plugged in betas they fall for a post-wall ex-CC rider and think their luck has finally turned.

I'd say it's mainly those nice guys are still plugged in, still clueless and haven't sought out any pickup material or things along those lines. They're still socially inept and make no attempts to change. Nobody has turned them onto TRP and they haven't discovered it for themselves either.

I think the nice guy harbors an underlying resentment toward guys who are good with women and that resentment sustains them in a way. Why would the nice guy come over to the Dark Side when his beliefs confirm his worldview?

Change is hard, Growth is painful and most are content to stay where they are, all the while existing with a hint of hatred toward women for ignoring them so long.

That was me for so long...except I luckily avoided the marriage to a post-Wall ex-CC rider.

niczar · 2015-07-29T05:33:21+00:00

The thing is, you can be an asshole without even being aggressive.

You just have to say, "just kidding."

A good natural a knew did that all the time, say outrageous shit with a straight face, and then "just kidding" with a smile. And if the girl took the slightest offense, he would berate them for not having a sense of humor.

danxmason · 2015-07-29T15:08:53+00:00

Complaining is the consolation prize for being a loser

bm2l · 2015-07-29T13:13:32+00:00

Seeing nice guys makes me happy. Less competition for me. Being cocky funny comes naturally to me now, and the fact that there are so many beta cucks out there just makes me even more of a breath of fresh air to women. Fuck 'em, they werent smart enough to find this site on their own or take it seriously so they deserve their nopussy.

nulcul · 2015-07-29T02:45:59+00:00

I just want to point out that often people describe themselves as "nice guys" while not being anything of the sort. Acting nice as a strategy to get close to women, failing, then getting mad because they hit socially awkward instead of nice.

It's more like they're treating women like precious china instead of real people, which is not something anyone finds attractive.

Air4ce1 · 2015-07-28T19:02:41+00:00

Who cares, at first I was thinking like you. Then I realized that it just makes it easier and it will continue to get easier the better I get.

jeffwingersballs · 2015-07-28T20:14:42+00:00

How is it that people who say this actually know what to do, but refuse to fucking act on it.

For a variety of reasons, their brain was trained to be like that.

FragElder · 2015-07-28T20:37:59+00:00

Being an ass hole requires balls.

Nice guys don't have balls.

circlhat · 2015-07-28T21:08:51+00:00

Because people shame him, if a guy is left alone without any interference he will figure out women. This is why women must place blame on the nice guy by saying he isn't really nice

puah8r · 2015-07-28T21:48:24+00:00

It's cause men don't understand that all guys are nice to women because they want to bang them and eventually women get sick of all nice guy behavior. It's kind of like rich guys with gold diggers. Sure you'll fuck the hot ones but it doesn't mean you're not disgusted by their behaviors.

TheSKSpecial · 2015-07-28T21:58:16+00:00

It's a matter of "who do you believe, me or your lying eyes?"

They'd rather believe they're not seeing what they're seeing than believe they've been taught wrong all these years.

CyberninjaZen · 2015-07-28T22:23:54+00:00

Look at it this way, it is less competition for you.

benj2925 · 2015-07-28T22:28:14+00:00

A good reason is certainly, that the typical nice guy believe in the social conditioning which has been thrown upon him and that the women who chooses the assholes, so to speak are just confused and that they someday will realize this and then be running straight into his arms with deep love and apreciation for his niceness. People believe in things, even though it seems silly to a person who don't with good reason.

RealRational · 2015-07-28T23:06:19+00:00

You forget, by staunchly remaining a niceguy they are "fighting the good fight". We call them White Knights for a reason.

They honestly believe they can change the world, in this case human nature, by leading by example. This is the lie Feminism has force fed them. "It's only a matter of time before everyone starts thinking this way."

Now, you might now wonder "well, wont' they start to realize the only things that are changing help women and hurt men?". The answer is no, no they will not. Because women are still up on the pedestal and will be given EVERY benefit of EVERY doubt no matter how absurd.

Make no mistake, guys have a hamster too and when it's being coddled by feminist lies it's nearly impossible to get it to leave it's comfy little cage.

Ifuckinglovepron · 2015-07-29T01:44:19+00:00

Oh, plenty do change, badly. They become unlikeable douchebags and fail again, then say fuck it and go back to their old habits. The bitterness has to be overcome.

Entershikari · 2015-07-29T04:01:01+00:00

You're in the anger phase against nice guys because you were a former one, or their actions remind you of yours in the past.

Move on

chronosthetitan · 2015-07-29T08:11:36+00:00

i have the exact opposite thing as you, i was innately alpha and good with women my whole life before a bad relationship that led me to this site. i get infuriated when i see a beta out do me, especially when i know they value and skills are complete shit. but some women prefer pussies that are yes men, that they can control.

iamanalterror · 2015-07-29T08:44:15+00:00

You get shamed by everyone for being an asshole though.

That, or you think to yourself that you don't know how to be an asshole without looking just like an angry sperglord.

Source: myself pre-red pill

anitapk · 2015-07-30T08:41:04+00:00

Women "reward" (with words) nice guy behaviours because it is the exact opposite of abundance mentality leaving the man desperate for pussy. A man desperate for pussy will believe the "wrong women fallacy" - if women don't love me for who I am and prefer asshole jocks they are too superficial and stupid anyway and the "redemption" phase women go through when at 28 when the baby clock is ticking they realise they liked nice guys all along.

Nice guys completely deprived of female interactions will pedestalise the post wall woman and not expect too much sex out of respect. She will be happy to keep sex from him because she isn't attracted to him anyway and it will be an even bigger motivator to do what she says.

It's a win win situation for women.

Edit: win win for the cc riders who want to have it all except being happy

40_SixandTwo · 2015-07-29T15:54:20+00:00

I had this discussion with some friends last night, because one of my buddies is having some severe nice guy problems. I don't think it's about being an asshole, but more about having a spine and not being a door mat.

My buddy was telling me about this girl he's been more or less orbiting, and he claimed to have asked her why she isn't interested in nice men, after she claimed that she makes bad choices in men. Her response was "Because the nice guys don't have the confidence to talk to me."

Dont-Blow-My-High · 2015-07-30T01:38:42+00:00

FFS nice guys aren't the problem the problem is nice guys who have nothing else going for them other than being a nice guy.

Valhalla_Man · 2015-07-28T22:21:51+00:00

I used to complain. I'm 6'4" and a Chad in appearance. Beta mindset cost me until I discovered TRP. I have 4 plates now and I am continuiusly cycling out the least attractive ones... and they all know I'm not exclusive. What a change. Thanks guys

SoullessTechnocrat · 2015-07-29T09:54:18+00:00

We hate you too man, don't worry. We hate you guys just as much as you hate us. I just refuse to act like that because vagina isn't that important to me to compromise my moral integrity. I refuse to WK and defend women; but I refuse to also apply any RP shit and engage with them either.

I hate the universe enough already; and myself even more for simply existing. I don't want to add to that with all of the plate spinning degeneracy.

Title	Seeing Nice Guys Frustrates Me [Vent]
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	94
Comments	116
Date	July 28, 2015 6:42 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/3exibx/seeing_nice_guys_frustrates_me_vent/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/seeing-nice-guys-frustrates-me-vent.35062 https://theredarchive.com/post/35062

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