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Second thoughts on commitment

by Nostas01 | March 24, 2020 | askMRP

17 upvotes

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Long story short, me (25M) and my 5 years LTR (24F) are planning to move together, we are buying an apartment for ourselves. Im having serious second thoughts, sex is by no means great, shes great (have really good morals, i was her first man, strong family values) she recently gained weight (20lbs) and sexually I'm losing interest. I don't want to break her heart if i say I'm no ready for moving to the next step because it would mean to break up. But also i have this urge to talk to every nice chic i ran into (several have flirted with me but i blew them off). Please help!! What have you done in this cases?

Edit 27.03:

Thanks a lot for your responses. I cleared my mind, had some days off of everything and realized what I already knew, that i have to be true to myself and man the hell up with my live. The truth is that i wasn't afraid to take the commitment, i do not buy by the idea that "she's the one", but i do think that she is wife material. I talked to her once i set my mental house in order with What i wanted for my life. That was a relief for me and her, i could see. I realized as another member here told, that she was following my beta behaviors. I told her about my discomfort with her laziness and she started working out every single day since i told her. I also start working out twice a day, restart learning to play the guitar and finish to read a book i left unfinished.

Thank you all!


Post Information
Title Second thoughts on commitment
Author Nostas01
Upvotes 17
Comments 37
Date 24 March 2020 02:38 AM UTC (3 months ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/357311
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/fnxcpr/second_thoughts_on_commitment/
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Comments

[–]AlohaMaui80841 points42 points  (2 children) | Copy

sexually I'm losing interest. I don't want to break her heart

This is all that matters with your post, plus

i have this urge to talk to every nice chic i ran into (several have flirted with me

Your problem is you have no purpose, you have no balls, and you seek external validation instead of being your own judge.

Your girl knows all of this instinctively and so she knows subconsciously that she doesn't need to keep her weight down and she doesn't have to make an effort with you for sex.

Basically the problem is you. You are a low value man.

Start with Steele's Guide in the r/Marriedredpill subreddit. And don't marry this girl no matter what happens. You aren't ready and you'll regret it later.

Read. Lift. STFU.

[–]Nostas01[S] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Thanks, I will!

[–]SailorAground2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Also, don't move in together. You are ready to live under the same roof as a woman. Plus, if you live in a common law marriage state, you may be seeing yourself up for heartache later on.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret27 points28 points  (1 child) | Copy

I think your relationship will be fantastic if you continue to live in fear of a hurting a girl who you are losing interest in.

That's definitely the path to being a man.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your sarcasm is palpable.

It is also true.

I would wager a man cant be a man until he does this.

See my “Divorce brings it full circle” post.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret19 points20 points  (1 child) | Copy

Maybe you just haven't figured out her love language yet.

[–]z96084915 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like it is Frappuccinos

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Why would you take the next step with someone you are losing sexual interest in She’s already packing on pounds because she’s so confident she has her beta boy locked in. Imagine how her weight would balloon once you move in together. Oh yeah, then, she’ll lock you into the next step again.... marriage

As Michael Caine says in Inception “Come back to reality.” No seriously, you need a reality check.

You have to do what’s right for you long term or you will end up just another blue pill AFC. You already are actually, but you have a chance to change it .

The first step is drawing the line and saying you don’t want to move in (because you clearly don’t). You have to decide what is going to make you happy. Find a mission. Read the entire sidebar, and draw a line on the moving in together... then STFU. Stay firm.

I already know you don’t have the balls to do it, but you’ll remember my words 2 years from now when she accidentally gets preggo, and then you’re really locked in, even if it’s just as a partial custody father.

Come back to reality .

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Breaking hearts sucks. Trust me I know.

Better to break hers, than yours.

Do not follow my footsteps.

[–]SepeanRed Beret6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

The main problem here is that you are not alpha. Alpha up, man. You will get rolled over forever, with any girl, if you stay who you are. You need to change.

The second problem is that at 24 she’s already put on 20lbs. Don’t engage with a girl who is already struggling with her weight if that matters to you.

[–]wkndatbernardus2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly. Is it possible she'll go on a health kick and stay trim and fit for the rest of her life? Yes. Is it probable? Hellz no. I've never met a female fatty that became thin and stayed that way long-term. Not one effing time.

[–]Cl_ARK6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

On behalf of the internet, I bestow upon you permission to leave her.

[–]wkndatbernardus5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

If you're buying the lingerie department, full speed ahead. If not, dump and move on. You need to listen to yourself because you clearly don't want to be married or in a cohabitation relationship with her.

[–]AlohaMaui8085 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

At the rate she's packing on pounds, he'd have to buy the whole department to keep her in silk for a year. Growing like a newborn

[–]ImplodedVeggies-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Like a newborn, love it

[–]screechhaterRed Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Read the sidebar.

Lift.

Read the sidebar.

All of our answers are the same. We have done the work. You, apparently have not.

You are seriously hiding behind the fear of hurting her feelz vs going after what you want, and you are definitely here asking for advice, because you don’t know what you want

[–]tightsleeves5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Have you read any of the books? Mostly 'no more mr nice guy" or rational male... or book of pook??

You seem to be operating in the 'don't want to hurt others feelings' instead of "what do I want in life"

[–]fannyfire4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

What’s humorous is how you think you can walk away from her and then start talking to new women. Your woman wasn’t always this way. She got that way because she was with a lazy faggot who wasn’t worth losing. You can dodge this bullet but there’s another one with your name on it.

You know what my wife tells her fat friends? She tells them that she has to watch her weight because she’s afraid I will leave her. Do you know why she is afraid I will leave her? Because I told her I find fat women disgusting. Do you know why she watches her weight? Because she perceives me to be a high value man. Everything falls back on perception.

Your LTR perceives you as a faggot and has adjusted her lifestyle to suit herself. Sex sucks because you suck. You’re uninterested in the relationship because you don’t care about yourself. You’re too busy looking at other women when you should be taking a chisel and cutting away the fat that is fucking your life. Nobody here is going to tell you that they’ve been in your situation. While your exact circumstances may be unique, the solution is not.

Quit being a faggot.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

I was her first man

That's what she thought too.

[–]qwertyuiop1112224 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

we are buying a department for ourselves

OP seems Spanish. He means apartment.

[–]RP_PO8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Frame crosses language barriers, and he has none.

[–]Nostas01[S] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah, sorry for that

[–]qwertyuiop1112227 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

No apologies needed, homie - you speak two languages better than most of us can speak in one.

Hope you get the advice you need!

[–]Over60_FireTempered3Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Get serious with reading and studying "No More Mr Nice Guy". It's all there. You are a classic "nice guy that won't get his needs met". Yes, the problem is you.

[–]Tyred_Biggums1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

LTR, bad sex, and she's getting fat?

Not sure what there is to think about. Yeah you care for her and it will hurt her... but you have to first and foremost worry about your happiness. Always.

[–]financial-yogurt1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You have no obligation towards any "girlfriend." Dump her, but before you move on, take the advice most people here are suggesting: read, lift, STFU.

[–]laughing_sal_gal1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Drink some soy beverages. Really though, give the relationship some space. WHY would you simultaneously lock in and exit behavior at the same time? Sounds messy because it it. Do not move in with somebody you're not sure of, for any reason. When you move in with a lover, you become bound in many ways, even if it's not a it's not a legal marriage. It's much harder to extricate yourself once you're locked down.

Your first priority is being true and taking care of yourself. You don't need to completely break up with her but take a big step back; it could be a deeper commitment fear, too. Tell her that you're just not sure. And keep the communication open. Decide finally, within a month or two. You may feel like you want to move in or you still want to be exclusive, but don't keep her on the line. She may bail upon this, or at any point, too. Why haven't you talked to her about her weight or living together? You should talk to her about her weight gain, not avoid it. Be upfront and honest about everything. Get it all out on the table. Of course she's gonna be upset but that's what happens in the grown up lives we're living. She's be more upset if you moved in together and bailed upon realizing you absolutely can't do this.

[–]Nostas01[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks a lot for the way you response was focus on. It truly helped me a lot.!!

[–]vabab83 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

What are you doing. Read Rollo Tomassi's post on the Rational male web site. In one of his articles he tells you to never live together.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

sex is by no means great,

I stopped reading here.

[–]part_wolf0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

You're afraid of the financial decision around the apartment, or of staying tied down to her? Or both?

[–]Nostas01[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I have a good paying job and can afford all the expenses by myself (doesn't mean i would), mostly staying tied down..

[–]part_wolf0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Tell her you want to see other people.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This diet plan is undefeated

[–]HeckleandChide0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

How well are you leading?

Chances are you are a shitty leader and she is just following your lead. That’s actually good to a degree because it shows she is willing to follow. It’s also bad because weight gain and lousy sex are apparently ok with her.

Regardless of what you choose, you need to fix you. Otherwise the quality of the girl won’t matter.

[–]NeoTheJuanDJ0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You’re scared to be alone. You’re scared to be alone because you have no options. You have no options because you have no frame and no purpose. You have no purpose or frame because it’s easier to follow the comforts of her frame because then you don’t have to carry that responsibility yourself, and you made placating to her emotions into your purpose. She knows she owns you. She can gain 20lbs and she knows you won’t say shit. She has her red flags, but you don’t have the frame (currently) nor will you any time soon. This will take time. I would advise nuking and aborting. It’s over. You’re not married, no kids, not even cohabitating, make a clean cut and leave. Spend the next few months reading the sidebar, lifting, and stfu. Learn game and spin plates. Learn from this experience. Become interesting and build value. Most importantly, do what you want to do. It’s your life, you’re in control. Aren’t you?

[–]RStonePT0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I love these, they are so cliche.

My girl is great

Describes how she is not great in anything that matters to me, but is great in things I don't give a shit about.

I don't want to break her heart

If only there were a book that could describe how to avoid feeling guilty when you say no that could illuminate you on all the psychological fuckups you've been doing your whole life and provide a way to fix this.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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