Getting Over Her

Tl:Dr She wasn't the one, ghost her and get busy. The urge to reconnect will happen, write her a letter then never send it. Fill the vacuum created by her loss with positive activities.

I got lucky. There was no possible way of communication. Burned my phone, deleted my Facebook, she blocked me anyways. My location: a million miles from home. Her name is so unique, to this day, I've never heard it reference anyone else. This woman was literally trying to "ruin my life", funny thing was, I couldn't get her out of my head. I saw her in my dreams. I wanted to know how she was, what she was doing, most of all, I wanted to know she was alright. The woman was trying to ruin me and I was worried about her well being. Pathetic.

It was only natural for my energy to be stuck on her. I loved her, we lived together, we had spent everyday for the better part of a year together. I had spent the last few month dedicating all of my time and energy on her, not us, but her. Now she was gone. Maybe you're not as stuck on her as I was, maybe she's just a one night stand that tugged at your heart strings a little more than you wanted. It doesn't matter, any and all relationships require an investment of time and posses an exchange of energy. She leached an extraordinary amount of time and energy of mine. When I vanished, I lost my life: my friends, my family, my hobbies, my job, and her. I had no outlets. I had nothing. I'd been so focused on her, it was only natural that's where my mind drifted.

Hopefully you aren't as destroyed as I was. On my ride to nowhere, there was a pit stop at a Walmart. In the cart of supplies I gathered, there was a note book and a pack of pens. Items I hadn't purchased since high school. I began to write about my days, and surprise surprise, she inhabits almost every entry for the first 10 days. After that I began to write and explore other topics. Too many times, when something was stuck on my mind, putting pen to pad elevated me of the thought. Keeping a journal is something I'd recommend to anyone going through a tough time or for life in general. Having thoughts you can read and reflect on days, weeks, even years later, let you look at your mindset and how you handled the situation. No guessing, no leaving it up to memory. My early days are filled with cringe worthy and laughable complaints, thoughts regarding her and the situation she left me in but there's a picture of progress if you read it start to end.

In those early days I felt I had so much left unsaid, so much she didn't get to hear. I couldn't talk to her, short of making another Facebook, hoping she wouldn't block me, I had no means. It's was important to keep distance as not to get wrapped back in. I've screamed, "I'm done with you bitch!", too many times, only to be seduced by feminine sexuality and a puppy dog eyed apology. Instead, I began writing letters addressed to her. Intentions were to send them, or at least talk about the content when we could sit down face to face. That never happened. Realistically it never could have happened because she'll always be the victim, it'll always be my fault. My biggest mistake, putting up with it for far to long. They're saved with my journals are a list of my complaints, all the shit she did wrong. Now when I read it, I see my own short comings. Never once have I thought to bring up any of what's written up, actually I'm glad I never communicated any of it at all.* It was important to maintain radio silence.

I mentioned earlier relationships take an investment of time and energy, meaning, when one ends you have chunk of free time and energy that needs relocating. I've always like to think of women like a drug, they're a habit. The best way for me to break any type of habit is replacing it with another one. I started to journal. Backpacking with my best friend came up as something I'd like to do as soon as I got back. I was lost in God's country, me and my dog started spending hours walking random trails in the Northern Pines Forests. I started to stretch every morning. I learned to cook. I filled my time, spent my energy on everything but her. I couldn't think straight with a heart beat of 95, gasping for air. My reality doesn't exist lost in a book. Devoting the time in other areas of my life kept me from focusing on my past. It helped me get over her and now it helps keep my focus off of women.

There's never been much of a difference in my life between heroin and a heroine. Cut communication, don't give her a reason. Don't give her that chance to pull you back in. The urge to communicate, to explain yourself, even to check on her is natural, write a letter instead. Fill the void created by her departure with positive habits to stem off falling hard again. Replace her with video games and the next one will be complaining about your PS4 in a couple of months. While she's out there loving someone else to get over you, you should be building yourself into somebody you can love.

*The book How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carrnegie, he talk about Abraham Lincoln writing scathing letters to associates he was upset with to blow of steam, then never sending them.