Tl:Dr She wasn't the one, ghost her and get busy. The urge to reconnect will happen, write her a letter then never send it. Fill the vacuum created by her loss with positive activities.
I got lucky. There was no possible way of communication. Burned my phone, deleted my Facebook, she blocked me anyways. My location: a million miles from home. Her name is so unique, to this day, I've never heard it reference anyone else. This woman was literally trying to "ruin my life", funny thing was, I couldn't get her out of my head. I saw her in my dreams. I wanted to know how she was, what she was doing, most of all, I wanted to know she was alright. The woman was trying to ruin me and I was worried about her well being. Pathetic.
It was only natural for my energy to be stuck on her. I loved her, we lived together, we had spent everyday for the better part of a year together. I had spent the last few month dedicating all of my time and energy on her, not us, but her. Now she was gone. Maybe you're not as stuck on her as I was, maybe she's just a one night stand that tugged at your heart strings a little more than you wanted. It doesn't matter, any and all relationships require an investment of time and posses an exchange of energy. She leached an extraordinary amount of time and energy of mine. When I vanished, I lost my life: my friends, my family, my hobbies, my job, and her. I had no outlets. I had nothing. I'd been so focused on her, it was only natural that's where my mind drifted.
Hopefully you aren't as destroyed as I was. On my ride to nowhere, there was a pit stop at a Walmart. In the cart of supplies I gathered, there was a note book and a pack of pens. Items I hadn't purchased since high school. I began to write about my days, and surprise surprise, she inhabits almost every entry for the first 10 days. After that I began to write and explore other topics. Too many times, when something was stuck on my mind, putting pen to pad elevated me of the thought. Keeping a journal is something I'd recommend to anyone going through a tough time or for life in general. Having thoughts you can read and reflect on days, weeks, even years later, let you look at your mindset and how you handled the situation. No guessing, no leaving it up to memory. My early days are filled with cringe worthy and laughable complaints, thoughts regarding her and the situation she left me in but there's a picture of progress if you read it start to end.
In those early days I felt I had so much left unsaid, so much she didn't get to hear. I couldn't talk to her, short of making another Facebook, hoping she wouldn't block me, I had no means. It's was important to keep distance as not to get wrapped back in. I've screamed, "I'm done with you bitch!", too many times, only to be seduced by feminine sexuality and a puppy dog eyed apology. Instead, I began writing letters addressed to her. Intentions were to send them, or at least talk about the content when we could sit down face to face. That never happened. Realistically it never could have happened because she'll always be the victim, it'll always be my fault. My biggest mistake, putting up with it for far to long. They're saved with my journals are a list of my complaints, all the shit she did wrong. Now when I read it, I see my own short comings. Never once have I thought to bring up any of what's written up, actually I'm glad I never communicated any of it at all.* It was important to maintain radio silence.
I mentioned earlier relationships take an investment of time and energy, meaning, when one ends you have chunk of free time and energy that needs relocating. I've always like to think of women like a drug, they're a habit. The best way for me to break any type of habit is replacing it with another one. I started to journal. Backpacking with my best friend came up as something I'd like to do as soon as I got back. I was lost in God's country, me and my dog started spending hours walking random trails in the Northern Pines Forests. I started to stretch every morning. I learned to cook. I filled my time, spent my energy on everything but her. I couldn't think straight with a heart beat of 95, gasping for air. My reality doesn't exist lost in a book. Devoting the time in other areas of my life kept me from focusing on my past. It helped me get over her and now it helps keep my focus off of women.
There's never been much of a difference in my life between heroin and a heroine. Cut communication, don't give her a reason. Don't give her that chance to pull you back in. The urge to communicate, to explain yourself, even to check on her is natural, write a letter instead. Fill the void created by her departure with positive habits to stem off falling hard again. Replace her with video games and the next one will be complaining about your PS4 in a couple of months. While she's out there loving someone else to get over you, you should be building yourself into somebody you can love.
*The book How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carrnegie, he talk about Abraham Lincoln writing scathing letters to associates he was upset with to blow of steam, then never sending them.
Women have a far easier time moving on; their energy is feminine and receptive. If they see a guy they even remotely like, even if they don’t feel like talking to him, they’ll accept his advances and quickly forget about you.
Men are different. Masculine energy goes outward and expands, so abundance has to be created, not received. But guys in a rut have no desire to go out after heartbreak, so it takes significantly longer to move on.
The solution? Men have to force themselves to go out and meet new women. You really won’t want to. Your heart won’t be in it. But eventually, out of the dozens of bad nights of you going out and chatting up new girls, you’ll meet one that fits your tastes, or you’ll find a surprising new flavor you never thought you would like.
This happened to me after a breakup last year. Met a girl on the dance floor and the chemistry was instant. It was like our bodies glowed the more we embraced. Mind you, I still had feelings for my ex at the time. But the new girl became the iconic person to remind me I still had the capacity to have chemistry with someone new.
Remember: you are the vessel in which love blooms, and this love can bloom with anyone. Without you, there is no relationship.
See also the War Brides dynamic. Namely, it would make sense from an evolutionary perspective, that women would have been endowed with a capability to switch their affection to a different man on the spot. And it also follows my experience (and that of every man on earth). Whether it's ex GFs, or female friends who broke up with someone, the speed at which they can forget a man for another is astonishing.
This should also remind us that when our GF switch has nothing to do with us, it doesn't mean we weren't valuable, it is just how they are build. I'm far from being unplugged, I recently broke up with a woman I don't even remotely like but I still suffer. I know she will switch and this makes me feel sad because I've attached my value to her. God, my journey to TRP is fucking long
If she can move on, without revealing to you utter misery, you don't want her. It indicates that she is a hoe.
I'm sorry, could you please rephrase your comment?.. I'm afraid i can get you wrong. Do you mean, if she doesnt feels upset after break up it means she didnt value you/relationship and she is probably a hoe?
I was in situation, when we broke up with GF, and shortly after that, while i was hugely suffering, she activited and start travelling, visiting all places, we wanted to visit together by her own. With daily sharing full of happiness photos in her instagram :/
Yes.
If a woman isn’t utterly destroyed by the thought of life without you, and having to sleep with another man- then she didn’t bond with you during sex. A woman who wants to sleep with more than one man during her lifetime, is a slut.
She is clear misery, she can't let me go... but this won't change the things, girls will have easier time than us, getting over a break up. I have to accept this and really it isn't related to me.
But worth it
from my experience, it's a dozen days max
it sucks because I still miss my ex even though I've got with tons of girls in the past few months.
But objectively she wouldn't have made a good mother and she was annoying. Also her dad has M.S. which sucks. My biggest fear was what that would do to her if he passed away in the next few years. Also was afraid that she would develop the disease herself.
The reason is because they check out long before the relationship actually ends.
Did you read the article I linked?
Women are much better at transference, and they can transfer the feelings they have for one man onto the next man, and quickly plug whatever emotional or mental holes existed. Her narrative and identity quickly gets patched, and the status quo for her rolls onwards
Nature has endowed each animal with the tools needed for their survival. Evolution is a beautiful cold efficient machine.
I know most think celebrity relationships are stupid but most recently look at Mary Winstead, left her husband of 7 years for Ewan fucking McGregor in the span of 8 months!
Depends, some girl's don't ever forget "him"
Girls get alpha-widowed only if they can't find more alpha. But because dick is abundant in this world, it'll be difficult for any man to be the highest alpha a girl will ever meet.
She may not be able to forget "him"... but the moment she finally find "better" than "him", she will forget. And fast.
Women are much more time limited than men are. Women had to be able to move on quickly; it raised their survival chances.
Solid post, but I think it bands the wound while we should focusing on the root cause: putting the girl on the pedestal. If you have a life worth living and if you understand the girls are a nice thing to add, not to live for, things comes off naturally. I've recently broke up with a woman, and believe me, I got many options right now and I meet new girls very very often, but right now I don't care about them. I even tried to get laid, I've made a 3some actually, but I wasn't excited, my head was completely lost in my thoughts. So meet other girls will help temporarly, but you have to focus on yourself, so in the future you won't suffer that much that you have to force yourself out to meet new girls. Simply, you won't have that urge... obv this is pure theory, because in reality I'm in a real pain right now
I feel that man. It helps to go get other girls but your game is all off. So the girls you do get aren't quite at the right teri. I've noticed that when I find the best girls (LTR worthy) I'm not even looking.
For that reason I'm going to try to go Monk Mode in April and May. Really looking forward to summer and showing off my better beach body
I'll add to this. Everytime I thought I couldn't do better than my ex, I did by a long shot.
There are better women out there then your ex. I remember two years ago I thought my ex was everything, bitch had a good job, her own place, nice size social circle, was active in rec league sports and had both her parents in her life. I thought I hit the jackpot, until shit hit the fan.
Then I realized a few months later after we split that none of that shit was really anything special and I met quite a few women who topped her in all of that stuff.
. I’m like a fucking goldfish when it comes to women and relationships. I’ve ghosted multiple LTR’s. They’ve tried to show up at my house, my business, and even have their new fuckbuddies call me and try to “threaten” me. It’s pathetic. Repeat after me: “shes not yours, it’s just your turn”
If you are having a hard time getting over a chick, think of all the fucked up shit shes done. All those stories you cringed at. The obnoxious shit that pissed you off. The time you saw her without makeup, the times you saw her at her worst. Remember that — “but if u cant deal with her at her worst then u shuldnt deal with her at all” - this is some made up fucking pandering bullshit. You don’t need to put up with any shit. No reindeer games.
Remember to block her from absolutely everyfuckingthing and if shes friends with your close friends on social media, have them block her too. Women are fucking attention whores, ive banged chicks who would unknowingly snap selfies of us and post them on snapchat to make their exes/orbiters jealous. If you ghost them they will WANT your friends to tell you about their new dude. I had a friend who had an ex that dated a drop out drug dealer who lived with his parents and the ex tried to make him jealous with snapchats with him... LMAO. They’ll fucking try it. They want to show you they “upgraded” — even if its weeks/months later.
SOME women get over ex’s quickly, SOME don’t, you will have no clue either way since the bitch will be blocked from living the good life with you. From watching friends exes rebound, it’s usually the first fucking idiot who shows them any sort of attention. It could be chad thundercock, but it’s most likely going to be billy beta. It’ll be a quick relationship, possibly a one night stand. NOTE: banging chicks on the rebound can be legit, just don’t try to wife her up lmfao! It’s almost always a downgrade, to the first man with a hard dick. It’s a cleansing ritual for them, they do it because they’re scared and insecure.
Swingers is mandatory TRP viewing. That movie is downright painful to watch in places, but it's so spot on.
I been on this same situation 2 years ago, my 11 years of relationship gone the worst thing posible caugh her cheating; giving all my time my energy just like what you did, no outlet just her my happiness depends on her, i found this sub and learn, now i understand how the world works, after two years i got my confidence back never been shreded in my life, i enjoy being alone now travelling with my friends getting new hobbies, having my own business my groming and fashion has never been good, i excel in my job, i also meet new girls from travelling, i translate TRP as enjoy life don't let stupid things let you down for long, move !!
I would say truly internalizing, "she's not yours, it's just your turn" helps tremendously.
TLDR: Attractive women have a 98.9999% chance in fucking whoever they want
Also remember love doesn't exist. No need to explain something as trivial as relationship with another human with idealized and idolizing abstract concepts.
Women love what they respect and can use for personal gain at the moment. Men can love unconditionally. When a women says I love you, just add "right now" and you'll begin to understand women
No, they can't. Simple evolution based biology dictates that there is no non-conditional relationships. It's always an exchange.
When a man says "I love you" just add "and I want you not to fuck other men" and you'll begin to understand that "love" is simply how your cognitive mind interprets the primitive's brain desire to procreate.
Drop the BP idealization of men, just because you don't see a condition doesn't mean it's not there.
Love exists, love appears and love disappears but with no real cause, when you look deeper. I think you could say in every action of humans there is self-love, you always love yourself.
But you´re right, there is no "real" love between humans.
Sure, what is it and what evidence do you have for it?
Oh, love is as real as it gets.
Martyrs refusing to recant their love of God, under threat of profound, expert torture.
Marines risking their lives to recover the cold dead bodies of their beloved brothers, so they can be interred with respect instead of defiled.
Fathers going after the creeps who molested their kids.
These new ECs are weird as fuck. The point of this sub is to love yourself (self-improvement, mastery, wealth accumulation), and reflect that outward. Into your relationships - all of them. Into your job - if you can. Into a woman - with your penis. Simple.
It´s the love of yourself. Maybe also unconditional love of what is at the moment, otherwise this Moment wouldn´t be here.
It´s just Logical thinking, but you´re right i have no scientific "evidence" for it. What is the difference between me speaking and a dog barking? It is only a Sound we have to interprete and there is no "real" truth i could ever speak about.
The fact that we throw the word around for so many things, tells you it's bullshit. For the vast majority of situations, you are experiencing a measured combination of two things: lust and comfort. How do these apply to people? Let's look at two obvious examples:
You "love" your wife of 50 years? Hopefully it started out at 99% lust and 1% comfort and slowly transformed over the years to 98% lust and 2% comfort. Unfortunately, the reality is it is far more likely to be the opposite after a while.
You love your mum Traditionally, this would be 100% comfort, but I know some of you are sick, dirty little monkeys. Stop sniffing her panties while she is our buying Cheetos for you.
The only unconditional love is a parent's love for their child, if one is so fortunate enough to experience it. All other love is transactional.
But love certainly exists. Love is when you put someone else ahead of you. Love is when you put aside your pride. Love is when you protect, when you trust, when you hope, when you persevere, for a better future together.
It is truly unfortunate that in this world, you seldom see this kind of love from a woman. More often, it is how a man loves a woman.
why can't it be from a father to his child?
This described my situation perfectly. Thank you for sharing.
Man I just had a breakup, and have some buddies offering to take me out this weekend. I said no as the last thing I want to do is go out to meet girls but you're absolutely right and I need to force it. Thank you for this comment.
You absolutely should go. You’ll feel just as bad staying at home with your thoughts, if not worse. Going out, you’ll at least have the minuscule chance of feeling better. Plenty of ass and tits to keep you distracted, even if it’s just for a few hours.
I needed this thanks buddy.
What if the woman is an alpha widow?
Baskin-Robbins, 31 fucking flavors of life. Should be a book.
Quit giving the media such blatant misogynistic quotes that make us look bad.
I don't why they downvote you, that was a pretty funny comment tbh
Christ I can't up-vote this enough. If anyone ever needed persuasion to self-improve, it's right here.
Nice too about the letter writing, I'm going to try it out tomorrow after my errands.
This hits too close to home. The part where she's ruining you but stays constantly in your head. Thing is you sometimes can't bring yourself to change, lack motivation. Just gotta tell yourself fuck it, let's go, just one time. After the change starts everything will snowball from there. Best post on here in a while. Putting pen to paper works wonders with many troubles a person can face.
Upvote for relevant gateway content into TRP, because that's the condition of many a guy that shows up here -- fresh out of a marriage or LTR, wounded as hell, looking another reason to exist because their last one just walked out (with his kids in tow, and preparing his asshole for the initial thrust of a financial divorce-rape).
When you're in those first baby steps out of that previous life, the connection between your physical body, your mind and soul is paramount and can't be ignored. One can't change without the others being affected. That's why you lost weight when your wife took off, that's why you started feeling better about your life after you began trail running every afternoon after work (even though you're running because you can't stand to sit around in your empty cathedral of a house), it's why your sleep improved and your dark moods settled down after you started investing in yourself again and re-building your understanding of how life actually works.
... (I might be talking to myself here) ...
It's not wrong to hurt after losing something you thought was going to last forever. It's also not wrong to be pissed off at the world after you discovered that it was never real to begin with. But don't miss the opportunity to journal, and think deeply about the new truths you've just discovered about life. Weigh them, reflect on them ... and then accept them and run with them. Don't stubbornly avoid them -- that's how you stunt your emotional growth and stay a child.
Address your pain, accept and embrace AWALT, get over her and by extension all women, become the man that you have the potential to become.
Yes. Divorce can unilaterally fuck up a man's life almost beyond repair. It is when the many younger men on TRP confuse a "break-up" with a divorce, that I tend to lose interest in these forums. Divorce is often times a 'life destruction' in all measures that define the very essence of a "man".
Marriage is everything the TRP is not....it is the most blue-pilled decision in life. One must step off the very pillar that supports their life (oneself) to another (marriage) only to have the latter's foundation destroyed, while trying to rebuild the former with little to no materials (divorce rape).
The Red Pill may explain the machinations of it all (symptom), but MGTOW saves lives. And I write this 5 minutes after fucking my [newsest] ladyfriend....
AWALT, AWALT, AWALT!
Got dumped on my birthday recently by my very first woman after 4 and a half years of very close relationship. We were best friends, before the relationship, and I believed in it during the relationship also.
Six months into the relationship I found out about all the cheating, whoring, one night stands, talking with Chads about me before and after fucking them, got a couple of STDs too. Went crazy for a month, then forgave her and took her back. She was my first one, after all, I kept saying to myself. It's gotta work out, we love each other so much. She's not like that, not my girl! Yeah right. Four years later, once again, broken. No friends, left school cause of her, lost two jobs a week before the breakup because of all the stress and drama we had.
Found a tree where we kissed for the first time. Tried to hang myself. Didn't work out.
Swallowed the bitter red pill. Went through the angry phase, mostly.
I've got an old and faithful dog, and she is the world to me now. I spend much more time with her, walking and fooling around. She's old and has a lot of health issues, but I pray every day that she lives long. At least a couple of years more. She's the only one that I will ever love and attach myself to.
A plate tried to mess with my head a couple of days ago. Invited me out to drinks, played with me. I saw it for what it was. Wasn't impressed. Didn't fuck. Still had a great time.
Ex texted the same night. Didn't give a damn, for the first time since I met her, now almost 5 years ago.
You've got one life. If you want a love of your life, get a dog, seriously. They will love you no matter how many shit tests you fail.
Everything else is just a power play between a man and a woman. It will never be about love, but power over each other.
Everyone goes through this to experience TRP. You probably had it way worse than me, but i was on the opposite end. The girl cheated on her boyfriend with me, and no matter how good of a dick/me i gave her, she still stayed with her bf for the sole fact that he’s going to be a doctor.
Now i don’t really care if a girl stays with me or not. I don’t care if i mess it up or not. I don’t care if i make mistakes with a girl or not. I live my life without stressing over women. If they want to be a part of my life while i do me, so be it. If not, they can go find someone else.
Didn't want to make my first message any longer, but yeah she was cheating her boyfriend too with me too. I didn't know, she didn't tell me that she had a boyfriend for six months, and when I found out it was too late to unplug. I was too deep into it, with no experience or knowledge to get out of it. She was cheating him with me and a couple of other guys while telling me that she is with me and nobody else.
I had a chance to call her out and destroy her, her self-confidence, her reputation, everything. But instead, I made a fool of myself and tried to "win" her over, to convert a party girl to an honest woman. What I thought was love and warmth from her, was just her ways to manipulate me and I was stupid and horny enough to fall for it.
It sucks, but yeah you get over it eventually.
Girls tell me that I'm a dick so often now, I guess lots of us get that reputation after unplugging. They ask for me to pay their drinks, they ask for a cigarette, for a ride home, they show me their sexy pictures from two years ago when they still weren't fat as fuck and expect compliments from me. And offer only a fake smile in return. When you say no, they unleash the kraken, start talking how I'm a dick to girls and I'm not a nice guy anymore, etc.
They're so funny to watch when they put away their personas and start acting bitchy and manipulative like they are. "You are entitled to nothing" usually stops the confrontation and they go away to the next victim/blue-piller.
I've had a new prospect (met that night at a party) ask me to pay their food. Hell no. I guess there are enough other rubes who do it - so it won't ever stop.
Usually it's an excuse. They actually don't want a cigarette. Just start talking about something else. It's like "what time is it", "where are you from" etc. If a women starts, it's most probably with those phrases.
I can up that: for me to get something from my home alone and return to the venue. I asked them to come over to my place - didn't want to come with me. That's what I thought.
When they start saying that then you know you are doing something right.
It's great to witness. The "oh you're such a dick / weird / gay" etc. Feels bad being found out huh?
Dude please do not try to kill yourself, ever again. You have no idea how happy that would make your ex-girlfriend. It's the female equivalent, of when we get to deflower a virgin.
Anyone out there planning a suicide- who has the method, timing, and outcome planned out- first, write down the phrase "I want to kill myself. Please help me!" on the back of an envelope. Go to the emergency room and hand the paper to the person at the desk, and sit down. You're not alone.
Whoever feels what I and many of others felt, should definitely ask for help, either professional or from family and friends. Definitely professional if you can afford it. There's no shame in it, and the stakes are much too high to play with it.
Find something or someone in your life who depends on you, we all have someone in our lives who's life would be impacted by it. For me it was my dog, for others, it might be family, a friend, a job, something, anything. Keep on fighting for that reason, and with time, try to learn loving the fight, the struggle, the constant need for improvement and adapting to situations. It will make you stronger. Embrace the game, not the seduction game but life as a game. Embrace it with all its challenges and fluctuations. And never give up fighting for yourself.
Do you have any advice on how to find help if you can't afford it?
If you're in the us Call 1-800-273-8255 Available 24 hours everyday
I wish you well man. Be strong 😁. I'll be out here rooting for you.
I couldn't pay for it. I asked around some friends, found one who used to study Psychology (didn't graduate, unfortunately, dropped our recently) and he somehow managed to get a number from a guy who does some pro bono work.
There is always someone who knows someone or knows where to find some info.
Other than that, reading TRP helped me a lot, maybe not with my thought about ending everything, but with accepting things as they are. I know it's not professional help and that it cannot replace it, but it brings me calm to know that others go through the same issues and challenges as I am.
A church, talk to a priest someone who will listen with empathy, a very kind and passionate friend. What country are you in?
Jesus Christ. She cheated that early in and you stayed that long. Damn dude, no words really. My short term ex did similar stuff, but I reset, reframed, gained her loyalty, then wrecked her. Probably wouldn't have done it, but she was ten years younger and made a point of bragging how she had never been dumped and destroyed men. I should have just nexted her, but it WAS satisfying to.put her in her place, alpha widowing her, and leave her realizing just how badly she fucked up and knowing her actual value just before she hits the wall.
My fault, really. She was my first ONEITIS, and I thought that she was really hot and beautiful and kind at the time. Didn't have clue about abundance mentality, blue pill to the bone.
As I started changing and educating myself, she became more distant, started resenting me (openly). At first, the break up was really painful and hard for me. But only a couple of weeks later, it really is the best thing that has happened to me in the last 10 years at least.
I have put so much effort into that relationship, and she gained so much self-confidence, got a better job, became hotter. I made myself a ruin during the relationship.
A couple of weeks working on yourself and not on others makes miracles happen. Really, if all of men put all of their effort on themselves, they would be happier, more confident and successful. And pussy would come, if that's what they/we want.
Just work on yourself, educate yourself, share wisdom with fellow red pillers and don't waste any of your time working on others or on relationships. If you're the best possible you, you will attract higher quality people into your life and it will become if not easier than more natural to handle them.
Work on yourself and enjoy every win that you get, no matter how small or big it may seem.
You've really hit the nail on the head here. The relationship that I'm in now is absolutely effortless. It's because I'm with a woman that has it together and knows what she wants. She's never heard of the red pill but she is redpilled herself.
I just work on myself and my business. It's inspirational to her and she starting to feel the guts to take bigger risks.
There's also the contrapositive to your statement. When you're working on yourself you'll find that you attract FEWER low quality people. Or it may be that you just get them out of your life right away. It's really the same thing. So you won't find yourself in a crappy relationship, or if you do you'll have the confidence to end it immediately.
That said if I were you-- I assume you're in your late 20s or early 30s-- get out there and sleep with quite a few women. N count doesn't really matter but a variety of experience does.
I had two cats before I moved out of my country, it now has been more than 3 years since I havent dated anyone, though I really feel lonely lately, the last 6 months have been really tough, mostly because I dont have a pet anymore... I miss the joy my cats brought me back when I still had them.
When we fall in love with a woman, we often yearn for the type of love that only pets can give us, that type of unconditional love that we felt our mothers loved us with.
Animals are such magnificent creatures, they ask for so little in comparison to what they give us.
Human intersexual relations are much more complex and often not so returning. But it is what it is.
On the other hand, time spent in solitude can help make us more strong and resistant to outer influences.
For Christ sakes go get fucking laid
Might be due to the cold showers or maybe something entirely different, but I no longer feel the sexual attraction towards women, I don't even get my daily boners anymore when I wake up, the only thing that I miss is talking to someone but I don't feel like it's worth the time investment and I'd rather focus on work and myself tbf.
Glad to hear there will always be brighter days ahead
Congrats brother, MGTOW all the way!
I am not sure am I MGTOW now but I am definitely on my way to become one. Shit keeps piling on, and the only way is to just not give a damn about anything that isn't directly related to your life and your goals.
I heard that going MGTOW for a while to regain focus is quite helpful... then back in the game
but then again a dog's love to a human is conditional because a pet is dependant on human and basically sees its owner as a two-legged leader of the pack. 'free love' is clearly an oxymoron then.
Here are my takeaways:
And don't look for unicorns. There is no, the one.
Girls live in your head.
Girls live in your head.
Girls live in your head and your notebook.
Glad you got her out of your head. Except for the fact that you're writing about her here. Don't let girls live in your head. That's a vaccine that will stop most strains of oneitis.
You stayed with this bitch way too long. The first time it gets to that point ever, you need to leave or calmly tell her to leave. You already know how she is, you're literally yelling it at her. Just let go.
Good point about the power of writing. I endorse that shit too. I bet you had fun disappearing into nature like that. Cheers buddy.
How do you get somebody out of your head?
This is purely anecdotal from my last and final bout of biochemical beta fueled oneitis but I personally think the pain their abandonment/rejection causes will hack at the the biochemical attachment your body/brain has developed for them and that pain is necessary for letting go. Under normal circumstances I believe that pain needs to happen and it severs that attachment but it takes time.
It also takes self control: Complete radio silence and keep busy with taking care of yourself first. (i.e. "She wasn't the one, ghost her and get busy.") You are number one. They don't give a shit about you, you need to care about you. Build yourself up, nobody will do that for you. You are responsible for your own happiness. A plate cannot make you happy. "The one" cannot make you happy and that scenario is a set up for misery.
Eventually you feel resentment and then apathy - they couldn't like/love you the way they should have (unconditional) and you'll realize they weren't all that and the attachment has been severed and they are no longer stealing all of your free thought time and your brain isn't gravitating towards them at every turn.
Going forward, you need to recognize the signs of attachment - that euphoria you feel every time you think of them - and recognize that is a biochemical response setting up the attachment for oneitis again. Your brain is seriously fucking with itself. The person of your desires isn't that awesome. Your brain is clouding judgement and side stepping their flaws, putting on the rose coloured glasses and has set you up for oneitis again. The other guys in here will know better but I'm assuming if you spin multiple plates and have options that will keep the oneitis at bay and that person out of your head.
I don't like it when I recognize this chemical reaction happening, so I consciously avoid it. I don't want a fantasy special girl who is my one and only so it doesn't really effect me that strongly.
Now they try to get me to feel that way. They want to live in your head.
2 years later and still having dreams. Can’t wait for those to stop.
Get other girls to have dreams about.
I’d just rather not dream about girls in general. The one place you can do anything and I get depressing dreams about my ex fiancé from 2 years ago. Super annoying lol.
They don't ever completely leave my head, even four years later I still think about her when I get lonely and strung out. I still think about a high school sweetheart and the girl in between those two.
Despite all the twisted shit they did to me, my memories hold them all in a favorable light. I loved them, part of me still does. Even tho they wouldn't for me, I wish them the best but I've never forgotten how terrible they all were. Loosing this last plate, I wanted to go slide into any of my exes DM because I know confidently, one of them would bite. I love myself more than that now, I won't put up with their shit for the little bit of sunshine they do bring.
This probably didn't help but this might; the consistency will fade. She'll pop up less and less until she join the rest, only haunting me as ghosts in my darkest days.
Abundance I swear cures everything. I was plating 3 girls for awhile. one of the girls found out about the other 2 and told them. lost all my plates except the one who snitched. I decided, fuck okay I guess I'll just be around this one (mistake). it was lightning fast how controlling and shitty I became once I didn't have abundance.
she was a hoe, always texting dudes in front of me and telling me her sexcapades. when I had plates I didn't care at all. the second she became my only plate everything changed and i suddenly became controlling and super emotional and retarded.
had to drop her. moral is: have more than 1 girl on retainer AT ALL TIMES.
Wow! really eye opener, and the way she played you by telling the other girls out of moral duty... yeah right she just wanted you for herself It always amazes me how these chicks could be no smarter than a banana but still play with us in a such a way
Would you feel that way if you were laying on a bed between two HB10s?
This is misplaced. It's like a sickness.
So dramatic bro.
Realise that falling in love with someone is just the results of a series of generic events that can occur between you and basically anyone who meets your standards of attractiveness. It's just an emotional manifestation of a handful of chemicals bouncing back and forth. It's not the holy grail of living, it's not your reason to exist and it's definitely not something reserved for "that one person." Accept that you are just an animal with a big brain that allows him to fret over what only amounts to a game of hormone pool. What you're feeling is not your soul dying a gurgling, ugly death, but withdrawal. All the happy chemicals that saturate your body when you are in love kick out cold turkey, and your body screams bloody murder, where are my fucking endorphins? It's just chocolate. Find a new bar.
You have to live in your own head. Kick back like a king in his castle. Spread out and take up all of the space. There is no room for anyone else.
What vaccine are you talking about? "don't let girls live in your head" is not a vaccine. Everyone obsessing over a girl knows he should stop thinking about her but doesn't know how.
It's a metaphor my dude. Not every guy that's obsessing over a girl knows he should stop thinking about her.
The "how" is in the sidebar.
But girls don't live in your head. Your image of them does. And that's the problem, as many men have an idealised image that doesn't reflect reality.
Try not to idealise them. Many women actually feel uncomfortable with it anyway. It's even a little scary; it suggests you may turn stalker if the relationship ever finishes.
They obviously do.
OP says he knows how terrible all of his ex's are, yet he still lets them live on in his head and thinks of contacting them.
Because it shows that you're not a realist. You are a prisoner of fantasy. It makes me uncomfortable when people act that way too.
Yep. People out of touch with reality do scary, unpredictable and unjustified things.
This post was actually written sometime in 2014, remastered and gifted to a friend come 2016 in my own handwriting, then once again at the end of 2017/start of 2018 except it had a bigger lesson left for me to learn. History is doomed to repeat itself until the lesson is learned.
This touches on that lesson but it's not just the girl. I've known what I want and what I've needed to do since 2014, I've gone after it time and time again but I keep coming back to the lifestyle I lived from 14 to 20. I keep coming back better and stronger to the same social settings and friends I left to improve myself.
In addition to taking longer to move on, we tend to let our infatuation grow independent from our state of knowledge about our partners. We tend to like that girl a lot more than than we know her.
The way to handle this is to understand your desire for female attention and control it. Abundance means you're less likely to fixate on one particular girl without strong reason. If you have a girl you're really interested in, focus on finding other girls. If she still stands out, and hasn't put up any red flags, you can consider something more.
Don't let chemistry distract you from learning her faults and letting your rational perception of the relationship catch up.
Who am I to say you shouldn't fall in love with a pretty girl, just know, love is blind, and most guys emotional selves miss significant and important details that come back to bite later.
It feels like I'm reading my own life story. This is literally what I'm going through. every word of it. Its the reason I found TRP
still happens to me till today. It's quite annoying and stupid to still care. wtf?
I also started a journal a couple of weeks ago. That helped so much. Every time I felt down I just put pen to paper and somehow it helped me feel better and remove some of the weight off my chest.
I reconnected with friends, started working out again, adopted a new hobby, and I am going on a trip to another country in 22 days.
I feel like it's probably a matter of time until I fully recover but man is it annoying
The dreams are the worst. I woke up to another this morning. I’m almost 3 months out of a 4 year relationship. It gets better. And worse. And better and better. Just keep moving forward.
Yes! It's so weird that it goes away in waves, exponential waves. experiencing this myself too..
I definitely agree. The dreams screw me over. Just wake up and shit hits the fan. I'm a month and a half out of a year and a half relationship so I can only imagine your situation. Just working on myself now and improving myself and letting father time do its thing as well. A friend of mine sent me this just after I read the post and it also had a similar vibe... maybe it could help you as well
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0GQSJrpVhM
Thank you. I needed this tonight.
You're welcome I'm glad I could help. Amazing how many men are going through the same journey
Felt like my own story. It's really tough to change when you have made someone your habit. You feel like pressing the restart button and learning everything from scratch. Will look into the book you recommended OP... There is another book which helped me "connect the dots" of why it didn't work out-THE RATIONAL MALE by Rollo Tomassi.
I was depressed for over a year. Blaming myself for everything that happened. Felt like I am not worth it and lost every sense of self. Putting someone in a pedestal is really not worth it... The higher you put someone, the lower you find yourself... But the good thing about starting over is that you discover things about yourself which you would never have known otherwise...
I've heard of writing a letter to address your issues with someone and then never sending it. I'll give it a try later. Thanks for reminding me, and good job on moving on, bro.
First girlfriend I ever had, I did the letter thing. Except I actually sent it. Lol
By far the most cringe thing I've ever done in my life.
Hey thank ou man
It's exactly what i need to read.
My wife left me and our kids for another guy and this is exactly this : i'm a fucking drug addict.
After 6 month of no contact, she came back to me and like a fucking dumbass, we have sex and she ran into the other guy few days later after few empty promess.
I guess this is what i needed to swallow entirely the red pill and coming back from zeta to alpha.
Thank you for this writing, an awesome one.
Um just a side note on the greek alphabet, I believe the last letter is Omega Ω ?
Hey Op... your story moves my soul. Start righting short stories ya queer.
I use a voice recorder to log my entries along with a txt file with timestamps to highlight important topics. It is easier, faster and record also your emotions... I definitely recommend that.
I totally understand how you felt, she drained all your energy... I was there too, a few days ago and I was a pure zombie. Now, while I continue to suffer a ton, the pair begin to lessen even if we see each other today and talked. I have an terrific luck, I'm a support by a panel of close friends, even aquainteces asked me how I do, I have a close friend who is a licensed psychologist who is helping me a ton, I have a work that allows me to take any free time I want, I lift, I have hobbies... and most importantly, I didn't like the girl. So if I think about your situation, I feeled ashamed about myself, since I'm in a way softer position than yours. I wanted to state that I was there too, feeling completely lonely, with no friends to vent, with no family support. I know how much it sucks, I'm very sorry to hear your story. I hope you the very best
I feel i am in this situation. I was dating this girl for awhile >6months and we benefits each other a lot. she gave me all the love and affection she could muster, cooked, and is just fun to be with good sense of humor ect. I started getting insecure because she was starting to show signs of checking other mates, in particular a yoga instructor (girl) and her friend ( 19yr old boy coming up in the game but friend zoned.. still a threat but friend zoned). I seen it and it effected me. It effected me so much i reacted emotionally, told her to do whatever she wants... She went wild drinking, smoking, clubs, bars, and pain pills While she was with me because I am disciplined i workout regularly, martial arts, yoga, and healthy eating she was becoming incredible strong. Like a serious yogi with a killer bod. It's just so sad to see because if I hadn't been weak she would have continued on this upward spiral with me. I just needed to check her by yanking on that choke collar like you would a dog to get her in line. She normally very feminine, nd I kinda broke her heart made her a little colder and left her alone with her vices. Now I feel it's too late to try and get her back in line and it's not worth the time and energy. I saw her last night for the first time. She bargained for the whole deal 100% commitment, check in calls, n what not. I told her she was expectng ttoo much from me. Part of me wants to make her mine, she likes the feeling of being owned by someone, who kinda steers the boat and keeps things steady in the storm that is her heart. The last few weeks being alone I made tremendous progress after a short period of withdrawal. Now I wanna start banging her again and taking her into back country, go to yoga n bang after yoga you know the whole she bang. But I'm probably making a mistake. I think ive seen too many things to know this isnt going to work that she is too far gone, she will be a cheat, and she will drag me down and try to suck all my time and energy. any thoughts? clarifying questions? grammar n spelling roasts?
Going through almost the same situation since January of this year. It's not easy. I did call her once and she keeps blaming me for my mistake. But what i'd suggest is that do not give in. "Don't go searching in trash cans for diamonds cause what you'll find at the bottom is going to be disappointing"
I like this post. It's very relevant to me. Too many of us have been through that too many times. Wake up and smell the napalm boys.
Good read, but you’re out of breath at 95bpm? Just kidding. Seriously, good read.
The day after dumping my ex I was in such emotional pain, it's easy to simply say it was an oxytocin withdrawl, but I had such fond memories with her early on before making it official that I just wanted that version of her back; instead of seeing the ugly cracks in her mask later on. This post resonates with me deeply, your writing style is beautiful.
No, don't send her the letters. Those she will throw away unread, or laugh about with her friends. Send her a gift. Something Fed Ex-ed from Sears-Craftman or Home Depot. Large box comes, shit. You gonna OPEN it.
I recommend selecting a nice garden tool. Such as a hoe.
Good stuff OP. You summed it up. She was trying to destroy you and you were still concerned with her well being. Men hamster too.
Great post. Journaling is one of the best ways to deal with all of the feelings. Putting them on paper makes everything much more manageable. I cannot recommend enough.
You should stay in love with the one that got away. Therefore you're always apathetic and in control will all your subsequent women.
This has been always my life (BTW I'm 40). Girls really have absolutely no control over me, because there's always the one that got away. As a result I have never been dumped, not even once, not even when I was a blue pill.
One of those life hacks few will admit.
Thabk you so much for this,its %100 relevant in my life right now
What if all her shit is still at my house??
Tell her to come get it by date X or it going to be pawned/trashed
I went through this exact same idea when i broke up with my ex. The first 6 days i would constantly write about it, but unfortunately unlike you i did end up seeing her again and answering her messages because she is an attention needy person and i was alone. Then, we banged, then i realized what i just did and im on radio silence. Before, it was a constant push to get her out of my mind and her existence making every day seem alot more depressing and life sucking. But now i started focusing my energy on sports friends and everything else. Its still a working progress but I'm definitely seeing a small change, hope to keep up the work and for anyone else in the same shoes, the journal was a great idea seeing the different type of mindset i was in makes you really question what you really desire
A million times better than the “other” breakup story that was on the front page of TRP yesterday.
You should play "Air Pressure". It's a free flash game. Your line about heroin and heroine really reminded me of it, and the writing there resembles your own.
Ive been hung up on a girl for years and it only gets harder with time. Lately ive been experimenting with dwelling on things i enjoyed and miss about her; those big eyes, body, the way she mangles words on purpose to sound cute. I already know why i broke up with her in the first place and why i don't like her yet my mind would always go back. It's been surprisingly helpful to ponder the good times and tire myself of them, ultimately letting them rest.
This is very well written, thank you.
This is the same situation I was put in, but after 5 years of living with each other and no cheating (to my knowledge).
A woman can easily replace your ass like a man buying a car. Fuck them bitches man. Move on and remember she saved you the problems that comes with divorce.
You sound like you arent lifting heavy enough.
I related so much! Also had a pretty bad breakup I still remember I was googling ways to get my ex back and then I stumbled upon this 30-days no contact thing! Goal is to remove yourself completely for her life and not have any contact with them and then after the 30days if you still felt like it you could contact her and talk...
I never felt the need to do that. Its pretty stupid about me but I get FIRE in my belly, from people talking shit, from exs breaking up with me. I get this URGE to prove everyone wrong.
And so I did. Long story short after 2months she saw me out at night and I was in complete PIMP mode, guess who texted 10min after bumping into me? Her. Too late.
Thanks for sharing your story I really enjoyed it. You'll be good bro !
Did she have a cluster B disorder by any chance?
Excellent post. You expained really well what most guys go through. It is not just - fuck someone else to forget her. Most guys dont work like that.
Everyone makes heartbreak sound almost as bad as cancer, it can't be that bad right?
I haven't been heartbroken yet
I really liked reading your post, wish i found trp sooner but ever since i got dumped i dove balls deep into information and found the rational male. It truly changed me, its been a year and half since ive been dumped and i've hooked up with many chicks and still find myself reminiscing about my old ltr sometimes. Thats why i lurk these forums, what these men are going trough gives me hope. Im still working on alot of things and i actually rejected a ljbf female and it felt the best to walk away. I have options and putting my effort into someone who doesnt feel the same is a waste of time because im the prize and so are you!! Good luck and thank you for the post take care!!
Its the same situation as when you think you love her,and how great she is - go masturbate(prefferably just fuck her) and think again. Need to get over her? Fuck another girl. Didnt got over her yet? Fuck some more girls. For me is simple as that. Really whenever i empty my balls I lose the need to interact with girls. Holy shit I must be so misogynic.
Don't be such a fucking pussy. Go get your dick wet as soon as possible. Don't care if it's a bar or tinder. That will relieve this mental breakdown
In the moment is helps. But rolling off one girl thinking about another is one of the strangest feelings I’ve ever had to deal with.
When the wound is real deep it’s not always the best option. Always worth a shot though.
totally messed me up. I got with a girl who i found more attractive then my ex and afterwards I'm lying next to her and my stupid ex texted me on my apple watch to grab a drink with her after two months...of course I didn't but it was hard to stay in the moment with the new chick after that
Only if she's equally attractive or better. Been there, it's true
This is the dumbest comment here. You dont just get your dick wet.
Yeh you are right. Best to languish in self pity and stalk the person on social media. /s
no. first if you are a TRP type of guy you should be supportive with advice. then you see that this venting is not making him a weak guy, it is normal reaction (guys are still humans, remember?) so comment about it. make a statement that proves this is a step into becoming an alpha (which it is). dont call him a pussy. it makes you look like an asshole.
I don't understand how a girl can leave you. I mean how much you can suck, for a girl to leave you today while you fucked her brains out yesterday? it just should never happen.
No girl ever leaved me, however many just rejected all my advances, but if the dick gets in, it stays in.
BTW this actually feel like some feminist bastard is infiltrating TRP and trying to estrogenize the sub.
Oh you poor soul. You can give a girl the best dick of her life and she will be out fucking another dude the next day. Hypergamy is brutal.
Not the next day. Same day.